Do i Love My Wife Like Jesus Loves the Church?

Today in class I got put on the spot about being a newly wed. He asked me to share with 25 of my closest Moody friends what struggles I was facing as a newly wed. I’ve been in a bliss-like state since July 17th so I was slow to answer. Manic in the brain, panic on my heart, I blurted out: “well imitating God’s model of love. Like how Jesus loves God and the Spirit. We don’t do a good job spiritually. Its hard, were just not there yet.” It was just a convoluted statement. Most people looked at me weird. For nearly the rest of the class, I was thinking about the many, different ways I could better rephrase that. I don’t like that about me, it comes out of embarrassment and pride to appear smart.

So what I was trying to communicate is that in searching out flaws in my marriage, the one thing that emerges is this: I have my relationship with Jesus, my progression (and regression) of sanctification, my forms of devotion, worship, prayer, but also my temptations and lazy spiritual practices. And Lindsey has just become subject to much of all of those. Likewise hers spiritual diet is grinding into my gears. Where does this leave us with things like praying together? Finding a church?

So since I’m asked to provide spiritual leadership (after Jesus) for this family unit. I don’t know where Lindsey’s at in her walk with Jesus, is she more sold out than me? Or am I wearing “the holier than thou seminary sweats?” Je Ne Sais Pas. It’s between her and God firstly (and too God and I). I should trust the Lord: its hands off.

On some level though, I know I affect her soul. If I’m harboring sin, sinking in the doldrums of darkness; As godly as she might be walking I’m gonna be a negative factor. Since our vows are spiritual, mixed with the eternal and given by God; we need to nurture our collaborative spirituality (if that what you call it). I know appropriate spiritual devotions should blossom between us. Well before kids! What are they? What does it look like does it emerge naturally. Would I be forcing issues by doing a Bible study together?

I’ve been desperate for God lately. Personal devotions have gotten sidetracked with school and being married. I pray frequently but God’s face and favor feels allusive. My emotions have more of a say than I would like them to have. Just ask my eating habits. Even President Nyquist warned me to guard my walk with God and then to guard my marriage. This prayer e-mail is a request to pray for both. Could you lift these up. I’m warm to any comments except for a reading recommendation. I’m already late on a few chapters for school.