Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Snickers: the unlikely disguise of despondency

Convenience stores turn into Sam's Club on Thanksgiving simply because their open. Talk about being used. Growing up I worked at a gas station and a movie theatre so I've missed out on many a full Thanksgiving. Now I've graduated to being off on Thanksgiving (at least I get to see the Lions play).

So I was running late for my Thanksgiving meal and I was asked to bring the Diet Pepsi (Dipsy-pipsy as we like to call it, or Dizzle-pizzle works too). You who know my passion for the kitchen can fully appreciate the faulty logic of me bring Dipsy -pipsy (what's worse: I just got a great Pumpkin soup recipe). Well on my way, I was in prayer and just listing off my thankfulness -very fitting. And I was like "God thanks for the person that is working at the gas station so slackers like me can get their 24pack of Dizzle-pizzle." Suddently, like a thought that wouldn't leave my mind: I became super determined to buy that clerk a Snickers bar and say thanks.

So I entered the store on a Snickers mission from the will power within me. The guy behind the register seemed deserving of/cool enough to get a candy bar. I was glad it was a guy so that there wasn't any weird "Is he hitting on me?" vibe... But in the make shift Sam's Club there's a line. I selected the Dipsy-pipsy and held off on the Snickers. There were lots of people around: clearly too many to gift a Snickers bar to the clerk. They'll say weird things. What if the clerk insists on not having it and we're caught pushing the Snickers bar back and forth to one another? By the time I met Rex I didn't have the Snickers bar in hand. He was friendly and asked me "Just this?" as if he knew I had wanted to buy a candy bar for him. I answered the old: "uhhh, yeah." I bought my soda and much to my torement he wished me a happy Thanksgiving. To which I replied: "you too."

I've been kicking myself in the head ever since. I got in the car and prayed for Rex (that was the name on his name tag). I really hope he's working Christmas for my sake because I blew it! The contents of my heart, the tugging of my spirit were all shot down because I has invented senarios in my mind that would cast embarrassment on me. Just total lousy fiction. I had literally paralysed the will of the Spirit in me to act.

One of the biggest hang-ups (misunderstanding) I had about being born again was how Christians in my life would always tell me: God will speak to you (on the Nextel?). He will lead you (with GPS?). He will answer you (by leaving a voice message?). Some of them would say: "to turn to the scripture, flip on a random page and let God guide you to an answer." That hasn't helped me in practice. But when a believer tells me to get to know key passages and why. Well that helps me, like: 1Peter2:24, Eph 2:10, Rom 10:9, 1Cor 10:13. Similar to a Nextel, God's verses are transmitted chunks at a time, without interruption and for a porpose. Ah, the vast difference of God's will and my will. Afterall, Jesus did talk. The red stuff in my Bible is God's actual voice. So the Bible to me, is more like a map of God's will which can turn into a GPS the more I obey His calling in my life.

Prayer is another option to hear God speaking to me. I didn't understand that a prayer to God if its not addressed to Jesus might not carry much mercy (this included my many prayers to Mary growing up). So, How can anyone know God's calling/will? I have found that by grace and mercy via Jesus I can leave a voice message-a prayer. God speaks in my life as he answers prayers.

In my experiance, I wasn't privy to the Holy Spirit moving within me until I asked Jesus into my heart. Only then does the voice of Satan and the world dim enough to hear God's calling of us into His fold. As the scantification continues I will experiance fewer failures like the one at the gas station. How can I not be decieved by what my mind deems as God's calling. disernment, remembering Chirsts forgiveness. That's why the little battles count.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Strength in God-like things

I thank God for:

*Jesus Christ
*Having a plan for me
*Accepting and wanting all of me
*People on the treasure hunt for the truth: find You
*You never change, yet You encourage us to do so until eternity
*Hearing my prayers, even though You already know the topic and resolution
*"If you knew what I know about Jesus, then you would tell me stat." Evangelism attitude
*For finding me in that one moment -small gap- where every circumstance lead me surrendor all to Jesus
*Producing signs of miracles out of me, like turning my weaknesses into stregnths and confiscating my addictions
*You look into my heart like none else to see my longing and efforts; gently You hold and preserve them lighting my soul
*Unfolding my faith walk at a pace that enables me to trust, love and grow simultaniously; pushing out fears and cluelessness
*Seeing blessings as a blessing. recognizing they come from God not by my own merit though on the surface it seems as such
*For reminders in the people and the world around me of the person I tried so hard to be. -but wasn't. Amazing how set apart I am in Following Christ
*Dispite my heavy relyance God continues to help me practically/ Joyfully -not be annoyed with me.
**Only because Jesus has rescued me from my sins and Satan. My obedience to Christ grants freedom to be who God hoped I would be.
*In discovering who that person is, I've come to love myself wholly

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thanksgiving?

I've thought about my dad this Thanksgiving more than ever. My parents were married for eight years, had four boys in that time. Yesterday mom told me of the untimeliness of the eighth anniversary of their marriage. It was the wake of my father. My dad, Martin Currat died on Thanksgiving day 1980 and on December second was the wake/ anniversary. I never connected those two bits of info, until mom told me yesterday. Now in high school I had heard tapes of the service, photos and newspaper articles regarding my father's death, Many many people had kind words about the person my dad was as he was very active in the Colorado Mountain Club and Ski Patrol.

My favorite detail of my dad was that he made my mom's wedding ring. I was dearly loved by my father, growing up I used to try and be like him. He made gold and silver teeth, climbed many famous mountains, he always wore a bandana and whistled lots. Martin could fit many stereotypes of being Swiss (although I've never heard him yodel). We have some sweet cow bells at home!! I was two years old when he died and since then I can think of only one other event that compares to the life-long impact of losing my dad.

A fatherless life is all I've known. My grief and blame was much different than an abandoned or abusive father. I couldn't say how selfish or lousy my dad was; so my contempt was placed on God for his indifference in killing my dad. Nature took him in an avalanche -not a gun or a noose. All my grief, anger, isolation, and blame was forgiven the day I gave my life to Jesus Christ. This is the only event to eclipse not having a father. By mercy and grace from Jesus I have endured my father's death to become a son for God the Eternal Father.

How must God the Father have felt to see His own innocent Son die unjustly -excruciatingly spilling all of His life out. That was so God can tell me "Nic I can relate to your dad dying trajically." In Christ is my healing and justice. God is my father... to me, He is the father in the Prodical Son story. God has wrapped me in his best cloak, place a ring on me, and sandles on my feet. Embracing me and kissing me with compassion as a father would his own son. All the discipline, commitment, and motivation a father shows can be found in the Bible. With Jesus' forgiveness, the omnipotence of God turns to a greatly comforting force in my everyday life. I'm not scared or chicken-shit addicted to temporary fixes.

I wonder about my dad because faith in Jesus was never mentioned when discribing who Martin was. So then why would God not use me as a tool for evangelizing to my dad. I wonder if he prayed. I pray for my understanding. Christ, to me, is all truth. so the idea that my father lived without the truth makes me want to tell him about Jesus is that wrong or childish? Can't I get just one chance. I'm trying that with my living family members. I pray for the Holy Spirit to fill my family up with the love of Jesus. Courage is needed so I thank God for His Holy Spirit.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Life as a condo -of many thanks

On my faith b-day, I was convicted with gratitude for the Jesus insurgency in my life. God secured the perimeters, arming my faith and invading the sin in my life. I tried my darndest to follow and know God's will (still am). Being born into the promises of the Bible can be as life changing as a high quality face-lift. Only, the beautiful image is from within.

At church I was a wreck tonight. The Pastor would go around with the mic and ask those who felt called to speak of their gratitude for the Lord in their lives. One after another I would be brought to tears. I totally wanted to say something but I couldn't get a hold of myself. My list of thanks for God just runs long. As I listened to the blessings and afflictions of so many, I just got some perspective that I'll cherish and use.

I've been lead in the Lord to close on a condo. (Olive you'll be happy to know I went with the 30 year fixed). Home ownership is a huge blessing and I don't just mean equity. In prayer, I went around my condo casting out all evil spirits in the name of Jesus Christ. I just felt so blessed that God would entrust me with such a new begining: a challenge financially, interrior designerly, plummerly, home improvementally and gratefully. I'm so eager to fix it up: its a joyful feeling envisioning what could be, budget willing. The distruction phase is almost complete. I'm finding surpises left and right! Like water drops where there shouldn't be one. The wallpaper they had was rather embarrasing. Molded drywall over the sink area and how do I make the heat work?

Let me digress slightly to transfer this imagery to the work the Holy Spirit has been doing in me. I've failed, but more importantly I'm yeilding to the scantification in Christ. I'm represented by the condo, the way I came into being through self-realization looks like a condo that foreclosed to the bank of sin. I had hidden, moldy addictions. Disfunctional drops of ego. Embarrasing wallpaper/style and I didn't know how to make love work.

It is God's love that "fixer-uppers" me. That is why I claim him often in almost every context in my life. Yet on the outside, my condo looks like little has changed. This is not untrue of me. Dispite Baptizm, and letting go of intense addictions. Those closest to me know how very much I've changed; yet on the outside they act like its good old Nic.

I shared this Church service with my mom, she knows me very well and witnessed my tears during the service. Her relationship with Christ differs from mine. So to continue our sharing, we went to Bennigans and it was there that she accused me of looking up pornography on her computer while she was away for a month. I laughed, first because it was in the form of an accusation and second because God has called me to repentance on my lusting (&Co.) for about three months now. Praise God for warning signs, situations to avoid and early morning devotional time. She thought it made the most sense that it would be me based on my past outter shell. So I opened the discussion to the Bible and how doing that stuff is not only a sin against God but also my future wife. My prayer is that one day my mom will know just how much being born again in Jesus has saved her son's very existence.

After this it was clear to mother that her investigation must continue. I welcomed her to check my "history" link on my internet server any time. I certainly don't mean to discount the immense lack of respect that it was for my mom to find porn on her computer. I hope I'm not airing my family's dirty laundry, it was on my heart. As for my computer, it was one of God's amazing surprises for me this last year. I prayed over it that it would be used only to advance my love for Him. This blog site is 80% of my computer's use right now.

On a final note of gratitude I wanted to shout out to mom's for raising four boys by herself after my dad died in an avalanche on Thanksgiving day 1980. She brought us up in church, taught us French, managed accounts, created surprises, disciplined daily and domesticated me. She never so much as dated after my dad's death. To me, she is Christ-like as she shows sacrificial love and instills encouragement. She does have classic family traits of stubborn and loopy.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Double Dare (not the late 80' TV show)

A week ago I was asked to take a dare; Make that a double dare. I wasn't forced to do it although I don't chicken out much. It was to tell everyone in my own words and time about Jesus Christ. The ramifications of that double dare seemed invading of who I am today. This was an inconvenient dare. I was at a high school youth conferance called Dare 2 Share, and it was huge. More than 10,000 people praying, laughing and sharing in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Technically I wasn't even a participant: I drove the van.

Yet there I was at the Pepsi Center. Even before the conferance started, I was talking to a thirteen year old kid about how cool Jushua and Caleb were in trusting God's power and protection and how the rest of the extradited Jews really turned to sin and doubted God's will in the eyes of giants living in the promised land. There was a moment or two where I was concerned if I retold the whole story right. As I stalled this youth minister sitting infront of us blurts out with his mouth full: "Yeah, you preach brother. Go 'head". I mentioned how God cherished Caleb's faith as whole-hearted. And to think that the majority of Caleb's life was spent in the desert. That to me is awe-inspiring and indicative of delighting in God's promise. -The preaching I wasn't counting on was this little buddy shared the major events of the Old Testament in hand stories with me. His church taught him that passage in gestures.

The message of that first night was to choose Christ and serve Him first. Turning and recieving the free gift of salvation was one thing. But this conferance called us to quit lollygaging, address the distractions, have a plan to repent from the problem that stands in the way of being a living sacrafice. Make allegience to Jesus before country, friend, desires and family. It was a raw call to scantification. Like John the Baptist's call for repentance. I was cried those good tears as conviction and guilt surfaced in my head.

When asked in prayer who wanted a personal relationship with Christ in view of God's only means for salvation, 500 people raised their hand (we were told later). The Spirit moved and the pastor kept insisting remember this moment, this second. Likewise, the pastor asked who wants to pledge allegience to Christ ahead of any worldy affair, to resolve in conforming to Christ in every department of life at all times. Well the van driver wanted that. I don't want to pussyfoot around with the remainder of my life as I am a slave to Christ and must render credit and praise to Him. They will know we are Christians by our love -not our hypocracy. I think God really holds those moments as accountability -not to hinge condemnation but to convict our earthly hearts and minds to let the Holy Spirit in more. That's the way I see it. The door to start evangelizing in my life just got opened a little wider. I still didn't take the double dare though.

The next day challenged the commitment I made immediately, I grew up seeking approval and admiration of others. So when I got rejected growing up; feelings of self-blame and embarrasement would be intensly depressive. Everything about me I evaluated based on other people's opnion: from asking a girl out, to my car makes me embarrased cause its ugly, old and leaky. This is where I was glad I was the driver of the van because those kids had to go door to door and collect cans for the Denver Rescue Mission, gather prayer requests and tell the people about the good news of Jesus Christ. It took guts because most the people weren't open to this. The term coined by the pastor was "were spending our afternoon at P.U. Persecution University."

If we were trick or treaters I was the parent on the sidewalk. I observed a neighborhood willing to hand out cans but so unwilling to recieve any Gospel message (we did get a few prayer requests). I saw in the youth a let-it-roll-off-of-you attitude and they kept on keeping on. I Prayed for them and enjoyed a beautiful sunset. The evangelizism door got opened wider, was I gonna walk through it? Did I have as much heart and courage the kids displayed?

This conferance coinsided with my Faith birthday and on that day as a reminder of the victory Christ has on my faith I adopted a kid with Compassion International "Just for the price of your daily cup of coffee." Thats a huge commitment but God has blessed me with a promotion at work and I don't drink anymore so we're talking surplus down the pipes to little Tino Tiwang of Indonesia. I got his pic right by my computer he's sporting a Mickey Mouse shirt with his hands on his hips like he's the boss. Tino's 8 and lives with his grandparents. I can't wait to start correspondance.

As the conferance ended my eye was caught by this super smooth, "G"ed out hat. It was a black Dare 2 Share hat that had "D2S" on the front in some sort of gangsta caligraphy (I don't know if that's possible). I look for hats all the time as I work undercover security in retail. So the thought came to me that this hat would be a tool of evangelizm. So I got it and walked through that door to evangelize.

I wore it at work and three people asked about the hat (one being my boss) and I directly asked them "What you know about Jesus?" I followed by telling them about His free gift, my addictive sins and the Holy Spirit that is repairing my life daily. The double dare (from the conferance) did mention in my time and in my way. So yeah I took the double dare and I've been thinking more about who in my life could be next. I can't wait to catch someone shoplifting and have them ask me about the hat. What grace is harvesting in me is from the light of God: I don't know where the seeds of the Holy Spirit go. All I know is that at some point I got one, it landed in me and I gave my faith to Jesus to watch Him grow up in me.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

My First Faith Birthday.

God's love has been spoken to me, I've been told and now He lives in me. Knowing about Jesus is the greatest gift. Far be it for me to keep Jesus for myself. That is why God is willing so see his Son rediate through me. I've departed from a life of sin to a life of willing obediance to Jesus. His Holy Spirit heals my heart and renews my hope. I'm rich in the intangeables of the heart. I thank God for this new life in Christ now one year old. Proof of God's fertile provision is all around me. This site online is no different. I can't wait for the outward signs to be a more complete reflection of God's regenerative work. Stay tuned, wonderful things are bound to funnel through me for God's recognition.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Who's the next Paul?

I wonder if he knew that I was praying for him as he sat crying in handcuffs. I was guarding the door and hiding my empathy. Others in the security office were too caught up on the catching of "the bad guy", stoked on the energy. It was a job well done. Hundreds of dollars of merchandise that this guy pushed out the store saved. To top it off: he was a fighter. He tried to run away from security.

Misery best discribes the state of this 30 year old man once in the office. The life he has was unraveling in his head; He was overcome with emotion pondering the worst. -By now I could tell he was Bi-Polar, I could tell his mind was running manically. I've been in parallel places. He pleaded for pity. I could tell he was truthful mostly because he was spouting out his life: stating his divorce, unempolyment, his son, and getting out of jail four days ago. His life was so taken by the Devil that his ethics were compromised to permit theft. He needs to take responsability for his actions, that is clear. God has willed/placed the laws, even civil ones. This is my proof that Satan preys on the weak to compromise morality and replace it with deception.

The cart he pushed out was brought into the office. The clothes this man stole -none would have fit him... He wanted to give the world to his son. Without Christ, our best intensions to love still fall short and lead us to sin, in this case a theft of passion. As I was folding the boys clothing and arranging it for evidence photos (a very weird feeling), God impressed upon my heart to pray for him so I will continue to do so. It is God's will placing me to do what I do for a living. I'm not about to give him a cookie or a glass of warm milk, and send him on his way. Nor am I going to pass judgement or beat him up for attacking us.

This is not only a lesson for him but a lesson for me because I'm seasoned (until now) to apprehend people stealing because of opportunity or selfishness. A Bi-Polar person can be funneled in reasoning because of the manic state; Add Satan imposing his demons and you get a shoplifter just like him. I think he was decieved into believing that his actions are justifiable since he was in jail, couldn't pay child support, this was his way to help out and see his son. He was selfish though, to think that this was the only way to put clothes on his child's.

No matter the story, you steal from my work, I am trained to catch you. That is why I believe that it is God's will to use my labor to reveil the truth of his Son in an indirect way. In the interview room, I lifted up a silent prayer that satan be expelled by the spirit of Jesus Christ. I've prayed that the Holy Spirit moves in each of the "bad guys" I catch. Because the degree of evil they commited can one day be a fraction of the good they can do in Christ. In the Jesus Freaks book vol. 1 there is this account of a Christian being tortured by the same people daily for years and once freed he stated that he "could not harbor hate for the abusers because: who knows if they were the next Paul." So that is how I feel about the people I apprehend. Their actions have lead them to steal, and their time with me is gonna suck but God willing it will yeild a chance for a life decision. I have hope that each will come to be potent Believers in Christ though God Himself might not appear to ask "why do you persecute me?". After all, I wasn't planing on finding God and the freedom in obeying His Son. -I did- I hope to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Jesus Christ is all truth like I know Him to be. It is a yearning inside of me (I think this might be my first time actually yearning something) My testimony reveals that truth I hope. I believe there is a Saul to Paul conversion everyday, giving the earth those colorful testamonies. I hope the guy who got caught playing Robinhood for his son today is one of them.