Dear Prayer Warriors,
I met with someone who formed me in the earliest of days as a born-again believer. We haven’t seen each other in a few years. When speaking to me about the loss of my son he said, “I have watched friends wounded since losing their child or any loved one for that matter. When it comes to their faith, they either go deep or get lost.” I recognized those options in my context the moment he said it. I’d like to say I have gone deep with my Lord hanging onto His Word to navigate my every day. I hold onto the truth that He is able to give me faith greater than my sorrow, like it was a special promise to me for this journey. Yet on the other hand I sense a lostness, a doldrum of faith. Someone said that through tears we cannot see the world rightly. The sadness and memories provide a seemingly comfortable melancholy that is tempting to return to again and again and again. Doesn’t that sound like sin, seemingly good at first but then it ensnares? Even in dealing with the current trials of my life, I can lose perspective and unravel until there’s a woe to it all and I feel lost. In faith I know Christ calls me onward, deeper.
According to the Bible, there is a season for everything, I have permission to be where I am, I don’t believe I am being despondent or sinning. I don’t think there is much spiritual fruit here or maybe just the forging of fruit that grows in difficult times like gentleness and patience. I am in search of fruit. Ever since we announced a plan to “redeem the day” of Simon’s mortal affliction one year later (full-on with singing, fellowship, and a gift for the kids in our community), my grief has increased. New memories are flooding us that didn’t until now. One is the 30-foot branch Simon and I struck down in our backyard two days before July 5th and I told him I would pay him $5 to snip off all the little branches. He was halfway done with that job at his death. I finished the job, but the main branch was still on my woodpile. I think I want to whittle a walking stick with its remains; it was the last house task we did together. Another memory came in the form of removing carpet through his bedroom window, there on his windowsill he had written his 6-year old penmanship the pricing for various toys he wanted to sell to earn some money; the toys were long gone but those prices remained. More joyfully was the surprise memory that came about at our latest hymn sing. We were singing Victory in Jesus. That is Victor’s “life song” that we sang to him while he grew in Lindsey’s womb. We sang it often enough that Simon knew it by heart. One day we received a bike trailer and I hooked it up to my bike to test it. I put Renee and Simon in it and we circled our neighborhood singing Victory in Jesus over and over to our heart’s content. What a precious memory.
Currently, trials know our address. Early this week our basement flooded. I know my last email contained many struggles to pray over too. This time, God used His servants as His hands and feet to help us remove the carpet and water. More significantly, these helpers kept me in good cheer as I took it all in. Lindsey laughed because she knew that since God has been faithful to us in getting this far, He will be faithful to us in this flood.
From my point of view, I see the Church as God’s vessel of mercy to us. On a heart level ministering to our broken-heartedness, on a compassion level that envisions what we must be going through and in hope that shows resolve to comfort us. I found it fitting that in my Discipleship book this week I’m learning about the Church and how vital it is to be grounded in one:
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
What does the author mean when saying the “law of Christ?” maybe it’s this:
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
Putting those two verses together helps me renew my commitment to share with my prayer warriors our trials in the hopes that God would be glorified. It would be a mistake to tell you the emotional impact and stress alone. That is more of a “woe is me” type email. Rather I aim to write a “Great is He” type email. Last prayer email, I mentioned all these problems with Anna, with Renee, with my mother, and as a passing thought I mentioned a brief bit about my fridge that quit. Remember how some neighbors rented a U-Haul and got us an oldie but a goodie fridge to hold us over? I considered the fridge as more of a footnote, “fiery dart” Satan uses to kick us while we are down. Yet another thing to tempt us into despair. Sharing my life with you all is embarrassing at times, but the point I was trying to make was that The Currats were literally chillin’ with a working fridge giving God glory. I was bragging on God. It became the least of our problems so quickly. I was writing to tell you that instead of our life being about a problem, the focus shifted to God’s creative solution! I was joyfully writing.
Here is the second wave of God’s glory in the fridge saga: God placed it on the heart of someone to buy us another fridge. Literally that is what that person said. This person approached us saying: “will you allow me to bless you with a new fridge. I want to meet this need because God has placed it on my heart.” Praise the Lord for a new fridge. We are not poor, we got a David Ramses emergency fund, we could afford a new fridge. However, when a believer comes at me with a statement like “God put it on my heart”, I think it is a sin to say “no.” It is better to give, also true is the humble grace that comes in receiving.
On a similar note, without asking, another prayer warrior felt the Lord lead them beyond praying to send us half a dozen kid’s books that they read to their kids for Simon’s Little Free Library going up on our street next month. They wanted to go beyond praying, I wasn’t asking for this but God stirs us in the most loving of ways! Praise God, He has got us.
Praise God for:
- Flood insurance. Years ago, the Lord directed us to buy flood insurance though we are not in a flood plain. Lindsey knew because she heard from a neighbor about water trouble.
- Humbling us enough through our circumstances that we cry out to Him and then inform the faithful of our situations for prayer and dependance on God.
- The fact that even in this literal flood we can attest to His goodness.
Please Pray for:
- Faith to see that God has counted me worthy of such hardships as He draws the gift of patience and gentleness from within my circumstances.
- This Father’s Day I am waking up before the others to go to the cemetery for a time of prayer and thanks to God for my son Simon. Pray that I “go deep” rather than get lost. That the softness of my heart would be met with the love of Jesus and a verse or a passage to hold onto.
- Strength, patience and grace to deal with the removal of things, drywall replacement, insurance management, and the flooding.
- Our vacation starts a week from Monday. There is a stressfulness that persists from all this needed surrender. Looking forward to this respite.
- My mother Marie-Jeanne who is still in rehab and struggling to separate reality from dreams.
In all this, I sincerely hope for prayer and for God to be glorified.
Nic for the Currats
