Worshipping Our Way Out

Dear Prayer Warriors,

 

We belong to a faith-based group called Hope Kids. Our lives are enriched by this organization through prayer, creating a social community of families suffering similarly, and most tangibly with events to normalize family life for those raising a child considered by doctors to have a terminal illness. A few weeks ago, Hope Kids sent us to see a stage production of the Musical Annie. Not just me and Anna, but everyone. They had volunteers to care for Victor while we enjoyed this play. It was upbeat, funny, and well done. It gave joy smack dab in our ongoing journey through loss. 

 

The immersion into the world of little orphan Annie caught the imagination of my sweet 4-year-old Renee. She grabbed my hand and sat on the edge of her seat throughout. The dancing quickly won her over. During the scene changes in the dark she whispered her guess as to what the next scene was going to be as the crew was scurrying around to set it up. I thanked God in the reflection of the stage lights, amid it all. I remained completely affirmed in the experience that we were currently living out. In my heart of hearts, I said to the Lord “by Your grace Lord, one day my life is going to be more about these kinds of things.” There remains much weightiness on our hearts. I miss Simon, not only that, I miss the joy of him experiencing such captivating events.   

 

One night not too long ago I came across the verse, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” PS 147:3 So I asked the question to my bride. “Is this true, has God healed your broken heart?”  Lindsey honestly said “yes, God will.” God has been working on us big time. Just a couple of nights ago we passed the iPad around and took turns recording memories about Simon. One pitfall we see showing up in Renee’s life has been fear. She is expressing new fears about finding snakes in our house. Or going on another bike ride and dying. When we pass a car accident, she wonders who died. We are careful not to shame her thinking, but also praying that Satan wouldn’t gain a foothold. Thankfully the Bible has much to say about fear and so ministering those truths when she says those things would be the most helpful. I don’t always think on my toes like that. 

 

When I take a step back and think about losing Simon, I can see how Renee’s fears are not unfounded. I grew up as a Boy Scout in Colorado and never had much of a fear of the wild. Now I find myself nervous of potential wild animal encounters when I go on a simple hike. Yet doesn’t everyone live at the merciful Hand of the Lord every day? couldn’t something tragic happen to anyone at any time? Isn’t it possible that my house could be on a fault line and we get swallowed up tomorrow? It is God’s hand that preserves me! What is there to fear when I know that the Lord has allowed it to cross my path? 

 

As for my journey through this humility, I have become fixated on Jesus as my bearer of hope. It's like hope went from my head to my heart. How precious is Biblical hope!!! I should write an essay about it. Also, I’m noticing how hard it has become to be joyful continually. I used to be pretty good at that. We’ve needed to be intentional about joy much more lately. A song lyric struck me last week and has stayed with me since, it repeats over and over “worship is the way out of the valley.” One joyful thing that has come about is that we have been doing hymn sings with friends and neighbors. We invested in a set of ten hymnals and so it’s been going on once a month to the glory of God and the joy of the singers. Even when we have some guests over, we like to drop a hymnal in their lap and sing a song or two if it’s not too weird.   

 

Anna’s Latest Specialist vist

We had another significant meeting with Anna’s lung doctor. I wasn’t there but Lindsey’s debriefing made it feel like an intervention rather than an equipping meeting. The doctor was concerned about Anna’s long term lung health by not having her on her BiPAP machine.  They suspect that Anna’s lungs are not opening completely at night, and she constantly has parts of her lung collapsing. It’s called chronic atelectasis. She used the BiPAP successfully for years however a year and a half ago our machine was recalled. By the time we got another BiPAP machine Anna became unable to tolerate it. She spits up mucus and saliva every time she wears it, after an hour or two we take it off and she sleeps soundly without it.  His suggestion was to reintroduce it over the next month during the daytime. He also gave us two new medicines to use every night extending her bedtime routine by another 15 minutes. Another direction was to use oxygen every night. This means filling tanks every day. I remember in my last update saying how honored I am to serve Anna as her caretaker, but I find myself grumbling at all these new directives. I’ll get over it. God gives me grace.

 

Praise the Lord for:

-Joy, praise and worship leading us through the valley.

-Hope Kids and the many graces springing from them.

-God’s Word to silence all fears.  

 

Please Pray for:

-Restorative grace and courage from the Lord as we return to Hippo (horseback) therapy. My son Simon was learning horsemanship there and loved everything about it while Anna was taking her horseback riding therapy. Pray for Lindsey to be encouraged at God renewing our commitment there.

-Healing. We have a virus going around our family members. Me and Anna have it the worst right now. Anna’s cough sounds super barky and rough. It's made for messes and harder night care. Pray for my diligence in meeting Anna's needs. 

-Anna to be able to acclimate back on the BiPAP machine at night. That we wouldn’t be discouraged. That this would bring healing to her lungs and in turn her whole body. And for the right night nurse for Anna, ready to commit to more than a couple of months. 

- Joy to be found. For a song on our hearts, and light heartedness as a daily gift to each other. 

-please pray for my mom Marie-Jeanne who fell and hurt her shoulder significantly. She is home from the hospital. Her memory is struggling greatly. May the Lord awaken her to His comfort, to purpose her days for eternal good, and that she would cling to Jesus for salvation come what may.   

 

Hopeful in the One who heals the brokenhearted and binds their wounds,

 

Nic, Lindsey, Anna, Renee, and Victor