Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Faithfulness

I'm hanging in there. It’s been heavy this last week dipping into sin as if that solves anything. Today kind of broke the cycle. Weirdest thing happened I was doing this volunteer project that Target sponsored for volunteer week. It was to clean up a park about 30 minutes away our store linked to another store for the activity.

Well I show up and there is no one. I call my HR lady and she's like you "got the right time and place let me call the other store's HR and find out. Maybe they're meeting up at the store first." So I just take a liner from out of a trashcan and start going about cleaning. Bending down for every single piece.

My HR calls me back saying "so sorry Nic they canceled the event because no one signed up."

I was like: "well I already started and I said I'd do it so here goes." She thought that was cool that I did it.

I had the worst hangover I've ever had since I became a believer. (FYI drunkenness is a big fight in my sanctification) So close to and at peace with the Lord I was not. It had rained that morning so the dirty trash was also soggy dirty trash. I dwelled on some praise songs and hymns as I went about.

Bit by bit The Holy Spirit was breaking me down, convicting me of the seriousness of my sin. (Digestive track aside). I was still focused in on the task at hand. It was everywhere that trash. People would see me, I wonder if they though I did something illegal and this was my community service.

I found a flip-flop, a sword from "the greatest show on earth"(AKA the circus), a quarter and soggy candy uneaten. I took a break after an hour and read from 1 Peter this is what stuck out. 1Peter 2:16-17. "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers(1), fear God(2), honor the king(3)."

I got to thinking how much God can't stand sin and how magnified my sin of late has been. (I've gone for months without drinking or acting sinfully). There's ample reason to fear God(2) when I know what He thinks of my drunkenness. So I honor the King(3) though in context of the passage it means earthly kings. It is more fitting in the context of God meeting me as I am today, in that moment, that the king to honor is the King of kings: Jesus.

My brother encouraged me to "use His blood." that's why the standard of God is perfection we must rely on the blood of Jesus. Also, I am reminded by his wife that if blame is a bi-product/needed, to never place these struggles on God but rather Satan who deceives and dupes me into thinking there is rest in a frosty pint, shot of peppermint schnapps.

I go back to picking up trash with a deep sense of love. This time from the body of Christ on earth(1): you guys. I've never sent a group e-mail that yielded so many helpful/heartfelt advices. It’s not the attention but how you related to the struggle I’m enduring and how the devotion to Jesus really made all the difference. God is faithful!

I left after an hour and 37 minutes. Went to work and got a gift for my willingness to follow through with of cleaning the park. This entry is not how I did something cool, or that I'm trying to seek payment in full for this liberal form of service to God Matt6:5. Rather how I exercised the freedom that comes from Jesus and found a re-centering peace.

If I am to go to Seminary, how can I live a Godly life by falling into sin? consciously. Oh and the sin of self-blame needs repenting too. I just feel so hurried about speaking the news of goodness from Jesus. That I over look the part of His plan that is uncovered in patience... Steady, peaceful, patience.