Thursday, September 2, 2010

Do i Love My Wife Like Jesus Loves the Church?

Today in class I got put on the spot about being a newly wed. He asked me to share with 25 of my closest Moody friends what struggles I was facing as a newly wed. I’ve been in a bliss-like state since July 17th so I was slow to answer. Manic in the brain, panic on my heart, I blurted out: “well imitating God’s model of love. Like how Jesus loves God and the Spirit. We don’t do a good job spiritually. Its hard, were just not there yet.” It was just a convoluted statement. Most people looked at me weird. For nearly the rest of the class, I was thinking about the many, different ways I could better rephrase that. I don’t like that about me, it comes out of embarrassment and pride to appear smart.

So what I was trying to communicate is that in searching out flaws in my marriage, the one thing that emerges is this: I have my relationship with Jesus, my progression (and regression) of sanctification, my forms of devotion, worship, prayer, but also my temptations and lazy spiritual practices. And Lindsey has just become subject to much of all of those. Likewise hers spiritual diet is grinding into my gears. Where does this leave us with things like praying together? Finding a church?

So since I’m asked to provide spiritual leadership (after Jesus) for this family unit. I don’t know where Lindsey’s at in her walk with Jesus, is she more sold out than me? Or am I wearing “the holier than thou seminary sweats?” Je Ne Sais Pas. It’s between her and God firstly (and too God and I). I should trust the Lord: its hands off.

On some level though, I know I affect her soul. If I’m harboring sin, sinking in the doldrums of darkness; As godly as she might be walking I’m gonna be a negative factor. Since our vows are spiritual, mixed with the eternal and given by God; we need to nurture our collaborative spirituality (if that what you call it). I know appropriate spiritual devotions should blossom between us. Well before kids! What are they? What does it look like does it emerge naturally. Would I be forcing issues by doing a Bible study together?

I’ve been desperate for God lately. Personal devotions have gotten sidetracked with school and being married. I pray frequently but God’s face and favor feels allusive. My emotions have more of a say than I would like them to have. Just ask my eating habits. Even President Nyquist warned me to guard my walk with God and then to guard my marriage. This prayer e-mail is a request to pray for both. Could you lift these up. I’m warm to any comments except for a reading recommendation. I’m already late on a few chapters for school.

Church Shopping 'Till We Drop

Lindsey and I are church shopping till we drop! Which actually is not what we are doing because we are not trying to get what we want, rather what we can give based on felt needs of a church, -to learn how to love our neighbors. Could we pray for God’s leading in this? This could be the tool that God uses to transition me to full time ministry.

The desires we do actually “shop” for in a church are a women’s Bible study, authentic worship, relational/multicultural discipleship, some type of community development and an evangelism department/club. I think having the attitude of “any church will do.” Might be a good attitude to have, it is God who makes that church and me union functional.

I consider it a big, big blessing to look back at how I found my first church: in a phone book not knowing the denominational differences when I first came to faith. God used that church to keep me serving, studying and developing relationships. Shouldn’t finding a church be fast, flexible (not meeting all our shopping list) and God guided. Like looking through a phone book? Dex knows but God really knew.

My hang-up on injustice is opening my eyes even more to what church ought to look like. Shouldn’t I ask for a church that is addressing the broken, opposing strongholds of addictions (sin’s lies) and dealing with injustice? My acts of love toward my neighbors should be promoted, endorsed, sponsored, hired, encouraged by the church whether its hospitality: baking a nice meatloaf or oppression: reporting domestic violence.

As I see God’s words about loving my neighbors, more and more I think church should be about enabling networks of rescuing and helping the lost, then fellow Christians, and self-growth last. -My personal growth shouldn’t be a condition as to joining a church. How can I worship God if I am not active in loving my neighbor first? Going to a worship service and churching-it-up is a ritualistic joke to God unless you are praying and doing acts of justice.

“ I hate, I reject your festivals, nor do I delight in your solemn assemblies. Even though you offer up to me burnt offerings and your grain offerings, I will not accept them; and I will not even look at the peace offerings of your fatlings. Take away from me the noise of your songs; I will not even listen to the sound of your harps. But let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever flowing stream (Amos 5: 21-24)”

I feel churches that don’t help me do justice, serve and share to the lost are a waste, and we should not go there.

We’ve yet to go to any churches in this neighborhood, but nearby is the one I was going to last year: Chicago Tabernacle. Its good, great in prayer, worship and sermon: to grow as a Christian. First Free is next closest mostly white, working, K-Love type worship songs, beautiful dressed up peeps… doing it socially, when you’re in you’re in. There was no feeling of needed involvement.

The other two churches we visited have an agenda for constant neighborly influencing in Jesus name. Uptown Baptist Church has a homeless ministry and is bent to consistent evangelism outreaches. I feel this is a church where I would become equipped to share Jesus with the lost. It is poor to lower middle class, multi-cultural and committed to gathering with other protestant, evangelical churches to “working together”. The other is C-3 Chicagoland Community Church that is in the gay and lesbian neighborhood, not compromising the writings of Scriptures about sexuality. The other large influence in that neighborhood it the young professionals. They have a public speaking speech club designed to attract them. They meet at 4 pm on Sunday which is quite different and no good for the football season.