Its been weeks since a good update and I feel the rhythm is squandered. But Lord willing I will get though this send-out. Be encouraged by what's happened to me. I crawled past the finish line on my spring semester. My Latino ethnography and Cicero community analysis papers were completed. Although there were holes in them like gang life or why our town has a president and not a mayor. I am confident in the result.
In school, I found myself plagued with worry as early as spring break. Since worrying is basically a sin, had a semester long sin struggle that took place mainly in my head. I credit being in the Scriptures as the help I needed: the key passages were phil 4:4-7 (be anxious about nothing...) and Matt 11:27-29. These represent passages that fill me up with a sense of "God yes you are great and your instructions are comforting but what does that look like in my life?" I have no idea what is means to live without anxiety. The passage gives a clear how-to instruction on living without anxiety. However anxiety seems so deep rooted that my attempts to be in prayer and thankful didn't feel like I was gaining any ground in my heart.
I think a lot of restoring work was being done this semester to change how I handle pressure. I spent a lot (of the little) free time I had shelving the work, so I could get my heart on God's bigger picture. I did push hard at the end but it was because I felt God was opening that door to take care of business. Truth be told my teacher sobered me up when he said: "the work habits you have now and how you work and deal with things, you're gonna take that with you to your ministry. the consequences will just be worse -so change them now."
We all know what a struggle working overnight has been for me, the godly attribute i kept telling myself when at work was: God's love is unfailing. That is one hot topic in Psalms. Other books in the Bible rarely describe God's love as unfailing but it is in like fifty verses of Psalms (bible gateway.com). Psalm 32:10 (...the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him). So when I was busy leading my team, (that doesn't like my leadership) and I feel rejected and being ridiculed behind my back. I just kept focus on God's unfailing love surrounding me, carrying me through because I trust in it. No matter what others said, so when one of my team members would say something compassionate or loving I would just light up. God has changed me by trusting that his love for me is unfailing. Again months ago I would not know what it meant to trust God's love as unfailing.
An update to answered prayer. Thanks to God. My last overnight shift was last night! I will work at my store for a month on the dayside and on June 16th I will transfer to the receiving position at the new store opening in Uptown. I get married in less two months, Lindsey's visiting in two weeks or so. I start one class of summer school on Tuesday. The Kid Movie Class I volunteer with is finishing so much stronger than i thought, these kids are a blessing. I went to a special 5 year anniversary of a church plant on the Southside that was a unique blessing.
Looking ahead I ask that we could pray for a continued repentance from sin. That my mind would grow in worry-freeness. That I would find a renter for my place in colorado. For guidance from God to potentially relocating in Chicago. For my mother's trip to Poland I will explain later. More time of evangelizing whether relational or raw. Send me anything I can pray for you about.
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