Holy Imaginings

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

Family Uplifts

It’s been a while. I know many of you remain persistent in praying for us. Even though life is full and fast, I want to slow down to praise God, express thanksgiving and update our prayer warriors.  Firstly, know that I genuinely love writing about our family and the struggles of faith in spite of the embarrassing details and lack of spiritual maturity. My hope is that it helps us all look up in prayer and into Gods’ Word for strength. I recall my last email hurled anger at death, perhaps it was some pre-grief in light of my mom’s continuing failing health. In it, I did not highlight the benefits of dying as a believer whose life is hidden in Christ. I regret that because it contains much sweetness ultimately. That said, we are a week out of remembering Simon Emmanuel’s death day more than four years ago now. I am reminded when thinking of him that the glorification of a believer upon entering Heaven is no. small. deal!!!

 

This years’ death anniversary came with differing difficulties. We had a schedule that allowed us to stuff it down and a world around us that encouraged me to do just that. I attempted to undercut the significance of the day/those days just to see how things would play out. I felt isolated, like a public acknowledgement of it would mean ruin for the company I kept. Clearly the world has moved on. Who would recall? Who would encourage us? Who marks death anniversaries on the calendar?  How would I feel if nobody said anything? I received answers to those questions in large part. I don’t aim to guilt anyone reading this, I purposely targeted this update after those days to see if I was “man enough” or healed enough to not need the intercession of many to get through those days. I genuinely wanted to surrender whatever the outcome. I found that the tangible world looked monotonous while the coinciding spiritual world waged war through my thoughts and feelings. I wondered at how much richer my life would be with a ten-year-old Simon next to me. I also recalled the event and even said to myself that he would still be here if I just hugged him before he collapsed, trying to find a way to blame myself. It has been 4 years of walking through the valley of the shadow of death following Jesus’ lead through it -It feels good saying that. There’s weariness and God’s purpose. There’s emptiness and God’s filling. There’s sadness and godly sharing.

 

During the last four years, I have felt a growing sense of dissatisfaction in the things God has for me at work, at church and in relationships. No doubt this has been due to losing Simon in part. Rather than counting my blessings, I settle for what I still hunger for. It’s a place where I elect to fill rather than let God do the filling. “I’ll be happy once I get this,” or “I just need a friend.” I’m not letting God decide for me what I need. Spiritual disciplines seem to hold less power, as if Satan is attempting to dull my faith. -May it not be so. In the last few weeks, I have tried to get back to contentment. fighting the apathy that wants to grow in this dried-up land. I have been vocalizing gratitude, restarting family Hymn sings at home, focusing on my devotion time, praying, prizing my wife and enjoying the gift of children. I’m tempted to think my efforts are all legalism, but that is a lie. I am exercising intentionality, pushing me in these good directions. Grace compels; it doesn’t stagnate. “Lord, soften my heart. I am willing to do what is good in your sight!”

 

It is the comfort of my bride and children that talked me off of the ledge of sadness that could have given way to self-pity, despair and longing. Just a few days ago, Anna used her “talking device” saying that she wanted to remember Simon, not the death, not talk about the absence, but the remembrance of the personhood of Simon.  What came about was a recollection of the things he loved, memories we built, and we started doing them anew. Dance parties, creating obstacle courses, indoor camping in the living room, making up songs, eating his favorite things. We revisited his album of Toby Mac covers, Renee and I made a Best Café lunch for the family, and we took a family trip to Simon’s resurrection site (that is what I call a grave these days). It has been a weekend of remembrance bringing us closer together as a family to honor Simon.

 

With the odd defying miracle of welcoming Sarah Esperanza into our family, we have observed a sense of life renewal. Like a sprouting from a season of sadness, death and trauma into bounty, eagerness, and life. Rather than having to “moving on” we are laying a hold of a season where God is doing a new thing that is beautiful to perceive. Sarah is so beautiful and awesome. She has light blue eyes like Simon and Grandma French have. Renee has been tremendously blessed by the birth of Sarah. She has the utmost love and care for this little sister which often can come as a help at just the right time for mom and dad.

 

 Victor’s much more grounded temperament and boyish ways are things that I gather up in my heart and praise God for. I’m often surprised that our bonding together is much different than mine was with Simon. With Victor I bond though throwing things, wrestling, running errands together, and tickles; with Simon it was much more intellectual as we talked about God more, walked together, made music, and cooked. I enjoy the fact that Victor was born in September which gives him a longer wait to start things like school and other demanding things that kids do. He is a sturdy little bruiser!

 

Anna is doing great given her many needs. She loves youth group and being around kids her age. We still wait in wonder for full healing and friendships that transcend her disability. Medically she has had an increased number of startles or small seizure episodes ever since we have been weening her off of the Valium. She will be off it completely next month. I praise God for living where we do because Colorado remains one of the best states for assisting families with special needs kids. We are asking God to reveal what future needs we will have given her growing body and persistent cuts to medical coverage and care though our insurances. We are looking to establish a Special Needs Trust to assist in any changes coming. It seems like a ceiling track system, a roll in shower, and/or an elevator would be necessary. Which means we are passively looking in the housing market for such specifications which are incredibly rare in general especially in our budget as well. If it’s a need, God will do it in His time. He has always equipped us!! Our current house has vaulted ceilings which disqualify a track system.

 

Words are a Loose Cannon

“All the baddies watch out, I’m gonna blow your head off.” Blurted careless four-year-old Victor at the dinner table. If not, random violence, perhaps flippant flatulence comments will come forth as a topic he wants to share about. Somewhere in his mind he is realizing that words paint a picture in the listener. He loves a good reaction from us. In the evening Victor carries a heightened carelessness for words. I aim to enforce boundaries if he chooses to “run his mouth” or to “speak his mind” without restraint. By now some of you may be thinking, “boys will be boys”. Or why does Nic pick this battle? It’s important to remember that I didn’t have a father growing up therefore I don’t know if this is a hill to die on or not. I care dearly about the content of my kids’ character and the Bible assigns me as their spiritual leader. In an attempt to step up, I have been wrestling with all of these words. I know that the spiritual battle for our soul takes place in the mind largely. Speech is the overflow of our inner selves. What’s got Victor on the topic of graphically killing? Could it have been a fiery arrow landing on Victor’s tongue from Satan? Sure. It could also be the book The Three Little Pigs that I read to him recently where Pig #3 defiantly tells the Big Bad Wolf to, “go ahead blow your head off.” As a parent I ought to be a thought investigator into my child’s words, gently asking “Where did that thought come from?”  Rather than throwing out a knee-jerk correction. It’s unsettling to me when careless words carry violence. I hope to teach Victor to “Hold his tongue!” How does a parent lead the realm of imagination? I pray Victor can learn to question his thoughts and its verbal outcome before putting it out there.

“But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.” Matthew 15:18

 

What does it mean that we must give an account for every careless word uttered (Matthew 12:36)? (I am reminded that I used to take pride in speaking my mind and planting pictures in other people’s mind, thank you Jesus for the blood applied.) If speech is the culmination of thought, the admonition to hold every thought captive seems imperative. Isn’t that a lofty ask? That command in what it is asking is similar to Jesus saying “Go and sin no more.” Or for the Lord to say “be holy as I am holy.” These commands would defeat a legalist everyday. However, as we put on Christ, these good commands become our aspiration, rather than our prison; our aim rather than our guilt. The Bible offers certainty of forgiveness through faith; therefore, the Holy Spirit will meet us as we aim to fulfill these commands. Do we make more of Christ when we fail and ask for forgiveness, or when we beat ourselves up about missing the mark? Aiming to capture thoughts with the Holy Spirit’s help will go exceedingly beyond how far we could have gone by just looking at the sin or the problem ourselves. Lord knows my self-criticalness used to smother the grace God asks us to take and live with.

 

I believe that media content promotes immorality therefore informs our thoughts and eventually our speech. That is why choosing the Scriptures daily is so important to me as an adult. Then the Bible informs my thought life and blesses my speech. When in the Word, a surrendered heart that believes in absolute Truth allows the Holy Spirit to become the commander originating thought giver.

 

Finding Holy Creativity in the Bible

How can Victor and I engage our imaginations with purity? I pray: “Lord, give us eyes of light and a mind that bridles the wild, tempting thoughts that make our imagination salivate.” Isn’t that one of the greatest differences between someone who wants to follow Jesus and the rest of the world? Why would a “free thinker” ever fight their own temptation, or seek to limit their media content? Temptation is a distinguishing point; do we fight it or give in? As a new man in Christ, I do not give ground to violence, pride, wicked words, or fornication intentionally. But I remember that as an unbeliever I gave much of my free time to imagining I am a protagonist in a film, a video game marauder, or the main character in a book that tantalizes the flesh? Which leads me to ask just how renewed is my mind when it comes to my imagination? I’d like to think that I have a holy algorithm when I scroll.  I listen to almost exclusively Christian worship music; I like listening to sermons and Christian media in general. Still, my imagination needs to be placed “on the alter” and thrown into the refiner’s fire. I have such a confidence in the supremacy of Jesus in the spirit world that I am shocked to even admit that my own imagination seems unbridled at times.

 

I have been praying and looking into ways to sanctify my imagination through the Word. I admit that I’m afraid to dream dreams, to encounter God experientially in the spirit world because I was once so deceived there. What I’m waking up to is that Jesus utilized His imagination strategically also. He used imagination as output not input. His metaphors and allegories revealed a deeper truth to the teachable. This is the example Jesus gives us when He uses His imagination! May the Lord give me and all of us a mind that employs our imaginations to create allegories and godly metaphors Rather than to be swept away in a secular bunny trail taking things even further than reality into “blowing one’s head off?” This last weekend we just watched the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (Simon’s favorite); my mind actively drew upon the biblical illustrations contained in that story. I was stunned to consider the restorative usage of the gospel in the character of Edmond. God purifies our minds to creatively invent and tell tactical stories like these!

 

So when Victor fills me with imagery because he’s dressed up as Spiderman saying “I shot a bad-y with my crossbow.” May I do similarly with my Bible reading when there is a biblical depiction.  May I engage my Scripture reading with imagining biblical depictions in my mind’s eye rather than just reading it. The poetry becomes so vivid at times. My imagination recently got me dwelling on the visual depiction of God coming to David’s aid in Psalm 18 where it says God “mounted the Cherubim and flew!?!” Perhaps a Renaissance painter has beaten me to it, but that’s a winner visually! The Bible has righteous visuals; I have been blessed lately to imagine these visuals over depraved ones that a screen gives. How about in prayer? Can I imagine Jesus sitting at the table with me when I pray saying “I love you, you are carrying your cross. I’m using all of it, even your emotions.” Am I brave enough to believe that Jesus would look me in the eye and say those things to me too? Other than the setting, I didn’t take artistic license because those words come from what He has said in Scripture. Or how about the passage where Peter asks Jesus if he could step out on the water to come to Him. Do I challenge myself to imagine me as Peter? Does Jesus extend the same invitation to imagine? Sermons employ these things as applications liberally. May the Holy Spirit guide me and Victor as we become more open to visualizing what we read in Scripture.

 

Praise God for:

-Sarah Esperanza who has pumped our hearts afresh with love and wonder. She draws out of us a gladness in God’s providence.

-His help in seasons of grief and working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called to His purpose. Rather than having those co-grievers, this year Christ and His promises were enough.  

-Granting us the desires of our hearts even in loss and spiritual trials.

-The high calling of father and husband as spiritual protector and leader of the family.

Please Pray for:

-Joni and Friends Family Respite Retreat in Nebraska. We leave in less than two weeks’ time and people were again eager to give to allow us to be blessed in this way. Pray for safe travels, for us to draw near to God and vice versa.  

-Renee as she prepares to be baptized. She has repeatedly asked me to baptize her. While hearing talk about all this, Anna’s respite worker also wants to be baptized. We are planning for the end of August to do that as the Lord leads. I want to encourage them in searching the Scriptures and in owning their faith for themselves. We hope to dedicate Sarah that day too.

-Continued wisdom for the upcoming school year as we weigh the options we have for education, spiritual enrichment and physical exercise for the family. We look to do something different for Anna than we have in year’s past. However we are not sure what that is.  

Thanks for reading and praying,

 Nic for Lindsey, Anna, Simon, Renee, Victor, and Sarah

God's Got Good for the Currats

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

The tears and sadness shed at my daughter Anna’s birth remain so distant as we celebrated with great joy her 12^th birthday two weeks ago. I wept gallons or so it seemed during her 7 week stay at the Evanston Northshore NICU. The banner over us during that time would have read, “God’s got good for Anna!” These were the absurd words from our faith provoking pastor at the time. We did take it in faith, rather than rejecting the claim based on the medical testing indicating extensive brain damage and a prognosis of disability. The hospital was a time marked with people from church who would come to support us in prayer and share a meal with us. Although I’ve shared this story years ago, it’s on my heart to repeat. I clearly recall a lady with an unknowing Word for me. It was the kind of message that could easily have been taken the wrong way given our fragile situation and I would have bluntly shown her the door, but God helped us receive this message. Similar to “God’s got good for Anna.” This lady helped us see with eyes of faith.

 

 We returned home from spending the day at the hospital. Those were exhausting days with lots of praying. Lindsey and I were tired and thankful that an old lady was coming over with a meal. It was someone we had never met before. Anna’s traumatic birth and our petitioning the church for prayer made it so that everyone knew us, at the time, we only knew a handful of families mostly our age. We were the couple from the inner city who drove 30 minutes to the wealthy Northshore to go to church. We had been attending that church for about a year when Anna was born. It's surprising that an old lady would sign up to manage the city streets and drop off a meal to us.  That night, we were hoping for a food drop off at the door, with little to no small talk, and us eating out of containers on the couch. Truthfully, our inner-city, basement apartment was seldom visitor ready especially after weeks of being in survival mode at the hospital.

 

The old church lady rang the bell, I climbed the stairs to answer the door and she promptly handed me a couple of bags. She announced “I’d like to set things up for you if I may.” And followed me down the stairs. She introduced herself as someone who worked with handicapped children in the school districts; her hands were busy arranging the clutter on the table, piling paperwork, homework, and cards of encouragement perhaps like a pushy mother-in-law would do. She placed the clothes on one of the harder to reach chairs. Once the clutter was tidy and enough room was made for the contents in her bag, she laid out nice disposable placemats and several courses made from scratch. I sat at one of the chairs at the table, tired, the conversation made it so that I wasn’t really aware of all she was doing. This meal was going a little overboard on the details as she placed flowers on the table and pulled out the last accent on dinner: the sparkling grape juice. She looked at the set-up, then looked at us defeated first-time parents, and smiled as if her mission was accomplished. Then full of the Spirit she said “there, you’re overwhelmed, I know your daughter remains in the hospital and you can’t be with her. Your trial right now is all you can think about. God is with you. One day your life will be about celebrating her birthday and you will focus more on this type of stuff.” As she pointed out to the elegant spread before us. She left right after that statement leaving behind a table that looked like we were celebrating rather than being beat down.

 

We believed that “God has got good for Anna.” We couldn’t see it, the doctors weren’t saying it, the test suggested otherwise, but it compelled me in faith!! Why? Not because of Anna, but because God is good! I’m so thankful for those words of my pastor and that of the old lady that drove my mind into faith rather than fear. Her gesture of hospitality ministered to me so much. There will be a day when God rights every wrong! Until then, one of the biggest preparations we will ever undertake is shaping up. Next year, we are planning on spending Anna’s Make-A-Wish wish. We are aiming for an elegant ball at a castle-like venue, where she arrives in a horse drawn carriage, excellent musicians leading the night, and we end in a hymn sing. Why? Because those are some of Anna’s favorite things. Phew, can’t wait.  

 

We have good and bad medical news to share regarding Anna. The good news is that the treatment for her Epileptic condition known as ESES has brought a reduction of “misfires” in her nervous system. We are going to continue to use this daily high dose of Valium through the month of June and test her again once weaned. Our prayer is for even less “misfires”. We are persisting with Anna’s GI doctor to evaluate her overall nutrition through weight gain, measuring food consumption, hydration, bowel movements and blood work. After noticing that Anna has persistently low white blood cells, the doctor began to ask other questions that seemed unrelated, “have you noticed hair loss?” We informed her that Anna has a bald spot on her head that isn’t from her headrest. After looking at it, the GI doctor referred us to a Rheumatologist because Anna is showing symptoms similar to autoimmune diseases. Now we haven’t had to deal with a new diagnosis in a while, but my heart dropped when I heard this. Dad guilt tried creeping in, must Anna need more complications? Instead of staying there heartbroken, I took a step back and thought, Anna lives in probably the best country in the world for helping meet the needs of a complex handicap girl and Colorado is likely the best state among all the states for helping families with special needs. How good is that?! When God said He would equip, in His Omniscience, He made me grow up in Colorado and own an apartment in Denver for 8 years before returning from Chicago with Anna. Now Anna has arguably the most aid anyone like her can get. Wow, praise the Lord.

 

Renee’s birthday

 Two weeks before Anna’s birthday, we celebrated Renee’s birthday. It started at the counter of the Waffle House with me. We were delighted by the buzzing of the cooks and waitresses. I go for the hashbrowns, Renee goes for the waffles. It has become our birthday tradition. Next came a perfect little birthday party at 10AM with a theme of craft making because that is her favorite. We were able to pull off a quick game of duck, duck, goose too. She is a blazing 7 years old. Mom made an incredible cake of course and Renee felt the love all day long. On occasion, she still carries a trauma reaction to a non-trauma situation. Her emotions go deep, fast. In many ways, our third born has been asked to lace up the shoes of a first born child. Even after therapy and time, we hope and count on the grace of God to grow her into more faith and mature processing as those instances surface. She struggles with reading and writing but it's coming! Renee is often obedient, loves to color and takes great care of her 6 dolls. She asked mom to make a growth chart for her dolls like the one we have for our kids! The other day, mom and I were treated to each of her dolls wearing a dress meant for her soon-to-be-born baby sister (arriving in about 2 weeks). She picked a full length song for each doll to dance to while in her arms. After about 20 minutes of watching her doll dance show I was spent. She is a joy to be around but don’t give her too much sugar. Renee is the #1 fan of this baby mommy is growing right now. Her excitement brings a smile to my face as she considers everything it takes in welcoming home a newborn baby.

 

Please Pray for:

-Anna to not have an autoimmune disease. For full healing, for seizures to stop, and a greater testimony of God’s glory through her life.

-her Make-a-wish ball and hymn sing. That God would delight us in honoring Anna’s life.

-precious Renee to grow into her faith and grasp the Father’s love for her. That grace would mark the wounds she unfairly received through trauma, grief and loss.

-Lindsey’s completion of pregnancy with a victorious labor and delivery. Pray for angels to attend and protection for both the baby and mom during the ordeal, due date is 3-30. Pray especially that labor would start on its own, not needing to be induced.

-this unborn daughter, that she would lay a hold of faith and grace to be a hopeful servant of her perfect heavenly Father. We assign a hymn for each of our kids. The hymn we have been singing while she is in her mother’s womb is This is my Father’s World. If the song lays on your heart please join us in wonder at our great God who gives good gifts.    

Join us in rejoicing and praying, 

Nic for the Currats

Fear and Faith Warring

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

Gator Carwash

Simon was not very destructive. He took care of his toys, sure things got messy at times but he was never a “typical boy” with a bent on throwing, destroying and dissecting things. This contrast has come painfully to light from the behavior Victor is exhibiting these days. Simon was also a saver. It made sense to him that grander desires with a bigger price tag requires delayed gratification, selling, and some fundraising. It would have been tremendous to have seen these good habits play out into adulthood (Another thing to scratch my head about and surrender to the Lord). One of his most prized big-ticket item that he saved up to buy with the help of grandma’s birthday money was the Hot Wheels Gator Carwash. It was probably around $60. The toy captured Simon’s imagination wonderfully plus it had a car that changes color in hot water. The Gator Carwash was not available in stores, so the day he had the money mom ordered it online. When it arrived excitement and expectation filled the house. Simon took the time to build it himself since it had several levels and features. It did not disappoint and we got to send those cars through the wash endlessly.

 

Last summer we noticed that the Gator Carwash had fallen victim to neglect at the hand of our other children since we didn’t set it apart as a keepsake. Its scaffolding was broken, the slides missing, the water tower became leaky and the color changing car was nowhere to be found. It hit Lindsey particularly hard, because she remembered the entire purchase process and how Simon’s enthusiasm was sparked by it. With fondness for what was, she went on an online hunt to find another Gator Carwash. It had been discontinued, only available on Ebay nearing the price of $100. I challenged her, “do we hope that our kids could play with a Gator Wash like Simon did or do we keep the surviving alligator that came with Simon’s set as a keepsake?” It seemed to be best remembered than relived therefore we refrained from buying a new one.

 

A couple of days ago, we marked what would have been Simon’s 10^th birthday. She shopped for numerous things a ten-year-old boy would want and dropped them off at our local foster care center. Lindsey came home from grief shopping and said “you will never guess what I found at Burlington Coat Factory. The Gator Carwash!!!” It had been reduced to $40 so she bought two of them, one for a foster kid and one for ours. It meant so much to her, I was thrilled too. Lindsey shared with Renee, Anna and Victor how God providentially places blessings in our pathway that are meaningless to others but touch our hearts because He knows our heart completely.  Praise God for those circumstantial “coincidences” that only He could have orchestrated.

 

Loathing a Vasectomy

How many Christian fathers get a vasectomy without fasting and seeking God about it? I certainly fell into that category. I think this is one point where the culture has informed the church rather than the other way around. Given its personal nature, it's no wonder why I have never heard the word at church. Perhaps things would have been different if I had thought about a theology of vasectomy. Back before Simon died and we Lindsey was about to give birth to Victor the anxiousness about labor and delivery came into focus. I casually informed Lindsey that this was clearly our last kid. I recall telling (rather than asking) my bride that I was going to get a vasectomy.  Four kids was a full quiver and the standard of upbringing I wanted to furnish would seem too hard with more kids. Little did I know that Lindsey always wanted more kids.  

 

I remember praying manipulatively about my desire to get a vasectomy. I remember saying “show me open doors if this is what you want me to walk through.” Or  “Would it please God that I should get a vasectomy?”  I know it would please me to shut the door on more kids and lay this tension to rest in our marriage. Confessionally, I don’t remember pausing to hear a reply from God. Also, I think my selective hearing was on whenever I brought the issue up to Lindsey. Though I do not remember, she told me not to do it. That should have been my closed door from God. Or the Doctor I selected for the procedure suddenly moving could have been another closed door. Then came Anna’s medical needs conflicting with the second rescheduled date. Instead of accepting a “no”. I started to pray for the procedure, the doctor, and my body. It’s a shade embarrassing to recall these things because now they seem so obviously not how anyone should approach the Lord in prayer, especially for a son who knows Him.  I persisted, “give me peace Lord.”

 

 Looking back now, I consider it one of my biggest sins of commission after coming to Christ (meaning that it’s a sin that I willingly chose to partake in). I’m not sure if all Vasectomies are a sin, I can only speak for myself. I mutilated my body to stop a process that God created, for my own peace of mind. In the end I developed a hematoma because there was a procedural mistake made. I was out of work and in significant pain for six weeks. In hindsight, this is one of those places in my life where I felt a sense of punishment from God because of my rebellious decision. I clearly disappointed my bride and felt a heavy hand of discipline upon me from God. I liken it to that moment when Samuel approached Saul at Gilgal after he took priestly duties into his own hands. Samuel asked “What have you done?” Or worse, God’s question to Eve in the garden, “what have you done?” I hung my head to both God and my bride. I offered such sheepish replies like, “I had enough kids, I just didn’t think we could afford another!”

 

 Has the Lord ever asked me (or anyone else) to take control of my life and do as I please? Perhaps that is the definition of free will. However I fear Yahweh. I count on Christ; I am His slave/ bondservant. I am Bible believing, therefore, It should have been plain to see that God never tells me to be the captain of my own ship. Also, “A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.” 1 Corinthians 7:4. My body is not my own now that I am married. It seems to me that the Lord never suggests to anyone to voluntarily get a vasectomy.  yet I did it without fasting, without considering how big of a deal it was. I took control in this matter.

 

The biggest personal pain over the vasectomy came upon Simon’s passing. In the absence of my son, I was finally able to see the foolish cost of my vasectomy. It took child loss for me to fully humble myself at the cross, I wept and pleaded the blood of Christ over my life regarding my assumptions and sins. I asked Lindsey for forgiveness and hoped she would forgive me. Amid my empty hole left by Simon, God graciously softened my heart for another kid.  That’s when I mentioned to you all to pray for another child, that was about 3 years ago. We started the training to become foster parents, I quickly learned that those kids unanimously bring lots of trauma, we were signing up for navigating more trauma without having overcome our own trauma, it didn’t feel right. We looked into international adoption which had many rigid rules depending on the agency. Biological kids had to be at least 5 years older than the adopted one, Victor was a year old. They wanted adoptive parents under 40.  Also, pursuing this was long and expensive. So we sat in our grief and grew to be content in the gift and heritage of 3 surviving “loans from the Lord” Anna, Renee and Victor.

 

 

Incredible Grace

My grief counselor/ pastor really helped me navigate the complexity of our grief and marriage. Lindsey was frustrated at our reproductive situation on top of dealing with insurmountable grief. My pastor helped me not push her away with her longings for more kids but rather to consider “hoping all things” alongside her because that is what love does. My counselor and I spent many sessions in 1 Corinthian 13. It was the idea of tuning my hopes to Lindsey’s that really spoke to me. After prayer, and searching a bit I sought a vasectomy reversal. I was not a good candidate because of the scarring from the hematoma. Insurance would cover a vasectomy but not a reversal. By God’s grace, we had money from Simon’s passing that we didn’t know what to spend it on. After seeking God and after Lindsey forgave me, we decided to hope all things together for this reversal procedure. Then nothing changed, years went by, we persisted in prayer. We spent a lot of time with God about this, in worship and surrender. What was God up to? Lindsey’s hope was fading after a couple of delayed menstrual cycles giving way to nothingness. I asked the Lord to author life abundantly through us again. We prayed through unbelief with surrender, it's all about Jesus. Then more time passed, about a year ago I stopped praying for another child altogether, and it seems that our hopes for this were not coming to pass. Lindsey and I stopped talking about it.

 

Last summer, I had a strange dream where God was asking me to try again for a child, it had been 3 years since the reversal surgery and several months since I last prayed for another child. I spoke with Lindsey about my dream and her reaction surprised me. Lindsey was afraid to inform anyone, but she hadn’t had a period in over two months. We prayed and delayed testing for several more days. To the glory of God and His lavish grace we are expecting a precious, prayed for, beloved baby girl Easter week. Circumstantially that means conception was near the commemoration of Simon’s 3^th anniversary of his passing and our upcoming birth is right around the Resurrection. That doesn’t mean much to most hearts but like the Gator Carwash we are comforted by it. All of Lindsey’s prenatal appointments are going great, we are preparing and trusting God. I hope you are filled with at least a fraction of surprise and wonder as we are. What a good gift from the Father of Lights! It's been a complete source of joy for our children to welcome a little sister. Is anything too hard for God?  

Please, I invite you all to labor in prayer for Lindsey as she labors for this child. Pray for the baby to be in the right position, for any anxiousness to be supernaturally overruled by faith. For a tremendous display of providence and grace to cover these next 6 weeks.

 

In the Love of Christ,

Nic for the Currats

Upping the Quality

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

 

I hope this letter finds you faithful in the mission God has for you, filled with thanksgiving and worship to Him who atoned for us. Sometimes life’s needs and hurry can get in the way of taking the time to write to you, particularly when things are blessed and good.  This has been our season of late, praise the Lord. When I write these things I am aiming high in faith and there are days I feel far removed from the spiritual aspirations I convey in these emails. It is the Lord who graciously challenges me to onward to stay the course even if it's not as pretty as my words. I am at Simon’s camp enjoying unseasonably nice weather and the peacefulness that comes from slowing down, enjoying the view, and resting. For me, I have found that the lack of trials is often when inner holiness is compromised. It seems easier to walk in the flesh and desire the treasures on earth when things are good. A message reminded me that I ought to pray for a challenge, maybe to create a goal to reach, a gospel to share, or hard things to do with excellence. I’m not asking for more trials to refine me but for holiness, mission, and righteousness to compel me in personal growth. “Lord help me walk in the Spirit.” The command to love and to consider the interest of others as more important than my own are the first things I can pursue when things are good. As I evaluate my life it is really through my kids and wife that I do 90% of my other-centeredness. What usually happens is that I seem concerned for the interest of others so long as they are in my inner circle. Can I challenge myself to compassion beyond those who love me, maybe turn up the lovin’ at work? Even so, it is God’s call for me to take care of the needs of my family ahead of the outer circle. As I think and write about this, I am convicted about my prayer life. I feel I am pouring into the needs of others when I pray for them! I may not have time for others but I can plead to the Lord for them. Sorry if this seems like faith 101 here, especially because you guys have developed the pattern of praying and reading over these emails, praise God for your example to me.

 

Christmas and New Years were hard from a mourning perspective. This year it was as if I underthought my son in heaven and developed a guilt from it. What is the right amount of observance of grief for the fourth Christmas without Simon? It’s unnatural to acknowledge his absence and move on; it’s also wrong to ignore it all together. The non-talking about him came to head on Christmas day when my sister-in-law gifted us a letter she wrote to Simon. It was full of love, wonder and grief. I read it aloud among the trenches of torn wrapping paper and new gifts in hand. During that moment I desired the gift of holding Simon again and listening to him. O how my heart feels frozen in time holding him and prizing how Simon used to make me think and feel. Praise God for a pillar of faith that allows me a selah, for Jesus who grants me a reunion and a future with him knowing that God continues to make it well (enough) with my soul. One thing I have done very little of in my journey of mourning is to talk to Simon like he is right there in front of me. Largely because I have a faith that knows he is not here, and his disposition is glorious as I grieve. However, it was the letter from my sister-in-law on Christmas day that helped me see the beauty in writing a letter to Simon as if he is going to read it, to talk to him for a second as if he was still here. It showed me of the intimacy that relationships carry when love is in the middle. By God’s grace I know I am far better off to have loved and lost, then to not have had this son to love at all. Yet, I have learned to be the most satisfied, most honored when I hear of the good things coming from his absence and our grief journey. God is good, so I look for the good in the giving and the taking away, blessed be the Name of the Lord.

 

One last note on the evidence of sorrow in my family is Renee’s teeth. What has become apparent is that the depth of sadness and loss she has felt from Simon’s absence gets miss-applied to not wanting to obey or go to bed, or not wanting to go to school. She will make an emotion appeal way past a proper response akin to the depths she experienced when her brother died. So, in the moments when Renee’s insisting on mom to tuck her into bed it becomes as big of a sadness as losing her brother in the moment. I know she clings to her blankie still; I know she loves every recollection we have of Simon and I pray God will meet her in her times of inner thinking, to heal her use of emotions, anxiousness and hesitation. The other day, Renee asked me to wiggle her front baby tooth to see if it is loose and the tooth has become so small from grinding as a subconscious soothing to her that I couldn’t grasp it. It’s the size of half an Advil. I’m no dentist but I did have two kids before Renee with baby teeth and those teeth haven’t endured the grinding crucible as much as Renee’s. Let’s keep Renee covered in prayer because she continues with emotional struggles about other things because of her experience in trauma and loss.

 

One of the last prayer requests I asked for regarded Anna’s Medicaid evaluation because of the changes to Medicaid from the top down. many other families have dealt with reduced hours etc... Much to my surprise have been blessed with more approved caretaking hours for Anna. This will be a blessing to us, to her therapists, respite and nurse providers. Out of this spawned a sort of realization that my bride helped me see. Anna is so complex, challenging, and increasingly unable; yet I treat her every circumstance with blunt confidence or downplay how hard and heavy caring for her can be. It’s like I've grown insensitivity because I have accepted her “as is” for so long. Lindsey continues to serve Anna so well and I do my best when I am home for sure. However, Lindsey models the longsuffering that comes with 12 years of caring, praying and longing for the miraculous. Lindsey is the one callused from all the appointment setting, diaper changing and mess cleaning far more than me. This increase in hours has opened my eyes to see that I need to do more for Anna, obviously her needs are increasing, and I need to give Lindsey more support and space for other things. Please pray for God to show us to what extent I need to step up. It's time I stop assuming “we got this” and start pleading “Lord equip us and help us as Anna’s disability continues and the needs don’t stop coming.” Praise God for the perpetual willingness shown by a mother to sacrifice for her daughter. I am humbled by what I witness everyday if I just take a step back.  Please pray for a nurse to take our case three days a week to lessen Lindsey’s load and/or for me to step into those spaces.

 

Another point of bragging on Lindsey I would like to make is her scrutinizing our doctors particularly in their prescribing. Rather than a gullible trust that I so often have towards doctors, Lindsey always searches the "why" and "how" of everything. To showcase this, allow me to show you a recent “flip-flop” Anna’s neurologist has made. For the last 6 months, we have been going with a new neurologist who wanted to revisit the previous neurologist’s dismissal of the ESES diagnosis and treatment three years ago. Anna continues to have about 80 seizure-triggering “sparks” in her brain every minute while she sleeps. Without a 3 day stay at the hospital, our new neurologist started treating Anna with a high dose of Valium nightly for this first month. On February 2^nd we will assess its effectiveness and choose to continue or stop it. There have been great gains in cognition from past participants even though the results vary greatly. From my impression Anna seems to sleep more deeply. Pray for Jesus to use this treatment to bring healing to Anna’s neurological injuries. In other Anna news,  she hasn’t had any Urinary Tract Infections this winter. She is doing great and continues to be such a joy to be around. We need prayer for our ramp van to get fixed; the ramp has a broken wheel making it risky to use. The repair place seems more interested in selling ramp vans than fixing old ones. Pray for progress with this. We’re pausing horseback therapy for a season to do in-home physical therapy for Anna. Also, Anna’s last Cerebral Palsy evaluation from the CP clinic showed good things, no further development of scoliosis. We still blend for her and supplement her formula, praise God she is at about 80 pounds now. Oh, and praise God we received all the medical equipment we were asking for including a tricycle for Anna!

 

Thank you for praying and happy New Year!

Nic for the Currats 

Habakkuk Prayed in Worse Times Than This

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

The notion in this famous quote, “you may be the only Bible a person reads.” is exactly what Sanctification is. The world needs Christians progressing in Sanctification. Unbelieving spectators witness believers go from conversion to Christlikeness, from the old self to the new self, BC to AD, from spiritual milk to spiritual meat. It gives way to human repentance and learning who God is. It’s a messy change whose refining lasts a lifetime. I love seeing it in the people the Bible writes about like Peter, Jonah and for this entry Habakkuk.

 

For me, the book of Habakkuk is a book on prayer. It’s a series of three prayers, honest, emotional and God turns it for the sanctification of His prophet. Habakkuk, like me, will use an attribute of God to leverage or manipulate his prayer petition. His first prayer questions the Lord with lamenting and accusation:

“How long, Lord, must I call for help,
    but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
    but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
    Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
    there is strife, and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed,
    and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
    so that justice is perverted.” Habakkuk 1:2-4

 

The prophet questions God’s control and justice because he sees the wicked nations winning and becoming enormous. How could a pure, good God standby? “Why do bad things happen to “good” people if God is good?” More personally for me: “the God I know heals so what’s the holdup God? It makes perfect sense to heal right now.” I get frustrated and discontented that He is not making good on His healing attribute. I think Habakkuk sounds a little narrow minded like me, a bit manipulative in prayer.

 

Since God is Sovereign and in control of time, I’m challenged to think that God applies all His attributes to all His decisions, perhaps weighing more heavily on one attribute than another to answer a specific prayer. For example, instead of choosing to be Jehovah Rapha (healer) at my demand, He chooses to reply to my prayers as Jehovah Jireh (provider) to make sure we are equipped to care for Anna. Why? For the same reason he gave Habakkuk:    

God replies “Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told” Hab 1:5.

Habakkuk must have been a humble person because God chooses to respond directly with words. If he petitioned God in pride perhaps Habakkuk too would get swallowed up by a big fish. Instead, God is gracious to him and insightful. The Lord’s reply suggests to the prophet that it’s a question of scope, too often in prayer I come with narrow scope asking for narrow things that I don’t end up getting because God’s scope is all encompassing and completely considerate. My scope is what I think is best. A more righteous prayer acknowledges God’s character first. After God’s reply, the prophet considers who God is a bit more by saying to Yahweh: “Your eyes are too pure, you cannot tolerate wrongdoing. So why do You tolerate those who are treacherous?” Habakkuk 1:13. A good question to ask in prayer is: “Lord what attribute of yourself are you showing me in this situation, help me be in step with it. “

 

 As Habakkuk’s conversation (prayer) continues, God builds him up and assures Habakkuk that the path of a righteous person will be walked out in faith even if it’s totally dark all around. “Look, his (the enemy) ego is inflated, he is without integrity. But the righteous shall live by faith” Habakkuk 2:4. This helps me see that God obliges sin’s fallout because He is just, longsuffering and because we act in our own free will. Through it all, God tells His children how to live when the days are evil. We must be reminded that God is in control of all events while being completely present, holy, good, loving, eternal, forgiving, and wrathful simultaneously (I’m leaving many other attributes out). Glory to God that by His Word of Truth mankind is offered to stand on it.

 

The “Ah-ha!” moment I share with Habakkuk is that he realizes that God is involved all along. The Lord assures Habakkuk the most wicked will be used by Him and then disposed of. To me, this culminates in reverence. “But the LORD is in His holy temple; let everyone on earth be silent in His presence.” Habakkuk 2:20. It makes me pause before coming to Jesus all hot-headed. I want to pray “show me to accept Your will!” Or simpler still, “what can You change my perspective on?” These are questions of a strong meaty faith.

 

The last observation I yielded to is how Habakkuk stopped to hear God’s answer. After stating what he is seeing, Habakkuk parks it. He listens expectantly and makes space for God to reply, “I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guard post. There I will wait to see what the LORD says and how he will answer my complaint” Habakkuk 2:1. In this conversation Habakkuk seems to become “Ok” with God dispensing His proposed destruction of Judah. the Prophet poetically writes about God’s omnipotence with pleading, “…in your wrath remember mercy.” And “You march across the earth with indignation, you trample down the nations in wrath. You come out to save your people and to save your Anointed.” Habakkuk 3:13. How faithful of God that amid sin’s consequences so rampant in that day, His Messianic promise remained assured amid the wrath!

 

God’s gift contained in this book for me is how Yahweh seemed silent and absent, but after seeking Him and waiting, Yahweh replies. In my prayer life, with losing my son, amid a life with young kids, work, things to do and people to see, school shootings, snipers, etc… How have I made space for God to reply? Where is my quiet vigilant watchtower where the humble are answered and satisfied in God. Habakkuk leaves with a right vantage point, the right scope and worship of God. He is renewed, refreshed to follow God even with impending exile. This is his humbling conclusion in praise and adoration:

“Though the fig tree does not bud
and there is no fruit on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
 yet I will triumph in Yahweh;
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!
Yahweh my Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like those of a deer
and enables me to walk on mountain heights!” Habakkuk 3:17-19

 

In faith, could I say the same thing? Wow. In sharing with you as I do, I hope the Holy Spirit shows something to replicate. Of course I encourage you to read that short book afresh in His company. In my reading with Anna, I came across a verse that puts a bow on this, “If Your instruction had not been my delight, I would have died in my affliction” Ps 119:92.

 

This is not a time to despair or become discouraged, it is a time to pray. "Lord, what attribute of yourself are you showing me in this situation?"

Hopeful in Christ,

Nic

Satisfied in God's Goodness

 

Dear Prayer Warrior,

Secular or Sacred

There is one verse in the Bible that makes me worship more than all the others.

"Therefore, wait for Me— this is the Lord’s declaration— until the day I rise up for plunder. For My decision is to gather nations, to assemble kingdoms, in order to pour out My indignation on them, all My burning anger; for the whole earth will be consumed by the fire of My jealousy." Zephaniah 3:8

It's all gonna burn. The temporary things, the earth is going to experience wrath because mankind has taken the sacred and traded it for the secular. God will bestow revenge. 

Most people see the world as secular because they cannot grasp a Creator as easily as they can analyze their senses. I remember seeing the world as secular, not sacred. The deception of the secular worldview is ancient. I admit it is hard to grasp the sacred when living in this fallen world. It's a place where the food chain exists, where violence can bully. A secular mindset has no ability to worship the true God, or give credit to Him. Littering, Natural disasters, genocides, and divorce are all bummers officially. Secular humanism will comfort us a little by letting us know that at least we are all in this together.

 

Perhaps I’m just a tree-hugging Coloradan when I say that the sacred is obvious to me when I look at nature. Or maybe like Paul describes, the scales of my eyes were removed upon submission to Jesus. Either way, vast landscapes with infinite detail, clear fresh breezes, a still forest, all contain God’s creative, sacred beauty. There is a semblance of eternity in nature because much of the landscape will outlive me naturally. Here littering, Natural disasters, genocides, and divorce can destroy but not without God’s permission and His promise to settle every account with justice in His time. 

The special revelation of the sacred comes through Scripture not nature. The Bible assures us that where we are, where we find ourselves, is completely sacred. I love the passage in Romans 8:20-21 that says that all of creation is subject to futility, groaning waiting for the sons of God to be revealed. Which ultimately means that creation is waiting for the Creator to return to rid the world of the illusion of the secular. 

 

A secular worldview gets confronted when God appears to Moses and says that the ground he is on is holy. It's holy because God is there. isn't God everywhere? Another challenge to a secular viewpoint occurs when the Seraphim proclaim to Isaiah that the whole world is full of His (God’s) glory. Not just certain areas of the world have God’s glory, but all of it and it is full.

 

So in the context of my tiny life before the Almighty complete with suffering, loss, disability, mental illness and trauma I choose to see the sacred in my trials. There have been spiritual attacks, there are mysteries around my children that I can’t answer. the secular understanding suggests to abandon the Lord because it’s not adding up to a “blessed” life. It would make sense to turn inwardly, to lick my wounds, and emote in dysfunctional pride because I withstood loss and sadness. I reject such recompense because there is no dependence on God in those resolutions. Jesus is the author and finisher of my trials. He is the Redeemer of a sacred worldview.

 Yahweh purposes all things. God is behind my trials far more than Satan. Yes I have journeyed through the sadness, through the endurance of caretaking and prayed for outcomes that never came. But my faith, informed by the bible, tells me that the Keeper of Time is producing His purposes through this. Suffering, death is horrible to endure but completely necessary and meaningful in my case. Holy Jesus offers His company, His tears and mourning as I open up to Him in prayer. I am convinced that there is no greater thing that i can do then to obey and depend on God. Believing is my orientation, obeying actuates. I choose to look for this in my days to come: “He satisfies you with goodness, your youth is renewed like the eagle” Psalms 103:5. May the Currat’s experience a revival of goodness in the land of the living as the Lord wills. Should it not come, I will continue to worship.

John, Forrest, and Charity my Christian Pop Culture Landscape of Late

I got some minor ripples from the Johnny Mac splash. To me, John McArthur always gave off an unapologetic, deadpan look. He seemed cold in impression and less than compassionate, this made me hesitate to dive deeply into his writings or sermons. By contrast I think of sunny John Piper and his deep sense of awe and enthusiasm for the Word, it was no wonder I listened to John Piper’s much more. Even so, I’ve got a notable John McArthur story: At my Target in Chicago, I was asked by a friend and coworker to officiate her wedding to her female fiancée. To validate her reasoning, she called me her “man of God” amid her circle of friends. I never considered doing it, but I spent a long time considering what to say as I declined her invitation. As I prayed about it over the following days, I came across a John McArthur comment that really helped. He stated that the most loving thing a Christian can do for their unbelieving friends is to not “play along” and overlook their sins that will cause eternal separation from their loving Creator. Suddenly passages about one man and one woman were not even part of my reply. Instead, I let her know how much I sinned and assumed it was no big deal to God because I made up my own version of who god was to me. I let her know that a true “man of God” is someone who leans on God's understanding. Which is God's Word. he learns who God is according to His Word.

 

I loved and cared for my coworker by telling her what sins I committed that I thought weren’t an offense to God and how that changed over the years as I got to know the Scriptures. I learned that knowing God and what he likes and doesn’t like is done by reading the Bible rather than making stuff up.

 John McArthur’s advice remains a great tool of evangelism. Too often, today even, I look at my unbelieving coworkers and permit their cursing and the use of the Lord's name in vain around me. Their gender confusions, obsession with carnality and comfort were never my business. I overlook these things and say “you can’t expect a pagan to talk like a Christian.” But how many chances of sharing the love of God have I missed because I permitted their vulgarity and allowed the depravity into conversations by others? I resign to silence far too much. Let’s pray for a change here among my coworkers.    

 

Providentially, on our wonderful Joni and Friends retreat, we were greeted with a welcome bag. There were toys for the kids, snacks and the book Slave by John McArthur. I have been in it for a while and the great “cover-up” that the book exposes is that New Testament authors and early church fathers all understood their relationship with Jesus as his slave mostly. Modern Bible translations have for centuries replaced “slave” with “servant”. it is challenging to see myself as a slave of Christ. Ever since November 10^th 2006, I see my life as being in relationship with Jesus. Dependent on Him, but having a list of things I would like our relationship to consider. He is the author; I am his new creation. That isn’t quite the posture of a slave to their master. Maybe the potter and clay is a better metaphor of a slave/master relationship. “Woe to him who strives with him who formed him, a pot among earthen pots! Does the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’ or ‘Your work has no handles’?” Isaiah 45:9 “Master help me silence my backtalk at You and my agenda.”

 

Another pop culture thing that happened that has edified my faith is Forrest Frank’s apparent supernatural healing. Imagine a young version of Toby Mac, doing beat-heavy Christian music with honest, relatable lyrics, and creative metaphors. Forrest broke his back skateboarding in multiple places and documented his journey on video. To paint a picture of who he is, he authored the song “God’s got my back” while lying in bed with his broken back. Two weeks after the break he woke up pain free, played with his son and was bouncing him up and down. Waking up to the miraculous realization that he’d been healed, he went to urgent care to x-ray his back and there was no evidence of a fracture at all only two weeks later. He has posted videos of the x-rays. In spite of it all, I am shocked at how glossed over this occurrence has been received.

 

Lindsey and I had a date night last week to see Charity Gayle in concert. We humorously felt our age as the music blared and the distractions mounted. It was worshipful but heavy on our senses. The slow part of her set was shared with her husband Ryan and they gave glory to God with the story of their first-born son who was a NICU baby, unable to breath on his own. But God brought breath and might amid their surrender as parents. Hallelujah!

 After the show, Lindsey and I conversed about whether or not that was a “trial” since it was so brief and miraculously resolved. Of course it was, but in light of our perseverance with God’s plan for Anna, we couldn’t help but be envious a bit. God in His grace reminded me that we also experienced NICU healing of the supernatural, providential nature.  When it was a matter of life and death with Anna God stabilized her blood pressure after the medicines were not causing the response they were hoping for. 

 

On some level acute miraculous healing is not the meat and potatoes of a faith filled life, it’s more like the maraschino cherry of it. I am enjoying the cherry of Forrest’s healing, and the triumph of Charity and Ryan’s son. I have been praising the Lord and ascribing these miracles to Him as they point to Jesus. God still heals supernaturally. Let’s not forget that complete healing for all who believe is a matter of time regarding all suffering. In the meantime there is the Spirit’s equipping and Jesus’ shepherding.

 

Praise the Lord for:

-Our healing. We have our first child to “normally” experience the 1^st grade. She may be the third born but Renee is blazing a trail bravely as school is underway. We are going to experience the first grade! (Simon died the summer before 1^st grade. It hurt us how very prepared and excited we were). It feels as a sort of emergence from our loss. A neat detail is that I can attend to help Lindsey during the CO-OP day because my work wants me to close the store that day.

-His equipping. We received a home lift to transfer Anna from her bed to chair. We also received her new wheelchair. We ordered a new bath chair and eye gaze device. We are entering into the less talked about struggles of caretaking as we should not be lifting Anna anymore because she is about 75 pounds. This requires more time and planning.

-My mother! I am enjoying time with her. She is tired mainly but better than two years ago. Being wheelchair bound has stabilized her and UTI's have 'ot been present. Please pray for her eyes to improve she has constant pain in one of them. 

 

Please Pray for:

-our unity, to share stresses and fatigue amid our family’s demands. We are asking for wisdom, planning and sharing the workload as much as possible. Perhaps the church body can help, though I don’t know what that would look like. I have a knack for adventure and spontaneity that might need to rest on the back burner during this season.

-the goodness of the Lord to satisfy us. As Lindsey and I are learning what it means for our love to “bear all things, hope for all things, and endure all things.” We still find a sense of defeatism to our thinking and plans primarily from trauma. “why get my hopes up when disaster can strike…” type of thinking. May God “wow” us into dreaming again in Him.

 

Thank for reading, encouraging us and praying,

 

Nic, on behalf of Lindsey, Anna, Simon, Renee and Victor