Convenience stores turn into Sam's Club on Thanksgiving simply because their open. Talk about being used. Growing up I worked at a gas station and a movie theatre so I've missed out on many a full Thanksgiving. Now I've graduated to being off on Thanksgiving (at least I get to see the Lions play).
So I was running late for my Thanksgiving meal and I was asked to bring the Diet Pepsi (Dipsy-pipsy as we like to call it, or Dizzle-pizzle works too). You who know my passion for the kitchen can fully appreciate the faulty logic of me bring Dipsy -pipsy (what's worse: I just got a great Pumpkin soup recipe). Well on my way, I was in prayer and just listing off my thankfulness -very fitting. And I was like "God thanks for the person that is working at the gas station so slackers like me can get their 24pack of Dizzle-pizzle." Suddently, like a thought that wouldn't leave my mind: I became super determined to buy that clerk a Snickers bar and say thanks.
So I entered the store on a Snickers mission from the will power within me. The guy behind the register seemed deserving of/cool enough to get a candy bar. I was glad it was a guy so that there wasn't any weird "Is he hitting on me?" vibe... But in the make shift Sam's Club there's a line. I selected the Dipsy-pipsy and held off on the Snickers. There were lots of people around: clearly too many to gift a Snickers bar to the clerk. They'll say weird things. What if the clerk insists on not having it and we're caught pushing the Snickers bar back and forth to one another? By the time I met Rex I didn't have the Snickers bar in hand. He was friendly and asked me "Just this?" as if he knew I had wanted to buy a candy bar for him. I answered the old: "uhhh, yeah." I bought my soda and much to my torement he wished me a happy Thanksgiving. To which I replied: "you too."
I've been kicking myself in the head ever since. I got in the car and prayed for Rex (that was the name on his name tag). I really hope he's working Christmas for my sake because I blew it! The contents of my heart, the tugging of my spirit were all shot down because I has invented senarios in my mind that would cast embarrassment on me. Just total lousy fiction. I had literally paralysed the will of the Spirit in me to act.
One of the biggest hang-ups (misunderstanding) I had about being born again was how Christians in my life would always tell me: God will speak to you (on the Nextel?). He will lead you (with GPS?). He will answer you (by leaving a voice message?). Some of them would say: "to turn to the scripture, flip on a random page and let God guide you to an answer." That hasn't helped me in practice. But when a believer tells me to get to know key passages and why. Well that helps me, like: 1Peter2:24, Eph 2:10, Rom 10:9, 1Cor 10:13. Similar to a Nextel, God's verses are transmitted chunks at a time, without interruption and for a porpose. Ah, the vast difference of God's will and my will. Afterall, Jesus did talk. The red stuff in my Bible is God's actual voice. So the Bible to me, is more like a map of God's will which can turn into a GPS the more I obey His calling in my life.
Prayer is another option to hear God speaking to me. I didn't understand that a prayer to God if its not addressed to Jesus might not carry much mercy (this included my many prayers to Mary growing up). So, How can anyone know God's calling/will? I have found that by grace and mercy via Jesus I can leave a voice message-a prayer. God speaks in my life as he answers prayers.
In my experiance, I wasn't privy to the Holy Spirit moving within me until I asked Jesus into my heart. Only then does the voice of Satan and the world dim enough to hear God's calling of us into His fold. As the scantification continues I will experiance fewer failures like the one at the gas station. How can I not be decieved by what my mind deems as God's calling. disernment, remembering Chirsts forgiveness. That's why the little battles count.
