Target Hit the Bullseye

Dear Prayer Warrior, 

It's only natural that the world around us moved on, they don't live in our context. At best we are transitioning to a new normal, but often we long for what we had or can't have yet. Loved ones have showered us with kindness, generosity, care and concern, now it's time for them to move on. It's official, we lost our son. What confronts our feelings of great loss as parents is the love of God. He lost His son too. No matter what, we are never alone Jesus is here. The love of God doesn't fail, it has so much mercy that every tear is accounted for; a desperate heart crying to Jesus for help will always have rest in the Almighty. I've said it before, God utilized His children to meet our needs, He could have done it all solo like mana from heaven. However, I noticed that God didn't cut out the middleman for us, the middleman is His children. What a burden for prayer we have become, thank you! Isn't that what eternity will be like? the utilization of His children to do what He wants done? Praise God for such careful love. 

God also used Target. They didn't know it. All of Target leadership believes that you take care of your employees as if we are family. The directive of family is what is exalted here, but who created family and every good thing about family that Target wishes to represent? Check it out, about 20 team members and peers came to the funeral. My store created a volunteer event so my team served everyone at the reception. They paid for half of the food; Their Team Member assistance fund gave me significant help for funeral expenses. They gave me four days of bereavement pay, as much time off I desired to be with my family, they sent condolence cards, printed an article about talking with people you work with who just lost a loved one. Add to that, there were many team members that gave to our crowdfunding page. That is family love stepping up to the plate for sure. Praise God. 

Thank you for praying for my return to work. What a mixed bag. I know everyone is rooting for me, but it feels like there's an elephant in the room that follows me from room to room. Everyone knows, only about one in four people mention anything. Most of my coworkers are extra cheery around me, quick to greet me, and i respond well to that. I feel very famous from the vast majority of people mentioning that their thoughts are with me and my family. I would rather be a nobody if it means more time with Simon. I assume those people give me their "thoughts" because they do not have a belief in an interventionist God who works through prayer. 

There are a handful of coworkers encouraging me by saying they are "praying". Like ones I would never have guessed, so that is cool that my circumstances caused people to cry out to God and spend time with Him, but I would rather them not pray for me if it meant more time with Simon. I'm reminded also of Christians that say, "I'm praying for you" and they don't. That's the ugliest, I used to do that all the time. I think someone's "thoughts" are better than a forgetful Christian. also, I had a peer confide to me she doesn't know what she believes when it comes to God and dying but that "we (my family) have a strong faith." That led to a conversation which placed good seeds in good soil. I had some other conversations about faith too.  To my surprise there were very few that offered condolences. For them, I'm quick to mention "thank you, I will see him again." 

People behave weird around me; they literally don't know what to say, I do get lots of "I can't imagine." People are watching me go through this; they are seeing the sincerity of my faith in Jesus Christ. My suffering isn't just for me and my prayer warriors, it's also cathartic for those watching. By God's grace, people can see me genuinely seeking Jesus and His promises though this. To God be the glory, because I'm firstly writing these things for to keep my emotions in check and my heart open and honest. Lord knows, how Simon's life and death is still impacting others. As the Newsboys famously say, "shine, make them wonder what ya got." 

Thank you for praying for my marriage. Thank you for praying! I continue to be comforted by many loved ones going out of their way for us. The cemetery has become a hang out, a shaded walkway on a hot day, a place to pray, read, sing and listen to the new Toby Mac album. 

We are laying fresh memories on the places Simon used to love going to like the swimming pool, our church, the Hot Wheels aisle, and his favorite parks. I could have a problem with it, but I know he is caught up making heaven memories with people as wild as John the Baptist. 

Please Pray:

-that we would start hippo (horseback) therapy again, it's so good for Anna. It's a hard one for us because Simon was most excited about going there specifically this summer. 

-For me to be still, rested, stayed on the Lord. There is a temptation to keep busy, to create random changes. I feel the Lord just wants me present with Him, my kids and bride. to take a chill pill.

-That I will work with excellence at Target, not given into old roots of discouragement but rather equipped with creativity, vision and compelling. Investing in the team.

-For Renee to relent at bedtime. 

I enjoy having Simon's shoes on our shoe rack still.

In Christ, 

Our Duty

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

7 “Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? 8 Won’t he rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? 9 Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? 10 So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’” Luke 17

There are people who have been blessed by our faith in seeking the Lord during this time. they encourage us onward in the Lord and that is a good gracious gift. God has given us this assignment, it is our duty to go through this valley. We are Christ's bond servants, meaning that He has set us free. but in doing so we realize that there is no better place to spend our freedom than in the shelter of His wing.  So though we may be tempted to wander off to see what life is awaiting us outside of His care, we don't. Instead we stay committed to Jesus because being in His presence is the grace we need to get through this. 

 I would like to believe that we are being faithful to the assignment we have been given, and that many other God-fearing believers would make these same decisions we have if given this duty to perform. We serve the same God and He is our reward. 

“Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker,
    those who are nothing but potsherds
    among the potsherds on the ground.
Does the clay say to the potter,
    ‘What are you making?’
Does your work say,
    ‘The potter has no hands’?" isaiah 45:9

Lindsey has become an authority on kids books on death. In most of the stories the grandma dies. We bought a whole collection, most of which aren't worth the paper they are printed on because of the humanism in place of God's promises. In some, there are parental warnings to not encourage children to believe that they will see their loved one again, crazy. the guarantee of seeing your loved one again has caused me to see how increasingly beautiful the Gospel message is, the hope that Jesus Christ holds includes me kicking it with Simon Diamond eternal glory edition. 

Lindsey had a powerful time of pressing into the Lord on her own during the retreat. thank you for praying, we got many more books for us adults to read which is good. Also, we decided not to jump into a Grief Share group right away because it might be a great resource down the road as we continue to miss Simon. 

Lindsey picked up some index cards and said "these are for verses to put up around our house as God reveals them to you." praise the Lord for the power of His Word working our grief into belief!!!

I hope this encourages you to know that God has made you for your trials, as He has me for mine. 

thank you for praying and reading

with love, 

Nic for the Currats

My Prayer Helpers and Simon's Helper

dear prayer warriors, 

Thank you for your role in praying. I trust it's a humbling work keeping both your heart and mine soft and before the Lord in this incomprehensible trial.  In wanting to be a person of prayer, I'm quick to think of the IOU's the Currats have amassed through the years. It's humbling to think that I am prayed for more than I've prayed for you.  I know nobody sees it that way except for me, perhaps it's my pride wanting to play tit for tat. please know that if you have a burden for a prayer warrior in your corner, i'm your guy! Let me know how I can pray for you. btw men, i love praying over the phone with brothers on the regular. so if that is something you need call me!

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." Ephesians 6:18

It is my sincere desire that you are receiving a front row seat to God refining us through our loss of Simon so that it will serve and compel you in your valleys. God is the same, if He did it for me He will do it for you! I will continue to share our needs in prayer along with a slice of my heart so long as it pleases the Lord and glorifies Him. 

In the hospital days of Simon's life, I anguished at what my last words were to him. At the time, I didn't know Simon got bit,  I never saw the snake, I thought he saw a snake and ran over to me scared. Before he collapsed in-front of me there was about 30 seconds when he urinated in his shorts. "Well, if you're going to pee, just pull down your shorts." Said the father of the year. 

As I kept vigil at Simon's bedside late on the third night with a brother in Christ, we pleaded together for healing and I shared those last words with him. His response brought a needed mercy. "you didn't know it would be your last words. you were just being a dad." 

But God was there in the open space where Simon was bit and He inserted Dave into our situation. As I ran holding Simon with Renee not far behind me. I was yelling for help while pleading for Simon to keep his eyes open. Dave and his family live with their backyard facing the open space. Dave's son heard me and within minutes, Dave came around with his jeep and brought us out to the intersection where the first responders would treat Simon. 

Dave heard me cry out to Jesus, he heard me pleading with Simon while I held Renee on the bumpy ride out of the field. We got Simon out of his jeep and laid him on the ground, all throughout I was praying, inviting the Lord to rescue Simon. Dave was checking for a pulse, we heard the sirens approaching, the breathing was getting very shallow. About ten days later, Dave and I recounted our accounts of the event, I confided the story of my last words to him. He replied "no, no Nic. Those weren't the last words I heard, the last words to Simon that he was awake enough to hear was 'that's strength Son, good job keep breathing." that ministered sweetly to my broken heart. 

Dave and I continue to meet. He is a retired military person (who led soldiers) with time on his hands. He noted that he served in Afghanistan and was in several traumatic situations but never heard someone pray like I did that night. I don't say this for myself but because Simon's life changed people. He said he has neglected his prayer life, and needs to pray. Another thing he repeats often in our conversations was that he replays the events often, wondering where he could have done something differently. He wishes he could have done more, the situation that he chose to insert himself into didn't end well. When this comes up, I point out that he continues doing more to help by helping me and that he was brave to respond.   

I greeted Dave at Simon's funeral just before it started. The next time we hung out, he said "I didn't stay. It was too much.`` But instead of going home, Dave went to Pikes Peak Community college to enroll in EMT/paramedic school wearing funeral clothes. He hopes to find himself in situations where he will be used by God to bring back life. I told him that that honors Simon. 

praise God for:

-Dave and all the first responders who wanted to help Simon! 

-for the timeless mechanism of prayer drawing from our depths the will of God for His Kingdom come. What a loving, listening Father is my God.

-Anna's surgery for her teeth is scheduled for September 15th. not many months out like i expected!

-we have all returned to better health. 

-Lindsey has given me a good report of finding good time and space this weekend at her retreat. though there are many Eeyores attending the retreat. She has found playing hooky at times to be refreshing.   

please pray for:

-Dave as he starts school this week. For his family, he has three boys and a bride as they adjust to him as a student again. 

-our relationship to grow into a faith building one in Jesus.

-my return to work on Tuesday. I'm transitioning to 5 hour work days for two weeks.

-Lindsey. returning to school went from a sweet expectation with homeschooling Simon in the first grade back down to preschool with Renee.

-for wisdom and direction regarding Anna's school. We have been discouraged from applying to the school of the blind by their educator because Anna is too medically involved and because our hope was for attending only a few days a week. We enrolled Anna at the local elementary school and started the process to see if that school would be a good fit. 

-the celebration of Victor's first birthday on September 10th. It just so happens that our church is doing baby dedications that night so we are going for the twofer. This will be our first family celebration without Simon. May God give extra grace that day. 

praying in thanksgiving for all of you by name,

Nic

Location, Location, Location

 

Dear Praying Warrior,

 

Upon my return from a hike with a friend, I took one glance at my bride and realized she was not given the same time, company, and space I had. Instead, after a largely sleepless night, she woke up and cared for our three kids while I had a time of fellowship and sunshine. It's a sacrifice she made because she knows how much it fills me up. But now, being back home, I endeavored to help in any way I could.

 

I felt the heaviness lingering even with my help. Lindsey shared with me, "you know there is literally a memory of Simon in every inch of our house."

 

 I replied, "yeah, for sure. Well, do you want to move?" 

 

Lindsey looked at me saying, "where, to heaven?"

 

I agreed that nothing else will do, but for now maybe something on the west side. Our exchange got me thinking about heaven some more. I was reminded of a verse I glossed over often and wondered if it would be a comfort to Lindsey. Its Ephesians 2:6 "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus," I used to think that it means that right now I’m actually up there worshiping God and it’s a matter of faith to be able to see me doing it. Wouldn't that help Lindsey and I if we could literally see ourselves seated up there watching what Simon is up to? So why can’t I feel it? I’m not in that place at all, I can’t be in two places at once?

 

 I was clumsy with God’s Word. I didn’t understand what the author was trying to say, in reading some commentaries and seeing the context, this verse is the nectar of my being found in Christ. This verse says that we are so bonded in Jesus that His being at the right hand of the Father in heaven, places us there too. 

 

In the New Covenant, made by the body and blood of Jesus, God gives the Person of the Holy Spirit to the believer so that they become the temple that God dwells in on earth. What I’m now seeing from this verse in Ephesians is that it goes both ways. Since Jesus sits in heaven, so do I. Therefore, it’s not hard for me to imagine that Simon is making memories over every inch of heaven right now just like he did when he was down here.

 

This heavenly connection reminds me of an idea I read about that goes like this: when I pray, I am engaging in a two-way “phone call”. I may be on my knees in the living room next to the droppings of kinetic sand Renee left everywhere or at the feet of Simon’s bed thinking of loss, holding the motionless things that held his affections. That is my end of the prayer line, the other end of the line is the Throne Room in heaven:

 

“At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. ³ And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. ⁴ Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. ⁵ From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. In front of the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven spirits of God. ⁶ Also in front of the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal.” Revelation 4:2-6

 

Being found in Jesus, in Heaven, means I ought to pray with worship! I should pray with eternal things in mind, at the very least I should be aware of God’s current whereabouts while I am tempted to unload from my end dark valley in comparison.

 

Lastly, I wanted to mention how powerfully God continues to speak to me even when I am going about my days. I have been on walks with Anna often at night while singing. A couple of nights ago God reminded me of this song below, I recalled each verse to my surprise, what words! It's as if the author had a 6-year-old boy who got bit by a snake and died but God continued to Shepherd him.

 

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord, is laid for your faith in God's excellent Word! What more can be said than to you God hath said, to you who for refuge to Jesus have fled? 2 "Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed, for I am thy God, and will still give thee aid; I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand. 3 "When through the deep waters I call thee to go, the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow; for I will be near thee, thy troubles to bless, and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress. 4 "When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, my grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply; the flame shall not hurt thee; I only design thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine. 5 "The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose, I will not, I will not desert to its foes; that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, I'll never, no, never, no, never forsake."

Praise God for:

-His great love and support through the Church. Thank you for your many prayers, generous giving, child care, and practical help. For your willingness to continue as we continue.

-Counseling being a help, pray for the application of what the Lord would want for us based on the counseling recommendations.

-Renee’s new bed. Bringing a new direction in the room they shared. she has yet to sleep in it but her excitement is wonderful.

-Anna’s new BI-PAP machine, we had been praying all year for a replacement after the recall, its here and she is doing great adjusting to it.  

 

Please Pray for:

-Lindsey’s retreat this weekend. For God to minister to her heart and feelings through the fellowship and openness of other mothers who lost a child and still praise God. We find ourselves getting closer to accepting our membership into the club of parents who lost children.  

-our general health. Victor, Anna, and Lindsey all seem off with various acute symptoms. Pray that the Lord would give us rest especially for Lindsey.  

-open or closed doors, wisdom to consider moving or not.

-a dream or vision from the Holy Spirit revealing Simon’s great heavenly disposition as a means to help us let go, if it pleases the Lord to do so.

Thanks, 

Nic, Lindsey, Anna, Renee, Victor

Resurrection Power

dear prayer warriors, 

One of the first repetition projects I gave Simon at bedtime around the age of three was the "I am" statements of Jesus in the Gospel of John. I still have an audible in my brain of Simon saying "Jesus says I am da wezewekion and da life." followed up with a big smile. then i would add dramatic emphasis repeating the statement, and of course Simon would take it up another notch repeating the I AM statement even more dramatically till we both were laughing. Ever since my last update I have been encircling Jesus as the Resurrection and the Life. 

i can think of no greater time to take a close look and ask "do i really believe what i say i believe?" Do I understand the resurrection claim and continue to trust in it? 

In understanding the claim, Jesus said that He is the Resurrection and the Life in John 11 the story of Lazarus. Jesus made this "I AM" statement just before raising Lazarus  from the dead. The resurrection from the dead was physical there and life came back to Lazarus for the glory of God.   But Jesus is the resurrection and the life in the spirit world too. Romans 5 likens what Adam did spiritually for mankind in the negative, Jesus did spiritually for mankind in the positive. Adam brought spiritual death as a condition of mankind because of his sin. Jesus brought spiritual resurrection and eternal life back to mankind through His sacrifice on the cross. Therefore Jesus shows us that He is the resurrection and the life both physically and spiritually. 

Jesus's physical resurrection from the dead for believers is promised upon Christ's return (1 Thessalonians 4:16).  Jesus's spiritual resurrection from the dead for all of mankind is promised upon faith in Him (Colossians 2:13). for me i became spiritually resurrected and alive on November 10th 2006. according to the Bible i was spiritually dead and unable to please God before that day (Hebrews 11:6). whoa. 

I continue to trust in Jesus's resurrection. This is where the death of Simon has been a watershed moment because the resurrection includes so many implications. Jesus rose from the grave after being dead for three days with an incorruptible body that still had the wound marks he suffered, it was His bones, skin, and all brought to life again. In my last update I talk about how the disciples seemed to have their hole filled with Jesus resurrected. their joy in seeing Jesus again turned their sorrows for laughter. their faith became sight. 

so when i replay Simon dying and the week long arrival of death in our midst. as the lamenting continues and I scrounge around for my thankfulness gloves weeping at a memory too precious. It's as if I am stuck in the moment. like i have suspended all that Christ did for me because of the attention death wants from me. The only thing I can think of comparing it to is the moment in Revelation 5:1-5. where John (who believed Jesus was the Messiah, who attended the transfiguration of Jesus, who saw the death and resurrection of Jesus) this same John is now in heaven taking account of the events before him. and he starts weeping as someone with no hope. 

"Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals. 2 And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, “Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?” 3 But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll or even look inside it. 4 I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy to open the scroll or look inside. 5 Then one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals.”" Revelation 5:1-5. 

The whirlwind of death as unraveling as it feels at times has me weeping and forgetting Jesus' resurrection like John in the Throne Room. but the Holy Spirit in me is the elder reminding John there is a Triumphant One."

This week, recollecting the Resurrection of Jesus and its promise of glorification has been like the words of that elder to John in the Throne room of God. the elder was like "Remember your buddy Jesus, it's Him!" 

It's only because of Jesus that I will see Simon again. thank you Jesus. 

praise the Lord for: 

-His Word being a lamp unto my feet in this valley of death. 

-His Church building us up.

please pray for:

- the resurrection of Jesus and all its implications to become the hope I cling to in this loss. 

- thankfulness for Simon Emmanuel to remain fresh for every last detail of him. 

- boldness in humility. At church, I was encouraged to think that trials are an opportunity to be bold, to tell others about Jesus. that led me to think upon my return to work starting on the 23rd. pray with me that i would have a prepared phrase to give when the condolences are given to me, i work with about 150 people that all know what happened. There were a dozen of my coworkers that attended Simon's funeral. I'm looking for a simple reply for "I'm sorry for your loss." 

-my relationship with renee. for less ultimatums and more grace. I was putting her down tonight and she was so awake doing her familiar protests and me doing my familiar consequences. and mom had to come and separate us. it doesn't help that we share a room but, these are exceptional times.

hopeful in Jesus' resurrection,

Nic for the Currats

Sketches of a Hole and a Helper to Fill it With

 

Dearest Prayer Warriors, 

We got a flat over the weekend. Not a big deal, I used to work at a tire shop! So Monday I did that errand at Big-O tires. While I waited, I found myself across the street at the thrift store killing time. When a flash flood of memories struck, i'm reminded of Simon's sweet behavior at the thrift store. He was a natural at suggestive selling like he worked there.  "Dad, look! And it's a purple tag, 50% off." or "Dad check out what this toy does."

I took a seat in an old armchair in the furniture section to gain perspective that he is no longer with me. As I sat there, I was reminded that Simon was always up for going with me on any errand. So much so that "hey Simon you want to come?" Got replaced with "Simon lets go." Followed by his encouraging, "alright, let me get my shoes. Where are we going?" 

This flat tire errand has turned into a teary one, a lonely one. I just got up and left. I stopped on the sidewalk and told God "thank you for Simon. For what good company he was. Thank you Lord that he always came with me on boring adventures."

Last night on the way home from the cemetery, Lindsey suggested she stop by Panda Express and pick up some dinner. I didn't think much of it, much less that it would make me weep. You see, Simon always had a big appetite for their noodles and chicken. a few months back we started buying the family meal deal because it was a better value. So when Lindsey came home with two simple containers, my heart dropped to remember that there is now no need for the family meal deal. 

After experiencing the loss of Simon as a hole of death we climbed and clawed out of, we find that the hole still resides within us. I want to hear from the Lord as to what I should do with it. I don't want to be sketching or beautifying this void forever. I certainly don't want to jump back into it. I'm pretty sure it's never going to be filled like it was before with Simon Diamond around us. Memories, thoughts, videos, art work, and pictures fill the hole halfway for a while, with time, those things evaporate as we age but he stays the same age. honestly i'm pained at thinking that Renee will likely remember little of the giant leader Simon was to her. But with God's grace there will be a day when the younger sister becomes older than him, and leads Victor. weird.

So in looking to God's Word I wanted to see the hole Jesus left in his loved ones and how they filled it. Something tells me that Peter wasn't the only one weeping bitterly the day Jesus was crucified. even the betrayer Judas Iscariot was seized with remorse earlier that day and likely hung himself even before Jesus was crucified. Certainly the hole of death marked these two. How did Peter climb out of that hole? Was Peter's hole filled after? What did he put in it to help fill it a little bit?

What about the others that loved and walked with Jesus daily and believed Him to be the Messiah?  The Bible doesn't give the whereabouts of the other apostles when Jesus was being crucified except for John who showed up. The Gospels clearly state that the women of Galilee and some from Jerusalem stayed and endured Jesus' last moments on the cross.  

Going deeper, I found there were two other disciples who loved Jesus and they were on the road to Emmaus.  they were definitely trying to climb out of their hole left by Jesus' death. The Bible says they were "downcast", disappointed because of their hopes that Jesus was going to redeem Israel. 

Every person I mentioned loved Jesus and had a void to climb out of and fill. It's not hard to imagine the disciples were certainly recounting the miracles and treasuring the time they had with Jesus with buckets of tears like I have had with Simon's absence. But the beautiful truth that God shows me in His Word is that their hole was filled by the Resurrected Jesus. memories can't fill the hole of death enough, but the resurrection of Jesus Christ sure can. Moreover, because He lives, the promised resurrection of Simon can help fill my hole. 

I think coming to a point of legacy and action in honor of the loss is also demonstrated by the disciples. The early church was built by such actions. It helps that Jesus stayed with them for about forty days after the resurrection to instruct what that would look like, and I don't have that exactly. nonetheless, the key Person that helped the disciples pick and choose how to fill their hole with action was the Holy Spirit; similarly He is mine!

no doubt we're walking wounded, broken hearted.

No doubt Jesus is near me weeping too.  

No doubt the Holy Spirit helps me act, remember and mourn. 

no doubt we will be comforted by the Good Father.

praise God for:

• the memories, and treasures Simon left us that helped us get out of the hole. 
• for the Biblical medley of mourners who were filled by the Holy Spirit and acted in great faith onward.
• the Father's good plan that includes taking "my" son at such a young age, but not before the Holy Spirit indwells me.

please pray for:

• my hole to be filled with the promise of Christ to every believer: the hope of glory, hope of heaven. for me to be seen with Simon once again because of my Redeemer. 
• our intense feelings of loss to be met with thanksgiving in remembrance, joy in future acts, and hope in eternity with Jesus and Simon.
• mercy from the Lord as I feel our loss intensified these days of late. 

every time the sun beams a light through the clouds onto the earth and it looks glorious, i tell Renee "look the door of heaven is open, quick say hi to Simon and Jesus... see you guy later."

with hope in Jesus, 

Nic for the Currats

My Walk with God this Last Month

 

Dear Prayer Warriors.

I wanted to share with you this testimony because I know I asked for prayer writing it. With God's strength, I spoke at the Men's breakfast this past weekend to shed light on how God helped me in the last 5 weeks. Sharing this with close to 150 men from my church was so hard, I started off pretty wobbly. It's all so fresh. This was harder than speaking at the funeral because it shows how the Lord met me and the choices He helped me make, rather than focusing on Simon.

Thanks for reading and praying.

 Nic

A month ago, yesterday I cried out to God on a bike trail after my 6-year-old son collapsed in front of me from a snake bite. I got his sister out of her bike seat and picked up my son's limp body. I ran through the brush to the houses I saw off in the distance. As my three-year-old daughter tried keeping up. I carried Simon about a 1/4 mile in my arms not knowing this would be the last time I held him alive. I was talking to him while yelling for help "Simon Breath! son keep your eyes open and breathe. HELP, I NEED HELP Lord Jesus help." Simon was losing all consciousness; his face was white with his lips and eyelids turning purple. Next, I turned to make sure my daughter was still running behind me trying her best. I repeated my instructions to my son, and cried for more help. My Son Simon was alive and biking on Tuesday and dead by Sunday.  

 

I am here today to testify about my month-long journey out of trauma and into Mourning. It has been the most humbling experience of my life. But a Shepherd has carried me. Jesus wept with me, spoke to me, and equipped me in song.

 

I arrived at the hospital where they took Simon by ambulance with nothing but a Bible. I wasn't licking my wounds about the event, or replaying in my head the incident because I was clinging to the Author of life and asking Him for mercy. I spent 5 days hoping that it would please Yahweh to heal my son Simon. As the venom spread and the helicopters were transporting him to more necessary machinery, 3 hospitals altogether, my hope remained on the glory of God in this situation. In each hospital room, I was at his side praying, singing and reading the Scriptures in his ear as the medical helpers were working around us.  I also sang the two versions of Psalm 23 that I knew over and over.

 

 I had faith that God was perfectly capable and able to make my comatose Simon arise in an instant. 24 hours after the snake bite we ended up at the Aurora Children’s Hospital. I hadn’t slept in 36 hours and as I settled in for sleep. I got a call from Children’s hospital Colorado Springs telling me my daughter Anna arrived by ambulance and had multiple seizures. She hadn't had seizures since her birth. This clearly was not a battle of flesh and blood. So, at 2 in the morning, I left Simon in Aurora to go be with my daughter Anna in Colorado Springs. By now I asked people to pray that we would stand our ground amidst Satan’s schemes. When I got to Anna, I prayed in the authority that Jesus gives to cast out all demonic influence and claim the blood of the Lamb over my family. I was praying with hope about all these things because at the cross the Lamb of God has overcome all darkness and death.

 

Early the next day the hospitals agreed to take Anna to Aurora and admit her there for monitoring rather than keep her in the springs. Once we were reunited in Aurora, the diagnosis for Simon arrived. I frantically wrote prayer requests as I could understand them to everyone that prays in the name of Jesus. I told the doctors that we are people of faith depending on the Almighty. And by His grace, my daughter Anna remained in stable condition from that point on. 

 

For Simon, the brain swelling persisted and the science of man concluded death, I began to feel desperate. I called upon the counsel of many to bring wisdom for direction. Every spiritual leader of mine for the last 5 years was invited to my son's hospital room. Lindsey and I had not ceased calling upon the name of Jesus. We sang, read, and prayed. We were exhausted, totally spent from days of asking, seeking and knocking for healing and now we started to pray for resurrection. This was around the time that we asked for praise help from those praying for us. We asked them to send us songs to listen to and believe God for. We received close to 50 songs and it ministered to our hearts and minds as we listened and played them in Simon’s room. Yahweh is the author of life, we know how to pray in life, but what will my worship of Him look like in this allowance of death?   

 

I was humbled by the unthinkable, the death of my 6-year-old boy. The only rest for my soul was in copycatting the words of Jesus in prayer. "Lord let thy will be done." My prayer was for the miraculous, but nevertheless "Thy will be done." This transition to acceptance of death came not from a lack of faith that Jesus could raise my son, but more exactly from a step of faith that God was telling me that my job as Simon's father is over and that I did a good job.

 

During these hours of my son's death my bride asked me in full sorrow: "why can God supply seemingly endless amounts of peace and prayer warriors but He can't raise the dead or heal?" after listening carefully to her question of woe. I waited a second and the Lord gave me this response for Lindsey "It’s because He is showing us what His will is for this context. He desires us to take His peace." Simon Emmanuel's life ended in the arms of his parents much like how it began 2530 days before. 

 

I remember cleaning out our hospital room with the help of a Radioflyer wagon that they supply. My dead son remained on his hospital bed unhooked from everything while my bride was in an exhausted sleep right next to him. It was 4 in the morning of the next day. I knew I didn't have the keys to my car but still went outside just to wander around the hospital with my overloaded wagon. I could hear the very early signs of morning like the birds singing and see a faint glow on the horizon. This was not a time to rely on feelings, rather it was time to drain my feelings and rely on the Holy Spirit. There in the darkness, with the promise of morning, in between the hospital and the hospital parking garage I wandered singing "In the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise give me Jesus."  My voice trembled as I sang out loud knowing my Shepherd hears my voice from this valley of death. 

 

I wish I could say that my bride and I took the same path in faith, loss and grief. We are what Jesus would call "equally yoked", but Satan wanted our son's death to be a wedge in our marriage. So in leaving the hospital we found ourselves wrestling with different questions, surrendering to the Lord at different times, and seeing the future quite differently. Although we equally wept, equally missed Simon, and equally sought the Lord. Death changed things, there was a temptation to let our love for each other grow cold. But God reminded me that I made a vow, He also reminded me that I married up and I am not going to be the husband I was before. My focus needed to be on my living relationships with Jesus and with my bride more than it needed to be about my son. I did all I could to promote unity with Jesus. Singing praise in my loss to the Man of Sorrows. I did all I could to promote unity with my wife too, I listened, hugged, and I even ate at Panera.    

 

The weeks following required me to set up and take on all phone calls to carry Simon to his resting place while staying in step with my bride's wishes. Since my daughter Anna was hospitalized at the same time, she had new medications and significant follow ups needed. everything was pressing in on us from medical bills, news channels, crowdfunding pages, organizing helpers, family flying in, and applying for assistance. So, I would work on all those outer things till about noon and no matter where I was, I would stop to eat lunch and take a nap. I felt I needed to protect my family and our time, to make space for lamenting. This was the time I focused on shepherding my 3-year-old daughter Renee's heart through the death of her roommate, best friend and brother in a manner that she could comprehend. It was a grace from God to be patient with her no matter how many times she repeated "when are we going to see Simon." 

 

One of the hidden blessings of being a special needs dad is that I learned early and often how to ask for help. So, through all of this I wrote prayer emails regularly asking for prayer and keeping the prayer warriors updated. I know God used what little I shared in humility to fan the flames of my faith in Jesus as well as the faith of those who were praying. Part of being a Christian is asking for help because we all are different parts of the same body.  I needed prayer, I needed people at our side practically, I needed to be shepherded by our pastors and God met every one of those needs. There were people around the world praying for us. God's grace was evident throughout. My aim as spiritual leader of my family was to place us in the pathway of blessing while enduring the burial of our son. The most personal and meaningful answer to prayer I received in those days was for God to give me a faith greater than my sorrows. Which He did.  

 

I needed Jesus most of all and I wasn't going anywhere without Him. He met me often, I concealed nothing and hoped in Him. I never blamed God. I never prayed with anger yelling about "why", rather I showed Jesus my broken heart in prayer and told Him I hoped in His plans for us. I have been so humbled. I am still taking many walks, driving with the radio off so I can talk to Jesus.  I counted on the Church to pray for us and they did. I counted on my wife's friends to minister to her because I felt I couldn't and they did. Humbly I prayed for her time with the people she picked. Hopefully as the grief continues she'll look to me too. It is sweet to see life and hope grow back into my family even though the calendar on our fridge is filled with white-out. The road through mourning has just begun and filling the space Simon took in our lives will be slow to fill; but we are asking God to fill it. Please pray for us.