Dear Prayer Warriors,
A friend reminded me that the grief never ends because we loved our child so deeply. I would like to add that my mind does a better job catching the memories that paint my son in the brightest of lights even though I clearly remember time outs and disobedience. Below is a collection of bright memories and treasures, I hope it encourages you, what a kid!
I often sat in silence with my Bible and a cup of coffee early in the morning. I’d smile to myself when I heard little bare feet climbing up our carpeted stairs, soon a mop top blond headed boy would peer around the stairwell to catch my gaze. Simon didn’t use words in the morning so it never felt like he was interrupting me, he knew I would be good for a morning hug. Simon greeted me this way then favored a side so I could keep on reading while he quietly stood between me and the Bible. My hand rested tenderly on his shoulder or on his head. Then after some time he wandered over to the couch to look through his Bible while I stayed in mine. Or maybe he’d pick up a pen and paper to write or draw some stuff down. Mornings were about getting close to God, separately but at the same time. Breakfast came later. We always were the first two up. I’ll confess sometimes I wanted him to catch me in my Bible because I hoped he would imitate me.
Simon learned to read by the time he was 6. This came in handy because he reasoned so soundly, so inquisitively. The director of our Classical Conversations Chapter (homeschool co-op) randomly gifted him a two-inch-tall plastic owl with fine detail. She looked him in the eye and told him “I think you are wise.” As she placed the gift in his hand. Simon had cautiousness more than rambunctiousness, questions more than demands, and love over fears. We went to the library almost weekly for him. His selections made me want to be his friend. Probably the coolest book Simon ever brought home was a DIY paper airplane book with dozens of different kinds to build. We used up a ton of paper that week. Lindsey or I read every night to him and Renee because they shared a room. We got through many faith-based books, chapter books, and anything else that captured their imagination. His favorite no doubt was the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. We read the book twice, saw the play, watched the movie and had the book on CD for long trips. Every night one of us cuddled him to sleep. Once it was “lights out” I often sang a song of faith and prayed over them.
Simon’s Ideation
I don’t think I ever needed to remind him that he was a leader and that Renee was looking to him for an example. Simon was generously kind to her unless he was working on something that required his careful attention. I do recall the many “stop it Renee.” She often proved to be too much for his patience during mid focus. It was just him and Anna for his first 3 years; from this he developed a curiosity that would keep him busy rather than bored. He didn’t cling to mom and dad like most kids his age. Once we moved to the Springs, Simon claimed the forgotten and neglected backyard as his lab. This yard came complete with a couple extra-large red ant hills, weeds in place of grass and glorious dirt. I wouldn’t be surprised if Simon genuinely thought he discovered irrigation and channeling water. I say this because he was so excited to lay down extra gutter, PVC pipes and connect them to a good old fashioned ditch he just dug. He intentionally buried treasure. He had the mind of an inventor envisioning something and then passionately grasping at their surroundings to seek how the vision can become a reality. His Hot Wheel track creations taught him all day long about gravity, potential and kinetic energy.
I never tried teaching Simon French. But I did teach him to cook. Wrapped up in the kitchen was some of our best bonding. Like most kids, Simon grasped the dump and mix with overnight success. He also peeled a chunk of skin off with a peeler, I think that is a rite of passage. It’s his ideas I miss terribly. He knew that Anna had needs that insurance didn’t cover. So he decided that once a month or so, we would turn our house and our front yard into Best Café. That was the name for one of his grandest ideas. We would set tables in the grass as if it were a patio, 2-tops, 4-tops and a big family table. The same goes in our Living Room. I never saw it but I bet somewhere in the lost art he drafted up a map of where all the tables could go. Unapologetically he assigned me to all the cooking. And happily volunteered to get everyone’s order. The neighbors could come; he also listed church people and family members to feed. “come and eat at Best Café and leave a donation for Anna.” We stopped short of developing a business plan.
Another excellent idea that Lindsey suspects we might see on the New Earth is a water slide from the top of Pikes Peak to downtown Colorado Springs. This was another venture Simon carefully cooked up with Anna’s massage therapist. During Anna’s sessions, Simon would sit nearby and plausibly imagine a waterslide over 30 miles long. Then this middle-aged man with two grown boys was a professional at imagining the hypotheticals about the project. They would laugh and converse at what could be, they had such sincere fun dreaming this slide up together, I was almost jealous of how he made my son’s dreaming take flight. It was wonderful to listen to.
Simon sought out friendship. His best examples of friendship came from being around Anna, because he gave so much of himself. Simon always wanted to take care of Anna. He brought her toys, wanted to push her around. He could correctly dose the medicine, pour the formula and stop and start the feeding pump. We always let Anna sleep in during breakfast since she didn’t eat with us, but one day Simon decided we needed to take our breakfast into her room, listen to music and eat our breakfast there. I happily called it the “breakfast club”. By the end of the first meeting he made a Breakfast Club sign and so we had multiple gatherings mostly in Anna’s room. Once we took the Breakfast Club on the road to our front porch. It was a four-member club with Renee, Anna, Simon and me. Other than Anna, I recall a boy he had several playdates with for about 6 months and wrote a letter to once he moved away. Simon loved generously, at the homeschool Co-op he seemed much more hesitant to make friends choosing to be close to Anna instead. It didn’t help that most of the boys were older than him.
Simon's Faith
Imagining, engineering, and family aside, Simon loved the homeless so much that he wanted to do something. He asked me why this existed, and I shared with him all the reasons I knew that might land someone homeless. He always expected more of a black and white answer. His little heart couldn’t understand. It made me remember that I don’t understand, yet accept it, I choose to dismiss it too often. Not so with Simon! We biked by the many homeless encampments along the river and he was deep in thought. I know God cares for the poor but Simon challenged me to see the love that I have has grown cold toward the homeless. Simon demonstrated a sense of action. Somehow I knew that driving by the panhandlers and ignoring them wasn’t going to fly anymore in Simon’s eyes. Jesus loves them and that was the bottom line for Simon. He decided to make homeless bags with nourishing food. Knowing that was a “band-aid” I decided to type up a list of places in the city that provide shelter, food, places to find employment and addiction help. We put that in each bag along with a gospel tract. Simon became a radar for spotting the homeless and so we dropped off our bags and prayed with them. In this world we will always have the homeless, but we learn to trust that God is using our “two fish and five loaves” to multiply and change lives. This life Simon lived, he lived to the glory of God.
When we had time to drive up just me and him to see Grandma, or to take Anna to a doctor appointment in Denver we spoke richly about the fallen state of mankind, I reasoned with him about why sin breeds addictions and a life apart from God’s design and will. Most of these talks ended with prayer, how I passionately pleaded with God that Simon would learn by listening rather than by mistakes like the ones I made. I never sugarcoated this world for him. And helped and hoped that he would see the worth in following Jesus. I spoke to him as if it was time to make a choice to follow Jesus, to hear His voice. We often blasted Toby Mac’s The Elements album. I remember a specific ride home from Denver when he asked what the lyrics of the songs meant. Then, song after song I paraphrased each stanza. It was a Spirit filled exchange and I would try to stop after each song, but he would say “what about this one.” He was my disciple.
Simon prayed face down to a God he knew was in the room. Have you ever tried to teach reverence toward God to a kid? It’s hard, but here he was teaching me. His prayers were a confessional wrestling match of feelings, he thought out the words not repeating often. He always included God’s abilities and solutions. Stating often “God you could do ____.” He trusted in God’s attributes. In our prized video collection of him, we have an 11-minute video of him reading the unabridged Exodus 32 passage of the golden calf just because in Sunday school that was the story they learned about. I thought maybe he would serve God all his life. Maybe becoming a pastor or a missionary. In reality Simon did serve God all his life, it was just a short, well lived, completed mission. Simon had outward notable markings of faith in Jesus and love of the Bible. He wrote two worship songs, he honored his parents, memorized all of Psalm 23 and most of psalm 139.
Obviously I could go on…
Praise God for:
-How blessed my life was with him.
-Children teaching parents.
-The life and death of Simon Emmanuel Currat.
Please Pray for:
-Us this next week as we remember his life and love.
-God to heal our broken hearts.
-our faith to be greater than our sorrow.
-That Scripture and particularly Heaven would speak to our hearts
-spiritual protection for us from reliving the trauma, the sense memory of that day
