On my faith b-day, I was convicted with gratitude for the Jesus insurgency in my life. God secured the perimeters, arming my faith and invading the sin in my life. I tried my darndest to follow and know God's will (still am). Being born into the promises of the Bible can be as life changing as a high quality face-lift. Only, the beautiful image is from within.
At church I was a wreck tonight. The Pastor would go around with the mic and ask those who felt called to speak of their gratitude for the Lord in their lives. One after another I would be brought to tears. I totally wanted to say something but I couldn't get a hold of myself. My list of thanks for God just runs long. As I listened to the blessings and afflictions of so many, I just got some perspective that I'll cherish and use.
I've been lead in the Lord to close on a condo. (Olive you'll be happy to know I went with the 30 year fixed). Home ownership is a huge blessing and I don't just mean equity. In prayer, I went around my condo casting out all evil spirits in the name of Jesus Christ. I just felt so blessed that God would entrust me with such a new begining: a challenge financially, interrior designerly, plummerly, home improvementally and gratefully. I'm so eager to fix it up: its a joyful feeling envisioning what could be, budget willing. The distruction phase is almost complete. I'm finding surpises left and right! Like water drops where there shouldn't be one. The wallpaper they had was rather embarrasing. Molded drywall over the sink area and how do I make the heat work?
Let me digress slightly to transfer this imagery to the work the Holy Spirit has been doing in me. I've failed, but more importantly I'm yeilding to the scantification in Christ. I'm represented by the condo, the way I came into being through self-realization looks like a condo that foreclosed to the bank of sin. I had hidden, moldy addictions. Disfunctional drops of ego. Embarrasing wallpaper/style and I didn't know how to make love work.
It is God's love that "fixer-uppers" me. That is why I claim him often in almost every context in my life. Yet on the outside, my condo looks like little has changed. This is not untrue of me. Dispite Baptizm, and letting go of intense addictions. Those closest to me know how very much I've changed; yet on the outside they act like its good old Nic.
I shared this Church service with my mom, she knows me very well and witnessed my tears during the service. Her relationship with Christ differs from mine. So to continue our sharing, we went to Bennigans and it was there that she accused me of looking up pornography on her computer while she was away for a month. I laughed, first because it was in the form of an accusation and second because God has called me to repentance on my lusting (&Co.) for about three months now. Praise God for warning signs, situations to avoid and early morning devotional time. She thought it made the most sense that it would be me based on my past outter shell. So I opened the discussion to the Bible and how doing that stuff is not only a sin against God but also my future wife. My prayer is that one day my mom will know just how much being born again in Jesus has saved her son's very existence.
After this it was clear to mother that her investigation must continue. I welcomed her to check my "history" link on my internet server any time. I certainly don't mean to discount the immense lack of respect that it was for my mom to find porn on her computer. I hope I'm not airing my family's dirty laundry, it was on my heart. As for my computer, it was one of God's amazing surprises for me this last year. I prayed over it that it would be used only to advance my love for Him. This blog site is 80% of my computer's use right now.
On a final note of gratitude I wanted to shout out to mom's for raising four boys by herself after my dad died in an avalanche on Thanksgiving day 1980. She brought us up in church, taught us French, managed accounts, created surprises, disciplined daily and domesticated me. She never so much as dated after my dad's death. To me, she is Christ-like as she shows sacrificial love and instills encouragement. She does have classic family traits of stubborn and loopy.
