A must-must for any holiday musicaholic: Sufjan Steven's "Songs for Christmas" box set. Year in and year out he's made christmas albums for his friends and family. Originals mixed with classics but with banjo or a fresh rendering. So once Sufjan got an audience that bought his records in large quantities, he unleashed a four disc set of his christmas songs that were previously for his nearest and dearest. I've been listening to them all morning, he's got a song about the animals in the stable Jesus was born in and how they felt. There's a song called "come on and do the elf dance." which is an original to the beat of a classic carol. He's got some amazing xylaphone intrumentals including one for "Hark the herold angels sing". Enough about Suf... Peep it out.
"And wonders, wonders of His love." That is one of the many caroling lyrics that I sing in tears of joy now that I'm freed. I cry willingly for the mercy Jesus has gifted to me. In Christ, I live with more honest emotions (not decieved by moods). Before I was too caught up in being hard, hiding how I felt because it was a sign of weakness. In the last days that I faced darkness I even felt plagued by hopelessness. Now I seek the honesty of my feelings and admire things like gentleness and sincerity.
I'm talking snow out in Denver: twice the amount as predicted last night. My world is covered in white. As this flakey blanket covers the earth all around me. I'm reminded of Romans 8:1-2. Believers are set free from the laws of sin and death through Christ Jesus into a snow like state: individual in salvation yet clumped together by the Body of Christ. Once forgiven and loved by Jesus, comes the qualities of God's white light. It's beauty to behold.
Today Christ is born. He brought the whiteness and light to earth which God the Father is discribed as being. Second, Jesus knew full well the role of His red blood of forgiveness. This was to be His work and attribute. Since Jesus is part of the Alpha and Omega crew it blows my mind that he willingly came down to serve, be humble and cry like a baby (I suppose). Exemplify the standard God calls us all to be by not sinning. Christ instead relyed on God to get through the days of His life. On the cross Jesus redeemed all sons of Adam from sin, Satan and evil.
God cannot lie to us that Jesus came to be in Bethlahem. It is because of purity that Jesus did not sin. It is because of love that He gave His life. Jesus ressurrected to prove He is Lord and not a liar. I owe Jesus everything I can and will ever do. He chose to show me the whiteness of God's mercy and grace. So I find it a joyful blessing to celebrate His birthday with some fresh snow on the ground.
They say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I think its more that like: beauty is in the eye of God (as He is the beholder of everything). So in becoming more Christ-like, my eye for beauty becomes whiter and brighter as the temptation, sin and the world slowly fades. I'm actually generating God's will in me through grace. Last night my Pastor spoke on Simeon the servant of God that was promised to see the Savior of the world before he died. One of the verses was how Simeon was waiting for the Lord. He was waiting... -not going about his own life preoccupied, rather just waiting on the Lord. The Pastor paralleled that to an experiment by an newspaper where they got the best violinist in the world on the best violin in the world to play in jeans in a subway station to see what would become of this. My Pastor asked us if we allow ourselves to wait on God, to be awaire and notice God working outside of ourselves: amongst co-workers, organizations, chruches, prayer and in the subway stations. Do we have faith in Christ's body alive and well on earth? Are we keen to this fact of unification? Do we seek it out and trust it?
I spent the remainder of the service in silent observation trying to notice God's working in my church. I looked around to the many people I know now as opposed to a year ago. As I sunk into waiting on God: I wept joyfully out of the beauty. Seeing people willingly coming together to worship and hope in Jesus. I could see that God was really at work here in our church, outside of me, surrounding me. I had seen darkness of such an intensity -but never a light so bright. It was awe inspiring and I thanked God for the white gift of Christmas: His Son.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
The Flute and Dirge Top Ten list
Well gang its that time of the year. Where all your affection and bias for certain films, records, and books are measured by critics. Thankfully they have researched the January through March media because I have a hard time remembering the few gems those early '07 months offered. No matter the delight, the Bee Movie it didn't make the top ten cut. Perhaps the critics all got stung too much growing up. Likewise, I haven't spotted David Crowder's The Remedy on any top ten list (except maybe a Christian one). Yet its one of my favorites for the year. Does that mean I listen to bad music or like bad movies?
Why is it that people still want to know the critic's favorites? Does this indicate that we are to hinge our own opinions on what is concluded by critics. Ever notice that about 60% of the selected media are repeated endlessly in other top tens just in different rankings. To me, Top Ten lists are like peer pressure from uncool/nerdy strangers. Make no mistake: a critic is, at their root, an audience member. The conforming standard Top Ten list draw us away from the content of our own hearts and its calling to be Christlike.
I think Pharisees remind me of your average critic. Policing the Godliness according to the precepts set fourth. In reading Matthew 11: 16-19; I find Jesus seemingly frustrated towards the audience he preaches to for two reasons. 1) His message was delivered in miracles and metaphors almost hitting them over the head. Yet the audience doubted what was seen and heard because the critics mentioned the fact that Jesus was chillin' with (notorious) sinners, drinking and eating. 2) When the counter example was offered, John the Baptist proclaiming the good news of the Messiah's arrival while fasting and baptizing. The audience felt he had a demon inside because he wouldn't eat or drink. So when Jesus says "We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; We sang a dirge, and you did not mourn." I think that relates to the masses of people who heard about the Gospel but didn't react to it (then and now). Staying sealed to Christ means that no matter the chatter of crowd, critic or clown I will experience God by dancing to His flute and mourn when I hear his dirge.
Here's my flute and dirge top ten list. This being the media I experienced this year that has blessed my relationship with Jesus Christ, fed me with a Gospel message and helped the Holy Spirit to sanctify my innards. All critic-free pieces of art that brought chills, laughter and tears. Reminding me of a small taste of God's love for me and the freedom in trusting Jesus. By sharing this list with others, it is me dancing to God's flute and answering to a dirge as best I can. Here is my critical evaluation of the media that helped me grow to know Christ this year:
1, The Bible (Book)
2, The Second Chance (DVD)
3, David Crowder -The Remedy (CD)
4, Jesus Freaks Vol. 1 and 2 (Books)
5, D2S G.O.S.P.E.L. Journey (DVD)
6, Amazing Grace (DVD)
7, Stephen the Levite -To Die is to Gain (CD)
8, Half-Handed Cloud -Halos and Lassos (CD)
9, Danielson: a family movie (DVD)
10, Facing the Giants (DVD)
Why is it that people still want to know the critic's favorites? Does this indicate that we are to hinge our own opinions on what is concluded by critics. Ever notice that about 60% of the selected media are repeated endlessly in other top tens just in different rankings. To me, Top Ten lists are like peer pressure from uncool/nerdy strangers. Make no mistake: a critic is, at their root, an audience member. The conforming standard Top Ten list draw us away from the content of our own hearts and its calling to be Christlike.
I think Pharisees remind me of your average critic. Policing the Godliness according to the precepts set fourth. In reading Matthew 11: 16-19; I find Jesus seemingly frustrated towards the audience he preaches to for two reasons. 1) His message was delivered in miracles and metaphors almost hitting them over the head. Yet the audience doubted what was seen and heard because the critics mentioned the fact that Jesus was chillin' with (notorious) sinners, drinking and eating. 2) When the counter example was offered, John the Baptist proclaiming the good news of the Messiah's arrival while fasting and baptizing. The audience felt he had a demon inside because he wouldn't eat or drink. So when Jesus says "We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; We sang a dirge, and you did not mourn." I think that relates to the masses of people who heard about the Gospel but didn't react to it (then and now). Staying sealed to Christ means that no matter the chatter of crowd, critic or clown I will experience God by dancing to His flute and mourn when I hear his dirge.
Here's my flute and dirge top ten list. This being the media I experienced this year that has blessed my relationship with Jesus Christ, fed me with a Gospel message and helped the Holy Spirit to sanctify my innards. All critic-free pieces of art that brought chills, laughter and tears. Reminding me of a small taste of God's love for me and the freedom in trusting Jesus. By sharing this list with others, it is me dancing to God's flute and answering to a dirge as best I can. Here is my critical evaluation of the media that helped me grow to know Christ this year:
1, The Bible (Book)
2, The Second Chance (DVD)
3, David Crowder -The Remedy (CD)
4, Jesus Freaks Vol. 1 and 2 (Books)
5, D2S G.O.S.P.E.L. Journey (DVD)
6, Amazing Grace (DVD)
7, Stephen the Levite -To Die is to Gain (CD)
8, Half-Handed Cloud -Halos and Lassos (CD)
9, Danielson: a family movie (DVD)
10, Facing the Giants (DVD)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Feeling the care in charismatic
My brother took me to a modestly charismatic service at the sister church of the one he goes to out in Chicago. It was out in Aurora near Colfax with about fifteen people as the total congregation. I was open to the experiance because my brother took me and warmed me up to what it might be like.
Early on I had a quick decision to make: The preacher was kicking things off melodramatically (in impression), Should I resist and evaluate the differences or try to paise God unified to this congregation? Although no loud vocal expressions came from me, I was moved to tears for the majority of the service. The praise songs were formatted so differently. We sang amazing grace but only the first verse like eight times, then every once in a while they'd sing the (400 years post) Chris Tomlin verse/refrain "my chains are gone..." Intermittant with prayer.
The sermon was a doosie about this passage in Revelations about the seven lampstands that represent the churches Jesus walks among in the end times. In Rev 2:4 Christ tells them that their first love is gone. The pastor broke down how these churches stood upright in the laws about how things are in the new covenant with God. But Jesus is asking what happened to the love we shared: the repentant heart. Meaning that good deeds and faith was still evident, but the love that saved us from our wretchedness and how we used to cling to Jesus has been traded for "crusty good deeds". Return to the love, the love affair shared with Jesus paired with our repentant heart. I like the visual of that love being the tarzan vine we use to jump across the trench of Adamness into righteousness as a child of God.
So after that message, we prayed and as the pastor started out loud others joined, I stayed focused on what the pastor was saying. He talked about how he used to stay wide awake in his bed curled up around the Bible for hours. He ask for a return to that. Or how he used to soak in prayer with the Holy Spirit while his life was drowning in temptation. He wants that resolute drive to Christ renewed. He pleaded for his return to that state of relying on God...
It was then that I revisited my memories of the day I got saved and what that felt like: How mind-resting it felt, my heart felt calm for the first time and who I was became sufficient. I recalled how Jesus' yoke has changed all of me and that i still willingly carry that yoke. I dissected all those nifty baby steps to growing for God's workmanship and will. I dwelled on memories of how God turned things around to apropriate blessings rather that pile on problems.
So when the chruch service turned into a campy christmas segment complete with footage from the movie the Nativity Story, I viewed with eyes of a child, I was captivated by the wonderous faces of the wise men upon seeing the Messiah. Even the montage of Christs' life struck me. The mounting of Jesus on the cross made me clinch my palms as His opened with the saving blood.
The service ended with a song being repeated many times. Still it provoked me to wonder about how much more I could be loving Jesus. The aftereffects of the service included me feeling wiped out, ready to lay in bed awake and be in the Bible for hours. Alone with the most perfect form of love I will ever know: Jesus Christ. I think He puts the care in charismatic. My time of praying isn't soft spoken anymore; its is spoke out proudly, urgently and sincerely.
Early on I had a quick decision to make: The preacher was kicking things off melodramatically (in impression), Should I resist and evaluate the differences or try to paise God unified to this congregation? Although no loud vocal expressions came from me, I was moved to tears for the majority of the service. The praise songs were formatted so differently. We sang amazing grace but only the first verse like eight times, then every once in a while they'd sing the (400 years post) Chris Tomlin verse/refrain "my chains are gone..." Intermittant with prayer.
The sermon was a doosie about this passage in Revelations about the seven lampstands that represent the churches Jesus walks among in the end times. In Rev 2:4 Christ tells them that their first love is gone. The pastor broke down how these churches stood upright in the laws about how things are in the new covenant with God. But Jesus is asking what happened to the love we shared: the repentant heart. Meaning that good deeds and faith was still evident, but the love that saved us from our wretchedness and how we used to cling to Jesus has been traded for "crusty good deeds". Return to the love, the love affair shared with Jesus paired with our repentant heart. I like the visual of that love being the tarzan vine we use to jump across the trench of Adamness into righteousness as a child of God.
So after that message, we prayed and as the pastor started out loud others joined, I stayed focused on what the pastor was saying. He talked about how he used to stay wide awake in his bed curled up around the Bible for hours. He ask for a return to that. Or how he used to soak in prayer with the Holy Spirit while his life was drowning in temptation. He wants that resolute drive to Christ renewed. He pleaded for his return to that state of relying on God...
It was then that I revisited my memories of the day I got saved and what that felt like: How mind-resting it felt, my heart felt calm for the first time and who I was became sufficient. I recalled how Jesus' yoke has changed all of me and that i still willingly carry that yoke. I dissected all those nifty baby steps to growing for God's workmanship and will. I dwelled on memories of how God turned things around to apropriate blessings rather that pile on problems.
So when the chruch service turned into a campy christmas segment complete with footage from the movie the Nativity Story, I viewed with eyes of a child, I was captivated by the wonderous faces of the wise men upon seeing the Messiah. Even the montage of Christs' life struck me. The mounting of Jesus on the cross made me clinch my palms as His opened with the saving blood.
The service ended with a song being repeated many times. Still it provoked me to wonder about how much more I could be loving Jesus. The aftereffects of the service included me feeling wiped out, ready to lay in bed awake and be in the Bible for hours. Alone with the most perfect form of love I will ever know: Jesus Christ. I think He puts the care in charismatic. My time of praying isn't soft spoken anymore; its is spoke out proudly, urgently and sincerely.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Rights to write right
God through His infinite avenues of reaching me; has asked me to use words again. Its not a minor like: "Nic, dude can you write a little something, I dig your tidbits. Or Granny needs the monthly scoop." Its more like the encouraging approval I got from my mom when I wrote an essay on mountain climbing in the fifth or sixth grade. She was floored at the detail, the emotion, the overall feeling it gave her. "Wow you have a tallent and gift for writing." At the time I didn't know what that meant. But i figure I should keep on doing it, -pleasing mom was my part time job back then (now its full time). She probably doesn't even remember that moment, but that really persuaded me to keep on writing and that continued (stop n' go) until I got my degree in Liberal Arts for writing.
It was a merited degree, there was a long journey taken to get my BA. My mind was super anayltical, inventive, informed, and funny. I lived in my head so much as a writer that I didn't notice each thought become as a brick, one by one being stacked by a demonic mason separating me from the earth, family, God and a girlfriend. Once tested, my theory and writings got washed away because of their foundations.
Now I delight in thinking and writing about what is. My life is adorned with self-control so the Holy Spirit can teach me away from sin. Being a writer is a lot like believeing in Jesus Christ; in that it requires the person to be committed 24-7 in order to bear fruit. As I hear God asking me to remove the blame I placed on writing, I notice how much as changed. Its scary because an author is suppose to have a recognizable diction, tone, and point of view. For once and for all: find your voice and go with it (the sooner the better).
Well my voice has been mute for four years and horribly endeavoring in darkness before that. Come to find, with Christ in my heart its like my "voice" is going through puberty all over again. So aside from my finding a cyber world to revive writing daily. I've been asked to explore the possibility of writing a little blurb to encourage and convict my church family in the bulletin each Sunday. This is just an idea that the my Pastor wanted to try out, so it could be shelved and never happen. Nonetheless I want to share the entries here since my only aim is to give glory to God. Its amazing that Lord could use the tallents given to me! God willing, I might not work retail security till retirement.
I have an entry called "Excuses, excuses, excuses -no more" dated October 8th. Where I confidently outline this call to tell the A-Z of my redemption by Jesus in script format. Well that fire is still lit within me for a three month project I just haven't started since that e-mail and to think it would almost be done right now. Yet God willed a fixer-upper condo (blessing) and no software (hurdle) to keep me away from this project. It seems the title of that blog entry is a total lie. I just know that God will use me so I should just pray about it for now.
Here is my first attempt at writing something for my church family as a bulletin insert:
Use This Church
Red Rocks Fellowship has been a base rock in my spiritual foundation after the corner stone. I think that once Jesus' redeeming work was willed/invited in me, healing began to snowball. The slope my snowball was on got steep once I walked through these doors.
Willingly saying yes to things was new to me. This church constantly inquired: "hey want to do this? or be a part of that? or, please pray for so and so?" It would slightly infringe into my pre-established life (schedule changing at work, my cursing time, etc...) -but I felt this was Christ beaconing me to the work he's prepared for me. It would not have been a big deal if I said "no." Anyone else could have done what this church asked of me. But I willingly said "yes" just to see what would happen. I think being broke as a joke helped me feel that sharing time is a temporary replacement to tithing.
I came and gave. "Serving Christ at the foot of His mountains..." Even softball was me saying yes to the Lord where usually it would have been a big fat "no." Other times it was just a matter of waking up early and cutting down trees; Singing in the choir; Ref Nic; Spending vacation on a mission trip. All this convinced me that God is baiting my life. He's seducing my activities to conform to His Son and glorify Him.
With time, God's grace will blanket and heal brokenness. My emotions of being overwhelmed depressively or acting out in a manic Bi-Polar fit. Has been placed and re-placed at Jesus' feet. I know that this will be redeemed by the Holy Spirit because faith is deeper than all emotions and that is a fact that the Devil didn't want me to know. As that healing transfuses in me (Lord willing), I'll be busy with Awana, Bible studies and prayer -(and my meds).
There is an experience of wonder at the unfolding of the life God sees in all His children. Its within us eager to be tapped into. I realized through RRF that serving is best thing to grow in a faithful life to God. Also that Evangelism is one of the hardest, just ask the Dare 2 Share Conference kids. I serve Jesus with my heart, my time and my money. All of which is the Lord's.
It was a merited degree, there was a long journey taken to get my BA. My mind was super anayltical, inventive, informed, and funny. I lived in my head so much as a writer that I didn't notice each thought become as a brick, one by one being stacked by a demonic mason separating me from the earth, family, God and a girlfriend. Once tested, my theory and writings got washed away because of their foundations.
Now I delight in thinking and writing about what is. My life is adorned with self-control so the Holy Spirit can teach me away from sin. Being a writer is a lot like believeing in Jesus Christ; in that it requires the person to be committed 24-7 in order to bear fruit. As I hear God asking me to remove the blame I placed on writing, I notice how much as changed. Its scary because an author is suppose to have a recognizable diction, tone, and point of view. For once and for all: find your voice and go with it (the sooner the better).
Well my voice has been mute for four years and horribly endeavoring in darkness before that. Come to find, with Christ in my heart its like my "voice" is going through puberty all over again. So aside from my finding a cyber world to revive writing daily. I've been asked to explore the possibility of writing a little blurb to encourage and convict my church family in the bulletin each Sunday. This is just an idea that the my Pastor wanted to try out, so it could be shelved and never happen. Nonetheless I want to share the entries here since my only aim is to give glory to God. Its amazing that Lord could use the tallents given to me! God willing, I might not work retail security till retirement.
I have an entry called "Excuses, excuses, excuses -no more" dated October 8th. Where I confidently outline this call to tell the A-Z of my redemption by Jesus in script format. Well that fire is still lit within me for a three month project I just haven't started since that e-mail and to think it would almost be done right now. Yet God willed a fixer-upper condo (blessing) and no software (hurdle) to keep me away from this project. It seems the title of that blog entry is a total lie. I just know that God will use me so I should just pray about it for now.
Here is my first attempt at writing something for my church family as a bulletin insert:
Use This Church
Red Rocks Fellowship has been a base rock in my spiritual foundation after the corner stone. I think that once Jesus' redeeming work was willed/invited in me, healing began to snowball. The slope my snowball was on got steep once I walked through these doors.
Willingly saying yes to things was new to me. This church constantly inquired: "hey want to do this? or be a part of that? or, please pray for so and so?" It would slightly infringe into my pre-established life (schedule changing at work, my cursing time, etc...) -but I felt this was Christ beaconing me to the work he's prepared for me. It would not have been a big deal if I said "no." Anyone else could have done what this church asked of me. But I willingly said "yes" just to see what would happen. I think being broke as a joke helped me feel that sharing time is a temporary replacement to tithing.
I came and gave. "Serving Christ at the foot of His mountains..." Even softball was me saying yes to the Lord where usually it would have been a big fat "no." Other times it was just a matter of waking up early and cutting down trees; Singing in the choir; Ref Nic; Spending vacation on a mission trip. All this convinced me that God is baiting my life. He's seducing my activities to conform to His Son and glorify Him.
With time, God's grace will blanket and heal brokenness. My emotions of being overwhelmed depressively or acting out in a manic Bi-Polar fit. Has been placed and re-placed at Jesus' feet. I know that this will be redeemed by the Holy Spirit because faith is deeper than all emotions and that is a fact that the Devil didn't want me to know. As that healing transfuses in me (Lord willing), I'll be busy with Awana, Bible studies and prayer -(and my meds).
There is an experience of wonder at the unfolding of the life God sees in all His children. Its within us eager to be tapped into. I realized through RRF that serving is best thing to grow in a faithful life to God. Also that Evangelism is one of the hardest, just ask the Dare 2 Share Conference kids. I serve Jesus with my heart, my time and my money. All of which is the Lord's.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
The Adjective Detective's Findings
Life outside of myself has helped my mind grow: in giving, thinking of others, and prayer. But no matter, head games still rage. When ever the tune of self-hate or the conciousness of Satan's expired thoughts cloud my mind I rebuke them in the name of Christ and am moved to silence.
With the nurishing of God's grace, futher separation from failed thought is possible. So aside from the Bible I'm constantly scanning left and right, up and down, near and far for the will of God. I bait my conversations with words generally intune with adjectives/words Jesus used like: "blessed", "faithful", "encouraging", "hope", and "sacrafice". All this to test conversations, to check the status for proceeding in an evangelistic tone, fellowship tone, loving tone, or informative tone.
Here would be an informative example, my brother and I were at the Home Depot shopping for ceiling fans and the guy at the checkout line in front of us overhears our French. He emphasizes how great it must be to know two languages. And hap hazardly I throw out: "yeah its a blessing, A great blessing." There was an awkward pause... The stranger continued by telling us how lucky we were to have a mother willing to teach us French. He knows immigrants that don't teach their kids their native tougne and that frustrated him. After we endured some dirty jokes about the French we said our goodbyes.
The evangelism example I can think of comes for this conversation I had with a shy, 18 year old that just moved to Colorado. I had been very managerial to him about the shortcoming of his work ethics and how that affects our team as a whole. What's worse, my boss had just sent him an e-mail about this. So in regards to the e-mail I said something like "I'm encouraging you to see this as a chance to show determination to do better. Your reaction is everything, so please respond to it positively." My guy was breaking down after, about how no matter the effort and progress, constant funk be keepin' him down. He shared with me the darkness of his past, family and friends that dump crap on him and how downward spiraling it all feels. And that he only has basketball, that's all he's ever had.
That was my in!! So I said "that's a small court to place every problem out on. What happens when it stops working, or you get hurt." Then, just as the thought poped into his head (I could tell), he said "I'll always have God." I continued to ask him about his God. It turns out that two and a half months ago, he gave his life to Christ in a parking garage because he ran away with nothing and nowhere to go. Alone, broke and without hope: he asked Jesus into his heart. His miracle came that night when he checked his messages and his brother was calling him home. He then quoted me his favorite Bible verse. Amazing.
This was my closest encounter to a newly born again person. I prayed for the presence of the Holy Spirit and that just the right words would come and build him up. Being a decade apart in age made it hard, being his boss made it worse, and most of all: it seemed like outwardly there hasn't been much sign of salvation. Its not that I doubted him, its just his associations and actions don't yeild a sanctuary for the Holy Spirit (based on what I've come to know as a dwelling place for the Spirit). So I asked him about church, he didn't have one. I asked about reading the Bible, not that often. I asked him about praying and he said lots. When I see him he is very eager to tell me how blessed he is. He just loves that concept. It rings really true to him. Me too by the way, amazing to have a life where blame is traded for blessings.
I've been praying for him so very much, thanking God for his presence in my life. I am praying about him being open to an hour of discipleship with me one on one in the Word. I knew what it was like to feel alone as a new believer. As a total surprise, today at work he asked me how my Sunday was going. And I told him all about my chruch's awesomely imperfect christmas pagent (super cute), the new associate pastor that we inducted and the church pot luck to celebrate. Then as an after thought, I told him I was bookending my work with my young adult group. I said: "it keeps me fed." His interest peaked. So I told him all about it, lo and behold. He asked me if he could come. Gee, why didn't I think of that!! So we went, he had a really positive response to going. So he definately wants to keep going.
I can't wait to see what God will do with his steady heart as it positions itself in the light of Jesus.
With the nurishing of God's grace, futher separation from failed thought is possible. So aside from the Bible I'm constantly scanning left and right, up and down, near and far for the will of God. I bait my conversations with words generally intune with adjectives/words Jesus used like: "blessed", "faithful", "encouraging", "hope", and "sacrafice". All this to test conversations, to check the status for proceeding in an evangelistic tone, fellowship tone, loving tone, or informative tone.
Here would be an informative example, my brother and I were at the Home Depot shopping for ceiling fans and the guy at the checkout line in front of us overhears our French. He emphasizes how great it must be to know two languages. And hap hazardly I throw out: "yeah its a blessing, A great blessing." There was an awkward pause... The stranger continued by telling us how lucky we were to have a mother willing to teach us French. He knows immigrants that don't teach their kids their native tougne and that frustrated him. After we endured some dirty jokes about the French we said our goodbyes.
The evangelism example I can think of comes for this conversation I had with a shy, 18 year old that just moved to Colorado. I had been very managerial to him about the shortcoming of his work ethics and how that affects our team as a whole. What's worse, my boss had just sent him an e-mail about this. So in regards to the e-mail I said something like "I'm encouraging you to see this as a chance to show determination to do better. Your reaction is everything, so please respond to it positively." My guy was breaking down after, about how no matter the effort and progress, constant funk be keepin' him down. He shared with me the darkness of his past, family and friends that dump crap on him and how downward spiraling it all feels. And that he only has basketball, that's all he's ever had.
That was my in!! So I said "that's a small court to place every problem out on. What happens when it stops working, or you get hurt." Then, just as the thought poped into his head (I could tell), he said "I'll always have God." I continued to ask him about his God. It turns out that two and a half months ago, he gave his life to Christ in a parking garage because he ran away with nothing and nowhere to go. Alone, broke and without hope: he asked Jesus into his heart. His miracle came that night when he checked his messages and his brother was calling him home. He then quoted me his favorite Bible verse. Amazing.
This was my closest encounter to a newly born again person. I prayed for the presence of the Holy Spirit and that just the right words would come and build him up. Being a decade apart in age made it hard, being his boss made it worse, and most of all: it seemed like outwardly there hasn't been much sign of salvation. Its not that I doubted him, its just his associations and actions don't yeild a sanctuary for the Holy Spirit (based on what I've come to know as a dwelling place for the Spirit). So I asked him about church, he didn't have one. I asked about reading the Bible, not that often. I asked him about praying and he said lots. When I see him he is very eager to tell me how blessed he is. He just loves that concept. It rings really true to him. Me too by the way, amazing to have a life where blame is traded for blessings.
I've been praying for him so very much, thanking God for his presence in my life. I am praying about him being open to an hour of discipleship with me one on one in the Word. I knew what it was like to feel alone as a new believer. As a total surprise, today at work he asked me how my Sunday was going. And I told him all about my chruch's awesomely imperfect christmas pagent (super cute), the new associate pastor that we inducted and the church pot luck to celebrate. Then as an after thought, I told him I was bookending my work with my young adult group. I said: "it keeps me fed." His interest peaked. So I told him all about it, lo and behold. He asked me if he could come. Gee, why didn't I think of that!! So we went, he had a really positive response to going. So he definately wants to keep going.
I can't wait to see what God will do with his steady heart as it positions itself in the light of Jesus.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Testing out my testamony
In the early stages of the testamony I prepaired for my church back in April, My brother said: "I know you can write, but I can promise you there is no greater story you can tell, than how Jesus saved you." My redemption was big indeed but that wasn't what he ment. He was pointing to the fact that every believer's best story is of their redemption/continuation of such: their testamony.
We got this not-so-new-hire at my job and there's lots to discribe him by. First of all he's funny and stylish: LA fully. Every other week come pay day, he's got two his baby's mamma at our store asking him to pay-up. He does, and the ladies count the money right infront of him to embarrass, what's crazy every once in a while its short just a measly ten or twenty bucks. These ladies got him in a head lock. His current girlfriend is expecting a child and they are not getting along. Its my business to tell him about Jesus, and its none of my business to shame him: I mean only to illustrate a long standing looming sadness.
I remember like a month ago when he heard that I was a believer in Christ, he asked me if I was for real. If I was hollerin' or followin'. I said "most definately followin'." He wanted to see if I knew the Bible, Keep in mind I'm still a rather new believer, (Just past my first year!). After a lightning fast prayer request for the Holy Spirit to be present, I plugged away about who Matthew was, who his gospel audience was intended for. Then I listed off my favorite verses about three or four of them. Then came me asking my co-worker about Jesus as sacrificial Lamb and if he knew it to be truth. He gave me a surprised look, it was subtle. After that moment, I left the office, praised God for the sharing and I prayed for the soul of my co-worker: that the Holy Spirit may bring him to Christ.
Fast forward to last week and my coworker reveils to me that all of his family members are believers out in Cali. So that dynamic instantly reveiled such strain, pain and bitterness inside him. He explained how their hope for him to be saved was more like and unfulfilled expectation in his mind eating at him. I told him not to live in his mind, that I had a similar struggle with my brother when he became a believer seven years before me. And he wanted me to believe so very badly, but I just loved my sin back then. Right then I just felt like telling my testamony. -The Holy Spirit inspired abridged version. About addiction (to cigarettes, weed, liquor, gambling, sex), mental hospitals, demonic possesions, hyper-religiousity, depression, disparity, and one stolen car to serve as the catylist for Jesus Christ to accept my first prayer in ten years. I confessed total and utter failure, I hoped God would heal me as I placed my faith in Jesus and I also prayed for quitting my own will power. The only Bible verse I remembered Matt 11:29-30. It was a choppy prayer, but full of remorse and humility asking for forgiveness. And ever since, God's will convicting me has been a year of immense change and gratitude.
My co-worker was struck, amazed at who I am today verses a year ago. He could not even tell that I had a past even remotely like that. Which surprised me because though the addictions are gone, the scantification of my words certainly isn't complete and its most apparent at work. My co-worker continued to let down his guard enough to share with me that his sister calls him every week and asks him if he's reading the Bible, staying in the word or praying. And every week he tells her the truth "no" and he's not proud of that. He came to a teary point when he looked at me and said: "I just don't get it... No matter where I go there's always someone in my life to preach the Word to me." I told him I was honored to be that person. I asked him if he ever committed his soul and faith to Jesus Christ and he confessed: "Yes."
We got this not-so-new-hire at my job and there's lots to discribe him by. First of all he's funny and stylish: LA fully. Every other week come pay day, he's got two his baby's mamma at our store asking him to pay-up. He does, and the ladies count the money right infront of him to embarrass, what's crazy every once in a while its short just a measly ten or twenty bucks. These ladies got him in a head lock. His current girlfriend is expecting a child and they are not getting along. Its my business to tell him about Jesus, and its none of my business to shame him: I mean only to illustrate a long standing looming sadness.
I remember like a month ago when he heard that I was a believer in Christ, he asked me if I was for real. If I was hollerin' or followin'. I said "most definately followin'." He wanted to see if I knew the Bible, Keep in mind I'm still a rather new believer, (Just past my first year!). After a lightning fast prayer request for the Holy Spirit to be present, I plugged away about who Matthew was, who his gospel audience was intended for. Then I listed off my favorite verses about three or four of them. Then came me asking my co-worker about Jesus as sacrificial Lamb and if he knew it to be truth. He gave me a surprised look, it was subtle. After that moment, I left the office, praised God for the sharing and I prayed for the soul of my co-worker: that the Holy Spirit may bring him to Christ.
Fast forward to last week and my coworker reveils to me that all of his family members are believers out in Cali. So that dynamic instantly reveiled such strain, pain and bitterness inside him. He explained how their hope for him to be saved was more like and unfulfilled expectation in his mind eating at him. I told him not to live in his mind, that I had a similar struggle with my brother when he became a believer seven years before me. And he wanted me to believe so very badly, but I just loved my sin back then. Right then I just felt like telling my testamony. -The Holy Spirit inspired abridged version. About addiction (to cigarettes, weed, liquor, gambling, sex), mental hospitals, demonic possesions, hyper-religiousity, depression, disparity, and one stolen car to serve as the catylist for Jesus Christ to accept my first prayer in ten years. I confessed total and utter failure, I hoped God would heal me as I placed my faith in Jesus and I also prayed for quitting my own will power. The only Bible verse I remembered Matt 11:29-30. It was a choppy prayer, but full of remorse and humility asking for forgiveness. And ever since, God's will convicting me has been a year of immense change and gratitude.
My co-worker was struck, amazed at who I am today verses a year ago. He could not even tell that I had a past even remotely like that. Which surprised me because though the addictions are gone, the scantification of my words certainly isn't complete and its most apparent at work. My co-worker continued to let down his guard enough to share with me that his sister calls him every week and asks him if he's reading the Bible, staying in the word or praying. And every week he tells her the truth "no" and he's not proud of that. He came to a teary point when he looked at me and said: "I just don't get it... No matter where I go there's always someone in my life to preach the Word to me." I told him I was honored to be that person. I asked him if he ever committed his soul and faith to Jesus Christ and he confessed: "Yes."
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Sprouting up in Christ's Light
My life with Jesus is good and its been recognized by some to be amazing. It doesn't get to my head much because first of all, I'm not actually living it, so the credit belongs to the Holy Spirit living through me. I'll take props for a willing heart and and a devoted faith. But the works are God's.
The proof is when my brother Will (who knows me very well) is having a beer and I share in his company -but not the brew. That amazes me because I knew myself to be someone who never passes up a social pint yet there I was: without judgement, just happy with the freedom of not desiring a beer or disfunctionally craving the intoxicated feeling. I want Christ, His mercy, His love and His promises -not beer. That to me is proof of how good my life is with Jesus. But then God adds a random blessing as Will's spackling and I'm painting: my brother who doesn't show emotions at all (except good ones). Just candidly states: "I just can't believe it Nic... I'm really surprised and glad you got out of that root you were in; that seemed like forever." I smiled joyfully and said: "If your thanking me, your welcome. But you got to thank God also because I couldn't have done it without Him." There was a moment of peacfilled silence between us after. That is God's awesome power that anyone can have through faith.
The proof is in business card. Close to a year ago I changed my outlook, opnions and attitude towards authority. I did it while I was working with a very difficult boss through prayer and silence. I wanted to obey Romans chapter 13. After three failed promotions, I got promoted and moved away from the tough boss. This wan't a big move on the surface; but I insisted in my mind that this change of store and job type was God's way of helping me seek him first in everything -to let the new me out. So in seeking Him first, I erased my long-standing "workin' for the man." attitude. Or the "The system is using me" feeling. Or the strong hold of thinking that my bosses don't care about me. Now I'm embraced, cared for and praised by my boss. I've gotten a big second promotion in less than six months and yes: I got business cards that my company paid for! (I'm gonna use them as To:/From: tags this Christmas.) Not to mention, I am in the position of authority now. My boss is moving on and he wants me to take his position. I'm nominated to be re-promoted to a level where the income is enough to support a family. I'm a long shot in my mind but still I'm meeting with the district boss this week, what delight from my past. Talk about Satan tricking my thoughts dooming my success until I Submitted to Jesus.
The proof is in the future. Today I attended a debt seminar at church. God asked me to evaluate my spending, bill paying and tithing. The Lord has placed my sins with money in my lap. Since I quit gambling, I thought my money-sinning days were through (Just the stupid sins it turns out). My sin is mainly psychological: I have all these knotted up strong holds talking me out of faithfully tithing, seeing the money as God's, or not diligently budgeting. Sin is dark, addicting and shameful; all of a sudden my spending and credit resembled this. I felt wretched about what I've done with what God has given me. Debt is a sin that never really phased me because its socially acceptable. I owe Chase, Capital one, a morgage and Mastercard. So how I can justify eating out daily? Convenience? The truth is that I'm living greedily if i'm not trying to remove debt, have an emergency fund, or multiply the money God gave me. That's done by giving back in gratitude to God what's God's. "Like a river, not a reservoir."
We will see how God changes me this year to executing repentance from my didn't-know-it-was-there-sin of money management. The outlook is not depressing for me, because I qualify only for low credit limits cards. I've been highly undereducated for much too long about spending so I look forward to fixing this before I do have a family, company, or am entrusted with more money. My mom's great with finances so I feel less than proud about knowing so little. But on a sin level, I just want to exterminate those mental (defeatist) barriers that I don't usually see, yet it is a plank in my eye if Jesus was looking at me. But yep, God is good. My life in his grace and mercy is great. Its tremendous what God can heal with a willing faith.
The proof is when my brother Will (who knows me very well) is having a beer and I share in his company -but not the brew. That amazes me because I knew myself to be someone who never passes up a social pint yet there I was: without judgement, just happy with the freedom of not desiring a beer or disfunctionally craving the intoxicated feeling. I want Christ, His mercy, His love and His promises -not beer. That to me is proof of how good my life is with Jesus. But then God adds a random blessing as Will's spackling and I'm painting: my brother who doesn't show emotions at all (except good ones). Just candidly states: "I just can't believe it Nic... I'm really surprised and glad you got out of that root you were in; that seemed like forever." I smiled joyfully and said: "If your thanking me, your welcome. But you got to thank God also because I couldn't have done it without Him." There was a moment of peacfilled silence between us after. That is God's awesome power that anyone can have through faith.
The proof is in business card. Close to a year ago I changed my outlook, opnions and attitude towards authority. I did it while I was working with a very difficult boss through prayer and silence. I wanted to obey Romans chapter 13. After three failed promotions, I got promoted and moved away from the tough boss. This wan't a big move on the surface; but I insisted in my mind that this change of store and job type was God's way of helping me seek him first in everything -to let the new me out. So in seeking Him first, I erased my long-standing "workin' for the man." attitude. Or the "The system is using me" feeling. Or the strong hold of thinking that my bosses don't care about me. Now I'm embraced, cared for and praised by my boss. I've gotten a big second promotion in less than six months and yes: I got business cards that my company paid for! (I'm gonna use them as To:/From: tags this Christmas.) Not to mention, I am in the position of authority now. My boss is moving on and he wants me to take his position. I'm nominated to be re-promoted to a level where the income is enough to support a family. I'm a long shot in my mind but still I'm meeting with the district boss this week, what delight from my past. Talk about Satan tricking my thoughts dooming my success until I Submitted to Jesus.
The proof is in the future. Today I attended a debt seminar at church. God asked me to evaluate my spending, bill paying and tithing. The Lord has placed my sins with money in my lap. Since I quit gambling, I thought my money-sinning days were through (Just the stupid sins it turns out). My sin is mainly psychological: I have all these knotted up strong holds talking me out of faithfully tithing, seeing the money as God's, or not diligently budgeting. Sin is dark, addicting and shameful; all of a sudden my spending and credit resembled this. I felt wretched about what I've done with what God has given me. Debt is a sin that never really phased me because its socially acceptable. I owe Chase, Capital one, a morgage and Mastercard. So how I can justify eating out daily? Convenience? The truth is that I'm living greedily if i'm not trying to remove debt, have an emergency fund, or multiply the money God gave me. That's done by giving back in gratitude to God what's God's. "Like a river, not a reservoir."
We will see how God changes me this year to executing repentance from my didn't-know-it-was-there-sin of money management. The outlook is not depressing for me, because I qualify only for low credit limits cards. I've been highly undereducated for much too long about spending so I look forward to fixing this before I do have a family, company, or am entrusted with more money. My mom's great with finances so I feel less than proud about knowing so little. But on a sin level, I just want to exterminate those mental (defeatist) barriers that I don't usually see, yet it is a plank in my eye if Jesus was looking at me. But yep, God is good. My life in his grace and mercy is great. Its tremendous what God can heal with a willing faith.
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