Thinking on Thanksgiving

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

 

Thank you for praying with me for our Thanksgiving, some of you have asked how it was so I thought I would share the experience a bit to honor the Lord my Shepherd. My retail work amazingly gave me the Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off to focus on my family. The day before seemed particularly filled with grace as I met with some godly men, did a prayer walk in the cemetery as Simon is buried on the far end of the property. I spent much time outside with the favorable weather. I ended the day on a dessert date sharing 3 giant cookies with Lindsey for an hour and a half.

 

Thanksgiving itself had a cold whipping wind all day keeping us indoors. Often when I thought about the holiday in the days leading up, it reminded me of Goliath, taunting me and provoking me to anxiousness. I remember praying back to God His Word when I was anxious about it all, the Philippians 4 passage about how prayer with thanksgiving is the prescription for the symptom of anxiousness. My bride and I discussed what we should do and felt it best to keep our day open, with hindsight I don’t recall asking God what He wanted our Thanksgiving to look like. We got invited to homes, we had an offer to bring a dinner to us; in the end we had a simple squash dish and some pie. This certainly was not a Thanksgiving where feasting and an abundant harvest was a focus.

 

I thought of things to say and songs to sing but couldn’t find a fitting time to share it. I made time to look at videos and photos hoping to remind us of the treasury of loving moments with my son, only a few of us wanted to go there. I had Simon’s “thankfulness car” ready to roll but didn’t. These planned efforts felt like shouting “hello” in a cave with no echo calling back though I expected one. But the Lord was near, He gave us a midday nap, a home improvement project to keep our mind nimble in the afternoon, grandparents to help out with the kids, a little bit of soccer and football to distract, and a wholehearted prayer at dinner time. I threw all I got into thanking God for the way my life is without Simon and thankful for the treasure of 6 years with Simon. It was not easy. I didn’t expect it to be. I did expect God to help Shepherd us, I felt like He did.  

 

Going to church that weekend brought victory, the David victory over this Goliath. Our worship songs opened my heart before the Lord, giving me a vantage point over Thanksgiving Day itself. I sang: “I know that He can do it, He said He’d lead me through it, He’s able!!” I stood on that truth, that is what my God did for me on Thanksgiving day! 

Another song we sang served as an idol checker, it simply stated: “I just want to tell you Jesus that I love you more than anything.” That reminded me that the real battle within my heart and mind is to keep laying down my son at the feet of Jesus, to not want him back more than I want Jesus. Jesus Christ is first! First served, first loved, first talked to in all that I go through. How recalibrating it was to sing that and mean it with all I got. 

The message that day revisited a passage of Scripture that spoke sweetly to me in the earlier days of losing Simon. It was a comfort to revisit. 

All this I gathered into my heart, and asked God to fan the flames of my faith because I need Him. 

This photo was from Thanksgiving 2020. Simon especially loved the French Silk Chocolate Pie that year. 

Love, 

nic

A Little Legacy for the Carpenter of Heaven

 

Dear Praying Warrior,

 

Heaven's Carpenter

As the Lord orchestrated things, last spring we moved mom into my brother’s house. During that process, I surveyed the memorabilia, found, and claimed a framed sketch of Jesus I’d never paid attention to before. Thanks to Lindsey it has been at my bedside since I brought it to my home. It's a portrait of Jesus focused on a piece of wood in his lap. He's running a carpenter’s block plane over the wood creating those thick curled shavings at the end of the piece. My bride wedged four pictures in the frame seams, around that image. Each picture is of me with each one of my kids.  My Father in Heaven loves me, even as I am on His lap, I am surrounded with the joy and comfort my kids give. God shapes me into the likeness of His Son.

 

In the days and weeks after Simon’s death, I was apprehensive to talk to people who also lost a son, not anymore, they have become a tool in my Heavenly Carpenter’s drawer. Particularly Christian fathers. Fathers that have lost their children but not their faith! I found out last week that 5 of the 10 men in my Bible study discussion group have lost their sons and have kept on walking with Jesus. This is no coincidence, but rather a hug from the Lord. How can an interdenominational Bible study with around 100+ men happen to place us in the same discussion class together? Wow, I thought it good to study the Bible, but God had more overflow in mind for my spiritual formation. God cares about my sorrow and wants me to walk with Him!

 

A Little Legacy

The Lord brought a handyman to our home through a reference this past week. He was an encouragement to me. He placed kitchen cabinets, patched drywall and laid flooring down for us. We shared stories of loss and legacy confessing how formative such things are. After a while we found out that we attended the same church. Praise  

 

Legacy remains pressing on my heart regarding Simon. Perhaps I don’t want to lose my memories of him and what he stood for. Or at the risk of sounding insecure, maybe I seek reassurance that there was a great purpose in God’s plan to give Simon life and allow for his seemingly premature death. Either way, there is much mystery surrounding him and I know that God doesn’t owe me an answer. He didn’t have to give me Simon in the first place. I’m so glad He did.

 

 I have come to think of legacy as a retraceable way for others to see God’s grace in the life lived and then formulate it into stories left behind, an annual tradition, or maybe a memorial; All to the Glory of God. I have asked myself “how has God been gracious to Simon?” Pray with me that God would show me more ways He was gracious to Simon. I know we touched on many points of grace during the funeral service.

 

God afforded us financial blessing throughout this whole ordeal, not out of need as far as we can perceive, but for us to be a blessing with it. Pray that we would use the money that we received to honor Jesus, Simon’s memory, and pay for things like counseling if we are led that way. We used that fund for the first time on Halloween. We sought to glorify God by having a time of praise and worship at our house with some neighbors and some of Simon’s friends. During a break in the singing, the kids formed an assembly line and helped make homeless bags. The kind I used to make with Simon! They come complete with a gospel booklet, a Jesus word search, local contact numbers for job search assistance, food, shelter, and lots of nourishing food. That night I shared with them about the 5-mile bike ride I took with Simon back in May. We biked along the river past many homeless camps. I was surprised at the many clusters as we biked past. We took a water break and talked about the homeless. I was unprepared. It’s hard to talk about the homeless with children, even with a biblical view I found myself asking Simon “what can we do about it? God loves them too!”. His heart had room for the homeless, so much room. He said to me “these guys need bags too.”

 

The Sunday after our night of worship, I loaded up my bike trailer with 30 or so homeless bags. With a dear brother, we biked in the cold and dropped them off. We biked the same route I did 6 months earlier with Simon. We stopped to talk to each of them and prayed. I shared my story about the time I rode that same path with Simon, I told them that my son wanted them to know that Jesus loves them and cares to meet their needs. I added that Jesus is a chain breaker. To my surprise I found myself being prayed for too. They met me with compassion towards my heartbreak equal to the measure of compassion we were out delivering. One of them saw Simon’s story on the news. We prayed for idols to be smashed and chains broke.   

 

In a grief book aimed at helping kids grieve, I read a statement that surprised me, it said, "time doesn’t heal the wounds, but actions do." The acts of our worship night, the homeless bags and the bike ride ministered deeply. It was also the first time I got back on my bike since Simon died.

 

Praise the Lord for:

- Renee being carefully loved and listened to by us. We have been giving her some melatonin at night which has helped calm her too.

- all the handy work done unto the glory of God.

- getting our family recovered from a viral illness. 

-Honoring our memory of Simon while serving Jesus and loving on the homeless.

-Giving me rich support in Christ's Body through my Bible study discussion group 

  

 

Please Pray for:

-Renee. That she would not suffer any long-term effects from early childhood trauma. And that the Lord would ease her into sharing a room with Victor when the time is right.

-Transformation from the inside out for the homeless that received a bag made by Simon’s friends.

-wisdom and confirmation for the medical treatment of Anna’s neurological condition called Electrical Status Epilepticus during (ESES) coming up on December 12^th. The treatment is 3 months on a heavy dose of Valium. It’s supposed to be a 3 day inpatient stay to start, so we can see how Anna adjusts to the treatment. Prior treatments and studies show much cognition improvement and speech development to the patients who respond well to it. Would this please the Lord as an avenue for Him to administer healing?

-Continued sharing of our hearts with one another for Lindsey and I. 

 

-Grace in love as we are hosting our mothers one after another in the next two weeks.

Thank you,

Nic, Lindsey, Anna, Renee, and Victor