Prayer Warriors,
Victor’s been trying to jump. Ever seen a 1-year-old with perfect concentration, uttering “hhhuhhhhh up, hhhhuuuuhhh up” as he goes from a semi-squatting position to his tippy-toes in a grand effort to leave the ground? It’s quite a jerking motion and he has yet to get airborne. lately he has added swinging his arms to further convince his motion to leave the ground, but still no flight. In taking a step back, it’s a blessed providence from God that Victor has been achieving many milestones as we have been walking through our deepest valley. I have been thankful and joyful because of the growth, I never take for granted. What a gift to be the dad that encourages and cares for both my disabled girl with only a few milestones and my able other kids who have had many milestones. Each ability signifies God’s neurological grace to my children, praise God.
I have come to find that the valley of the shadow of death also has milestones. Anyone who has lost a dear loved one will attest. The bereaved take years to pass some milestones or find themselves unable to pass them. It’s a deep heart work to allow death to cross-examine my beliefs in the Lord, while grieving and sorrowful. That is no joke. Yet Jesus uplifts us as our sympathetic high priest. He defends the claims that I cling to because it comes from His Word. Achieving our death milestones is not because I have a strong anything; rather I have a relentless Shepherd whose wing I take refuge in. By God’s grace I have grown a strong dependance on needing Him. He knows this terrain, its milestones, and He has shepherded millions of sheep through this valley of the shadow of death before me!
Since Simon’s passing, Victor has learned to crawl, walk, run, feed himself, sleep through the night and use hand signs for his needs. Comparatively, God taught me to “rollover” in tears begging Him for Simon’s life while finishing my prayers with “nevertheless, have thine own way Lord.” Next, Jesus encouraged me to “sit up” in surrender of my son who was never mine to keep. I was brokenhearted, but God gave me praying warriors, and thankfulness to sit me upright before Him. My Shepherd gave me His Words of heaven teaching me to “eat” and gain strength in this valley. Jesus kept asking me to give Him the weight of my burdens, He held my hand as my wobbly legs learned to balance. He steered me into songs, allowing me to “stand” on the promises of God. I learned the hard milestone of “walking” with Simon’s absence by keeping my eyes on Jesus. All along the way I found the Holy Spirit’s nearness to temper the onslaught of grief. I “ran” with the help of a counselor, family, and friends through holidays and birthdays of life. All glory to God.
Now, like Victor I just want to jump. “Jump” back into rhythm, routine, with great grace and my newfound respect for hope. I’m eager for gladness and joy, but my feet are not leaving the ground yet. I’m swinging my arms, semi-squatting, jerking a bit –I can’t seem to get beyond my tippy-toes. Then outta nowhere a fresh wave of missing Simon intensifies my emotions, and knocks me down. This time it was returning the library books 8 months late, the ones he picked out on that day he got bit and went into cardiac arrest.
The Lord has been slowing me down to see that abiding in Him means waiting not wanting. While waiting, I am to deepen my vow to my bride. To Increase friendship with my best friend, to pray with her, my sweet companion Lindsey. One of the best pieces of advice I got through this is “make sure Lindsey feels like she is being heard.” I need to keep on reading that book about how children grieve to help with Renee. I need to take on new responsibilities with Anna’s care so that my best friend isn’t impacted by these things as much. And yes, I need to do the dishes more. May the Lord help us find rest and renewal so I can give of myself as a servant to her. I praise God that I still have my bride to go through all this with me. To outdo each other in submissiveness, to honor and bless.
I feel like I just shared a huge chunk of prayer requests right there. What grace to receive intercession the Father from most who reads this. I am convinced that God’s writing a testimony for His glory by how He is holding our marriage together with His unfailing love. “I want to make much of you Jesus” for equipping and leading us in marriage.
Praise the Lord:
-We have been able have people over again for fellowship and singing.
-I have been built up in discipleship, in the Word, and in prayer.
- We continue to be healthy and able to enjoy our time together.
-Renee and I went on a ski trip which included ice skating and tubing with uncle Will.
Please pray for:
-The Lord to give us the “ground we walk on” as He did for Joshua as we reenter the hospital where Simon died and stay there for three days next week with Anna.
- Anna’s inpatient stay for her Electric Status Epilepticus in sleep (ESES) treatment is scheduled for this Monday the 3rd. Pray it won’t be delayed again as it took 5 months to reschedule this. Pray that Monday’s treatment (and the following 3 months consisting of a heavy dose of valium) would not cause respiratory or heart complications. Pray that the studied benefits of this treatment would be imparted to her which includes increased cognition, speech, and fewer brain wave patterns that manifest “spark” potentials for seizures.
-A new direction in Anna’s schooling as we have felt that homeschooling is not in her best interest. Pray that our school district would refer us to Boces School of Excellence given Anna’s needs. Which is a school for the disabled paid into by each school district, if this is the Lord’s direction for us. We continue to be discouraged by the homebound therapy services Anna is receiving.
-Renee would return to sleeping in her room or transition to sharing a room with Victor.
Thankful for our Savior who rose from the grave,
Nic
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