Gloves of Thankfulness

 

Dear prayer warriors, 

in going through this valley of sorrow, grief and loss.  I feel that there is something missing from the spiritual armor of God mentioned in Ephesians 6. losing Simon has made see thankfulness to God as a protection from spiritual attack. Whether it's the sorrow of loss or the quietness of death, gratitude is a pulsating sign of life.  so with a heart like a child, I wrote in the margin of my Bible "and the gloves of thankfulness" just after Ephesians 6:17. 

It's not hard to believe that Satan wants to use the death of my son to render me thankless. Perhaps that is one of his leverage tools with death. In moments when I do think of Simon's absence immensely, I slow to a stop, cry, and I feel old for the first time in my life. Then as i realize that i'm despairing, God's grace to me is that he quickens me to simply say "thank you God for Simon's life." nothing much more complex than that.  saying it has become a staple in my mealtime prayers as well. My lifeline to the Lord these last few days are the gloves of thankfulness. 

It's logical to me that gratitude to the Lord bonds me to His attribute of goodness. Among the several hundred condolences I have read, many have challenged me to say or see that God is good. "taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him." psalm 34:8

praise the Lord for:

• the mighty shield of faith that proved greater than my sorrows as we celebrated Simon's life and buried him yesterday.
• the love we received on a humanistic level from people who don't believe in Christ but have compassion and love for us. In truth, not one person in the world wishes this on us. isn't it the Lord who instilled such empathy/sympathy within each of us?! It is a display of soft heartedness, moldable in the Maker's hands. may their kindness be revealed as the Lord's kindness through them, because His kindness leads to repentance.
• the supernatural amount of love we continue to receive from Christ's body, the Church. I honestly feel like I've been in  the dreaded "Christian bubble" for a while now and it's not that bad if you are hurt, brokenhearted and need someone to go on a walk with you. 
• The humbling this has caused me in my life. and in the way I see myself. 
• peace that comes from sheep walking closely to their Shepherd
• the comfort of loved ones at our side yesterday

please pray for:

• the gloves of thankfulness to be put on us daily, audibly, as moments and day of sorrow are at hand
• the continued illumination of Scripture by the Holy Spirit for my bride and I.
• for honesty, openness, joint care and caretaking of our children. 
• a continuation of surrender with thanksgiving because God is working.
• hundreds of "thankfulness cars" to be rolling on tables and floors 

If you would like a link to watch the Celebration of Simon's Life Service, please reply and I will send it to you. 

with Love,

Nic, Lindsey, Anna, Renee, and Victor

the Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living

dear prayer warriors,

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." psalm 27:13-14. This means so much to me right now, as we walk in the low valley. God is our Shepherd, the Lifter of our head. 

Everything is in place, we have the best of help. so many helpers at our church and my work here to ensure that we are cared for. I can testify that we are clawing our way back into the land of the living. anticipating Wednesday to be a good day. 

I have been forgetting to mention that Victor learned to crawl in the last 2 weeks, His smiles are non stop. Also key, I have been having one on one time with Renee each day. She is struggling with bedtime and winding down. She shared a room with Simon and is now sleeping in our room. 

we experience gladness at least for a while to see family and friends we haven't seen in years. We are covered in countless prayers and wishes for comfort. I've never been hugged so hard in my life. our meal train seems booked till 2028! Anna's night nurse has been so faithful, which is  grace from God. the kindness of our employers is such a grace during this time. 

but oh the sweetness of Simon and the love God gave us through him. blessed be the Lord. If you catch me alone with the Lord, you will see me crying to my Father. 

the thing that means the most to me right now is watching my bride. She is making moves that are blowing my mind. the most challenging for me is in the master bedroom toilet (the first and last place I go in my days). she affixed a declaration, not some little plaque, or a flowery sentiment. naw. She posted a giant sign like a 15"x20" framed sign that fills up all the free space in there with the words "this is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." like come on my soul we have decided to follow Jesus! That was so powerful to me. Another tremendous thing she did was to make a 15 picture collage of Simon and Victor for the nursery. Lindsey is also out to bless those courageous kids that come on Wednesday. more on that later.

thanks for praying, see you on the other side of wednesday.

please pray for:

-that our thankfulness would increase as we petition God for His love, strength and grace. 

-Gods mercy to match our grief.

-grace to give way to faith greater than our sorrows.

-all the words, songs and prayers to glorify God

-composure for those who serve and speak to thank God for Simon's life.

-renee to be able to calm down at bedtime and return to her room as the Lord leads

If you can't make it in person, please know that we will be streaming it live. Wednesday 10 am mountain standard time at cwccs.org

in humility,

nic

Present with the Lord

Dear prayer warriors.

In the moments before everyone is up I try to read the Bible. But lately I have been scrambling to face the day so I have been listening to the Bible, and laying there still. I can't seem to spend much time outside of the book of Psalms these days. The one heaven promise in the book of psalms that I keep coming back to is this one: "in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11. That just fills me with wonder. 

Ever since Simon died I have been asking the Lord to fill me with His promises of heaven. Not necessarily of visions of heavenly landscapes with my son photoshopped in there. Or Simon sporting angelic wings, like he turned into another species. No, I want genuine, God's Word promises. 

Yesterday afternoon we gathered with family and sat there carefully sharing our experiences in the last 2 weeks. Lindsey started ministering to my heavenly longing in a way that I didn't see coming. She led our conversation into these truths of heaven that spoke so loudly to me. "I know Simon wont experience loneliness anymore." And like a floodgate we all started adding comments. We shared that Simon will never be deceived again, motivated by selfish ambition, ensnared by pornography, addicted to alcohol, rejected.  He will not need faith to know God. I just kept saying "Amen after each one." Simon is in a place completely absent of sin and for that I rejoice! Not just in the promises of heaven. But in the One who left heaven, humbled Himself to death so that we could go to heaven and live with God. Jesus prepared a place for Simon. Jesus Christ is his portion, His landlord forevermore. 

I read this blog every once in a while from a guy who also lost his son. And I love the way he introduces himself. He says "I am a Christian, a husband to Aileen, and a father to two girls in their teens and one son who is waiting for me in heaven." That makes a lot of sense to me. 

Renee is playing with Simon's toys more and more. She asked me this morning if we could buy her the pink version of Simon's Hot Wheels Alligator Car Wash because she liked it so much. (There is no pink version) i told her she could have this one and said "no a pink one." 

Last night, Lindsey came up from putting Renee down after a longer than usual time. Renee has been picking the books Simon would pick to read at bedtime. Lindsey let Renee go on and on as her mind rambled about missing Simon she says "he's been gone for 3 days." We really do all grieve differently.

I listened well as Lindsey opened up her sorrows to me before the Lord.

Praise the Lord for:

-the life of Simon. 2530 days give or take

-the unity among believers in helping us, praying for us and walking with us.

-heaven a place free from sin and death.

Please pray for:

- the funeral to have so great a measure of grace that our faith would be greater than our sorrow

- traveling mercies for the family and friends

- the continued laying down of our life as we imagined it to be. To take faith for today and not worry about things like Christmas 2022 and next year's birthdays. 

-those family members, neighbors,  and friends far from God, to experience His love and mercy in this time. As they join to us to remember Simon.

Thank you for praying

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope." 1 thes 4:13 NLT

Nic for the Currats

 

Why I Don't Shake my Fist at God

 

 

Prayer Warriors,

There is a supernatural occurrence in this world that becomes more apparent with time. Only God authors it, I would even say it is proof of God, He is exceptional at it. It's called taking what the enemy means for evil and turning it for good. Turning the bad for good. Although I can't see the good in Simon's death, I can trust that God will get the last word about Simon's passing and it will be for good. I have faith in that. Why? Because of November 27th 1980. 

It was Thanksgiving day. I was 2.5 years old and my father, being a devout Swiss mountaineer, had gone cross-country skiing with two other friends at St Mary's Glacier just outside of Idaho Springs Colorado. My father was swept away in an avalanche and died leaving my mom with four boys and I wasn't the youngest. A drunk driver didn't hit him, no cancer, no shootout at the ok corral -just a naturally occurring avalanche. So to a boy it was clear God is to blame! My family will tell you, I was a bully in elementary school fighting, bitter was my middle name and one day we got sued for one of the fights I got in. Mom called grandma in France and the next thing you know at 12 years old I got sent to an all boys, Catholic, orphanage in the countryside of France for disciplinary reasons. That made me livid. I was blaming God, shaking my fist at Him on the daily for the hole I was in. I believed that the world owed me something because my dad died. oh the lies I was believing as a fatherless youth!

Without getting carried away in hypotheticals, this fact remains: I would not have longed my whole life for a father if my father hadn't died. That bad thing took decades for God to turn to a good thing, but He did! On November 10th 2006 Jesus reconciled me to the Father and for the first time I knew a Father's unconditional love. I saw how gravely misplaced my fist shaking anger towards God was. I confessed it, asked for forgiveness, and like pulling that faulty Jenga block from its tower, God collapsed that stronghold the Enemy had built up in my life against God. I met the love of my Perfect Heavenly Father and guess what? Daddy's not mad at me, He just wants to kiss me, so I can't be mad at myself anymore. Praise the Lord for sure.

So now it's July 5th 2022 and Satan attacked my son. The bad is that Simon got bit by a rattlesnake and died days later from its complications. I looked it up, google says that the CDC says about 7,000-10,000 snake bites happen in the US every year and maybe only 5-8 end up in death usually from complications ensuing. Is the good that I should go out and buy a lottery ticket? Probably not, I don't know what the good will look like, but it's coming. So as for me and my house we will wait on the Lord to turn this for good. Come quickly Lord Jesus!

I missed Simon like crazy today just laying in a pile of blocks and hot wheels, saying "God help." feeling a heavy void. But the story ain't over folks.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

Praise God:

For turning bad into Good in my past so I can trust it will happen again. What the enemy means for evil God is working on.

-For the power of praise

-For unity in prayer

Please pray for:

-Anna's surgery got cancelled for tomorrow, please pray that her teeth would fall out naturally giving space for her adult teeth to come in. It is a clear source of drool and discomfort.

-The temptation to think it's all meaningless to be defeated. We are talking to God about our temptations, not giving into them.

-a calibration of our marriage. The sorrow of losing Simon reminds me how much more I need to continue to listen humbly. For years she has wanted to work on our marriage and I be like "yeah good idea, some day," or "aren't we doing better than most?" What a fool I have been in not prioritizing this.  (I'm not beating myself up, just calling it out). Pray for excellence as we seek counseling, and love one another through this great valley. 

 Simon was my bride's diamond too.

Thanks for Praying, believing God for His best, and loving our family.

Nic for the Currats.

 

laid out on a stretcher

dear prayer warrior, 

 I am reminded that for as long as Anna has been alive we have been like the 4 friends of the paralytic who brought their paralyzed friend to Jesus in the hope for healing. Since they could not go into the place where Jesus was teaching because it was so full. They literally climbed to the rooftop with their paralyzed friend on the stretcher, opened the roof and lowered their friend on his stretcher before Jesus in the hope of His healing touch. 

Jesus commended the faith and perseverance of the friends who remained on the roof. That has been us for the last 8 years. We have been greatly encouraged in faith by bringing Anna to the Lord with a host of fellow prayer warriors. 

Today, this time around, God is asking me to lay my spirit and family on the stretcher since we are the broken hearted needing Jesus touch, and healing. As you come around us in prayer, we know that you are faithful to this call determined for God to show Himself Mighty in our midst.  

Praise God for: 

-how Lindsey and I have been able to speak to each other about our sorrows with many tears and greif while hugging. 

-we have been able to lay down the many wonders, logical conclusions, and things we assumed/hoped about who Simon might become.

-many details and needed hoops have been jumped through to enable simons funeral, reception, and burial.

-all superficial and external needs are being met with very little burden to us. Including many meals and funds to help our family get here 

PRAY FOR:

- renee. She is no longer excited about the added attention from Simon's absence. She is repeating many questions that are hard to answer. Even harder for her to comprehend. This morning I took her to the burial plot we bought for Simon to help her understand. "We are going to see him one last time with many friends and family who want to say goodbye also." Pray that the Holy Spirit would help her see the promise for believers in the Bible that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. 

-continued discernment for the content of the funeral.

-grace for us to speak with people who say the wrong things but mean well. Like how relatable they imagine our trial is to something they went through. While that may hold true, it doesn't help right now, perhaps down the road.  

-pray for children coming. For the families with young. Simon's friends and acquaintances that they would receive an added measure of courage and hope. The last thing we want is to have the reception at a huge trampoline park and nobody comes to enjoy the gift we have laid out in Simon's name. 

-the words to speak as we prepare what we want to say. They will always seem lacking or "not good enough". May God give us peace.

- for Anna's outpatient, general anesthesia, dental surgery on thursday. that she would be well enough to receive the procedure and recover from it within days. She has much tooth discomfort and if we cancel, another OR would take 3 months. 

- for my mind to not go into guilt mode for not writing thank you notes from the abundant giving we have experienced.

thankful that you are carrying us,

nic for the currats 

out walking in the middle of a tornado

Dear Prayer Warriors, 

I drew near to Psalm 127 and the Word drew near me. I do not labor in vain through my suffering, because the Lord is building His house in me. I experience hope in His Word while my body is exhausted in sorrow. My time in prayer is not a shouting match of doubt or anger expecting answers; it's a time of trust and lovingkindness thanks to Jesus the curtain tearer.  While my heart and flesh lament, cry, and tire by midday about the way things are, God helps me see good. He reminds me of the One who crushed the serpent's head and took away the sting of death.

Simon was my reward from the Lord, I don't mean that sarcastically Simon was a good good gift from God. I nicknamed him Simon Diamond because I meant it. For me, he was a fist full of arrows in a warrior's hand. Simon pushed back the darkness with his prayers and lit up the dance floor in worship. Don't believe me? Come to the funeral we are going to show evidence of such things! 

 I met with Simon's primary care Physician today and the first thing she said was "I'm so glad you have your faith." then proceeded to weep, I was not expecting that. She asked how Lindsey was doing, just like the verse in Psalm 127 we are not toiling for food (we have so much help), and God gives sleep to those He loves. Even when my memory storage is full and my things to do are piled high, my God grants sleep to those he loves. to be real also Victor is not sleeping through the night yet and that makes it hard at times. 

Please Praise God with me. He has turned many bad things for good: 

-Anna's seizure hospitalization allowed for our own private family and friends room to grieve and wait as Simon was dying. 

-Media was prodding for stories. God slowed the rush, directed them all for His glory. its not everyday you hear the Savior's name on the local news. 

-The shock of his death impacted so many. Complete strangers cared. There has been a supernatural amount of money donated. So much so that we are not worried about covering my time off or the cost of a funeral. rather we are in the position to dream up a legacy type thing for him in the years to come should the Lord direct us. 

-Family members, coworkers, friends, and us we are all cut to the heart. God has allowed this death as a "where the rubber meets the road." kind of thing. Lots of spiritual inventorying going on by many.

Please pray for:

-God's great might and help ministered to us for Simon's funeral scheduled on Wednesday July 27th. At our church Calvary Worship Center in Colorado springs at 10AM. All are welcome. 

- God's direction with a passage to choose, people to speak and songs to sing. We aim to make it kid friendly while not looking like a VBS. We are honored that many people have changed their plans to help us glorify God through this. This is all so heavy!

-The reception, I asked my Target store to create a volunteer event to help cater, set up, serve food, and clean up. I haven't considered that they are maybe seeking to participate rather than serve and that is a blessing to us as well. 

-the indoor trampoline park Air City 360. They are honored to host the reception. This is Simon's "favorite place" he said that a month ago after his first time there. We hope to have 100 kids jumping.This is where it will be unmistakably kid friendly. They will close it from the public for us, what grace! 

-our anniversary. On Sunday we will "celebrate" 12 years of marriage. Pray that our hearts will be opened and turned towards each other in full sensitivity to what we are going through. 

-the Lord to reveal hidden treasures of Simon's character in our house like his writing and art. and treasures in our photos. perhaps something to write on a tombstone. I found his toothbrush under the couch this evening! We don't plan on hanging onto it but it warmed my heart. also, Lindsey showed me a thank you note from Simon to her, thanking her for writing a thank you note to him!!!  that's the goods "bring more Lord."

-That we keep our eyes on Jesus as the external stimulation and things to do subside and we are left with a quiet house where there once was wild living from a 6 year old taken way too soon in my opinion. God blessed him with so many great tools to navigate this life but obviously now it's meant for the sweet by and by.

-that our surviving kids (Anna, Renee, and Victor) would grow in faith and love as we treasure them even more now. That God would help them through this time too. I've never caved to Renee's demands as much as I have this week, Oh the sugar and snacks. 

With Resurrection Hope, 

Nic