It sounds demanding on my part to call you this, truthfully we all need doses and doses of prayer. Its almost a pride issue if I don't ask for prayer; Especially given my current circumstance. Ya'll cover me would you? To our loving intercessor Jesus in heaven, submit Nicolas because times are abrasive spiritually.
God is the same yesterday, today , and tomorrow.
And I'm not. Because in my yesterdays, God grew faith in a "loose timing" that made it feel all elective on my part. Almost as if I got to choose an activity to know God more and at my leisure. Meaning I was seeking out meetings that would grow me in God, developing fellowships that fed me even at work, and I was hating my sin. I was always curious to find an emotionally satisfying Christian musician or film. A good cry now and then to remind myself how merciful God is. I miss this "romance" of a relationship with God. It seems in retrospect, that I was controlling lots of those decisions, they were good decisions and God used them for sure. That's why I miss them.
Today, is a much spicier pepper. I made a choice to go to Moody back in June and I'll admit I wasn't thinking about what that implied. So it seems I'm grumbling about all these sub-decisions stemming from my one: to move to Cicero and go to Moody. Some of you might be scared to get an update about my work: its not much better, though my relationships are more meaningful there. I just really want to transfer to dayside. Overnight makes me miss worship at my church quite often.
The demands of school are squarely on my shoulders as I enter into this last week of school. I don't currently have the mental determination to look my work in the face and do something about it. I brim with anxiety and shame thinking Grad School is for more proficient minds. Its sink or swim time. I need to give this to God more. One more week of hard work and then a month off.
Don't get me started about how much I miss my darling girlfriend, family, church family, and Colorado nature. Now a-days, It seems that i'm "in the throws" of it. Studying the Bible is an obligation to crank out study assignments instead of God revealing Himself. (I miss BSF) Spurgeon was a major stress inducer instead of a sold-out (young adult) for God kinda guy. I do get inspired, its just that: God needs to regain His throne in my life, and the stuff inbetween us needs to get behind me.
Tomorrow holds the will of God if i seek it. With it comes many blessings. It will take nothing short of God's doing to finish with everything completed. Whatever the outcome, I'm going to do my best to grain closeness with God and write those papers.
To top things off I'm about to be an uncle (x5) next week, she's gonna be a Chicago niece. so could you pray for that too.
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