Life outside of myself has helped my mind grow: in giving, thinking of others, and prayer. But no matter, head games still rage. When ever the tune of self-hate or the conciousness of Satan's expired thoughts cloud my mind I rebuke them in the name of Christ and am moved to silence.
With the nurishing of God's grace, futher separation from failed thought is possible. So aside from the Bible I'm constantly scanning left and right, up and down, near and far for the will of God. I bait my conversations with words generally intune with adjectives/words Jesus used like: "blessed", "faithful", "encouraging", "hope", and "sacrafice". All this to test conversations, to check the status for proceeding in an evangelistic tone, fellowship tone, loving tone, or informative tone.
Here would be an informative example, my brother and I were at the Home Depot shopping for ceiling fans and the guy at the checkout line in front of us overhears our French. He emphasizes how great it must be to know two languages. And hap hazardly I throw out: "yeah its a blessing, A great blessing." There was an awkward pause... The stranger continued by telling us how lucky we were to have a mother willing to teach us French. He knows immigrants that don't teach their kids their native tougne and that frustrated him. After we endured some dirty jokes about the French we said our goodbyes.
The evangelism example I can think of comes for this conversation I had with a shy, 18 year old that just moved to Colorado. I had been very managerial to him about the shortcoming of his work ethics and how that affects our team as a whole. What's worse, my boss had just sent him an e-mail about this. So in regards to the e-mail I said something like "I'm encouraging you to see this as a chance to show determination to do better. Your reaction is everything, so please respond to it positively." My guy was breaking down after, about how no matter the effort and progress, constant funk be keepin' him down. He shared with me the darkness of his past, family and friends that dump crap on him and how downward spiraling it all feels. And that he only has basketball, that's all he's ever had.
That was my in!! So I said "that's a small court to place every problem out on. What happens when it stops working, or you get hurt." Then, just as the thought poped into his head (I could tell), he said "I'll always have God." I continued to ask him about his God. It turns out that two and a half months ago, he gave his life to Christ in a parking garage because he ran away with nothing and nowhere to go. Alone, broke and without hope: he asked Jesus into his heart. His miracle came that night when he checked his messages and his brother was calling him home. He then quoted me his favorite Bible verse. Amazing.
This was my closest encounter to a newly born again person. I prayed for the presence of the Holy Spirit and that just the right words would come and build him up. Being a decade apart in age made it hard, being his boss made it worse, and most of all: it seemed like outwardly there hasn't been much sign of salvation. Its not that I doubted him, its just his associations and actions don't yeild a sanctuary for the Holy Spirit (based on what I've come to know as a dwelling place for the Spirit). So I asked him about church, he didn't have one. I asked about reading the Bible, not that often. I asked him about praying and he said lots. When I see him he is very eager to tell me how blessed he is. He just loves that concept. It rings really true to him. Me too by the way, amazing to have a life where blame is traded for blessings.
I've been praying for him so very much, thanking God for his presence in my life. I am praying about him being open to an hour of discipleship with me one on one in the Word. I knew what it was like to feel alone as a new believer. As a total surprise, today at work he asked me how my Sunday was going. And I told him all about my chruch's awesomely imperfect christmas pagent (super cute), the new associate pastor that we inducted and the church pot luck to celebrate. Then as an after thought, I told him I was bookending my work with my young adult group. I said: "it keeps me fed." His interest peaked. So I told him all about it, lo and behold. He asked me if he could come. Gee, why didn't I think of that!! So we went, he had a really positive response to going. So he definately wants to keep going.
I can't wait to see what God will do with his steady heart as it positions itself in the light of Jesus.
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