Up until, and including now I have made the choice to eat in such a way that causes me to be fat. I have not tried to portion my consumption. I haven't read nutrition labels to gain any strategy, and I remain quite unapologetic when I make a fatty pineapple upside-down cake.
Add to this, when I call upon my physical strength: I sweat, I'm sore and I strain over my shortness of breath. All my life, I have chosen not to workout regularly. I have convinced myself that there is very little I can do to lose weight. And people ought to love me for the inside not my outside.
The truth is: I'm healthy, I am not crippled just overweight with a borderline blood pressure reading. I know this guy who is passionate about exercise and eating right and he's got two blown knees. He is envious of the body I have. Someone once told me: I got Viking blood from my Swiss lineage, I would be a fool to not pump up and be an ox!
Still, even after all this thought and affirmation: How have I allowed myself to live with this weakness? I lie to myself every day to uphold my ignorance. I condemn myself first. But should I? Certainly with every lie isn't the King of Liars, Satan responsible too.
-In hindsight-
The lay of the land in my psyche regarding my physique is very much crippled by earthly constructs: Satan gained ground in my subconscious by making me hate the stereotypical man that appeared to get the ladies. I find the secular world of dating as shallow and self-gratifying. Honestly the society I live in exports immorality above all else. As a response, instead of asking God, I chose to allow food to be my condolence and beer. I didn't want to be desirable by social standards -that standard is shallow and superficial.
Then the beauty of women became powerful over me but I could not reconcile my hate for jock-type men/ nor try and become one of them. I was a social curiosity banking on humor. I became enslaved to lust, and fantasies about women; the snowball effect had triggered self-hate because of how I let myself gain this much weight.
More surface level contributors include working at restaurants, drinking lots of beer and getting the mad-munchies from hitting the joints.
These are the foundations of lies I attributed my weight gain and work-out lifestyle to. For years now, God has shattered my own understanding. He has taken up surrendered sins, and He has graciously changed my weaknesses into strength.
I'm talking about the strength of repentance. After salvation, I can't think of a more important sermon to preach on other than repentance. Repentance is the working out of my faith. I have been repentant and much satisfaction in my walk with Jesus comes from knowing His power has removed my addictions from me. And keeps it away: 1 Cursing, 2 Marijuana, 3 Cigarettes, 4 Pornography, 5 Masturbation, 6 Alcohol. This is the Sanctification of the Lord, a work finished in repentance. I tell of Christ's fixing power and it reminds me of His great love for me.
Still though I'm surrendering to God more weaknesses: I have vows concerning: purity of my eyes, eating and working out, facing bitterness/unforgiveness within. I pray with hope that these will one day be repented from. I am assured by the past, I just know that it is a journey to repentance it doesn't come overnight.
All this to say that I have lost 6 pounds and my wife is a big support. But it is to the Lord I pray that smaller portions would fill me, funner exercises would come, junk food wouldn't find me and that God would be blessed by His temple founded in me.
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