Dearest Prayer Warriors,
We got a flat over the weekend. Not a big deal, I used to work at a tire shop! So Monday I did that errand at Big-O tires. While I waited, I found myself across the street at the thrift store killing time. When a flash flood of memories struck, i'm reminded of Simon's sweet behavior at the thrift store. He was a natural at suggestive selling like he worked there. "Dad, look! And it's a purple tag, 50% off." or "Dad check out what this toy does."
I took a seat in an old armchair in the furniture section to gain perspective that he is no longer with me. As I sat there, I was reminded that Simon was always up for going with me on any errand. So much so that "hey Simon you want to come?" Got replaced with "Simon lets go." Followed by his encouraging, "alright, let me get my shoes. Where are we going?"
This flat tire errand has turned into a teary one, a lonely one. I just got up and left. I stopped on the sidewalk and told God "thank you for Simon. For what good company he was. Thank you Lord that he always came with me on boring adventures."
Last night on the way home from the cemetery, Lindsey suggested she stop by Panda Express and pick up some dinner. I didn't think much of it, much less that it would make me weep. You see, Simon always had a big appetite for their noodles and chicken. a few months back we started buying the family meal deal because it was a better value. So when Lindsey came home with two simple containers, my heart dropped to remember that there is now no need for the family meal deal.
After experiencing the loss of Simon as a hole of death we climbed and clawed out of, we find that the hole still resides within us. I want to hear from the Lord as to what I should do with it. I don't want to be sketching or beautifying this void forever. I certainly don't want to jump back into it. I'm pretty sure it's never going to be filled like it was before with Simon Diamond around us. Memories, thoughts, videos, art work, and pictures fill the hole halfway for a while, with time, those things evaporate as we age but he stays the same age. honestly i'm pained at thinking that Renee will likely remember little of the giant leader Simon was to her. But with God's grace there will be a day when the younger sister becomes older than him, and leads Victor. weird.
So in looking to God's Word I wanted to see the hole Jesus left in his loved ones and how they filled it. Something tells me that Peter wasn't the only one weeping bitterly the day Jesus was crucified. even the betrayer Judas Iscariot was seized with remorse earlier that day and likely hung himself even before Jesus was crucified. Certainly the hole of death marked these two. How did Peter climb out of that hole? Was Peter's hole filled after? What did he put in it to help fill it a little bit?
What about the others that loved and walked with Jesus daily and believed Him to be the Messiah? The Bible doesn't give the whereabouts of the other apostles when Jesus was being crucified except for John who showed up. The Gospels clearly state that the women of Galilee and some from Jerusalem stayed and endured Jesus' last moments on the cross.
Going deeper, I found there were two other disciples who loved Jesus and they were on the road to Emmaus. they were definitely trying to climb out of their hole left by Jesus' death. The Bible says they were "downcast", disappointed because of their hopes that Jesus was going to redeem Israel.
Every person I mentioned loved Jesus and had a void to climb out of and fill. It's not hard to imagine the disciples were certainly recounting the miracles and treasuring the time they had with Jesus with buckets of tears like I have had with Simon's absence. But the beautiful truth that God shows me in His Word is that their hole was filled by the Resurrected Jesus. memories can't fill the hole of death enough, but the resurrection of Jesus Christ sure can. Moreover, because He lives, the promised resurrection of Simon can help fill my hole.
I think coming to a point of legacy and action in honor of the loss is also demonstrated by the disciples. The early church was built by such actions. It helps that Jesus stayed with them for about forty days after the resurrection to instruct what that would look like, and I don't have that exactly. nonetheless, the key Person that helped the disciples pick and choose how to fill their hole with action was the Holy Spirit; similarly He is mine!
no doubt we're walking wounded, broken hearted.
No doubt Jesus is near me weeping too.
No doubt the Holy Spirit helps me act, remember and mourn.
no doubt we will be comforted by the Good Father.
praise God for:
- the memories, and treasures Simon left us that helped us get out of the hole.
- for the Biblical medley of mourners who were filled by the Holy Spirit and acted in great faith onward.
- the Father's good plan that includes taking "my" son at such a young age, but not before the Holy Spirit indwells me.
please pray for:
- my hole to be filled with the promise of Christ to every believer: the hope of glory, hope of heaven. for me to be seen with Simon once again because of my Redeemer.
- our intense feelings of loss to be met with thanksgiving in remembrance, joy in future acts, and hope in eternity with Jesus and Simon.
- mercy from the Lord as I feel our loss intensified these days of late.
every time the sun beams a light through the clouds onto the earth and it looks glorious, i tell Renee "look the door of heaven is open, quick say hi to Simon and Jesus... see you guy later."
with hope in Jesus,
Nic for the Currats
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