Thursday, September 2, 2010

Do i Love My Wife Like Jesus Loves the Church?

Today in class I got put on the spot about being a newly wed. He asked me to share with 25 of my closest Moody friends what struggles I was facing as a newly wed. I’ve been in a bliss-like state since July 17th so I was slow to answer. Manic in the brain, panic on my heart, I blurted out: “well imitating God’s model of love. Like how Jesus loves God and the Spirit. We don’t do a good job spiritually. Its hard, were just not there yet.” It was just a convoluted statement. Most people looked at me weird. For nearly the rest of the class, I was thinking about the many, different ways I could better rephrase that. I don’t like that about me, it comes out of embarrassment and pride to appear smart.

So what I was trying to communicate is that in searching out flaws in my marriage, the one thing that emerges is this: I have my relationship with Jesus, my progression (and regression) of sanctification, my forms of devotion, worship, prayer, but also my temptations and lazy spiritual practices. And Lindsey has just become subject to much of all of those. Likewise hers spiritual diet is grinding into my gears. Where does this leave us with things like praying together? Finding a church?

So since I’m asked to provide spiritual leadership (after Jesus) for this family unit. I don’t know where Lindsey’s at in her walk with Jesus, is she more sold out than me? Or am I wearing “the holier than thou seminary sweats?” Je Ne Sais Pas. It’s between her and God firstly (and too God and I). I should trust the Lord: its hands off.

On some level though, I know I affect her soul. If I’m harboring sin, sinking in the doldrums of darkness; As godly as she might be walking I’m gonna be a negative factor. Since our vows are spiritual, mixed with the eternal and given by God; we need to nurture our collaborative spirituality (if that what you call it). I know appropriate spiritual devotions should blossom between us. Well before kids! What are they? What does it look like does it emerge naturally. Would I be forcing issues by doing a Bible study together?

I’ve been desperate for God lately. Personal devotions have gotten sidetracked with school and being married. I pray frequently but God’s face and favor feels allusive. My emotions have more of a say than I would like them to have. Just ask my eating habits. Even President Nyquist warned me to guard my walk with God and then to guard my marriage. This prayer e-mail is a request to pray for both. Could you lift these up. I’m warm to any comments except for a reading recommendation. I’m already late on a few chapters for school.

Church Shopping 'Till We Drop

Lindsey and I are church shopping till we drop! Which actually is not what we are doing because we are not trying to get what we want, rather what we can give based on felt needs of a church, -to learn how to love our neighbors. Could we pray for God’s leading in this? This could be the tool that God uses to transition me to full time ministry.

The desires we do actually “shop” for in a church are a women’s Bible study, authentic worship, relational/multicultural discipleship, some type of community development and an evangelism department/club. I think having the attitude of “any church will do.” Might be a good attitude to have, it is God who makes that church and me union functional.

I consider it a big, big blessing to look back at how I found my first church: in a phone book not knowing the denominational differences when I first came to faith. God used that church to keep me serving, studying and developing relationships. Shouldn’t finding a church be fast, flexible (not meeting all our shopping list) and God guided. Like looking through a phone book? Dex knows but God really knew.

My hang-up on injustice is opening my eyes even more to what church ought to look like. Shouldn’t I ask for a church that is addressing the broken, opposing strongholds of addictions (sin’s lies) and dealing with injustice? My acts of love toward my neighbors should be promoted, endorsed, sponsored, hired, encouraged by the church whether its hospitality: baking a nice meatloaf or oppression: reporting domestic violence.

As I see God’s words about loving my neighbors, more and more I think church should be about enabling networks of rescuing and helping the lost, then fellow Christians, and self-growth last. -My personal growth shouldn’t be a condition as to joining a church. How can I worship God if I am not active in loving my neighbor first? Going to a worship service and churching-it-up is a ritualistic joke to God unless you are praying and doing acts of justice.

“ I hate, I reject your festivals, nor do I delight in your solemn assemblies. Even though you offer up to me burnt offerings and your grain offerings, I will not accept them; and I will not even look at the peace offerings of your fatlings. Take away from me the noise of your songs; I will not even listen to the sound of your harps. But let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever flowing stream (Amos 5: 21-24)”

I feel churches that don’t help me do justice, serve and share to the lost are a waste, and we should not go there.

We’ve yet to go to any churches in this neighborhood, but nearby is the one I was going to last year: Chicago Tabernacle. Its good, great in prayer, worship and sermon: to grow as a Christian. First Free is next closest mostly white, working, K-Love type worship songs, beautiful dressed up peeps… doing it socially, when you’re in you’re in. There was no feeling of needed involvement.

The other two churches we visited have an agenda for constant neighborly influencing in Jesus name. Uptown Baptist Church has a homeless ministry and is bent to consistent evangelism outreaches. I feel this is a church where I would become equipped to share Jesus with the lost. It is poor to lower middle class, multi-cultural and committed to gathering with other protestant, evangelical churches to “working together”. The other is C-3 Chicagoland Community Church that is in the gay and lesbian neighborhood, not compromising the writings of Scriptures about sexuality. The other large influence in that neighborhood it the young professionals. They have a public speaking speech club designed to attract them. They meet at 4 pm on Sunday which is quite different and no good for the football season.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Our Lady of Lourdes Water Bottle

"When I find myself in times of troubles Jesus Christ will comfort me, speaking words of wisdom let it be." To me that just rings truer. I sing this to myself as I think about my mother who returned not long ago from Medjugorje in Bosnia. Its a pilgrimage site where the virgin Mary appeared (and still appears today to select few). Although only a few can actually see Mary, my mom saw the person as she was seeing Mary. She described the lady as "gently trembling, serene". Now mom's arrived in Poland with her church to visit her priest's hometown and sing with the choir. Could they stop at one of Poland's three Mary apparition sites too? I know, mom you read all my e-mails so I look express what I experienced about these places. Not what you get out of them.

So I've got 2 stars on the Marian (places of the virgin Mary's apparition) map. Fatima, Portugal and Lourdes France. These two sites were investigated by the vatican team of investigators and found to be true apparitions by them. Those apparitions happened a long time ago and yet these places have become like shrines to gather around and pray to Mary. A carnival atmosphere for its boutiques, and large gatherings. However this ain't no vacation: people scooting on their knees around the enormous center courtyard praying the rosary in a hot hot heat. Crying out and wounded in the knees -beside themselves. Mass is daily held in six different languages. Its not like you go on a pilgrimage to relax, yet it isn't a missions trip either because the works that happen isn't for evangelization or hard work to bless others by. Its more like an extended and expensive retreat.

As a visiting boy scout from France, I got to carry the official glass encased statue of "our lady of Fatima" on my shoulders with three other lucky scouts for Friday night's station of the cross service. So there we were walking the statue of Mary through thousands of worshippers, the carrying system was much like how the arc of the covenant was carried. So picture a claustrophobic mess, and little me trying to walk through clusters of worshippers who's hands are trying to touch me because i was carrying the statue around the stations. There was a spotlight beaming on the cased Mary. Chaotic cries in my ears and I'm just trying to hold the statue steady. I didn't know it until after but that's a great honor to do what I did. I was 13 at the time.

Lourdes was so very different. It wasn't because the vendors thought this place to be holy. Believe me I got my souvenir water bottle shaped like "Our Lady of Lourdes" too. The main draw to this place is the mysterious water that appeared after St. Bernadette obeyed what Mary asked her to do when she appeared in a cave high on a cliff. This water source comes fourth from the cliff and has been know to heal many people. So it was all too fitting that I go there chaperoning a group of mentally and physically handicapped Catholics. I was 12 then.

Although I did not come to saving faith in Jesus Christ there. I came to see people using faith in a real way: unified in hope and prayer. Maybe it was the many candlelight services singing Ave Maria that moved me. Or that I never understood the need for religion until I saw thousands of handicaps needing it. No one got healed, casts didn't crumble into sawdust. But I was a kid who was so self centered and angry that this trip spoke to me. The Virgin Mary was not the great evangelist that showed herself to me so that Jesus could come into my heart. Many Catholics give Mary that title of helping them come to the Lord. I like to think that there was a seed planted that day that opened my life to becoming a strong Catholic during my High School years.

I think God is angry and jealous when people seek out spiritual holiness through Mary and pilgrimage the Marian Map. Praying to Mary, as virtuous as it seems to those who do it is in violation of worshiping God alone. There is such a constipation of tradition and assumption surrounding Mary. The Bible it calls her blessed among women. That doesn't mean water bottles and statues need to be circulated. I do believe in miracles as clarifying and conducive to the workings of the Holy Spirit: They must glorify God. So all this leaves me wondering if these are miracles of God, in light of what a convoluted locale Lourdes and Fatima are.

News Flash: Nic is Blessed

Its been weeks since a good update and I feel the rhythm is squandered. But Lord willing I will get though this send-out. Be encouraged by what's happened to me. I crawled past the finish line on my spring semester. My Latino ethnography and Cicero community analysis papers were completed. Although there were holes in them like gang life or why our town has a president and not a mayor. I am confident in the result.

In school, I found myself plagued with worry as early as spring break. Since worrying is basically a sin, had a semester long sin struggle that took place mainly in my head. I credit being in the Scriptures as the help I needed: the key passages were phil 4:4-7 (be anxious about nothing...) and Matt 11:27-29. These represent passages that fill me up with a sense of "God yes you are great and your instructions are comforting but what does that look like in my life?" I have no idea what is means to live without anxiety. The passage gives a clear how-to instruction on living without anxiety. However anxiety seems so deep rooted that my attempts to be in prayer and thankful didn't feel like I was gaining any ground in my heart.

I think a lot of restoring work was being done this semester to change how I handle pressure. I spent a lot (of the little) free time I had shelving the work, so I could get my heart on God's bigger picture. I did push hard at the end but it was because I felt God was opening that door to take care of business. Truth be told my teacher sobered me up when he said: "the work habits you have now and how you work and deal with things, you're gonna take that with you to your ministry. the consequences will just be worse -so change them now."

We all know what a struggle working overnight has been for me, the godly attribute i kept telling myself when at work was: God's love is unfailing. That is one hot topic in Psalms. Other books in the Bible rarely describe God's love as unfailing but it is in like fifty verses of Psalms (bible gateway.com). Psalm 32:10 (...the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him). So when I was busy leading my team, (that doesn't like my leadership) and I feel rejected and being ridiculed behind my back. I just kept focus on God's unfailing love surrounding me, carrying me through because I trust in it. No matter what others said, so when one of my team members would say something compassionate or loving I would just light up. God has changed me by trusting that his love for me is unfailing. Again months ago I would not know what it meant to trust God's love as unfailing.

An update to answered prayer. Thanks to God. My last overnight shift was last night! I will work at my store for a month on the dayside and on June 16th I will transfer to the receiving position at the new store opening in Uptown. I get married in less two months, Lindsey's visiting in two weeks or so. I start one class of summer school on Tuesday. The Kid Movie Class I volunteer with is finishing so much stronger than i thought, these kids are a blessing. I went to a special 5 year anniversary of a church plant on the Southside that was a unique blessing.

Looking ahead I ask that we could pray for a continued repentance from sin. That my mind would grow in worry-freeness. That I would find a renter for my place in colorado. For guidance from God to potentially relocating in Chicago. For my mother's trip to Poland I will explain later. More time of evangelizing whether relational or raw. Send me anything I can pray for you about.

India Chicago Style

Big India must be sweeter still.

So it looks like you can't get deep dish in Little India but there are Cubs fans. Its a unique assembling between eastern and western cultures Chicago style. Its like being in a Bollywood film but without all the dancing and drama. This strip of land on Devon St. smells great, english isn't commonly heard and they sell rice in 25 pound bags. The Jewelers display pieces you wouldn't find on the Magnificent Mile: much detail and craftsmanship often just gold by itself without any stones. Simple in material, complex in craft. The Sari stores seemed to be on every street corner bragging about the brightest fabrics.

Upon arrival, I'm hearing the Gospel message being shout out loud on the street corner: "Your works will not save you. Your works will not save you. Your works will not save you." That was some "up-the-gut" evangelizing. I thought to myself: "I haven't learned this approach." It turns out it wasn't a Moody student, rather an old man who faithfully goes there to do open air preaching. Before I could get a question out, he switches to Hindi and keep on preaching. Eventually I got to speak with him. His name was Benjamin he was a real encouraging sign to me.

We got schooled on cultural differences, in the South Asian Friendship Center. This guy introduced himself as: "Cicero but my friends call me Billy". So I was like: "hey Billy" and he corrects me "its Cicero." To make things even more awkward, I uttered: "oh I live in Cicero." The guy was telling me not to eat with my left hand. And not look the women in the eyes. He offered his opinion that doing street evangelism with Muslims was a waste of effort, In his opinion relational evangelism, holistic outreaches, is the only lasting impact. Couldn't you say that about any type of people you evangelize? The soundest advice Cicero gave was: "Don't be PC. If you have the attitude of not wanting to rock their boats, that's exactly what's going to happen. Keep in mind that you are telling them that Jesus is the only way to eternal salvation and direct communion with God. -That should in every way rock their boats. Don't stand down, get offended! Be offended when they say to you: 'well you believe in three gods. Or Jesus wasn't the son of God.' throw a fit, show the scriptures invite them to correct their misunderstandings of Christianity." You would think after that I could call him Billy.

So we split up into groups, some right next to a mosque, others next to a huge muslim bookstore. We had four or five posts along Devon. I was on the eastern most side Devon across from Hema's Kitchen. Which comforted me to look at because that where my brother goes to get his Indian food. He told me the owner is a Christian and has a habit of visiting the tables of her guests and sharing her faith with them.

We were given hundreds of tracts in three different languages. I was giving out all the Arabic tracts upside down. There was no image so I thought the binding of the tract ought to be on the left. At the end of the day i look closer to see that the binding needed to right. Kind of a learning experience. Ever see the Rob Bell "Nooma" Video series specifically the one called Bullhorn. Anyways it critiques street evangelizing, he describes it as Bible thumping: "go ye to hell." He suggests that street evangelists often bypass the love message that was central to Jesus. Anyways with that fully in my mind, I prayed for the love of Jesus to be on our hands and words, I prayed for the recipients of the tracts and insisted to focus on the questions people had. I wanted to be able to communicate how the love of Jesus personally changed me. I wanted to effectively describe my deep and dear relationship with Jesus. I hoped not to sound like: "the cross or the lake of burning sulfur. Choose today!"
However truthful that is, God will do the convicting.

The before I started handing out tracts I tried to slow the people down, by just saying: "Hello would you like to talk about God?" Or "I have good news of love in Jesus Christ." These were my catch phrases. Most of my encounters that didn't turn into a conversation were ended by comments like: "Not now." "Later." or even more disturbing "I'll be fine." Still most people weren't receptive, I was often ignored and one group cursed at God and me. So after a while I realized that even if I was wasting a tract by simply handing them out. At least the tract will get more words in with them than me just asking a yes or no question on the street corner. The tract is more relational than me on the corner. If the people slowed down, I did my best to interrupt the direction they were walking. I was eager to listen but so many wouldn't stop (it was cold and rainy).

One thing that kept me totally encouraged was the person I was teamed up with. She was determined to bless each and every person that walked by. Even those with the mean spirited answers she would bless.

Two teenagers stopped to talk. They stated that they grew up muslim. I asked if they knew about Abraham and his sons. They said yes. So I continued about how God promised to make his offspring as numerous as the stars in the sky. Then one of them spoke up: "Yeah I know. But do you really think that we all came from two people?When did Asians look the same race as blacks or whites or hispanics? If we all came from one couple how can we look so different. Aren't we all products of incest." I told him these were good questions that the Bible can shed light on. (My Apologetic lens seems rather fuzzy in the area of racial origins.) I told him that it was generations later that God gave commands about who to lay with. I offered to find out these answers for him. But he didn't want to give me his information.

Next time I want to have an answer for those questions. I learned through that encounter that the knowledge gained this semester in apologetics is a very little piece of the puzzle. I think the hardest Muslims to talk to about Jesus were the ones who ignored us so really there is little to be anxious about. even if we are evangelizing at the door of a Mosque. We ended with a prayer walk through the neighborhood praying out loud for the Holy Spirit of God to expose the lies of Islam and awake the community to the Truth in Christ. At the risk of harassing customs, I ate my Tikka Masala with my left hand.

Spring Semester Finish

ust waking up and wanting to let you know how God is ushering my life onwards. My days working overnight are numbered! I will either be working at the new store or my store manager said she would put me in her store to work dayshifts come the beginning of June. The advantage would be at the new store, however either one is a blessing. I know God richly blesses my life with favor, so either way: praise God for offering a way out. I have a sizable time off request that might prevent me from transferring we'll see.

School is a steep, downward slope and i'm the skier at the top of the hill tired from all the other runs leading up to this one, but still has to do just one last descent on a double black diamond to be able to go home. Can we pray for navigating those choices in the next two weeks. I have a community analysis paper on Cicero due. A humble ten pager on history, politics, commerce, public outreaches of this little town.

I have another ten page ethnography report due. This is a befriending of someone who serves as a gateway to understanding their life experience as a minority/marginalized/alternative lifestyle. They introduce me to a sub-culture or a community I would otherwise have no place being in (they give me street cred) IE: homelessness, illegal immigration, gangs, Latino slums. It is an assessment in "felt needs" do drive a more intensional ministry meeting the people one by one, in their struggles rather than providing a temporary escapism "church" experience. Pray for my guy, our relationship: his name is Juan. He's first generation American parents from Mexico raised all his childhood in Mexico despite being born here. Then moved to Cicero in high school unable to speak any english got his girl pregnant and has been working on average 70 hours a week in an entry level job to support this family for about 15 years now. He's 32 now and feels so stuck without any time to pursue an education. Judging by the tattoos there's been some gang stuff in his life that he hasn't opened up to me about. He loves his kids. My first formal interview with him is tomorrow, although i work alongside him everyday.

I got three assignments that are past due collecting dust so i need to start typing them and stop this.. Blessings in the name of Jesus. Who is so full of love. Many thanks for your prayers, I am grateful and eager to pray for you too, let me know of any specifics.

I wouldn't push my prayer requests upon you if i didn't need the power of unified prayer. I do. I believe these requests are in accordance to God's will and i have faith that they will be answered to show Jesus as victorious. So thank you for those who do pray about my matters. It sounds selfish, but I'd rather be covered in too much prayer than none. I've been reading 1 John and chapter five and the end of four; it was just a call to arms to fight the good fight and remain in assurance of the love found in Jesus.

I'm doing this follow-up e-mail because my evangelism and apologetic's class is going to Little India. On Sunday we're doing about 5 hours of street evangelism to people of Muslim faith. This is the largest community of Pakistan and India natives in Chicago. Funny that they live side by side here sharing the same chai joints. Moody's been doing this for years and has had only one significant scuffle where police stop by. I don't know why but that comforts me that there aren't many. My teacher said: "We spent time evangelizing to the broken, the careless urban dweller indifferent to religion, all in downtown settings. Now we are sharing our faith people who believe very strongly in theirs. In a community that is heavily shaded in Islam's shadow, where Jesus is a best a good example." Could we pray for good weather, God's will and timing.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A Powerful Testimony

So Juvenile hall was a moving thing. I geared up to share my testimony, confident that the Holy Spirit would use and give me the message for those kids. When I got there, i found out that they didn't have time for my testimony at the service so i went up into the cell blocks again. Where the kids don't like being preached to, but rather in dialog with.

Kota (a dear Japanese brother) and I got dropped off into this section of cells where about 20 kids live. After signing in, it is up to us to see if the kids would like to join us. They were all in the TV room and as I approached I heard "I don't need no Jesus. Allah is my God." That was met with confirming comments and so I was like "who wants to talk about Jesus Christ, His cross and the Word of God." Rejected!! As we turned around there was this one kid behind us who came up and was like: "You want to talk about Jesus, yeah I want that. I'll join you." So for visit one we met Chaz. I call him a brother because when he arrived at the Audi home (for the second time in his young life), two weeks ago, he prayed to have Jesus come into his heart and change his life. Chaz is a two week old believer with no support around him! God entrusted this fledgeling new believer to our counsel.

The second visit we talked with Maurice, Terry, and Charles. The last two are going before the judge today (14th). They were claiming Christ too and we had a good talk about what Jesus meant when he said "Seek first the kingdom of God..." They were ready to get out of jail -they all are. But they needed the God they come to rely on in jail to go with them out there. They said it wasn't easy. So I promised that we'd be in prayer for their transition. I offered the notion that God is sovereign meaning that seeking Him first might look like waiting, and that's exactly what it is. Waiting on God change your life and lift you up from your circumstance. Saying no when you get the feeling of a bad choice coming on.

The story that blessed me richly was this Moody girl named Chrissy. She got up in front of the girl's service (30 girls) and shared her testimony. It was a testimony of thinking she was a Christian all her life until she finds no proof of Jesus inside of her as she starts selling drugs etc... The ways she spoke was very patient and intensional looking to get the girls on the same page. She wept and at the end admitted this: "I came to know the Lord less than a year ago and look at the change." I was just amazed at what God did there.

I was shocked. Ever witness a believer being used by God so obviously in one day, one moment? So encouraging, I was just all ears because God was busy doing something and using her. When Chrissy went up into the boy's cells. She went to the solitary confinement section where a white boy-athiest was teasing her, making catcalls, telling her she looked good and wanted her to talk to him. Chrissy's buddy that was with her said "if you think she looks good in the outside, you should hear what God has done inside her." So she shared her testimony for a second time. This kid was humbled, silenced and knew the changes that happened to her were bigger than her. So she asked him if he wanted to receive Jesus as savior in your heart and he said yes and they prayed. Chrissy witnessed a change of heart in him she said. Talk about intense right!!

Her round two was another boys cell block. The kid she was talking to was a believer and had been just so frustrated on the topic of answered prayer. He mentioned that at certain times in his life God answers his prayers and blesses so obviously. Being locked up felt like there was no answer to prayer. He mentioned that for the last month he'd been praying for the salvation of this guy in his section that hated Jesus and argued with him constantly. He told Chrissy that the last time they argued about Christianity, things got so bad he got put in solitary confinement. Then Chrissy asked: "Is he an athiest?" the kid said "yes." Chrissy then asked: "Is he white?" He said, "yes" and told her the athiest's name. And she just started weeping sweet tears and told him that the kid in solitary confinement just received Christ into his heart about an hour ago with her.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Am I Insulted When God is?

I'm back in the dealings of Moody, Work, and my one bedroom apartment. My car is still feisty and rebellious towards its innate functions. Aren't we all rebellious towards our innate function should it defined as worshiping and loving God?

I just want to illustrate where my life is constantly rebellious to God. Ever run late to the airport? Speeding in the car, running in the airport, and totally irritated by the line of people checking bags before you for a flight that will leave an hour later than yours? Thoughts are constantly fixated on the ever changing percentage of making or missing the flight. There is not time to go to the restroom, your name is on the concourse PA as a "final boarding call" and you're still putting on your shoes, and sliding on your belt after the TSA folks finish with you. -Have I run the race? Yes. Will I finish? Yes. Have I kept my eyes on Jesus?...

Keeping your eyes on Jesus has to do with prioritizing and big-picture framework. These are not strong points of my faith. For one I don't think to manage my time, prioritizing doesn't happen much. And two, without the big-picture ( what God is doing) I address immediate needs and panic to make it to my gate on time. If i played out the worse case scenario that would give way to big-picture thinking: So I miss my flight: Boo-hoo. There are many more. Unfortunately along the way I forget to consult Jesus, to look to Him, REST in Him amid the hub-bub. Dealing with Bi-Polar One I find my mania intensifies these urges to speed-up.

My days are so busy out here that I feel like I've been trying to catch that last minute flight for two months now. With this time in Colorado, I have taken a big-picture breath. I've been challenged to implement the priorities I claim in my life.

1. God, My intimate devotion to Him, loving Him, finding out who He is, being with Him, reading His Words, singing. Resting in His shadow. Trusting my circumstance to Him. Insisting on His promises in Scripture. Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."
2. My neighbors and family. Relationships, available to give of myself, bless others in serving, perpetuate gestures of love, (maybe why I'm writing this instead of my Apologetic's paper right now) To declare blessings on others.
3. general personal growth. With God, vision of serving Him, discovering my vocation, being able to provide for others. Shelter, my sweet ride.
4. School.
5. Work.

The problem is this. I stress and worry about 4 and 5 like its number one. If God was my place of employment and He implements what He wants in a worker (He does), I would be on final warning for violating company policy. When was the last time I felt bad for being late to reading my Bible? Or when have I been pulled into the office for doing a no call no show when it comes to praying for others first? Have I ever been written up by God because I didn't turn the other cheek, on the day God was counting on it?

Indulge by seeing Jesus' role in realigning God's business and my usefulness as his employee despite those constant violations. Does anyone really deserve a raise?

That is why the passage I read today was so striking. John 2:17. After Jesus whips and overturns the vendors in the temple courts. After witnessing, His disciples say about Jesus "Zeal for your house will consume me." This referring to Psalm 69:9 about developing a holy zeal for when the Lord is mocked. When have i gotten seriously cheesed at the state of my #1 and #2. In contrast I can tell you i get cheesed daily about my performance with #4 and #5.

Servicio en la Ciudad

Service in the city was a blessing to be a part of. I went to "la villita" also known as little village and more endearingly still: The Mexico of the Midwest. The claim to fame is its uncanny resemblance to Mexico city for a radius of about two miles. I was placed there, not my choice, so I feel even more like asking God: why send me to La Villita? What's my application, what is God telling me? Porque la Villita?

We subdivided into small groups to hand out the food. We (Danny, Rick and Nic) delivered bags of food and presents to about 15 houses all of whom didn't speak english except for a "thank you". These were living spaces tucked behind the house on the streets. Clusters of unofficial residences, overpopulated studio apartments without windows, and kitchens where the bathroom sink should be.

We were timely, a lady praised the gifts because she had just returned from a funeral in Mexico and had no money for groceries. Rick was the go-to speaker. Danny's 11 years old and didn't speak english so I busted out my fragmented Spanish with him: "diga-me tu historias favorido de Jesus?" He opened up to me and was busy teaching me new Spanish vocabulary words. I called him professor and he lit up. The he told me that my Spanish reminded him of the white guy on some Mexican soap opera.

I came to the conclusion that if urban ministry in the United States is what God has in store for me. Then it is imperative that i become fluent on Spanish. I was told by well qualified urban ministers that immigration rights is the biggest civil rights issue in America today. the Bible says to treat the alien as our own. Yet this barrio (hood) is plagued with domestic violence, labor exploitation and unjust landlords all because if the victims call the authorities about any of this they will be deported. It is a dangerous, evil, entrapment.

We were at Nueva Vida: New Life Community Church that provides daily free internet for the community. Free fitness classes, after school program, english classes, addiction classes. I was proud to represent that church and I'm thinking of going to Spanish service there. One thing about the Latino community is there is much Catholic pride. I came upon houses that had stickers in the window with icon paintings of Mary and Jesus and it stated "We are Catholic and do not welcome Protestant solicitation of any kind." Much division there.

The Moody grad school reconvened at night over a meal and shared our experiences. People were saved, ministries were affirmed, hard workers for Christ were recognized and many communities were provided for with food.

Praise God for such a loaded attack on the city in His name.

Service in the City

Moody's got a great outreach coming up this Saturday called: Service in the City. We teamed up the mayor's office's faith based initiatives department to go to the most broken neighborhoods in the city. There are about twelve centers we'll divvy into(retirement homes, after school programs, churches involved in community development etc..). The city opened its pocket and food banks for us to bring food and make food for the communities. The rest is a time of sharing the Gospel. there are two centers where its more of a work based day of service. The central focus is around the discussions, and sharing food. Being social to promote the centers we'll be at so neighbors will think to go there for help, safety, and care.

If there's one thing I've learned this year serving at Starfish in the Westside ghetto of Chicago. The people you serve will take your handouts, be polite in your company, but they know full well that you're leaving after the day is through. My presence is almost salt on their wounds even though that is not my intension. There's this injustice barrier, poverty barrier, and cultural barrier that isn't healed by the outside dropping by with milk and cookies. Sending money, serving up mash at the food shelter once a year, hanging out with kid, those seem to be more meaningful to the giver than the receiver. Its inevitable to, at least for a while, grow a messiah complex: "I'm gonna point the poor people to Christ. I'm show them the answer and the Bible. Then God's love and care will show them out of marginalization, oppression and the ghetto.

It'll all be good, then I go home to my neighborhood, pray and God is gonna clean up the hood and i helped. Urban ministry means moving in, gaining street credit: That I'm not just a here-today-gone-tomorrow curiosity. I give "big props" to my brother and his wife for choosing to live in Garfield Park, raising kids there for the sake of Jesus. -Not just serving and leaving. It takes huge faith to believe that moldy ghetto can behold the influence of God almighty. They are prayerfully developing a hope in Christ for the community, through nourishing presence, regenerative social programs and withstanding hate.

Moody isn't trying to perpetuate a hood mentality by dropping food and leaving. We are advertising help 24-7 to the worst hoods in Chicago. Who knows I might get plugged in and asked to become a resident where I serve.

Maybe its the Caffeine Talking

I was going to take the week off from spilling out the guts of my days, but I felt like working through some topics so I can see a bigger picture of what God is doing and be prayed for. I seek not to be prideful about any of these entries. That's why its good to get feedback from ya'll regarding insights, any wrong though on my part and/or advice. Oh and I think its vital (and humbling) as a Christian to ask people to pray for you and yours.

Work is hard, I'm a verbal "love language" kind of guy and my work is a time "love language" kind of thing. So we never fully are satisfied with each other. I have a hard time just loving on my team. Largely because of diversity issues and misunderstandings, The only white leader overnight who leads a team of minorities plays a role no matter how much we try and get around the taboos. I pray for each of them often. I just cannot get them to care about their job past a certain point. I got two that are being written up often, two that do a good job but won't lift a finger beyond their own tasks. And another that is so mood-swing-prone that I don't know how to speak to her. Thankfully i do have very positive (LOL) relationships with many of the fellow team leaders.

God is there, I'm being watched for being a "Christian" (sometimes i don't rep. for Jesus as Jesus would). The whole passage of the Bible that says that believers and unbelievers are a stench to each other's nostrils is often what i feel at work. I don't want my love for my team to be interpreted as a stench but it just plays out that way. I remember singing in the dairy department a few hymns as i put up signs, trying to not sing out too loud. And I just wondered when the last time anyone ever sang a hymn in the dairy department given how every night it gets bombarded with adultery songs, getting crunk and acting all thug.

It is my Sundays I want back. They have told me that i will be off every other Saturday. It has yet to happen, But I do wish to be worshiping God in a body of believers every Sunday. Overnight is tuff, but God has redeemed my fears of working overnight. Because my last trip to the looney bin was seasoned by me working overnight. Can we praise God for that restoring work?

I notice sin in my life regarding how i deal with feelings of anxiety. (incredible how i would have never seen this flaw if i didn't have the conviction of the Holy Spirit within me).The workload at school is a good bit harder this semester. My hopes to take in what i study, and be nourished spiritually is being victimized by a skim-and-spit-out-a-paper process. Certainly not what i want, probably not that uncommon either. So the pressure of school hangs on me everyday. This anxiety is handled wrongly: I tend to over eat, over sleep and check out the television. When i should be hacking away bit by bit. Bad weekly planning could be blamed as well.

One last thing in Apologetics, I'm reading about the Qur'an alongside the Bible since they both claim to be the Word of God, its just incredible how the hardening of Muslims hearts is done by the Qur'an. It contains false technical problems like geographic and historic information. Instead of admitting the obvious mistakes (backed by historians, archaeologists), Muslims accuse the Bible as being corrupted. This is the tip of the iceberg.

The main consolidator in my mind of how the Bible is the Word of God is that fact that: Jesus had to/wanted to do the work to save me. -not me or anything I will do. Most other religions preach a "what you have to do to earn salvation." My salvation is contingent on Jesus Christ. Fulfilled prophesy is also full proof in defending the Bible as the Word of God.

Praising God For Jesus in You

I love what God has done with you. I thank God that He chose you (as members of Christ's body on earth) to grow me. He uses you to show me what it means to follow and worship Him.

What is love? As I spend my devotional time with God in the Gospel of Luke, I'm convinced that Luke uses the most adjectives out of all the Gospel authors. If that's actually true I really don't know. So I'm glad that I spent a chunk of my Valentine's day undivided with God! This being Valentines day heightens the heart strings to soprano-crescendo-rapido. God is so blessedly good, in love with me and He lets me know it.

It kinda humbles me to think that I need God's love in the form of daily provision, hourly mercy and constant grace. In contrast, God asks for my burdens, anxieties, and praises. He wants them, God I think is an emotionally receptive God. He is compassionate and considerate to our emotion. Actually when I cry (tears) out of a spiritual prompting it is proof that God exists for me because I hadn't cried since middle school. Now and then I feel a good cry is a release unto God.

What's the deal with God's fixation on us praising Him? Why does He want us to call Him Holy? To worship Him and glorify His name and works alone. Doesn't God already know all this about Him? Why is He so insistent on praise-seeking? Is that God bragging or just being relational with us?

I think, its because it brings us something as His children. Two hypotheses:

One: It for our own good. It is important to remember that we desperately need Him and He doesn't need us. Praising Him is for our own good, it sets our thoughts on God and His holiness. If you want to know what heaven's like: praise God. Heaven is an eternity of worship! (Is this what monasteries were modeled after?) Worship in direct proximity to God. -I hope we all know how worthy He is of our praises. Besides I don't know of anyone that asks for my burdens or anxieties like Jesus does. Praise Him.

Second, Being literally: all-good God has a right, a holy jealousy when credit isn't given to Him as it ought. Instead something is substituted to replace God and it gets the praise instead. Like a toy poodle in a knitted sweater getting the owners praises for cuteness and companionship because it might make the owner feel a deeper sense of identity. This deferring of credit happens all the time, just watch Oprah. I don't worship God as fully as He merits in my life. Giving God the credit for things like talent peels back those layers of pride that so easily grows out of skill. So today i want to praise Him with gratitude: for honesty, for writing, for humor, for leading, for being a Frenchie, for my sick defensive skills in the paint etc... That must please Him, Doesn't He say somewhere in the Bible that He delight in our praises. I hope I'm not making this up. It sounds like it fits God's character, so familiar... Maybe its "I will inhabit the praises of my people."

Praise and worship the name of Jesus Christ because of Him restoring my life with God the Father, and residing within me making me a temple for the Holy Spirit. I'll do the same: I'll praise God for everyone that I send this to for the work He's done in ya'll. Ya'hear. Let's worship with zeal. Lets give Him the credit for the believers in our lives, and also lets bless the unbeliever, and enemies. That's a Valentine God would approve of.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Social Elixir for the Morally Motivated

So when my life uprooted to Moody Theological Seminary (the name became official). I was totally encouraged by 95% of the people I told. Regardless of their endorsement or not, "What are you going to do after?" was almost always the follow-up question. I would reply with the ever-good: "trust God." "Follow His leading."

Today when I met for my first consultation with my new psychiatrist. I anticipated being placed in "the Christian box". Most psychiatrists i've met with since submitting to Jesus put proclaiming born-agains into a: co-dependent, ready to quit medication, unable to understand depression category. Ironically if you say you have no faith belief, most psychiatrists recommend having one. However today's evaluation was not typical. This guy is the chairman of the board of psychiatry for Sinai medical group (big group). So I had to give straight answers, I couldn't help but be nervous. Why couldn't i just go out of my way to find a Christian phychiatrist. Doctor and i hit it off, he gave me restaurant recommendations in Cicero. (you know you're in good with someone in Chicago if they give you restaurant recommendations.)

What surprised me was when he asked me "what do you want to do after school?" And without a hesitation, -as if spoken by my heart, I uttered: "Community development." It was a sort of surprise. Yes it helps that I'm reading a book about it right now that has consumed me so much that instead of a quick read, I'm taking in every word regardless of when the paper is due on it.

I am in total respect for the existing Christian community models in Chicago: Bethel Church, Lawndale Community Church, South Asian Friendship Center. They performed gentrification of neighborhoods God's way: Amazing. God turned around wasted communities through churches that pushed its functions as a church to include: Daycare, Employment agency, Medical center, Legal consultation, Housing cooperatives, moving and storage, recreation centers and more; all done "brick by brick" over multiple decades within the community itself. They didn't send people downtown to work, they generated employment within the community.

Incredible stories of Christians constantly partnering cross denominational, cross political, focusing (not on the differences) only on the injustice, and needs apparent within a specific community. All for the benefit of the poor, the alien, the widow, the orphan, the elderly, single moms, and the sick. Community development is the social elixir bringing the morally motivated together. This is the befriending of a church to an entire community through their specific needs as well. Remember if 75% of converts come to faith through friends or relatives. Isn't this a fast track for the Lord to give us all new friends?

In a way, community development is seen as a preemptive effort to avoid building homeless shelters, food banks, soup kitchens, addiction recovery clinics (not do away with them, some models include these too). In the hopes that Jesus would transform the cycle of poverty and those in need would be commissioned to work and make life happen within the locale of the community as Christ regenerates. And the broken find trust in Jesus.

So when it comes to urban ministry Moody is the cheerleader for Christian community development through collaboration. They promote this way more than church planting in my opinion. So a non-profit organization called Christian Community Development Assocaition (CCDA) based out of Chicago has documented models and practices to transform communities in Jesus' name based on past examples. They have an annual conference that is not to be missed if this is your thing.

I have been praying ever since I came to Moody about God planting a vision for His labor in my life. Can we pray about this direction, to distinguish if this is the work He has prepared for me. If so, that is would be met with collaborations even now at Moody. Maybe i could go and glean off the existing communities in Chicago today.

So quite apparently in the last weeks God has (so it seems) been stretching my heart for the unsaved. I don't ever recalling crying for anyone regarding their absence of Christ (other than myself); Or seen evangelism as an imperative to growing your faith. It so is!! And community development?? Did it just come from the sky and tug at my heart strings? We'll see. Reading all about this make the reader one giant optimist -and there's nothing wrong with that.

Monday, February 1, 2010

We-Here

Two days, three tanks of gas, 1,000 miles, two pounds of red vines, and lots of prayer went into getting me here. -Chicago that is. I received a warm welcome. Which off set any overwhelming feeling of "what in the world am I doing back here."

God blessed me immensely on this trip I cashed in any tears for a couple of prayers. Songs, silence and sermons abounded. I was held in good company by a slew of angels and any time I would get a doubtful noise from my car. I remember the advice of a brother in Christ who said: "Nic if you're afraid of the car during the trip. Just lay a hand on it!"

Things went gold star well. Thank God for this. that last sentence was not a statement but an imperative: can you thank Him. Incredible to see the good Lord ushering in this time of formal training and refining with a steady road trip. I'm in the midst of finding a place to live. Please pray for wisdom about location. It will be key lots of factors to consider. Could you also make a mention to Jesus about Him transforming my thoughts through faith rather than the old rambling thoughts and self-worry combo. Many thanks to you.

Delighted to be serving God.

The Lo-Down on Living

My first four days have been heavily baby(niece), craig's list(apartment) and culture clash(where's Denver). I'm in the final phases in solidifying a one bedroom in Cicero. A town notorious for shady politicians, reselling used grave plots and south (poor) side living. God has sifted me here, I'm confident of that. The following reasons I give to back up my statement: After two days of looking around non-stop for a place to live (slowly getting bummed) I decide to go see Moody on Friday. Its employee appreciation day and no one could help me with information on my financial aid, and housing concerns. Well I linger talking to a door greeter and she makes some calls and finds someone who can help me with finding a roommate. It turns out its just a binder with postings, all outdated, and what i found totally unusual is that there was an ad for a Cicero Church that owns 8 units and rents them out to Moody students or missionary types.

Cicero is about fifteen minutes away from my work one way, and fifteen minutes away from brother Olivier the other way. to sweeten the deal even more, the good Lord situated me two blocks from the Pink line EL to haul me over to Moody. The pastor and the board of directors of this church are going to be my landlord. The place has some old furniture to get me started! Here's another great advantage. They will let me move in early (pre-sept) for free if I help fix up the place.

What an ushering of blessings this move is turning out to be. At times i feel like i've never trusted God so much, -well there's when I first believed but this is trusting God to manifest in the circumstantial here and now. scary, fulfilling, blessed. I'm thrill to see how God is working.

Next phase to pray for -should you feel moved. Is Financial aid. Moody being private and graduate school has very little options to lend. I've applied to the one company that helps moody grads and their APR ridiculous and not fixed. Pray for another option and that its not too late. I just don't like my options so I'm going to meet with them again.

I'm in prayer for you too. So send me your requests. In Jesus we have life!

Interesting Encouragement Enclosed

I've been blessed with a know-how to cook a tasty pork chop. Isn't there a Psalm that says to constantly tell others what God has done for you? That is why I mention the chop.

The week was a quick one. I didn't get saturday night off so i couldn't make it to Sunday service. i was super bummed. -not out of some legalistic imperative, but because i love worshiping God (with that community of believers). There's learning, admitting, emitting joyfully. So today, after sleeping, I was able to go to a hymn sing at my prof's house. We were packed (20+) in this little bungalow sitting anywhere. and some standing. I love the words of hymns. I shared my testimony twice not because of ego or "check this whackness". Rather because I feel i have no right to decline when people ask (refer back to the first paragraph). Its God's story of glory and He seems to be using it lots out here.

So this week cover the Moody students in prayer. we're going to "Boys Town" and calling on God to do a coup. Each year there is this outreach in the gay/lesbian/bi-/transgender community in Chicago. Its this friday. We divide up into groups: some people go in the gay bars, some pray up and down the street, others have these giant boards at street corners asking questions like "What would you say the church?" "What would you say to Jesus?" and passer-byes can write whatever. the goal is to listen, to engage in conversation and to speak to this great misunderstanding that Christians hate gay people. Our love is to see into the hearts of our neighbors case by case. Instead, the gay lifestyle has frustrated our collective love into a phobia. I'm very aware that Leviticus states gay acts as being detestable to God. -Christ died for them too. Rich is His mercy.

So lots on my plate including a lunch date with my nearest niece!! I've had a week of struggle regarding temptation and sin -Its so distracting from the life I'm walking with God. Now that i mention it, nothing could be further from God. Jesus brings me back. One of my favorite Bible stories is Matt 18:10-14 it the one of the Shepherd who leaves his flock to get the one sheep that wandered away.

I'm gonna share a little told detail about my conversion. i feel it on my heart because I try to place myself in the shoes of a gay person and them accepting Christ and the implications regarding how he lives. When i submitted to the truth of Christ on November 10 2006, God birth a willingness to change my smoking, drinking, sex seeking. i still did them for months. I just wanted Jesus more and the promise of a renewing life. No matter the behavior, God wants to be first served in our days. God tells us that being in relationship with Him is more important than the dirt that clings to us. So with confidence in Christ, I ask the Spirit to keep on cleaning house. I'm ready now.

Lets love and serve the Lord first.

Lock the Word in Your Heart

I wasn't the Moody student with the best story. But i was there, and instead of me talking about the richest mercy known to all. I listened for a good hour to one man's arguments about how the Bible is "a work of man". He referenced specific omissions, definition compromising and inclusions that corrupt the message of God and point instead to church. The two cents I tried to make in defense of our unchanging God (revealed to us in the Bible) is: no matter the translation, the Spirit lives and moves in the Word. So the words the reader reads will dwell in their heart and accomplish what God intended. So when people started removing the "th" off of verb endings in the King James. God giveth the reader less of a lisp. Not a hindered message!

The irony of this man's (early 50's, white, father and homosexual) experience with Jesus is that the message of the Holy Spirit is the most meaningful part for him. He took comfort in the day of Pentecost, knowing that God deliberately poured out His good Spirit on earth for us all. "Jesus is here, dwelling in each one of us", (given my past, i know the Spirit of Jesus didn't always dwell in me).

We talked about Jesus' sacrifice, shed blood for sins. He told me the word sin was simply meant to mean a "mistake". That forgiveness from God is achieved by simply asking for it and wanting to do better. -Not through the shedding of blood.- I asked why the sacrificial system was needed for Israel then if they were truly God's people. He told me that people were sacrificing everything back then.

He held the Bible on par with "all the other holy books by man like the Koran which are all sent by God's spirit to do his good work." I reminded him that Christ died for each of us, and that is the truth we must submit to before His Holy Spirit can dwell in us.

To me i learned lots. I was able to see the extent of brokenness and convoluted thinking that customizes God into something that agrees with us. I'm no stranger to these deceptions. If it weren't for the unswerving voice of God summoning my soul, I might still be leaning on my own understanding. Brothers, sisters in case you didn't know, I blasphemed a ton, I created my own religion -no joke I could have been a candidate for the latest David Corresh. Jesus gives mercy to even the most defiant of thinkers.

That said, Jesus: His mercy is rich for me. The Holy Spirit: His sanctification is imperative for me!

So i still want to talk to gays who profess Jesus and ask them: "how can i talk about the Christian's duty to repent, sanctify and conform to Christ?" (ie: work out your faith in fear and trembling. better to enter heaven with a missing limb and healthy.) What an amazing testimony is in store for God, from the gays who rely on the Holy Spirit to more fully repent and conform them to Christ. God has such a purpose of this neighborhood its easy to loose sight of that.

I used to vibe with a pick and choose mind set about God. Now i know that's deception: God has shown it and shamed Satan through its demise in my life. In turn, the call of ministering I'm exploring is with the mentally ill, the emotionally unpredictable, religion-self starters(falsifying scriptures), and addicted. Jesus just smashes theses demonic devices. He is the superior Spirit in the Spiritual world!

I'm committed to pray for the people in boys town which really is named Lakeview. Especially those that have a willingness to accept so many of Jesus' teachings, that they would be overwhelmed by the convicting power of the Holy Spirit and let God change them.

The rest of the night was filled with surface level talks, rejection, and sharing with other Moody students. Some amazing things happened. they are collecting stories of what God did and sending them back to us compiled if you want me to forward them to you let me know.

Mobbin' 3 Deep with the Compassion Shorties

Meet two of my closest friends at Moody: due and past due. Pray for this mental blockage I have going on. God is busy restoring me! It doesn't help that i've been sick, concentrating is hard when you're running a fever. I don't remember procrastination being such a part of me. Thanks for praying!! I'll let you know how it goes.

I roll up on time to the Moody dorms at 10. I'm waiting for the Compassion kids (who are my age now) to come down so we could go shopping. Five minutes go by and still nothing. Then they called me and said "come up we are having tea." -I was looking to do this favor and get on with my day.- So I went up, had that creamy Kenyan tea. After 45 minutes the last member of our group arrived. He had some tea and a pancakes too, then we were off to Kohls.

Big "up's" to my bro and his family to let me borrow "the griswald" (his station wagon). (This trip was the highlight of my weekend). I got to take the Compassion International kids (who are on scholarship at Moody) winter shopping. I had Uganda behind me, Bolivia in the other back seat and Kenya was my co-pilot. I showed them a picture of my Compassion kid and I told them I wrote to him yesterday. They were pleased. "It makes such a big difference to the kid." Jimmy said.

Dude these guys aren't even accustomed to shopping. -let alone for winter clothes. Jimmy was like "yeah i saw snow for the first time the other day." I asked him what he thought. He said: "yeah, it was good. it covered everything. I was surprised, everything. I thought i could walk on it but i fell through." Philip commented "shopping in America must take forever there's so much choice."

They kept asking me "is this what i need for winter?" As they hold some hunting gear with ear flaps. They would open the packaging of sealed long-johns to size them up. (I would have stopped them if we were at Target). Jimmy had these huge skiing gloves and asked: "I have to have these. Or i will go cold." I told him they were for skiing or snowball fights. I showed him the slick, leather city gloves; but he compromised on some double thick fleece ones.

They got a gift certificate from Compassion and after they went through the line I saw they had like $70 on the card left. And he's hands it to me saying: "Here bro i will buy those bowls for you." Suddenly the $15 matching bowl set i selected didn't seem like a needed purchase. I told the cashier i changed my mind and didn't want them. I thanked Jimmy for the gesture. I felt i needed to see my money more in the the way they see money. As a gift, to steward goodness and meet needs -I just need 4 fully functional bowls; not Kohl's latest expansion on their greatest-cutest-pleasant slow-glazed ceramic bowls with a fringe that is to die for.

So i don't have matching bowls at my place. It was 2:30 by the time we got back and they asked me if they could cook for me. I was hesitating but then Jimmy said "Come on Nic you are on African time today." So I obliged and enjoyed some tasty fresh Kenyan food (collard greens sautéed with ground beef and onions over rice).

He's in a long distance relationship, a much longer distance relationship than me. I was comforted by this and his stories. He said daughter-in-laws and mothers in his country fight lots. Because the son takes care of the mothers until marriage. "They bring their mother sugar every week." So his girlfriend steals the sugar from his mother.

Splurgin' 'bout Spurgeon

I wanted this e-mail title to be "splurgin' about Spurgeon." I had to do a class presentation on Charles Spurgeon who is nothing short of a madman (in a passionately good way) for the Lord. Some random facts about Mr. Spurgeon:
He wrote enough sermons and Christian literature to fill the 27 volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica.
He asked regulars in his congregation to skip the service so new comers could have a seat.
He preached 600 sermons by the time he was 20. (He came to personal relationship with Christ at 15.)
One of his sermon writings was used by a merchant as a wrapper for butter. The customer gave her life to Christ.
He had a weakness for fine cigars.
He studied the book of Psalms for 20 years and wrote a commentary about them called The Treasury of David
His autobiography is like a 1000 pages.

In going through the Truth Project i remember the narrator saying that Christians today don't intellectualize. The Christian mentality is weak and embarrassed. If that's the case we need to turn up some Spurgeon and start turning in some book reports! The dude is oh so quotable, he had simple words to convey deeply the truth of God. Lookie hear:

"The glory of the church is when she lays aside her respectability and her dignity, and counts it to be her glory to gather together the outcast, and her highest honor to seek amid the foulest mire the priceless jewels for which
Jesus shed His blood."

"I take it the highest proof of Christ's power is not that He offers salvation, not that He bids you take it if you will, but that when you reject it, when you hate it, when you despise it, He has a power whereby He can change your mind, make you think differently from your former thoughts, and turn you from the error of your ways."

"by perseverance the snail reached the ark"
"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes."
"anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength." ETC...

Let Loose the Lion

I wanted to give you a follow-up on my job situation. As much as i want work and school to compliment each other it seems my loyalty to school is being thwarted my the demands of my work. Maybe this is just because I worked the last 6 day in a row, or that I work through the night.

Work is still tough, its just too gangsta'. I got a co-worker that goes by Pimp-juice and wears shades at night and no one cares . My management approach is so different that some of the people don't give me a chance. They praise the leadership of my peer to my face, which makes me envious to some extent. My effort is there, I stay late constantly and I have an urgency to get things done and done right. The problem is that I'm not very good at doing it. It will come with time, its just that in the next three weeks I have the biggest set of the year to do.

Music hasn't gotten much better, sometimes I'm setting an isle that is directly below a speaker for like 5 hours its just blaring. Much like parenting, this exudes an impatience i didn't know I had. i'll spare the details about the lyrics. They play a couple of hours of Latino music which is way more mello, although the latino rap is just as bad and i know enough spanish to be grossed out about what they say. I'm so surprised that its ok with everyone.

I witnessed my faith to the general manager of the store and another executive during a volunteer event. They were prying about what made me go to Moody. So I told them of God's rich mercy and grace through Jesus. And then i shared my testimony, how my life changed by submission to the single truth of God. Things were a little weird for the next few shifts but the those talks are pleasing to the Lord and well worth it. Upper management overall likes me, I was praised for being lighthearted, and volunteering (they post on a board in the hall way.) As soon as I heard that, I just stopped to give God the credit because it is Christ through me that make that happen. When i worked in Colorado before i knew the Lord I was hungover on the power equipment, cutting open bags of candy because of the mad munchies and on final warning for my attitude. In contrast, I'd say a clear 180.

So I'm hanging tough. I had a friend tell me that God allows intensity to build and cause friction until its apparent what He wants you to do. One element will outweigh the other. So work and school; Chicago and Colorado; I don't know God's will about all this and its hard for me to chill about it and get that godly perspective in.

One things for sure Moody is a blessing.

Can We Worship the Lord?

God glorified Himself in my book. I know He deserves the glory, seldom are the days when I see His glory bonking me on the head enough times for me to be like "duh God is doing His work through me." So lets praise Him for what he's done, to me, to you, to all of circumstance.

Today it was all God. The Lord just handed me a glimpse into how much he loves me.

Just ask my brother, last night i was clogged with anxiety about work. And if we remember the Spurgeon quotes "anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength." But God knew how i would come to work dreading the circumstance. So God kept me in His word all day before that. I had a team of praying people just covering me, wise advisors replying to my hardships. Giving me insight on attitudes to have so Jesus would be seen though me. Some gave me verses to cling to others chapters to read. people told me they could relate and thus brought comfort. So thank you, praise God. God used you to get to my heart and frazzled mind.

Just before work I spent time in silence (rare). Quiet time for me has rallied prayer in helping me let go of things so God can work. it was good. I just clung to Jesus, knowing that He is mighty to save. -Not just the day I came to faith, but Jesus me saves everyday. That's the stuff! God's glory imparted in bitty ways to carry us forward and keep us relying on Him and safe in the fold of God.

I know I'm still not out of the woods but I feel I have confidence. And can move past the sludge in the workplace that slowed my gears down. I thank the Lord for you. Willing to read this and pray and count on God to save me and share of your heart or a verse that illuminate my experience.

I fully am grateful to God for His body of believers.

Starting a Fire

Things have been busy. I'm starting to get some work back and thus far I have gotten great scores. Praise the Lord i didn't think I had it in me. Last week our president got inaugurated by a group of people that don't run the Moody day to day stuff. it looked like a creepish everybody in black robes gala, lets adorn our prez with a giant gold medallion, get him on his knees and pray for him. My school's 130 years old and he's the eighth president. And the first one in a long time that is a missionary. His vision and speech caused quite a buzz among the profs. He wants the undergrads to be taking a language class every semester to become proficient by the time they leave. It doesn't stop there (I feel totally off the hook because I'm already fluent in French.) He wants them to go to the communities in Chicago that speak that language and get plugged in. Kinda ambitious. Then again Moody picks up the tuition tab. He's got a drive for the biblical and missional meeting the urban and global.

That's stuff fires are made of, I'm glad to be a part of a school fixed on diversifying, answering to globalization and urbanization. We're sharing the Gospel message, learning a culture and customizing a sensitivity. My school isn't focused on pumping out pastors to be in preexisting churches (although there is a need for that too).

Peoples, I need to be covered in prayer again. Well the Moody Graduate school. About 20 of us are going to the Cook County Juvenile hall. Its the nation's largest we are going to be sharing the Gospel message with kids as little as 9. I just know these kids probably in a spiritual spot deeper than other kids their age who don't have a criminal record. So i anticipate a hunger, a willingness to listen to the Gospel of hope. That was the advice given by my prof to share testimony and a Bible study that has a message of hope through.

We have a break down of 30 minutes in each cell. We each do 5 cells. Many have contrived their own beliefs based on a street life that caused them to experience more than they should have ever needed too. Convoluted Christianity is also another possibility, many islamic backers as well.

So keep us lifted up, That the light of our loving Savior would take increase in our lives so we would decrease and be used for Jesus. All this is going down Sunday morning. Pray for: "Divine appointments on Sunday for these kids" as my Professor would say.

Lets watch how the Lord works.

Prison Soup for the Soul

I just wanted to honor God for His working among us. I want to bless the name of Jesus for His love showing up where darkness is more familiar. I'm talking about the big house yo. (not the "big, big house with lots and lots of room. A big, big yard...") the slammer where I talked to this 15 year old kid. He had a reverence of God, his sketches prove that God has a Catholic place in his life. One sketch was the praying hands with a rosary, another i saw was a eye and inside of it was the crime scene he committed and he's still holding the gun and the caption reads "I'm sorry." Heavy stuff, He wanted to get out. That was his only prayer. I asked him how he prays and he started to recite the "our Father." My prayer for him is that he would come to know God through the Bible. -He lit up with a healthy pride when i asked him if he reads. Being there was the first time he ever read of his own will. So I suggested reading John. My testimony comforted him. He said he was going to get out and stay away from his past and gangs. I told him it could only work through Jesus being your light, guide and path. He said he would pray that Jesus would reveal himself more.

Then a Moody friend and I went to the solitary lockup area and prayed at the doors calling for the all-surpassing Holy Spirit of Christ occupy those rooms. It was sone as they slept. Solitary confinement: they got a bed in there, sheets and that's it.

The real challenge for me came next where we found out that the church service some of the other Moody people were putting on was running late so the last group scheduled won't be able to go to service. So they sent me and a soft-spoken, small, light-hearted, suburbanite, a godly Moody gal to have a talk with a dozen convicts. We just let the Lord do it, -Let it be clearly known that under usual circumstance I would be rambling like a southerner, heartbeat freaking and hard to figure out (like leading out in BSF).

God had a hold of us (antennas recieving) and the message was about prayer. lots of questions and answers. The kids took us down the weirdest and funniest of bunny trails. But we really got to the "why praying", and the to "who to" of praying, and if praying is really like talking to God what are ways we can listen. The calvary backup came about 15 minutes into it and broke up the big group for one on one time and we did another 15 minutes of that.

So I talked to two others, I noticed that no one sat to talk to them. And they were the most answer-ready among the group. The first guy had a pastor lineage and knew the Bible better than me. He's a 17 year old who wants to be in the NFL and write motivational books. His prayer request was for God's timing and justice amid the crime. And that he could better explain things to his family so they wouldn't be so judging.

The other is in the word every day. He gets out in like the next two weeks. He admitted that its easy in here. But out there "life catches up" to him. He said he's been prophesied about three times to become a pastor so he sees his time in jail as testimony building. I didn't think it was funny. I told him to find and ask and cling to someone that can disciple him like a pastor or someone who's faith he admired.

I just want to conclude with a huge request for prayer for the Chaplin of the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center. Many in the jail administration are opposed to this ministering and want to squeeze it out of the jail. So direct your prayers to this matter too. He's getting pressure without rest it seems. In my opinion he's a terrific fit, his heart is just bent by God this way.

31 is the New 3

"And can it be that I should gain an interest in the Savior's blood. Died Him for me who caused His pain and oh for Adam's helpless race." Love that hymn. I think the next time someone asks me what type of music i listen to I'm gonna say: hymns! not indie rock, rap, jazz, R and B, not even christian music. -Just hymns baby, that's the ticket.

Praise the Lord Jesus Christ, (it feels good just typing that). Three years ago today I placed my faith and invited the mercy and grace of Jesus into my heart. An action I couldn't understand, but desperately needed (it is the cry of all humanity). My life has been changed by the mighty breath of God. He is the all surpassing love that trades wretchedness for righteousness. How special today is, to have a moment in time when: "I know whom I have believed and am persuaded, that he is able, to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day."

About to two months ago, my teacher, Doc as we call him. had a hymn sing at his house, i went and the old man next to me wanted to hear my testimony. So i gladly told and he was struck at God's mercy, he just had a lasting impression of what God did for me. It turns out that he was Doc's dad and he has committed himself to pray for me regularly. How humbling it is to have people in the faith who are like champions for Jesus, resolved to pray for me and the cause of Jesus in my life (i'm talking about ya'lls too). So Doc asked me if i could share to the class my testimony. Since its God's story i feel i can never deny a request for hearing my testimony.

I equipped myself with a batch of my classic oatmeal butterscotch cookies to celebrate with and headed to Moody. It was a tremendous blessing we studied the life of David Wilkerson and the current state of slum violence in Chicago. Then I shared and the class just celebrated with me. Such encouragement, prayer and retrospect as to what God has blessed me with, how he changes me in the application of the Bible and ongoing healing.

"To God be the glory great things He hath done so loved He the world that He gave us His son. Who yielded His life, an atonement for sin and OPENED THE LIFE-GATE that all may go in. Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, let the earth hear His voice. Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord let the people rejoice. Oh come to the Father through Jesus the Son and give Him the glory great things He hath done,"

Just a good day, who knew three felt so good,
I had to share the celebration with ya'll.
Happy, birthday. Happy, happy birthday.

Sermon Slaps

Have you ever heard a sermon that you weren't ready to hear? It's kinda like Matlock turning the case upside down in the courtroom, breaking the witness down in front of the judge. So Sunday we got into some of the lowest common denominators of sin struggles. The passage used was in Luke 8 when Jesus is sleeping on the boat during the storm. The problem was the panic of the apostles due to their lack of faith. I lose sight of God's omnipresence, I have a hard time walking by faith when something's rocking the boat. -Have you ever experienced God's peace? That all-surpassing tranquility? I think my soul has found rest, and my burdens have been lifted, but the blessing of peace?

Next came those common denominators, inhibitors of peace. I have refused blessings from the Lord. God wants to tell me I'm smart but i hold up to Him the papers of diagnosis saying, no I'm crazy. God wants to tell me I'm handsome through a special lady. But in large part, I refuse it because I've been overweight for a long time and I have people I love calling me butterball. This is stuff i don't admit to others but it affects me daily. Its a manipulation of shame that Satan has leveraged into me (i've allowed it to nestle). So now when I'm trying to be studious, and grow my intellect through the studying at Moody. And the Lord just wants to fill me up with blessing through brain and heart growth. However, the shame of my mental past quickly becomes a peace prohibitor. instead i pump up the procrastination, i get impatient when i read because I'm slower than your average grad student. -God isn't comparing me to others. He wants me to succeed and pass. Its shame imposed on my life that rejects God's blessing.

Were not finished, another common denominator was fear that keeps the storms raging when the peace of Christ is sleeping within. This was particularly in regards to the future. As a young believer in Jesus Christ I have less of an excuse than I imagine an older believer does. Because the plans i had for my life were botched, crumbled and voided. Jesus breathed new life into me. That contrast from how I'd been living is so obvious to me that Its a severe lack of faith for me to not trust God with what's going to happen with my life. Does that make sense? Yet fears is a-brewing in terms of: Marriage, fatherhood, career I haven't had many examples of that stuff working to honor God. I'm fearful, and anxious this is adult stuff that has implications beyond just me. Really though, God is mighty to save! And His peace can be prized and desired above all this. The God I know and serve just wants me to worship Him, trust in his plan and have faith.

I'm not in control, I'm not out of control; I'm blessed and dearly, dearly loved by the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Love and peace,

An Inconvenient Truth

My apologies to Al Gore for the copyright snafoo, but I have a truth that barges on my convenient life more.

My life has been riddled with conviction to find a justice in poverty ever since Manila in '95. Which truthfully was the biggest outward motivator to quit believing in God back in high school. Trash dumps are a trip yo. I know, Cicero has one of Chicago's waste management facilities. Stanky dealings!

But Trash dumps with 30,000 people living on it choke up the eco-humanity side of digging through the trash. The people just blended into the "Smokey Mountain" as they called it in the Philippines. The sense memory of the smell when I attend mass on smokey mountain is still with me. There was a landslide/trashslide several years ago that closed the place, at least for overnighters.

This book I'm reading has commissioned me to think about injustice, oppression, abuse, rape, genocide, exploitation, corruption, poverty etc... I'm as open to this book as I was to Manila. This time instead of repelling me from God; its has brought me to the cross and His physical suffering and its significance. I'm not well read on any of these topics of injustice so this book struck me at point blank range. Thankfully all major points were coupled with Scripture. -Tons of it because God is very clear in His Word about His judgement, His wrath, His revenge regarding injustice.

The great commission version 2.0 (if you'll indulge me) would certainly include an bondage lifting amendment. How cake would it be for an unbeliever freed from oppression in the name of Christ to want to Follow Him. Coming to Christ is so obvious to the captives that are freed by Christ's body on earth n'est-ce pas? Similarly, my addiction removal was a huge motivator in my life to know that it is God's truth doing the work; lifting that out of my life and snapping the self-imposed abuse. God's interest in the abuse of power is not mild. Though we may have grown numb and oblivious to the brutal abuse of this world (everyday), God maintains a fresh, holy hatred of injustice.

From conviction, stories, Scripture and application; this book helps me think of forced child labor in India ahead of my vulnerabilities and stresses in my spiritual life. The book argues that its true what we see from missionaries or on TV its just not real to us. So lets bridge the gap. Lets stand ready to exploit every moral hesitation (civil rights), the exploitation of the powerless and defenseless (Rwanda) and the morally vulnerable (child labor and prostitution).

So lets visit and deliberate with corrupt government leaders in third world countries for Christ's cause, Or maybe run a shelter to prevent kids from being abducted into the underbelly of Hong Kong's drug world. Or maybe go on a long term mission trip to fight state-supported discrimination in Uganda. Or maybe write letters and monthly support a child through Compassion, World Vision etc.. Or maybe pray specifically for a missionary or an injustice theme or region of injustice. Or look up the many passages about God and the oppressed in the Bible. Or maybe just pray that God can help us weep about this more. And if you still don't have enough to grasp with the freeness of your hands: you can get Good News About Injustice by Gary Haugen and read it and be open to its message.

"If we really want to know God, to really understand Him, we must come to understand His passion for justice and His gut-level indignation at the abuse of power."
"In a world of pain, how could one worship a God who is immune to it." Our sufferings become manageable in light of Christ's suffering."

Deadlines and Intimacy with God

It sounds demanding on my part to call you this, truthfully we all need doses and doses of prayer. Its almost a pride issue if I don't ask for prayer; Especially given my current circumstance. Ya'll cover me would you? To our loving intercessor Jesus in heaven, submit Nicolas because times are abrasive spiritually.

God is the same yesterday, today , and tomorrow.

And I'm not. Because in my yesterdays, God grew faith in a "loose timing" that made it feel all elective on my part. Almost as if I got to choose an activity to know God more and at my leisure. Meaning I was seeking out meetings that would grow me in God, developing fellowships that fed me even at work, and I was hating my sin. I was always curious to find an emotionally satisfying Christian musician or film. A good cry now and then to remind myself how merciful God is. I miss this "romance" of a relationship with God. It seems in retrospect, that I was controlling lots of those decisions, they were good decisions and God used them for sure. That's why I miss them.

Today, is a much spicier pepper. I made a choice to go to Moody back in June and I'll admit I wasn't thinking about what that implied. So it seems I'm grumbling about all these sub-decisions stemming from my one: to move to Cicero and go to Moody. Some of you might be scared to get an update about my work: its not much better, though my relationships are more meaningful there. I just really want to transfer to dayside. Overnight makes me miss worship at my church quite often.

The demands of school are squarely on my shoulders as I enter into this last week of school. I don't currently have the mental determination to look my work in the face and do something about it. I brim with anxiety and shame thinking Grad School is for more proficient minds. Its sink or swim time. I need to give this to God more. One more week of hard work and then a month off.

Don't get me started about how much I miss my darling girlfriend, family, church family, and Colorado nature. Now a-days, It seems that i'm "in the throws" of it. Studying the Bible is an obligation to crank out study assignments instead of God revealing Himself. (I miss BSF) Spurgeon was a major stress inducer instead of a sold-out (young adult) for God kinda guy. I do get inspired, its just that: God needs to regain His throne in my life, and the stuff inbetween us needs to get behind me.

Tomorrow holds the will of God if i seek it. With it comes many blessings. It will take nothing short of God's doing to finish with everything completed. Whatever the outcome, I'm going to do my best to grain closeness with God and write those papers.

To top things off I'm about to be an uncle (x5) next week, she's gonna be a Chicago niece. so could you pray for that too.

Sylvie, Biscuits and Other Lovely Things

Praise God for making me hang when I was ready throw in the towel with my classes. Its a thing of the past save the knowledge gained. I'm sitting pretty. Next semester I'm slated for Acts, Spiritual Integration Lab (not graded), and evangelism and apologetics. Many thanks for dealing with my emotional outbusts on the old typewriter.

Joining the conclusion of my classes yesterday to plant me firmly on the ground is Sylive... at the risk of offending my lady, dare I say: there's a new girl in my life. "In this corner, weighing in just under 9 pounds, all the way from Chicago Illinois via her mother's womb is the heartbreaker/dream-maker/nap-taker Sylvie, Suzan, Currat." She's a real contender for my heart. Just a bushel of quiet new-born goodness. beautiful, and perspective imposing.

Speaking of lovely things, If I call you "biscuit!" that means you're in. Its my self-made term of endearment. True buttermilk or southern style biscuits go down in my book as treat, all the time. For those wondering, there is no such thing as a flakey biscuit, that is merely a croissant hybrid invented by those out-of-the-box thinkers at Pilsbury.

All this to say thanks for sharing in my life through prayer, concern and encouragement. -I feel like I'm writing to a bunch of biscuits right now! That was truely a lovely thing to get what i got from ya'll. So I'm keep up my end, and gladly accept any prayer requests you have. I'm probably going to write again to ya'll but for insurance reasons: Merry Christmas. Now you may not get a niece for Christmas, (but you know someone who did)! But we did get the savior, the lover of our soul how rich is His love for our lives: every last human of a being.

Intentional Intensions

My faith life at the conclusion of school seemed overexerted, -how to regain heart? The reintroduction of making faith something through deliberate choice to spend time with God is back! But what does that mean and look like?

Rather than "taking a break" from the Word as I'm doing with my studies I got this little pocket book called Promises. In it there is God's promises to us regarding the many topic of life before&after. Since God is unfailingly faithful to His promises I figured it best to dig in and claim'em in prayer.

With the distance from the school and work combo I realized that work was a huge strain in my life due to the inconsistencies. They were trying to break-a-brotha-down. So i wrote a winded e-mail to the leadership of my store asking for the following changes in exchange for a continuing commitment.

1 to work four days for ten hours instead. All the other over night TL (team leaders) get that, I'm the exception because of the uniqueness of what I do, (At least i feel needed)
2 the days off would be consecutive. If you've ever worked overnight you know that days off don't feel like that unless they run together
3 to observe the Sabbath. I didn't want to sound legalistic in this request, because my salvation isn't hinged on this one command. But still, this is how i put it: "I have a fear of the Lord above all else. I don't want to anger Him. instead I want to be renewed by rest and fellowship on sunday." Basically I asked for Saturday or Sunday night off.
4 a set schedule that fit into my school needs. (every now and then an exception will do)
5 to resign as AD captan. I signed up for resetting isles not putting up AD.

Could we pray for these? I'm meeting tomorrow night with my HR to discuss this. I think its hard to find joy at my work, but these changes would confirm that God wants to use me there still. Sometimes I feel worn out from the battle there. i know God has given us a spirit of power in Christ and not timidity or weariness. At the end of some shifts I'm feeling more like roadkill. Leading is hard to take and give. At least i got a niece to hold about the size of a collegiate football with legs and arms.

Cool is Jesus on the Inside

I had a phone call with my five year old nephew that is fixated with things that are cool, his list included: "A wallet chain, torn jeans, snowboarding, da Bulls, and a mohawk." (He's right about the Bulls). I was working the angle that those things are all on the outside and what's really cool about people can only be found on the inside. He insisted by naming people who were cool and the tricks they could do on a skateboard. I dropped the lesson of what a downward spiral it is to work at looking cool to gain the approval of others. A great "chasing after the wind" if i'm not mistaken. I then tried to bring Jesus into the conversation but the words coming out were so like weird and forced, kinda like a tract to an unbeliever. Isn't it hard enough keeping a phone conversation interesting with a 5 year old (almost 6)? As much as God wants to be in relationship with my nephew, I feel like i was pushing the issue, -Like God's counting on me to save the kid: God doesn't need me to accomplish His will. So instead of thumping scripture at my lil'shortie man Martin, I considered it a lesson for myself. Doesn't God commission us and so when the Spirit moves within isn't it generally effective, gentle and fluid? Not robotic, bullhornish or forced. So I gave up and talked about gnarly-ness.

2009 is gone and so is my steam heat. My apartment is froze. I have to wear a coat and a winter hat when doing the dishes. Only in my bedroom is the temperature tolerable. I've let myself get irritated and mad about this because i'm not dwelling comfortably. What about the homeless on these single-digit nights? Satan must tempt their anger with the cold way worse then me. And i so easily gave in to bellyaching, I'm still kinda doing it by this mention here. So I let the Cicero Bible Church know and they're sending someone out. I feel like i get to know more of that church the more my apartment needs repair. The last three times its been a different church member fixing the problem.

That church is historic, big and beautiful the congregation is made up of the faithful fifty certainly sad. It has a radio broadcasting booth from back in the day and a classic southern looking sanctuary.

Chistmas was a blessing, New years was a blessing probably the best one ever!! except for the one when i was like 7 watching Wonder Woman on tv waiting for midnight. I had my front tooth hanging by one last root so when Wonder Woman would spin around to change into uniform, i would spin my tooth at the same time, and it wouldn't hurt as much. It came out that very night. As for this last one I took my lady to see the Jersey Boys. (best musical ever). Then we took a ferris wheel ride in sub 0 weather. And fireworks, reflections, shrimp/catfish, and a thirty dollar cab ride because i forgot the el to my place stops running during late night.

Outreaches Reaching Out to Unbelievers

Grab ahold of your seat belts and hang onto yer cowboy hats. Moody is now in session. Spring is in the air (semester that is). And we're kicking the outreaches off with a bang. That's right. We're going to the Pacific Garden Mission next week. One the oldest and biggest homeless shelters in Chicago. It is famous because that is were the hugely popular preacher Billy Sunday came to faith or so the statue reads back in early 1900's. Now its home to many especially during the winter season. So about 30 of us are going a week from today. I'm so excited about it I just was hoping we could start praying for it now. We're going to have a service, then split up by gender for some one on one listening time, then some testimonies, then a time of acoustic worship and wrapping things up with prayer one on one. Gods gonna be there, to teach me something new, win some souls and blessblessbless.

Also my reason for joining the urban studies track at Moody is two fold. One, given the redeeming of my past I have a broken heart for mental hospitals and the spiritual warfare therein. But two, is homelessness. Ever since I saw third world poverty first hand, i've been crying out to God about injustice -even as an unbeliever. So please pray for a stirring within me regarding my calling. That God would use the PGM to plant a firm vision to how i can be used for his purpose. Plainly put, I don't know the wonderful things he has for my life. But i'm super stoked for that ride!!

So my classes are a hit. Urban anthropology is focusing on Chicago we're gonna learn first about the history, social structures, multiculturalism, politics, demographics. Then we get to plug that into a community analysis, sub-culture and/or ethnic group evaluation of our own choosing within the city. Highlighting the needs of others is the goal, to give way to effective ministry/vocations objectives.

On my first day of class I decided I wanted to become friends with this one guy in my class. He asked me what class I was going to next and I told him Evangelism and Apologetics. He got psyched: "Dude that's the best class. People get saved in that class. How many classes can you say that people got saved in!!. I'm gonna be praying for you and that class." I was floored at his enthusiasm, he was just so pleased to hear about souls being won for the Lord. My prayer for that class is that I would experience and grow in faith so much that I would be like him by the end of it. Just sold out for the cause of Christ encountering people. Where's my zeal for that now?

Well I got to get to the laundry, errands and homework done. Please pray for my relationship with my lady Lindsey its tough being apart and communicating well at the same time. Also my month old niece has been going in and out of the hospital with fevers and illness, Its been rough (on her parents too) hearing stories of what Doctors have to do to diagnose the problem. With added prayer maybe little Sylvie could get a healthy diagnosis from the Lord instead. So cute that baby.

Blessing and continuation in the love that Jesus has,

Recognize, Evangelize and Jesus 101

About a month ago I was struggling to feel much passion for my relationship with Jesus. Sins were confessed out of seeming obligation, Prayers were short and infrequent, Reading Scripture felt like reading an insurance form, Blessings seemed absent and Gratitude to God was insincere if mentioned at all. -Not where I wanted to be given the rich mercy and grace afforded to me.

Our culture and faith lives seem so expectant to constantly changing and growing. So how was I to change and grow in Christ if I was in the "doldrums"? So I went and got me some Jesus 101. Since the Word seemed like a foreign language at the time, I dove into a book that would plainly state the arguments for submission to Christ. That book was basically someone evangelizing the reader. It was composed of arguments for the unbeliever to consider. Page after page, day by day, within me grew this conviction of faith. I was letting out some "Amens" while I read.

There was God breaking it down for me through the essential truths!! Before you knew it I was good to go: Walking in loving gratitude, newish, crispy. Weird how that closeness in Jesus came from recalling rather than changing or growing. How valuable it is to remember what God has done. Ya dig???

I wish you guys had front row seats to my evangelism class (like me... what a gift). My prof pours out his pleas for reaching a lost world, desperately, seriously. He suggested that the majority of Christians are filled with a good life in view of Christ's mercy. They settle for a good life, when the best life waits and untouched. That is found in sharing the Gospel and watching its power to transform.

Did you know that God entrusts the Gospel to us. He has faith in us to share the Gospel.

I want you to know that evangelism is a community thing with key components for floatation: self-growth, prayer, collective outreach and continued contact. Its not below anyone to graciously, straightforwardly beg another: "Please consider the Gospel." Add some repetition, customize the delivery and leave it in the hands of the Holy Spirit. Jesus challenged the women at the well differently than Nickodemus, differently than the rich young ruler, differently than the Pharisees.

Its an evangelistic lifestyle that we need to generate. That is why we're all good for God's using. We can settle for a good life and be riddled with a growing inability to talk about God with those who need Him most. Or get the best of a life lived for God in evangelizing. Do we cry about and pray for the reality of hell for unrepentant unbelievers? Or is our faith not contingent on loving others in a way that will convince them of Jesus? 75% of converts come from a friend or family member evangelizing. Call on God's power to do this, its easy to forget about mentioning the urgency of salvation when we're so relational with family.

I want to keep myself in check by saying this: I have shared God with some unbelievers, hairy ones even. I'm no good at it. I haven't prayed a "sinner's prayer" with anyone. I'm not even good at pointing to the right passages in scriptures to do so. Thankfully I'm in a class that's asking me to memorize the passages of salvation like Roman Road passages. It is not my will to win souls but Christ in me. If Christ is in my heart and I speak form my heart than evangelism is automatic. Its totally my will to get over the uncomfortableness of it by faith in the seeds planted and the further owning of my faith in what the Bible says.

Can we pray about this? and the non-followers of Jesus.