Monday, February 13, 2012

R.I.P. Thoughts

A major work God has been bringing and re-bringing to my attention is peace. Not the appearance of peace, or the quietness of peace, not even the meditative kind. I'm thirsting for the peace that transcends all understanding, the peace Jesus owns. Its the kind that asks for my burdens, a peace that comes from trusting in the unseen supreme Christ in trials and banality.

My mind needs transformation. I have gone through many changes by turning to the power of Jesus... Repentance in my life glorifies God and heals me (win,win). I remain teachable and hopeful for newness.

The Spiritual armor of God talks about the Helmet of Salvation. In the spirit world my head ought to be protected by Jesus' salvation (peace He paid for). So in my times of prayer alone I call for God to bless me daily with understanding the Truth of His Salvation. That salvation would protect my thoughts, eliminate anxiety.

I grew up fatherless, with an undisciplined mind (lots of tv too): sway according to attraction, pleasure demonic or angelic influence. I grew to be an artist and a philosopher chasing after experience, observation and documentation.

When the bottom fell out I was in mental hospitals being prayed over. Sick with "psychotic episodes" and an onslaught of manic thoughts. When daylight returned to me I was diagnosed Bi-Polar 1. For the last ten years I have delt, learned, medicated and treated this illness. All at secular facilities, seeing psychiatrists that "box" Christians, through the years the dosage has gone up.

I know Jesus Christ to be a healer, of cancer, of concussions, and of my broken heart. Ever since I returned to Chicago I have sought to ask God about Romans 12:2. (Is that for everyone except for me?) My illness is manageable by His grace and God is using the meds but what about God's claim via Paul to transform a mind that no longer conforms to the patterns of the world.

I now know that mental illness of my type is heavily related to spiritual warfare. I was "normal" until 23. I have read Christian books by Christian Psychiatrists that affirm this manner of Satan seeping in. Through drugs, drinking, my own thoughts about God, my placing my faith in the wrong things.

Now I am a man of peace. Secure in God shepherding my steps. Putting on the helmet of salvation transforming my mind by the "whatevers" (True, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable). Faith brings me peace. So I wonder when is God going to take me off of the medicine?