Shepherded

3-3 Anna Elizabeth Currat

It is with joy and faith in God's plan that we welcomed Anna Elizabeth into the world Sunday morning at 9:46. She was at 34 weeks 4 days. She is 4lbs 9ounces. Lindsey had an emergency c-section because the baby was not responding to a non-stress test. But praise God for her heart beat. That was the only thing that was going strong. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck twice, minimizing the flow of oxygen and nutrients from Lindsey. She had also passed meconium, a sign that she was distressed.

Lindsey and I are in need of rest. We are at Swedish covenant hospital, and our baby, sweet Anna, is at Evanston hospital where they have a great neo-natal care team. Anna is in critical condition because there is acid in her blood that she needs to metabolically process out. In order to do that, her organs need to be working a bit more than they are now. She is also on a respirator because her lungs are weak. It's a 72 hour wait before any full assessment. 

Lindsey's mom is coming out from Seattle. There are some glorious stories about God's providence and timing that I am leaving out. Let’s call upon The Lord to send His Spirit to hover over us. Things are fragile and in God’s hands.

Specific prayers:

For the metabolic processing of the acid

Against brain damage

For her lungs to work strongly

For Anna's organs to continue to mature

For God to be her peace and comfort; she must be so scared

For Nic and Lindsey as shock wears off and reality sets in, may we remain hopeful

For Lindsey's incision to heal quickly

For a good milk supply for Lindsey when Anna is ready to eat

That we would get to hold her sometime soon 

3-4 Anna Currat

 Let's storm the Throne Room with praise and thanksgiving because God intervenes. He holds us and delivers hope to our circumstances.

Today Anna and Lindsey got to be together for the first time! As a family we have had a good hour of touching (no holding baby yet) and singing and praying over Anna. The Lord has brought our family unit together! Believing God as perfect Father who knows medicine and machines best, we trust the baby to Him, even when we couldn't all be together at the beginning. 

Lindsey has experienced favor and healing. Though she is in pain, her strength comes from the Lord. Plus, she was motivated by the chance to see Anna, which made her hospital stay short. 

As for Anna, she is strong and full of possibilities. The Lord is hovering over her as she is the object of much, much prayer and miracle working. My men's group at church had a special prayer meeting for us, that is the kind of stuff that is fueling the cries to The Lord for my family.  Entire churches are humbly approaching God in Anna's behalf....

Praise God for answered prayer:

The acid in the blood is being metabolically processed, allowing the organs to work with healthy oxygenated blood.

Pray for:

The strengthening of her lungs. There are three support medicines/machines helping her breathe right now. The doctors are optimistic about the lung function they just need more strength. 

Anna's blood pressure became unstable last night. This triggered a more significant seizure. Pray for a steady blood pressure. She is on 2 monitoring devices for seizures and medication. The doctors are also optimistic about the seizures being a neo-natal situation rather than something that will persist. 

The biggest need for prayer is regarding Anna's brain. They will be "warming her up" tomorrow and hopefully taking an MRI to see for any brain damage. They spotted a small clot of blood in her brain confirming that she did have a lack of fresh oxygenated blood for a while. 

So, we trust in the hope that doesn't fail, Jesus our shepherd to be our miracle worker and make the mind of Anna healthy, able to imagine, process, concentrate, wonder and of course humor. 

3-5 A Praying Body

We are part of the same life because Christ is our life. Anna is sweet, among us and we bring her to Jesus together. 

Praise God for momma's colostrum coming in. This is a grace from God. Mothers of pre-me babies usually struggle. Now the bottles are filling up plentifully. It makes me think of Jesus feeding the 4000.

Praise the Lord for the third day of Anna's life!! What a privilege for us to have her on loan from The Lord.

Pray for Lindsey and I as we are nearing the end of the cooling blanket procedures that will allow the doctors to hypothesize how Anna's brain cells will function and the blood clot issue.  Pray for The Lord to shepherd our emotions and reactions as we depend on His holy hand to steady us. 

Pray for Anna to urinate more and steadily. 

Today was hard because right when we arrived Lindsey and I -filled with hope, saw an active seizure.  But we also saw the softest of hair, they had washed her, momma is really good at touching Anna and blessing her with song. "Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong." and later tonight Lindsey is going to rub ointment on Anna. Praise God for such joyful things that parents do, things that direct our attention past our circumstance and into love, like that of God’s example of giving me Jesus as Savior and friend.

 Lindsey and I anchored deeper than our feelings: on Christ the solid rock. We have come to know Jesus as our Rock because He revealed Himself to us, His Word and our testimony of His faithfulness are pulling us through. So please text me Bible verses, or e-mail me some... not all at once because savoring God's Word takes time:) but if the Spirit burdens you to do so we will put that verse to use in Anna's ear and hide it in our hearts. Because we need to savor the Scriptures right now. 

seizures seem to be occurring as she is warming up. The Dr does think a huge contributing factor of her seizures is an unstable blood pressure. So, pray for her blood pressure to be at 35 consistently. 

Praise God that Anna is going to get the love turned up on high tonight as auntie Colleen and Uncle Olivier are making their first visit to Anna's bedside. Thank the Lord also for my brother Olivier and Colleen who have been showing us sacrifice, help and love. For example, to my delight they stashed a tray of Oreos in a discharge bag from Swedish hospital so we could be pleasantly surprised.

3-7 Anna’s 4^th day birthday

God made a way! We slept as close as we possible could to Anna last night. Nurse Patty advocated for us, leveraged with leadership, -meanwhile, behind the scenes prayer warriors called in some favors from The Lord. And voila! God arranged us to sleep in the parent room about 25paces from Anna. Once things quieted down around 10:00 Lindsey and I were able to pull up some chairs on either side of Anna and speaks words of life to her, we sang to The Lord, felt His peace and laughed with light-hearts. 

She is now considered "critical-stable", sick but a joy in my sight. Nurse Tawny switched out Anna's tubes and Anna's vitals dipped fast.

What I learned is to not be afraid of touching Anna. Lindsey taught me how she does it. instead of hesitating I dove in ten fingers'n all, wanting to encourage the fledgling Anna. You get a mother by her baby's side and they'll know what to do. Lindsey is not short on words when speaking with her daughter. For example, we told Anna about the personalities of our extended families and why Fozzie Bear is the best Muppet. 

Anna is off the cooling blanket but No MRI yet probably not till Monday. This is shaping to be a long journey in the NICU, I welcome it because Anna is lovely and worth the wait:) Our doctor is hoping to lower the pressure on the oscillating ventilator so Anna can switch to a traditional ventilator. So, the doctors take their tests, but Lindsey has already told me "the test isn't going to change anything about my love for the gift God has given me. He has and will make a way for us." That brought me peace; she is strong where I am shaky. 

Early last night the team gave a second medication to improve Anna's blood pressure. This was a risk because it was going to make her heart rate go up a bit. At just the right time they wagered on her heart to carry a faster beat to raise her blood pressure. I wagered in prayers on the name of The Lord to uphold my daughter. By the will of God Anna responded to the meds and her pressure became steady at 37 which was above the number I even hoped for. That is answered prayer. God doesn't just give us what we ask, He gives us His best.

They also added red blood cells, and many doses of plasma to spruce up the blood pressure.... Even with that and the two other medicines, they still needed to add epinephrine which is kind of the roof of what medicine can do to raise and stabilize Anna's blood pressure if I understood the nurse right. It’s soaring in the 50's right now but it is heavily aided. Pray that Anna's body will activate to do the rest. "With man it is not possible, but with God all things are possible." -Jesus. Come let's place our faith in Christ who redeems such situations. Who else in heaven, or on the earth can miraculously heal? 

He is able; I know firsthand in my own walk that Jesus is Lord.

  This medicinal improvement in blood pressure meant That Anna was now able to take a different medicine to help her pee. Having not urinated caused her to puff up to a point that looked so uncomfortable. It was breaking my heart. When we awoke today, she had urinated! Moreover by 7AM she had urinated more today than she had the whole previous day. She is still on the diarrheic medication and urinating well. Now they say it's too well. Bring in the electrolytes.

Praise-praise-praise God for not one seizure last night. They took the monitor off. 

Pray for Anna to be weaned off the oscillating ventilator.

For a good, steady blood pressure. Her journey has been all about blood. Remember the acid?

For Anna to sustain a good blood pressure without epinephrine. 

3-8 Amazing Anna

 we have yet to hear Anna's cries or to or hold her. We can't wait the day is coming. You know we like most pregnant people assumed so much about what it's going to be like when the baby comes. But blessed be The Lord because He is Shepherding us through all of this!

 Pray for Lindsey's legs they are persistently swollen, pray for her wound to heal. It's doing good but we want the pain to go away.

Lindsey and I were ushered into a conference room with the doctors and Anna's primary nurse Tawny. There they gave us the "best-case/worst-case scenario" talk. This was to prepare us for the MRI findings -but God already knows. Now many of you know that I used to be prone to manic thoughts and going down the "what if" anxiety train. By God's grace I met the meeting with trust in God's plan for me and Lindsey and Anna. I was "strong" in that moment not of my own doing but by the power of Christ in me. I was able to calmly listen to this "worst-case talk" without my imagination taking a trip on the dr.'s words. This overwhelmingly proves to me that I'm a "new creation in Christ, the old one is gone". I know that God is for me -not against me. He does not make mistakes. He already knows every occurrence in Anna's life for its wonderful duration.

So yeah, pray for Anna's head in the name of Jesus, with the expectancy of miracles... Have we not already been given a front row seat to see Him save Anna? If the expectancy thing is hard, I gained faith by the story in Mark 9 with the father who brings his sick son to Jesus saying "have compassion and heal him if you can." and Jesus replies "If I can?, everything is possible to the one who believes." to that the son's father says "I do believe! But help my unbelief." So, my hope is for the best for my daughter and grace is helping my unbelief.

These e-mails are daddy's way to love Anna and to bring her to the Lord for wellness, salvation and peace. We have been counting on the body of believers and giving our burdens to Christ. In case you think for a second that we can handle all this news on our own, you are wrong. God sometimes intentionally give us more than what we can bare to cause us to turn to Him.

I say all this because Anna started having seizures again after two days of not having any. This indicates according to the doctor, that her wonderful brain is swelling or bleeding or not completely formed and could have brain cell damage. But God made the heavens and the earth, the mind is only fully known by Him. I believe in miracles, because the second she was born she was closest to death and The Lord has worked wonders to bring her to life. here's the latest:

Answered prayer and miracles:

Praise God for the catheter being removed because of steady urination and her swelling is gone.

Praise God she is off of the epinephrine, and another blood pressure medication, she is almost off her last blood pressure medication because she has responded well with a steady blood pressure number.

Praise The Lord for placing her on the new ventilator that makes her lungs do some work and she has responded.

Praise God that the passageway of blood from the heart to her lungs opened up (at first with medication) but now on her own.

Praise the Lord for a daughter so committed to respond to these treatments and procedures truly a miracle.

Praise the Lord Dr. Amer said "both metaphorically and literally, Anna has a strong heart."

Praise God that the temptation for me to worry was there but not indulged in, praise God.

Pray for the seizures to stop.

Ask the Lord for a healthy kidney able to process salt.

Pray for the lining of Anna's intestines that there would be no damage and it would be able to do what it does so well (sorry i forgot what the doc told me it does)  

Pray for my unbelief in my prayer life, to pray with expectation.

Pray for rest. 

3-10 Amazing Grace

Early in the pregnancy, Lindsey and I asked God, "What do You want our child's name to be? What is the name Jesus will call my daughter when He summons her forth on the Last Day?" I wanted to go with the name Anna because I wanted my daughter to teach me about grace. Being a late bloomer in Christ, that word is one of the loftiest; I wish to grasp it more completely. Anna's name comes from the word "grace" in Hebrew.

Lindsey wanted the name Anna because she especially loved the biblical Anna, a prophetess in Luke 2 who was devoted to God and sought after the Lord's presence in the temple in Jerusalem. Luke says Anna sought after the Lord day and night worshiping, fasting, and praying.

I think the road before us as a family will be defined by these powerful spiritual qualities of grace and devotion that are perfected only in Christ and new life in Him. Though we don't have the exhaustive medical synopsis yet, we did receive the results of Anna’s MRI that showed brain damage had occurred due to lack of oxygen. So again, we cry out to God asking for His warehouse of grace to manufacture more miracles for Anna's brain. We are asking that the extent of damage would be minimal. God knows Anna's brain totally and the miracle of a healthy brain is not null and void; that prayer request hasn't expired. The Lord can deliver a healthy mind at any moment. We now can also start praying for a special grace for Lindsey and me who delight to be called servants in God's Kingdom on earth.

I am going to memorize chapter 5 in Romans because of its message about grace, hope, and devotion. (see paragraph below). I asked my wife to join me in memorizing and invite your prayer warriors to do the same - or perhaps just one verse, or a clump from within that passage. May the Truth of God's Word simmer and stew in you as you continue to feel burdened for Anna so as to not lose hope. Ask God for His biblical truths to grow in us. In my walk of faith, asking Him in prayer for the promises He makes in His Word evokes my spiritual formation. So let’s pray to God the claims of this passage below for my family, in Jesus name. 
 

5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5.

There is a special grace given by God to families with children of special needs. God has spent our entire lives readying us for Anna, and because we are God's own possession purchased in the blood of Christ, I know He will get the glory and the victory as His Holy Spirit leads us. Our hope in Jesus will not shame us. If mankind's purpose in life is to glorify God and to draw people to Himself, I'd say Anna has already done that!

Praise God for our hope only increasing because of who Jesus is, but also because we have again seen Anna choosing to respond to her treatment.

Praise God for the many, many churches and other family members who have also lift up our burdens to Jesus. It makes me have a whole new understanding of Matt 11:28-30. Sweet Anna came into this world in prayers and tears.

Praise God for no seizures last night.

Praise the Lord for her first stool.

Praise the Lord that Anna is off of medication for her blood pressure and remains steady, she is on a "supplement" type fortifier, but not a medicine. Remember just three nights ago?

Pray that the arterial line might be removed, this would permit us to hold our child.

Pray that the lining of her intestines would be healthy.

Pray for Anna's brain activity to be quickened by the Holy Spirit. And healed by the Lord.

Pray for our meeting today with Dr. Amer and Tawny at the conference table. As they unfold the extent of the damage that we would have more than the presence of Christ, the "Horn of my Salvation". but also, the filling of the Holy Spirit.

Thanks for sharing our burdens.

A Way Out

The liquor store clerks couldn’t tell I had the Light of the World in me, I didn’t take a day off from drinking after my day of salvation. All they could see is me in that ratty old hat, doing same old- same old in front of their Carlo Rossi selection of jug wines. It came as a shock that a clear but gentle voice up from within me said, “That’s old Nic you don’t need that anymore.” I snapped to attention making sure nobody else heard, paused, took a long stare at the wine grabbed it and headed for the clerk. The next day I heard a similar prompt, “you are a new creation the old is gone, that includes drinking.” Every time after that, I had this wise gentleman with me when I entered the liquor store, kindly reminding me that Jesus asked me to give up the bottle the day I believed. Sometimes as I walked up to the door of the store I would tell God, “I know what you are going to tell me once I enter.” Inwardly reborn, outwardly stubborn.

I installed a teetertotter in my apartment to play old self/new self drinking games. Every night I’d bounce up on a liquor high dropping my new self to the ground while taking in some flick that i never remembered in the morning. The next morning the teetertotter new self went up high and would drop the old self to my knees, because I knew my Savior lives and I was still held by sin, weeping at the inescapability of my drunkenness, looking to Jesus at the cross praying for more blood, more mercy. Day after day for more than a year. This was a dangerous and difficult reality, but God graciously reminded me that I can’t stay where I was when He found me. 

Soon after placing my faith in Jesus, the Yellow Pages gave me my first church, pastor gave me my first memory verse. I started talking to him about my drinking. It was a verse that was a dagger to the Lone Ranger drinker that I was. “No temptation has seized you except that which is common to man, and God is faithful He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but when you are tempted He will offer a way out so you can stand up under it.” So now in those mornings when my warring old self dropped off the teetertotter and I was weeping for mercy -certain of forgiveness. I added a prayer of God actuating this promised jailbreak. 

The first “way out” God gave me was a week-long mission trip, no booze, not alone, new place, it was God’s grace. I prayed and praised with confidence that drinking was over, only to find my mind felt differently once I was back in town. What a clown, down on my knees again, pretty sure that God gave me a way out and I messed it up. Did I ruin my chance that God gave? Yes. But I still had that kind gentleman whispering at me from within, when I was at the liquor store. I still remember the certainty of forgiveness the Bible promises. So, I still pleaded the blood of Jesus every morning amid my hungover state. This is a dangerous spot be in, I knew it needed to go.

“Way out” #2 was God leading me to Moody Bible Institute. I signed a contract saying I could not drink. After much prayer about what that contract meant for this despairing sin and addiction, I said “well where God guides, He provides.” The Holy Spirit, my pastor, and my brother helped me know that God has to be the one to do the work. “Depend on Christ in me to not drink.” Christ in me is the hope of glory over all my sins. As I stepped out in faith, power was given, and lies were exposed about my “need” to drink.  Everything was new as I moved to Chicago and started a long-distance engagement to Lindsey whom I met at Bible study. I didn’t drink the entire fall semester, excitement grew as the wedding date was set for the summer.  I fell into drinking around spring break. The darkness of returning tempted me to keep all this to myself and carry on at school like a two-faced man.  The comfort of drinking again was so flimsy, phony. But breaking a promise, tearing down of my word, and wanting to hide it all loomed large. Like The thief/killer/destroyer knocking at my door saying “let’s ride again.”  

God’s grace to me was in the form of a Washington Apple, my honest, virtuous and Christ loving fiancée. This bride-to-be, was so tender over the phone faithful day after day. How could I keep anything away from her? So, I didn’t. We were committed to living truthfully before the Lord. A forged Christlikeness in me brought my confession of relapse to her over the phone in tears. Lindsey was very informed of my past problem with it. Her response was absent of that wooing tenderness, more like that of a judge and jury. There was no consolation, or watering down of our trust. Lindsey replied, “I love you Nic, and I want to marry you in the coming months. But my childhood was compromised because of alcohol and I want to make sure my adulthood isn’t. So, if you want to marry me, or can’t drink.” I was so put off in the moment, like she had no empathy for the monumental hardship I was dealing with. 

I remember long talks with God, having a drink here and there leading up the end of my first year at Moody. I prayed, laying the anguish of my heart before the Lord. Certain that He doesn’t call me to a life of drunkenness, also certain that He brought Lindsey to me for marriage, but this poison remained, its desire more and more muted to my will power. Its temptation over me looking like a cheap thrill rather than the golden calf of comfort and consolation it once was. Returning home for the wedding allowed me to just drop the issue and it’s was a grace that alcohol wasn’t around that week before my new vows. 

It is to the glory of God, through the wise love of my wife, and the freedom only found in Jesus, that I can say: Jesus gave me a third “way out”. I call it my wedding gift from God. We will celebrate ten years of marriage this July. And ten years away from alcohol. Let it be known that this was a two-year repentance project from the day of my salvation. God doesn’t give up.

God cares for the broken-hearted and those crushed in spirit. Addiction is all those things. No matter what it is that you can’t leave behind, God can do the same for you. God in Christ offers the certainty of forgiveness through faith. Ephesians 2 is a great place to learn more about this. I’m not special, it is Jesus Christ, and His power through the Holy Spirit that is supremely victorious.

Anna's 6th Birthday!

 Dear Prayer Warrior,

We’ve come to a place on this 6th birthday celebration of Anna’s miraculous life where we ask you to pray that we would hear a Word from God about His sovereign will for Anna. We know He is Healer. His will and power are to heal, but when for Anna? 

“Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.'” Jeremiah 33:3

In praying for healing, the apostle Paul got a “no”. King Hezekiah got a “yes”. What is His Word for Anna?

One of my hero’s since having Anna has become Joni Eareckson Tada. This quadriplegic lady fervently prayed for healing until she received a Word from God, it was a “No”. After that answer she walked/rolled with God! She helped establish ADA laws in America. Her ministry sends wheel chairs to the poorest in the world and they equip special needs families to experience respite in God at her camps. Joni writes, paints and sings incredibly well. I love her tender heart of compassion for those suffering with disability. A curiosity to me is her expressive boasting in the Lord, even to the point of praising God for not healing her.   she turned the “No” from God into a “thank you for not healing me.” Allowing an incredible display of God’s Light through her cracked clay pot of a body. 

Please pray that God would speak to us sovereignly over this issue of Anna being healed so we can further build our lives with greater intentionality to glorify God. Believing in full immanent healing for Anna has colored our lives. Likewise the biblical promise of being raised from our bodily death in an incorruptible body holds equal praise. Biblical healing has become a topic we know well.

We shall not be moved if a “no” is received because we have 6 years of God faithfully equipping us and meeting our needs. We will stay the course! Nonetheless, God hasn’t discouraged us from envisioning the plausibility of radical healing. Our family life would experience a rebirth. We ponder what extra work could we do once we are no longer CNA’s for Anna because she has been healed. My imagination radiates to wonder what Anna’s first words would be to me. So out of these thoughts came a little birth day present for Anna, I wrote this tender piece of fiction creatively imagining Jesus healing Anna: 

We have lacked overnight nursing since the New Year. It’s my job to keep one ear awake so I can jump into action as needed. So, you can imagine the regret that comes when I accidentally left the sound of Anna’s video surveillance off. I slept like a rock that night and woke in a panic remembering I was on duty. Glancing over to the monitor there was no Anna on the screen, just her bed linens.

I turn the sound on and hear snapping sounds. I could also hear the double beeping of Anna’s overnight machines needing attention. I think to myself “Why didn’t Lindsey turn off the machines?” I could also hear the high pitch of Anna’s indoor wind chimes engaging the breeze, “wait, what breeze. Who opened the window?” As I scrambled to get myself out of bed, I hear Anna’s sweet and unmistakable laughter filling the audible landscape, then stomping. I look across our bed to see Lindsey sound asleep. A bit confused and disoriented, I charge into Anna’s room. 

In that moment I see the transfigured Jesus radiant as promised teaching Anna to snap and tap her toes to the beat of her two beeping machines. I forget to breath. Anna smiles at me, she’s holding up her head wearing the lovely Easter hat I bought her years ago, the one that had a one-inch rim all the way around it. My first tear drops fall as I grasp the doorframe down to my knees. 

Anna walks over to me, squats to my ear level as she places her open hand on my back. My vision blurs from weeping. Anna whispers in my ear, “Thank you daddy, God has done this. Let’s praise Him together.” She reaches down to grab my hand off the ground; I notice even her bite marks on her wrist and index finger are gone. I lift my head and wipe my eyes with my other hand. Then I see the feet where nails pierced scars remain.   I drop again, crawl over to kiss them. “My Lord” I said, “Blessed be your name forever.” 

Jesus lifts up my head, “Be healed Nic. This burden is no longer for your family, it has become for my glory!”  

Anna walks over and places her two hands on my cheeks and turns my head to hers interrupting my conversation with Jesus. Her brilliant eyes displaying deliberate eye-contact with me for the first time. She says to me, “I can see now. Can you help me ride the bike that mommy got me?” Jesus gestures us onward as we head to the garage to get her bike. 

Please pray for:

• the right night nurses for Anna
• a passionate and determined OT for Anna
• wisdom in dealing with the various home healthcare companies, which to employ for what
• her iron levels to return to a good range
• wisdom and fair pricing to guide our various home modification plans as we were approved to get bids via insurance 
• continued health and grace
• approval for a bath chair and for a Orbit lift system, we finally got the stander!!!
• improved saliva management and airway clearance while sleeping
• that we may reintroduce tastes by mouth this year and food by mouth

For His service,

The Currats