Monday, March 29, 2010

Am I Insulted When God is?

I'm back in the dealings of Moody, Work, and my one bedroom apartment. My car is still feisty and rebellious towards its innate functions. Aren't we all rebellious towards our innate function should it defined as worshiping and loving God?

I just want to illustrate where my life is constantly rebellious to God. Ever run late to the airport? Speeding in the car, running in the airport, and totally irritated by the line of people checking bags before you for a flight that will leave an hour later than yours? Thoughts are constantly fixated on the ever changing percentage of making or missing the flight. There is not time to go to the restroom, your name is on the concourse PA as a "final boarding call" and you're still putting on your shoes, and sliding on your belt after the TSA folks finish with you. -Have I run the race? Yes. Will I finish? Yes. Have I kept my eyes on Jesus?...

Keeping your eyes on Jesus has to do with prioritizing and big-picture framework. These are not strong points of my faith. For one I don't think to manage my time, prioritizing doesn't happen much. And two, without the big-picture ( what God is doing) I address immediate needs and panic to make it to my gate on time. If i played out the worse case scenario that would give way to big-picture thinking: So I miss my flight: Boo-hoo. There are many more. Unfortunately along the way I forget to consult Jesus, to look to Him, REST in Him amid the hub-bub. Dealing with Bi-Polar One I find my mania intensifies these urges to speed-up.

My days are so busy out here that I feel like I've been trying to catch that last minute flight for two months now. With this time in Colorado, I have taken a big-picture breath. I've been challenged to implement the priorities I claim in my life.

1. God, My intimate devotion to Him, loving Him, finding out who He is, being with Him, reading His Words, singing. Resting in His shadow. Trusting my circumstance to Him. Insisting on His promises in Scripture. Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."
2. My neighbors and family. Relationships, available to give of myself, bless others in serving, perpetuate gestures of love, (maybe why I'm writing this instead of my Apologetic's paper right now) To declare blessings on others.
3. general personal growth. With God, vision of serving Him, discovering my vocation, being able to provide for others. Shelter, my sweet ride.
4. School.
5. Work.

The problem is this. I stress and worry about 4 and 5 like its number one. If God was my place of employment and He implements what He wants in a worker (He does), I would be on final warning for violating company policy. When was the last time I felt bad for being late to reading my Bible? Or when have I been pulled into the office for doing a no call no show when it comes to praying for others first? Have I ever been written up by God because I didn't turn the other cheek, on the day God was counting on it?

Indulge by seeing Jesus' role in realigning God's business and my usefulness as his employee despite those constant violations. Does anyone really deserve a raise?

That is why the passage I read today was so striking. John 2:17. After Jesus whips and overturns the vendors in the temple courts. After witnessing, His disciples say about Jesus "Zeal for your house will consume me." This referring to Psalm 69:9 about developing a holy zeal for when the Lord is mocked. When have i gotten seriously cheesed at the state of my #1 and #2. In contrast I can tell you i get cheesed daily about my performance with #4 and #5.

Servicio en la Ciudad

Service in the city was a blessing to be a part of. I went to "la villita" also known as little village and more endearingly still: The Mexico of the Midwest. The claim to fame is its uncanny resemblance to Mexico city for a radius of about two miles. I was placed there, not my choice, so I feel even more like asking God: why send me to La Villita? What's my application, what is God telling me? Porque la Villita?

We subdivided into small groups to hand out the food. We (Danny, Rick and Nic) delivered bags of food and presents to about 15 houses all of whom didn't speak english except for a "thank you". These were living spaces tucked behind the house on the streets. Clusters of unofficial residences, overpopulated studio apartments without windows, and kitchens where the bathroom sink should be.

We were timely, a lady praised the gifts because she had just returned from a funeral in Mexico and had no money for groceries. Rick was the go-to speaker. Danny's 11 years old and didn't speak english so I busted out my fragmented Spanish with him: "diga-me tu historias favorido de Jesus?" He opened up to me and was busy teaching me new Spanish vocabulary words. I called him professor and he lit up. The he told me that my Spanish reminded him of the white guy on some Mexican soap opera.

I came to the conclusion that if urban ministry in the United States is what God has in store for me. Then it is imperative that i become fluent on Spanish. I was told by well qualified urban ministers that immigration rights is the biggest civil rights issue in America today. the Bible says to treat the alien as our own. Yet this barrio (hood) is plagued with domestic violence, labor exploitation and unjust landlords all because if the victims call the authorities about any of this they will be deported. It is a dangerous, evil, entrapment.

We were at Nueva Vida: New Life Community Church that provides daily free internet for the community. Free fitness classes, after school program, english classes, addiction classes. I was proud to represent that church and I'm thinking of going to Spanish service there. One thing about the Latino community is there is much Catholic pride. I came upon houses that had stickers in the window with icon paintings of Mary and Jesus and it stated "We are Catholic and do not welcome Protestant solicitation of any kind." Much division there.

The Moody grad school reconvened at night over a meal and shared our experiences. People were saved, ministries were affirmed, hard workers for Christ were recognized and many communities were provided for with food.

Praise God for such a loaded attack on the city in His name.

Service in the City

Moody's got a great outreach coming up this Saturday called: Service in the City. We teamed up the mayor's office's faith based initiatives department to go to the most broken neighborhoods in the city. There are about twelve centers we'll divvy into(retirement homes, after school programs, churches involved in community development etc..). The city opened its pocket and food banks for us to bring food and make food for the communities. The rest is a time of sharing the Gospel. there are two centers where its more of a work based day of service. The central focus is around the discussions, and sharing food. Being social to promote the centers we'll be at so neighbors will think to go there for help, safety, and care.

If there's one thing I've learned this year serving at Starfish in the Westside ghetto of Chicago. The people you serve will take your handouts, be polite in your company, but they know full well that you're leaving after the day is through. My presence is almost salt on their wounds even though that is not my intension. There's this injustice barrier, poverty barrier, and cultural barrier that isn't healed by the outside dropping by with milk and cookies. Sending money, serving up mash at the food shelter once a year, hanging out with kid, those seem to be more meaningful to the giver than the receiver. Its inevitable to, at least for a while, grow a messiah complex: "I'm gonna point the poor people to Christ. I'm show them the answer and the Bible. Then God's love and care will show them out of marginalization, oppression and the ghetto.

It'll all be good, then I go home to my neighborhood, pray and God is gonna clean up the hood and i helped. Urban ministry means moving in, gaining street credit: That I'm not just a here-today-gone-tomorrow curiosity. I give "big props" to my brother and his wife for choosing to live in Garfield Park, raising kids there for the sake of Jesus. -Not just serving and leaving. It takes huge faith to believe that moldy ghetto can behold the influence of God almighty. They are prayerfully developing a hope in Christ for the community, through nourishing presence, regenerative social programs and withstanding hate.

Moody isn't trying to perpetuate a hood mentality by dropping food and leaving. We are advertising help 24-7 to the worst hoods in Chicago. Who knows I might get plugged in and asked to become a resident where I serve.

Maybe its the Caffeine Talking

I was going to take the week off from spilling out the guts of my days, but I felt like working through some topics so I can see a bigger picture of what God is doing and be prayed for. I seek not to be prideful about any of these entries. That's why its good to get feedback from ya'll regarding insights, any wrong though on my part and/or advice. Oh and I think its vital (and humbling) as a Christian to ask people to pray for you and yours.

Work is hard, I'm a verbal "love language" kind of guy and my work is a time "love language" kind of thing. So we never fully are satisfied with each other. I have a hard time just loving on my team. Largely because of diversity issues and misunderstandings, The only white leader overnight who leads a team of minorities plays a role no matter how much we try and get around the taboos. I pray for each of them often. I just cannot get them to care about their job past a certain point. I got two that are being written up often, two that do a good job but won't lift a finger beyond their own tasks. And another that is so mood-swing-prone that I don't know how to speak to her. Thankfully i do have very positive (LOL) relationships with many of the fellow team leaders.

God is there, I'm being watched for being a "Christian" (sometimes i don't rep. for Jesus as Jesus would). The whole passage of the Bible that says that believers and unbelievers are a stench to each other's nostrils is often what i feel at work. I don't want my love for my team to be interpreted as a stench but it just plays out that way. I remember singing in the dairy department a few hymns as i put up signs, trying to not sing out too loud. And I just wondered when the last time anyone ever sang a hymn in the dairy department given how every night it gets bombarded with adultery songs, getting crunk and acting all thug.

It is my Sundays I want back. They have told me that i will be off every other Saturday. It has yet to happen, But I do wish to be worshiping God in a body of believers every Sunday. Overnight is tuff, but God has redeemed my fears of working overnight. Because my last trip to the looney bin was seasoned by me working overnight. Can we praise God for that restoring work?

I notice sin in my life regarding how i deal with feelings of anxiety. (incredible how i would have never seen this flaw if i didn't have the conviction of the Holy Spirit within me).The workload at school is a good bit harder this semester. My hopes to take in what i study, and be nourished spiritually is being victimized by a skim-and-spit-out-a-paper process. Certainly not what i want, probably not that uncommon either. So the pressure of school hangs on me everyday. This anxiety is handled wrongly: I tend to over eat, over sleep and check out the television. When i should be hacking away bit by bit. Bad weekly planning could be blamed as well.

One last thing in Apologetics, I'm reading about the Qur'an alongside the Bible since they both claim to be the Word of God, its just incredible how the hardening of Muslims hearts is done by the Qur'an. It contains false technical problems like geographic and historic information. Instead of admitting the obvious mistakes (backed by historians, archaeologists), Muslims accuse the Bible as being corrupted. This is the tip of the iceberg.

The main consolidator in my mind of how the Bible is the Word of God is that fact that: Jesus had to/wanted to do the work to save me. -not me or anything I will do. Most other religions preach a "what you have to do to earn salvation." My salvation is contingent on Jesus Christ. Fulfilled prophesy is also full proof in defending the Bible as the Word of God.

Praising God For Jesus in You

I love what God has done with you. I thank God that He chose you (as members of Christ's body on earth) to grow me. He uses you to show me what it means to follow and worship Him.

What is love? As I spend my devotional time with God in the Gospel of Luke, I'm convinced that Luke uses the most adjectives out of all the Gospel authors. If that's actually true I really don't know. So I'm glad that I spent a chunk of my Valentine's day undivided with God! This being Valentines day heightens the heart strings to soprano-crescendo-rapido. God is so blessedly good, in love with me and He lets me know it.

It kinda humbles me to think that I need God's love in the form of daily provision, hourly mercy and constant grace. In contrast, God asks for my burdens, anxieties, and praises. He wants them, God I think is an emotionally receptive God. He is compassionate and considerate to our emotion. Actually when I cry (tears) out of a spiritual prompting it is proof that God exists for me because I hadn't cried since middle school. Now and then I feel a good cry is a release unto God.

What's the deal with God's fixation on us praising Him? Why does He want us to call Him Holy? To worship Him and glorify His name and works alone. Doesn't God already know all this about Him? Why is He so insistent on praise-seeking? Is that God bragging or just being relational with us?

I think, its because it brings us something as His children. Two hypotheses:

One: It for our own good. It is important to remember that we desperately need Him and He doesn't need us. Praising Him is for our own good, it sets our thoughts on God and His holiness. If you want to know what heaven's like: praise God. Heaven is an eternity of worship! (Is this what monasteries were modeled after?) Worship in direct proximity to God. -I hope we all know how worthy He is of our praises. Besides I don't know of anyone that asks for my burdens or anxieties like Jesus does. Praise Him.

Second, Being literally: all-good God has a right, a holy jealousy when credit isn't given to Him as it ought. Instead something is substituted to replace God and it gets the praise instead. Like a toy poodle in a knitted sweater getting the owners praises for cuteness and companionship because it might make the owner feel a deeper sense of identity. This deferring of credit happens all the time, just watch Oprah. I don't worship God as fully as He merits in my life. Giving God the credit for things like talent peels back those layers of pride that so easily grows out of skill. So today i want to praise Him with gratitude: for honesty, for writing, for humor, for leading, for being a Frenchie, for my sick defensive skills in the paint etc... That must please Him, Doesn't He say somewhere in the Bible that He delight in our praises. I hope I'm not making this up. It sounds like it fits God's character, so familiar... Maybe its "I will inhabit the praises of my people."

Praise and worship the name of Jesus Christ because of Him restoring my life with God the Father, and residing within me making me a temple for the Holy Spirit. I'll do the same: I'll praise God for everyone that I send this to for the work He's done in ya'll. Ya'hear. Let's worship with zeal. Lets give Him the credit for the believers in our lives, and also lets bless the unbeliever, and enemies. That's a Valentine God would approve of.