Praise God!! I feel a further distancing of the person I could have been. We fired a security guy who worked under me for theft. What's worse is he would do it for my other co-worker who would provide him with weed in exchange. I don't wish him misery just brokenness. The last retreat I went on the speaker said, "Jesus likes to hang out at the end of our ropes." Maybe this is his although I didn't detect a sense of shame at all just signs of addictions.
A few months ago I spoke to him about my King that I serve and he was whisked away in agreement. I even got him to my young adult group to pray and feel as one in the Spirit. Today I hope his will is seen as poison -a venom that is injected with greed, evil, shame and wretchedness. It seemed more like he was looking to be caught, as he was addicted. He was laughing with the police as he left in cuffs. I have empathy with his station in life and many spoken prayers for him, But I'm betrayed ethically and just plain let down as a boss. I would have been capable of such acts had God not saved me.
Next order of business: my newness in Christ. Amazingly He did make me new, so I went ahead and started down a new career path that I've been praying for. I am sending out applications to attend Seminary or something equivalent to attain sound theology so in turn I can give sound theology in a Nico kind of vessel kinda way. I'm a long way from attending and a long way from completing the applications. One of the requirements for all of the places I've looked at so far is a carefully prepared, lengthy testimony. I'm in the middle of a very creative testimony for my young adult group and now I feel priority to get started on the seminary one. I'll finish the young adult one first though.
So those of you that pray to Jesus, please be so other-centered to include my searching in your prayers. I always pray for roadblocks to appear and fast if this path isn't mine to be taken. So far I've only found encouragement and a path that seems to open up more and more. That being said I'm being interviewed for a job that would give me a schedule that would enable school easily. It’s scheduled for ten on Friday. I'll keep you in the loop.
On a final note: I love the blog comments by those that write them or tell me face to face. It is encouraging, as my lamp just wants to share its shine. Gold is spotting those little moments where I'm conscious that I'm choosing the action, words and behavior of the Holy Spirit over my own. That happened to me today as I drove home after a day of heavily relying on prayer and the certainty of God's protection. Once the trials were over and I'm scooting home... my guard was weakened because I no longer had a mind running wild with "help, save, protect me Lord." I spot the neon liquor sign and consider beer given the exhausting day and challenging bologna I had to deal with. And from a deep feeling of gratitude I said: "No I'm gonna go home to thank and glorify the Lord." It has been a good night and day.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Poisonous Cavities of Lost Love Filled By Christ's Crown
So being with the High School kids challenged me. Their onslaught of girl scoping and insecurities made me want to force them to stare at Jesus. Yeah just throw them in a full-nelson and pry their eyelids open with a clamshell opener. We were sent on this retreat to seek and trust (especially matters of the heart) to Christ. On this retreat, I gave Him this sin of obsession. Wanting my way to unfold for these kids on a faith level almost as if God wasn’t capable of shaping these youth. I asked that the Holy Spirit might move in the spaces of my mind where those poisonous cavities existed. I prayed for the kids to find the message of Jesus more attractive that the cutie in the winter boots. Then I took a step back and remembered that my youth group in High School often placed me in situations where making out was a more common obsession than wanting Jesus.
All this leads me to the thousand pound white elephant in the room: I still have obsessive behavior about the ideal mate. I have really been defeated in the thoughts of dating/wanting a wife. My sin is raising false hope, dwelling in obsession (not stalking rather wondering). I fail to act because I find flaws, don’t have the nerve, and good old-fashioned timing. Ultimately I’m not letting God’s will do the work. Instead of putting my focus head-locked on Jesus, I’m doing these distracting, half-hearted inquisitions into the hearts of the women in my life.
I want to keep control of whom I like and want to love. Five years ago I asked a father for his daughter's hand in marriage. That’s how I did it in the secular world. My will had to unfold. It didn't and we're apart now. Thanks to God's mercy and grace I’m set apart now. That means that there is an eternal consideration in dating. The dating to get on a base is shame from my past. Honestly there is no hurry when the reality of being a child of God places me in an eternal realm. Its bad enough that the unbelievers in my life ooze this passive aggressive vibe of me being in lack because I’m not spoken for; But then my fellow believers who love the idea of me with a wife lead me to stumble too as I get whisked away again: who should I obsess over now? All the while some of my family is talking amongst themselves: “when is Nic going to get married.” (–Mom don’t worry I know you’re proud of me making it at the single life.)
Placing Christ first, undivided in my life like Paul talks about in Corinthians is my goal right now. Every martyr placed their faith in Jesus ahead of their own life undivided to the death. Given that model, you think I could submit my desire of companionship and give it up to God. In the words of Steven the Levite “Freedom like Apostle Paul. Yo, The single life is off the wall.” As in: off the chain, or off the hook, or simply the best.
As I see the peace that comes from Christ grow inside of me, I pray that in the moments of attraction I will not revert back to mutating into sin of coveting, lusting or immorality. Instead I have the opportunity offered by the Lord to give my burdens up and take the yoke of Christ. Only then will I be leading the high school youth to the living water of Jesus (instead of the full-nelson clam clamps). The Holy Spirit’s transformation of my mind will be exalted, as new thought will erase the old cavities. Once renewed, I want my only obsession to be proclaiming Gods works and great love for us all.
All this leads me to the thousand pound white elephant in the room: I still have obsessive behavior about the ideal mate. I have really been defeated in the thoughts of dating/wanting a wife. My sin is raising false hope, dwelling in obsession (not stalking rather wondering). I fail to act because I find flaws, don’t have the nerve, and good old-fashioned timing. Ultimately I’m not letting God’s will do the work. Instead of putting my focus head-locked on Jesus, I’m doing these distracting, half-hearted inquisitions into the hearts of the women in my life.
I want to keep control of whom I like and want to love. Five years ago I asked a father for his daughter's hand in marriage. That’s how I did it in the secular world. My will had to unfold. It didn't and we're apart now. Thanks to God's mercy and grace I’m set apart now. That means that there is an eternal consideration in dating. The dating to get on a base is shame from my past. Honestly there is no hurry when the reality of being a child of God places me in an eternal realm. Its bad enough that the unbelievers in my life ooze this passive aggressive vibe of me being in lack because I’m not spoken for; But then my fellow believers who love the idea of me with a wife lead me to stumble too as I get whisked away again: who should I obsess over now? All the while some of my family is talking amongst themselves: “when is Nic going to get married.” (–Mom don’t worry I know you’re proud of me making it at the single life.)
Placing Christ first, undivided in my life like Paul talks about in Corinthians is my goal right now. Every martyr placed their faith in Jesus ahead of their own life undivided to the death. Given that model, you think I could submit my desire of companionship and give it up to God. In the words of Steven the Levite “Freedom like Apostle Paul. Yo, The single life is off the wall.” As in: off the chain, or off the hook, or simply the best.
As I see the peace that comes from Christ grow inside of me, I pray that in the moments of attraction I will not revert back to mutating into sin of coveting, lusting or immorality. Instead I have the opportunity offered by the Lord to give my burdens up and take the yoke of Christ. Only then will I be leading the high school youth to the living water of Jesus (instead of the full-nelson clam clamps). The Holy Spirit’s transformation of my mind will be exalted, as new thought will erase the old cavities. Once renewed, I want my only obsession to be proclaiming Gods works and great love for us all.
A Faith Worth More Than Gold But Treated Like Pyrite
So if you think that I’ve got some incredible new stuff to share with you I do. Is it good and will you enjoy it? Well if not at least its true.
The preface: My boss left about a month ago and I’m doing his duties all untrained as well as mine. I find my life in an immense shift and slide mentally. It’s something that I feel is willed by the Lord because I’m finding a clearer sight for my future that might not include retail.
I went on a super sweet retreat this past weekend as a chaperone to the teens at my church. It was in Estes Park at the YMCA. It was so cold that we barely had time to notice we were in nature. There were distractions like an all you can eat buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Apples to Apples, Scrabble, and knock-out basketball.
That was a then -it feel like a very long time ago. Seven days went by in earnest effort to be undivided in my love for Jesus. At church today I was asked to prize my faith, to count it more valuable then anything else. I’ve been thinking about what that means and how my life would be directed if I knowingly placed my faith as the most important thing to guard, share and value.
Honestly though I’ve been divided and I haven’t shared with Jesus all of my life. Nor has my faith been delicately cared for and tended to like some priceless art. I’m withholding, dabbling in distractions and behaving like what’s within is less than pure gold and lots of it.
Omitting humor, I never lie. –That’s a joke. No but I am honest and through time I’ve been able to cast out lies from my phrases. In the last week I can think of two lies that I’ve said, and for no good reason. One was out of pride and another was out of wanting to fit in with the insignificant conversation topic at hand. I need to be hit over the head with a whiffle ball bat. Moreover, I need to seek Jesus in presence and forgiveness.
Another division was spending time drinking alone. When I’m feeling those “I’d rather be somewhere else” or “woe is me I’m a loner.” feelings I’ve bypassed the Lord and look forward to a beer. Instead of taking those moments and saying to Jesus I need an attitude check: “this too shall pass.” I go and spend God’s money (via my job) on some drinks. The next morning: my throats dry, nose stuffy and I need to pee horribly. Gosh I don’t miss that. That is not the way to treat the faith I have in Jesus Christ. It’s my warm gooey center.
What’s worse than the lie I told to God in prayer about being done drinking, is that I prefer to do it alone? I’m a confessed/professing Christian. So my believing and unbelieving friends and family are just going to tar and feather me. At least that’s what the Devil puts in my head. So I do it alone to hide. The one night I choose to defy my candidness, I do it with my brother Joe who I’ve been witnessing to and praying for since I became a believer. I’m sure it wasn’t a big deal to him. He didn’t even mention it. But the character I’ve put fourth as a believer has become hypocritically compromised in his subconscious (maybe?).
Recently, the day after the retreat the Holy Spirit placed on my heart that I needed an accountability partner. Help when the temptation keeps lapping up at my door and I act out in sin. One fundamental difference of me as a believer versus who I was unsaved is temptation. I never struggled with being tempted by lust. It was a part of me I was neither ashamed nor proud. Now it is declared as my enemy and it has become an addiction of behavior. I need the full armor of God. I pray constantly for the renewing of my mind, especially from sex. This last month I’ve put it high on the list of the evil that deceives me. I have someone to call now. I have and I haven’t called him, it’s been a struggle to admit sometimes.
I went for a long period not needing to guard my heart letting whatever gunk in. Now it’s my faith that I guard. There is where the actual Spirit of Jesus Christ lives within me. The rest is peanuts! I learned today that it is my job to rejoice. I have to work at it, claim it, own it and give it. Similarly, my brunch buddy recommended to pray for growth everyday even if it’s a toe’s length a day. I know I’m in a valley, I hate that temptation has turned into sin. I must rejoice through this. Because I will soon get a boss the storm will calm at work. And Jesus is my hiking buddy leading me out of the valley.
Cherish faith.
Sever the sins.
Rejoice light-heartedly.
The preface: My boss left about a month ago and I’m doing his duties all untrained as well as mine. I find my life in an immense shift and slide mentally. It’s something that I feel is willed by the Lord because I’m finding a clearer sight for my future that might not include retail.
I went on a super sweet retreat this past weekend as a chaperone to the teens at my church. It was in Estes Park at the YMCA. It was so cold that we barely had time to notice we were in nature. There were distractions like an all you can eat buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Apples to Apples, Scrabble, and knock-out basketball.
That was a then -it feel like a very long time ago. Seven days went by in earnest effort to be undivided in my love for Jesus. At church today I was asked to prize my faith, to count it more valuable then anything else. I’ve been thinking about what that means and how my life would be directed if I knowingly placed my faith as the most important thing to guard, share and value.
Honestly though I’ve been divided and I haven’t shared with Jesus all of my life. Nor has my faith been delicately cared for and tended to like some priceless art. I’m withholding, dabbling in distractions and behaving like what’s within is less than pure gold and lots of it.
Omitting humor, I never lie. –That’s a joke. No but I am honest and through time I’ve been able to cast out lies from my phrases. In the last week I can think of two lies that I’ve said, and for no good reason. One was out of pride and another was out of wanting to fit in with the insignificant conversation topic at hand. I need to be hit over the head with a whiffle ball bat. Moreover, I need to seek Jesus in presence and forgiveness.
Another division was spending time drinking alone. When I’m feeling those “I’d rather be somewhere else” or “woe is me I’m a loner.” feelings I’ve bypassed the Lord and look forward to a beer. Instead of taking those moments and saying to Jesus I need an attitude check: “this too shall pass.” I go and spend God’s money (via my job) on some drinks. The next morning: my throats dry, nose stuffy and I need to pee horribly. Gosh I don’t miss that. That is not the way to treat the faith I have in Jesus Christ. It’s my warm gooey center.
What’s worse than the lie I told to God in prayer about being done drinking, is that I prefer to do it alone? I’m a confessed/professing Christian. So my believing and unbelieving friends and family are just going to tar and feather me. At least that’s what the Devil puts in my head. So I do it alone to hide. The one night I choose to defy my candidness, I do it with my brother Joe who I’ve been witnessing to and praying for since I became a believer. I’m sure it wasn’t a big deal to him. He didn’t even mention it. But the character I’ve put fourth as a believer has become hypocritically compromised in his subconscious (maybe?).
Recently, the day after the retreat the Holy Spirit placed on my heart that I needed an accountability partner. Help when the temptation keeps lapping up at my door and I act out in sin. One fundamental difference of me as a believer versus who I was unsaved is temptation. I never struggled with being tempted by lust. It was a part of me I was neither ashamed nor proud. Now it is declared as my enemy and it has become an addiction of behavior. I need the full armor of God. I pray constantly for the renewing of my mind, especially from sex. This last month I’ve put it high on the list of the evil that deceives me. I have someone to call now. I have and I haven’t called him, it’s been a struggle to admit sometimes.
I went for a long period not needing to guard my heart letting whatever gunk in. Now it’s my faith that I guard. There is where the actual Spirit of Jesus Christ lives within me. The rest is peanuts! I learned today that it is my job to rejoice. I have to work at it, claim it, own it and give it. Similarly, my brunch buddy recommended to pray for growth everyday even if it’s a toe’s length a day. I know I’m in a valley, I hate that temptation has turned into sin. I must rejoice through this. Because I will soon get a boss the storm will calm at work. And Jesus is my hiking buddy leading me out of the valley.
Cherish faith.
Sever the sins.
Rejoice light-heartedly.
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