continued deliverance

Hello Prayer Warriors,

Raising Anna brought us into communities where we can ask other parents of special needs kids for advice on therapies, surgeries, hospitals, insurance, etc... I have spent time with families as they experience their child endure a life of suffering and then die before turning 10. God taught me that there is always someone with a sicker kid, more medically complex, more disadvantaged than Anna.

Losing Simon is no different, what a gift he was/is. In losing him, Christ is fighting my biggest battles to date. Praise God for the Spiritual authority granted to believers by the blood of Jesus to identify attacks, command rejection, and put in place a memory verse and pray for a righteous aim instead. Instead of being swallowed up in sorrow. Jesus helps me be other-centered amid the battle. "Thank you Lord for mercy and wisdom." The Christian under fire, no matter the hardship, even in martyrdom has favor. The favor of being heard by God.   

"On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."

2 Corinthians 1:10b-11 

The context of this verse is about Paul giving a missionary update. Nonetheless, this verse made me think how effective praying has been for us in our loss.  God’s immense favor shines by His answered prayers. May they be a mutual affirmation to you.

God’s Word comforts us

First of all, God’s Word has been the greatest of comforts, from the verses on the wall of our bedroom to memory verses reminding me of God’s comfort and care for the mourner. The verses "mourn with those who mourn" and "blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted" have become like a precious gem the Lord forged in this fight for faith. Greater still are the Biblical promises of life after death, a hope that doesn't end, and a reunion with God face to face. Alleluia. By God's grace, I'm better equipped in the Scriptures should the Lord lead me to comfort others who mourn. I hope I share the same compassion, generosity, and sensitivity to the bereaved that Ruth showed Naomi.   

God’s Protection in our Valley

One of the earliest prayer requests in this journey was to not be hurt by insensitive comments from people aiming to love but misfiring. I was surprised by how many people sought to equate our loss to their experiences with death, this tempted me to be quarrelsome but God helped me see they just wanted to help us. Even amid the media’s interests, the “peanut gallery” was a mere flesh wound in keeping Jesus first. I remember being asked “Did Simon get the COVID vaccine?” God answered our prayers with grace and protection by making those clumsy comments minimal and forgetful, not penetrating to the heart. Instead, the Lord gave us people who had remarks of faith. A mom who has closely walked alongside Lindsey during our loss, who never met Simon, listened well to the many offerings of ours about Simon’s character and concluded sweetly one day: “I can’t wait to meet him!!” Another standout comment came at the end of a church service when the stranger next to me asked how he could pray for me (I had been weeping during the service), after I shared my grief, he looked me in the eye with sincerity and said “thank you for telling me, thank you for telling me.”

 

God Shepherding Our Children  

Another answer to prayer came in the form of shepherding our children’s hearts as they lost their brother, leader, and friend. I will never forget needing to set the stage in Simon’s hospital room bringing his clothes, his stuffed animals, pillows and blankets so the innocence of Renee, Victor, and Anna would not be scared off as they came to say goodbye to Simon on that death bed. They each lay next to motionless Simon with his breathing tube in place, playfully. They were not in a hurry for the moment to end. Then as the weeks and months progressed, so did our prayers! What does it look like to grant space for Renee to grieve, to find the words for her feelings as she grasps her first comprehension of death. God gave several answers to that one. One came in the form of godly children’s books as Lindsey dutifully researched.

Christ our Marital Foundation

Our Prayer Warriors especially prayed for marital unity. We needed space for Lindsey and me to grieve and also to “date night” grieve together. God saw it fit to provide Renee's bible study leader who, without being asked, chose to drive 30 minutes south to be with Victor and Renee while Anna has therapy every Monday since the start of the school year. This has given Lindsey 3 hours to be freed up every Monday, this gift of grace from God is still ongoing. Next, we have formed marital unity through increased times of praying together. We have been able to talk, share our hearts and pray after the kids go to bed. I notice more encouragement, more prizing one another for the treasure God made us to be, each for the other. Lindsey remains funnier than I, however I am goofier than she. 

Jesus my Reward

Through the years of asking for prayer for my family, one of my most recurring request has been: “that the Holy Spirit would put a song on my heart to have through the day.” I agree with the Brooklyn Tabernacle choir when they sing “I never lost my praise.” By God's grace that is my testimony. The singing is gaining momentum, drenching me in joy. Just this last Friday we celebrated Anna’s 9^th birthday and planned to sing 3 songs to God in thanksgiving. It turned into a hymn-sing that lasted the majority of the night. Glory to God, the Shepherd of my soul & the Victor of my battles! 

Praise God for:

-Anna’s 9^th year of life and answers to prayer. Praise God for her joy and peaceful disposition.

-Answers to prayer that serve as an encouragement to you and me. They serve as proof of His unfailing love administered so personally and perfectly. Daddy loves me!

-For the church’s support, one body with many parts, helpful and hopeful.

 

Please pray for:

-God to deliver us, as we hope in Jesus and continue to experience intimacy with Him through the Word. 

-continued protection from harsh comments. We are still weeping, still sorrowful, still hopeful, still believing. 

-great success in Anna’s ESES treatment coming up in early April. It's a 4-day planned hospitalization, for her cognition to improve and seizure activity to be absent.

-marital enrichment, bonding as we seek God and desire His best for us. Also for quiet time with Jesus for each of us!  

- the Lord to provide another night nurse as ours got promoted

Thank you for praying!!!

Nic

Tethered to the Throne Room

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

Thanks for your prayers over the last few weeks! God lovingly helped us through our emotions and Simon's birthday.  Life got in the way a bit. I returned early from being with Lindsey because Anna needed intervention all day long. She had been pooling large amounts of mucus in her throat and once her airway was bothered by it, out it comes at a fast rate. No match for the suction machine. Pray for Anna, as she is still not baseline. For about a week now we have reduced her overnight feed to 50% of the normal rate to avoid those mucus episodes and night. She has lost a couple of pounds because of all this (and she ain’t got pounds to spare). Pray for wisdom for us as her illnesses are largely a guessing game based on what we observe. Shoot let's go for the logical best-case, faith-filled conclusion: pray that Anna could speak to tell us what is causing her pain and discomfort, moreover for her complete healing and healthy neurological connections.

Right now (Friday night) this is all coming to a head. I am in the ER with Anna because we missed clinic hours and we suspect a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). Her urine started smelling bad. The last time she had a UTI she had seizures with it. Instead of waiting till Monday we got her in. What a gift from God to be in a city that has this kind of care available anytime. Mom’s hunch was praised by the doctors, Anna was diagnosed with another UTI and so Anna and I went home with antibiotics.

We listened to a little Rend Collective on the way home from the hospital and they sang about Jesus being the binder of our wounds, the comforter to those who mourn, He gives hope to breathe again, the One who sets us on our feet again, even in the darkness He’s beautiful, even in the shadows He loves you still. “What’s true in the light is still true in the dark.”  As that washed over my mind. I turned down the music and talked to Anna, this time the Holy Spirit invited me to pray too. This was the thought I prayed to the Lord.

“Father, where would my faith be if it wasn’t for Anna? It seems that nothing keeps me interceding at Your feet more than her, her needs can overwhelm. She’s a portion of the yoke You asked me to take up with my bride. Not we, but Christ in us. You God! You are the equipper, the enabler, the power within us. All this for sweet Anna pie without repayment and with a cheerful attitude what grace you give God. I praise you God. I wouldn’t know you this way if it weren’t for Anna. You are not only a great Physician but a tremendous caretaker.

It’s another Friday night, date night, movie night, relax and unwind night for the normal world, yet I’m leaving the hospital. I feel victorious because we have a direction and medication to restore her, and heal, thank you. There is no place I’d rather be than on my way home praising You.

I remember my sister in the Lord once told me “sometimes I wish I had Anna because she is like a tether keeping you in the throne room of the Lord.” Father, I can safely conclude that I would not have been able to trust You through the loss of Simon had You not already been working heavily on us through Anna. Had You healed Anna within the first 8 years of her life like I asked and wanted so many times, that tether cord would have been cut. I would have counted my miraculous blessings and moved on. Perhaps I would have been minced meat before Satan on that day in early July when Simon got bit by the snake. But no, by your spiritual formation of me I knew to pray and not relent, to stay tethered to You God. I knew to bring God’s Word into every hospital room and keep it at the forefront of Simon’s mind in those days of his dying. I remembered how soothing to the heart singing was at Anna’s birth and so we sang and sang and sang.

In Your wisdom, that tether is still not cut Lord, Anna is still here and so am I at your feet. Keep meeting our needs, keep opening doors, keep softening our hearts until you see it fit for full healing. Amen."

“By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.” 2 Peter 1:3 NLT

Sunday night update: Anna is now up to 80% of her normal feeding rate and much more animated.

Praise God for:

-The encouragement people gave us during Simon's birthday. 

Please pray for:

-Anna’s respite worker Chrystal who is midway through reading a kid’s version of A Pilgrim’s Progress to Anna. She is enthralled at the story asking Lindsey where to find this in the Bible.

-Renee’s birthday is coming up this Wednesday the 15^th. We are going to celebrate. We got some extended family coming in! Renee’s excitement is contagious and comically sweet. “I want purple and pink and red and brown and blue frosting.” We look to be met with joy and encouragement. 

-Renee’s heart as she has expressed missing Simon in words wishing he could come to her birthday party. More recently she asked “How old was I when Simon died?”

Love,

Nic

 

Simon's Birthday: Sifting through Sentimentality

Dear Prayer Warriors,

 

February 3^rd, we are less than a week away from Simon’s birthday. Sentimentality is at an all-time high. I thank God for how He has ushered in this coming week so far with His careful handling of my feelings. Like a conductor of a large orchestra is the Holy Spirit to my many emotions right now.

 

We attended a night of prayer and praise at our church this past week. We were asked to “pray with those around you”, Lindsey and I split up. I found three intriguing high school aged boys at this meeting. I asked them to pray for me about the coming week, I was in tears explaining my loss and the nerves of the approaching birthday. I told them that God had equipped us to walk this far and so I know that with prayer and dependance on Him, amid our weakness, that Jesus would be our strength as we remain in the pathway of His blessing. They nodded, agreed, and prayed. The shortest one prayed in a trembling voice “Wow God you did it again, making connection only you can make, My birthday is on February 3^rd too.” As I returned to Lindsey after prayer, that young man came into my row and asked if he could give me a hug. In that embrace, the Lord gave me the sense memory of hugging Simon, this young man was similar in height landing his head in my lower ribcage. It was such a loving heart-felt gesture from God through this young man. He is right, only God could draw meaning in such a moment for this teenager and myself. I will be thanking God for this young man on Simon’s birthday. Oh and also our newly sponsored Compassion child in Rwanda named Fred, He shares Simon’s actual birthdate turning 7.

 

Lindsey has been blessing the local foster care program with new clothes and boots. She finds much humility and healing in buying clothes that would likely fit Simon and donating them. Praise God for the generosity others showed us in our loss that we could buy for those that have next to nothing and be ministered to at the same time.

 

There are other sentimental notes my Maestro has been playing on my heart none of it is in anguish, bitterness, or pain. It has been sweet to remember Simon’s life in this way leading up to his birthday. I imagine, in the years to come, the sentimentality will be reduced. None of it is wasted. Please if you see us, don’t ignore the elephant in the room: ask about how we are doing since losing Simon knowing that his birthday is here. Ask what has been encouraging us lately. We find it hard when people we love don’t want to talk about it. I look for God’s immovable comfort amid sentimentality because the world offers Ikea quality comfort.  “As long as we remember him, he is still alive.” Another we hear is “he is with you, every time you see a dragonfly (or whatever) that is him.” I don’t find comfort in those things. I don’t wish to be reliving the life God has already made me live. I want to remain thankful and full of praise for the road He has me on. God be praised for making those who endure sorrow experience His goodness if we let Him direct our understanding.

 

It’s not who Simon was that I wish to remember on His birthday as much as it is what God did through him. How God carved, molded and shaped him. How Jesus wooed Simon’s heart at such a young age. Moreover, how did God use Simon to build me up into Christlikeness? My life was so good with Simon in it. He was our milestone boy, all the things we hoped to see in Anna we saw with Simon. What a balm of hope and healing Simon was to the unnatural daily hardships of being Anna’s parents. Simon is part of my story, not my identity. I’m a bit more emotional about it now this week. Praise the Lord that His Holy Spirit indwelling me bridles those feelings and thoughts. I want to share with you committed prayer warriors something that I printed out and have hanging above my desk at work. I frequently check it. It was authored by a person who has suffered similarly and I share it with permission replacing his son's name with mine in the hopes of directing prayers this week for us. He calls it his Manifesto.

 “By faith I will accept Simon’s death as God’s will, and by faith accept that God’s will is always good. By faith I will be at peace with Providence, and by faith at peace with its every decree. By faith I will praise God in the taking as I did in the giving, and by faith receive from his hand this sorrow as I have so many joys. I will grieve but not grumble, mourn but not murmur, weep but not whine

Though I will be scarred by Simon’s death, I will not be defined by it. Though it will always be part of my story, it will never become my identity. I will be forever thankful that God gave me children and never resentful that he called him home. My joy in having loved Simon will be greater than my grief in having lost him. I will not waver in my faith, nor abandon my hope, nor revoke my love. I will not charge God with wrong.

I will receive this trial as a responsibility to steward, not a punishment to endure. I will look for God’s smile in it rather than his frown, listen for his words of blessing rather than his voice of rebuke. This sorrow will not make me angry or bitter, nor cause me to act out in rebellion or indignation. Rather, it will make me kinder and gentler, more patient and loving, more compassionate and sympathetic. It will loose my heart from the things of earth and fix it on the things of heaven. The loss of my son will make me more like God’s Son, my sorrow like the Man of Sorrows.

I will continue to love God and trust him, continue to pursue God and enjoy him, continue to worship God and boast of his many mercies. I will look with longing to the day of Christ’s return and with expectation to the day of resurrection. I will remain steadfast and immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. I will forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead, always pressing on toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. I will lay aside every weight and sin that clings so closely and run with endurance the race that is set before me, looking always to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of my faith. I will remain faithful until I have fought the good fight and finished the race and kept the faith. I will die as I have lived—a follower of Jesus Christ. Then, by grace, I will go to be with Jesus, and go to be with Simon.”

 

This ministers deeply and helps me aim for the glory of God. In faith with grace I can say like Job: “ But he (God) knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” Job 23:10  

 

Please pray for:

-Anna to return to a baseline. Its been a long winter with something out of normal with her care or routines for the last 3 months. Pray for respiratory strength, digestive health and a immune system that don’t quit.

-Lindsey’s solitude retreat. To be a tipping point toward a season of blessing and purpose driven living. She desired to celebrate her birthday with some quiet contemplative time and I am happy to accommodate this with Grandma Sandy’s help.

-Like Elisha asked at Elijah’s home going: for our children to receive a double portion of Simon’s spirit for Christ. His care for others, his helpfulness, his love for God’s Word, his intellect, his creativity and his love.

 

Nic for the Currats

Advent down here and Christmas up there

 

Dear Friends,

 

Merry Christmas. Hope born out of God's love; Jesus Christ is the hope that outlasts all other hope. The Eternal, Infinite took on the temporal, the finite to become our Light, our Gate, our Bread, our Way, our Sacrifice. Nothing can eclipse this hope, not death. A footnote to this hope that is particularly sweet to me is that I'm gonna do heaven with Simon someday. 

 

An Advantageous Advent 

Advent has been my Christmas present; it's been a holy advent. I was surprised by the goodness we have experienced waiting to celebrate our Savior's birth. Christ will not be eclipsed in our hearts, Amen. Leading up to Christmas, we had several nights of singing hymns and Christmas songs as a family. I distinctly remember a night when Renee was uniquely attentive, as we talked about Jesus being the Light born into the darkness of this world. Given her mindfulness I asked, "Renee what do you know about the Lord?" and she replied quickly "He is my Protector." After a couple of follow up questions, I sat there so impressed with her. 

 

A couple events highlighted our Advent too. 20 kids and parents who loved Simon braved the cold to sing, pray, and lay a fresh wreath on Simon's tomb. Many of his classmates and friends made ornaments to decorate the wreath. It was an important reminder to me of how many children miss Simon too. Another night, The Holy Spirit ministered deeply to Lindsey during a “longest night service.” Put on by another church. It was a special time for sorrow and heartache to be presented before the Lord in holy dependance on Him leading into hope-filled worship. We did not decorate much, but there was much refining. Lindsey and I spent next to no time shopping, we struggled to want to give gifts, desiring no gifts either, we wanted to focus on God, our loss, and the people God has given us as gifts. It's no wonder that in times of loss only eternal things like God’s Word and relationships offer a comfort that is a balm. We have also seen how through death, it's not uncommon for close friends to become less close and for acquaintances to become close friends. I confessed to Lindsey that I didn’t want our close relationship to suffer from distance because of Simon's absence. 

 

 We wanted to remain teachable, not distracted. Lindsey and I affirmed each other as we expressed a desire to run the race of faith with our eyes on Jesus, running to the end, especially finishing strong.   For Lindsey and I, advent allowed us to compromise and talk about Christmas. Christmas was a blessing. A dear church family with kids shared their home and time with us on Christmas eve after church. We spent Christmas morning making a snowman at the cemetery and walking, it was a busy place. 

 

First Christmas in Heaven

As Christmas gifts to us, our extended families spent their time and money making a winter edition homeless bag and went among the poor in the Seattle area to talk to them about Jesus’ love, care and plan for the poor. Another family bought gifts for a family who couldn’t afford them rather than giving to us. What heart-satisfying gifts we received!  Christmas night, my family came down to have soup at our place.

 

 I asked the Lord to help me share something. Through many tears and emotions, I referenced several Bible passages about how those who are born again can possibly receive crowns from God. This has nothing to do with the issue of Salvation. I observed that God’s Spirit indwelling in Simon grew a compassion for the poor. I shared that it is possible for God to award a crown to Simon for his compassion. (I certainly don't know for sure.) or Maybe Through God’s providence of being Anna’s brother and helper I wonder if another crown landed on him? By the Holy Spirit, in faith, Simon lived up to his namesake Simon the Cyrene! Oh, and what about his Spirit-filled artwork? I’m having a proud daddy moment, carried away by the good gifts of God that don’t spoil. Praise the Lord for His Holy Spirit making a home in the faithful for His kingdom come.  

 

Then I read revelation 4, the passage of God being worshipped in heaven and how the 24 elders cast their crowns at Christ’s feet. Whatever acts the elders had done to merit a godly crown was nothing compared to the act of Jesus leaving heaven to save us, and so they threw their award back to the One who is worthy. I marveled at the idea that for the first Christmas in heaven, Simon is doing likewise: he is casting off his crown and watching it land at Christ’s feet. So, to symbolize all this, I bought a silver sparkly crown ornament and added it to our nativity scene at the feet of Jesus. 

 

I remember years of coming home from work greeted by an excited, squinty-smiled boy who waited all day to show me his latest creation while still in his pajamas. "Hey look what I did today." Or "Come and see what I’m working on downstairs, it's so cool." By God's grace, when I'm reunited with Simon, I know he will say to me one more time: "come and see what I have been working on for our Father's glory. It’s so cool." This New Year as Simon works and worships before the Lord, may I do the same unto the Lord down here. Alleluia. 

 

Praise the Lord for:

-A faith filled Christmas, with blessed anticipation. 

-the continued host of support from family and church family. That wreath laying was so touching that we hope to repeat it again next year. 

-Renee’s continued growth in spiritual matters and in emotions

-Songs that uplift our hearts and bring our attention to the Lord. 

-My work continues to be a support through our practical needs and time off. 

 

Please Pray for: 

-Health and protection from acute illnesses, we are currently going through another round third since Thanksgiving. Thankfully not requiring hospitalizations. 

-Our refining through loss, that hope and heaven grows richer in our hearts and mind. Also, that sharing the Gospel would come into greater focus. 

-continued time one on one for Lindsey and I to open our thoughts and hearts, as we seek the unity of the Spirit in the bond of our marriage. 

-a gracious providence as we lay before the Lord our plans for Lindsey’s milestone birthday and Simon’s birthday two days later coming in the first week of February. 

 

Thank you for your ministry of praying for us and believing God for the goodness that is in store for us even in the land of the living. 

 

Nic for the Currats

Surrendering Daily to the One in Control

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

As the spiritual leader of my family, I find myself jumpy, hesitant. Overly anticipating the next crisis. Anna gets a cough; in my flesh I think she is going to die from it. Victor starts climbing the stairs; I’m tempted to think of the worst possible tumble. Renee is fired up and acting out; I give ground into thinking what that behavior will look like when she is 15. Lindsey wants to believe God for something that I have a hard time grasping; I take a defensive stance instead of praying.

 

I have keenly assessed Satan’s tactics and stand ready to defend, which is good. But I think what is better is trusting that God is in control, that there is good around the corner, not heartbreak. God bids me rest, regroup, and celebrate the Messiah’s birth!! It’s wise to know the enemy’s tactics but my eye need not be on him, I need to keep my eyes on the King of Kings, the loving Lord.

 

Leading out of crisis, growing into a new normal, and going through the holiday season has me on high alert. Forget the cookies, I'm looking for traps. Pray that I would take God at His Word about my situation being well under His control. Pray for a verse for me to memorize to counter the temptation I’m describing. I remember Elijah after his great battle with the prophets of Bale, after praying for the rain to return, he buckles and caves into a singular threat running far away. God even asks him “what are you doing here?” In my world, losing Simon was that great battle where the Lord proved Himself faithful and able. And now these little things threaten to make me buckle and cave. May the Lord revive me as he did with Elijah. By God’s grace, He has given me enough sensitivity in my spirit to these heart matters. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus, and lay hold of the victory and joy before me. Those little battles, or footholds Satan places do not stand a chance when I place my faith in the omnipotent ruler, supreme in the spirit and physical worlds, the Lord Jesus Christ.

 

Let me share this quick story of God at work bearing in mind how preoccupied we have been in shepherding Renee through her grief: One of the few gifts of having Renee in our room with us at night is hearing her talk in her sleep. On one occasion I heard her say “I love you.” Over and over again. Two days later I overheard her say “victory in Jesus.” Twice. Kids! Here I am, Mr. Helicopter parent assuming she is dreaming up nightmares and the most pleasant peaceful utterances are coming from her. (We know the Hymn Victory in Jesus by heart ever since Victor’s birth, Simon knew it well too:) Isn’t that something praiseworthy to ponder?

 

 Praise the Lord for:

-          Renee’s words in her sleep. “Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.” Psalm 8:2

-          Emmanuel, God with us. The great fighter of my battles.

-          Extra time off of work to focus on my family.

-          Advent activities such as thinking on a name of Jesus each day and opening a mini door with chocolate behind it, have been more meaningful this year than ever before.

-          Continued grace from friends and family that check in on us and bless us

 

Please Pray for:

-          Anna’s inpatient stay for the epilepsy treatment got rescheduled to April 3^rd. The hospital is full and reserved to more emergent patients. It was supposed to start today. I thank God for closing that door for us as it was a struggle to find unity regarding this.

-          Ways to honor Simon’s memory while glorifying God. Lindsey bought 2 new winter coats Simon’s size and gave them to the needy.  

Thanks for serving my family,

Nic for the Currats

Thinking on Thanksgiving

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

 

Thank you for praying with me for our Thanksgiving, some of you have asked how it was so I thought I would share the experience a bit to honor the Lord my Shepherd. My retail work amazingly gave me the Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off to focus on my family. The day before seemed particularly filled with grace as I met with some godly men, did a prayer walk in the cemetery as Simon is buried on the far end of the property. I spent much time outside with the favorable weather. I ended the day on a dessert date sharing 3 giant cookies with Lindsey for an hour and a half.

 

Thanksgiving itself had a cold whipping wind all day keeping us indoors. Often when I thought about the holiday in the days leading up, it reminded me of Goliath, taunting me and provoking me to anxiousness. I remember praying back to God His Word when I was anxious about it all, the Philippians 4 passage about how prayer with thanksgiving is the prescription for the symptom of anxiousness. My bride and I discussed what we should do and felt it best to keep our day open, with hindsight I don’t recall asking God what He wanted our Thanksgiving to look like. We got invited to homes, we had an offer to bring a dinner to us; in the end we had a simple squash dish and some pie. This certainly was not a Thanksgiving where feasting and an abundant harvest was a focus.

 

I thought of things to say and songs to sing but couldn’t find a fitting time to share it. I made time to look at videos and photos hoping to remind us of the treasury of loving moments with my son, only a few of us wanted to go there. I had Simon’s “thankfulness car” ready to roll but didn’t. These planned efforts felt like shouting “hello” in a cave with no echo calling back though I expected one. But the Lord was near, He gave us a midday nap, a home improvement project to keep our mind nimble in the afternoon, grandparents to help out with the kids, a little bit of soccer and football to distract, and a wholehearted prayer at dinner time. I threw all I got into thanking God for the way my life is without Simon and thankful for the treasure of 6 years with Simon. It was not easy. I didn’t expect it to be. I did expect God to help Shepherd us, I felt like He did.  

 

Going to church that weekend brought victory, the David victory over this Goliath. Our worship songs opened my heart before the Lord, giving me a vantage point over Thanksgiving Day itself. I sang: “I know that He can do it, He said He’d lead me through it, He’s able!!” I stood on that truth, that is what my God did for me on Thanksgiving day! 

Another song we sang served as an idol checker, it simply stated: “I just want to tell you Jesus that I love you more than anything.” That reminded me that the real battle within my heart and mind is to keep laying down my son at the feet of Jesus, to not want him back more than I want Jesus. Jesus Christ is first! First served, first loved, first talked to in all that I go through. How recalibrating it was to sing that and mean it with all I got. 

The message that day revisited a passage of Scripture that spoke sweetly to me in the earlier days of losing Simon. It was a comfort to revisit. 

All this I gathered into my heart, and asked God to fan the flames of my faith because I need Him. 

This photo was from Thanksgiving 2020. Simon especially loved the French Silk Chocolate Pie that year. 

Love, 

nic

A Little Legacy for the Carpenter of Heaven

 

Dear Praying Warrior,

 

Heaven's Carpenter

As the Lord orchestrated things, last spring we moved mom into my brother’s house. During that process, I surveyed the memorabilia, found, and claimed a framed sketch of Jesus I’d never paid attention to before. Thanks to Lindsey it has been at my bedside since I brought it to my home. It's a portrait of Jesus focused on a piece of wood in his lap. He's running a carpenter’s block plane over the wood creating those thick curled shavings at the end of the piece. My bride wedged four pictures in the frame seams, around that image. Each picture is of me with each one of my kids.  My Father in Heaven loves me, even as I am on His lap, I am surrounded with the joy and comfort my kids give. God shapes me into the likeness of His Son.

 

In the days and weeks after Simon’s death, I was apprehensive to talk to people who also lost a son, not anymore, they have become a tool in my Heavenly Carpenter’s drawer. Particularly Christian fathers. Fathers that have lost their children but not their faith! I found out last week that 5 of the 10 men in my Bible study discussion group have lost their sons and have kept on walking with Jesus. This is no coincidence, but rather a hug from the Lord. How can an interdenominational Bible study with around 100+ men happen to place us in the same discussion class together? Wow, I thought it good to study the Bible, but God had more overflow in mind for my spiritual formation. God cares about my sorrow and wants me to walk with Him!

 

A Little Legacy

The Lord brought a handyman to our home through a reference this past week. He was an encouragement to me. He placed kitchen cabinets, patched drywall and laid flooring down for us. We shared stories of loss and legacy confessing how formative such things are. After a while we found out that we attended the same church. Praise  

 

Legacy remains pressing on my heart regarding Simon. Perhaps I don’t want to lose my memories of him and what he stood for. Or at the risk of sounding insecure, maybe I seek reassurance that there was a great purpose in God’s plan to give Simon life and allow for his seemingly premature death. Either way, there is much mystery surrounding him and I know that God doesn’t owe me an answer. He didn’t have to give me Simon in the first place. I’m so glad He did.

 

 I have come to think of legacy as a retraceable way for others to see God’s grace in the life lived and then formulate it into stories left behind, an annual tradition, or maybe a memorial; All to the Glory of God. I have asked myself “how has God been gracious to Simon?” Pray with me that God would show me more ways He was gracious to Simon. I know we touched on many points of grace during the funeral service.

 

God afforded us financial blessing throughout this whole ordeal, not out of need as far as we can perceive, but for us to be a blessing with it. Pray that we would use the money that we received to honor Jesus, Simon’s memory, and pay for things like counseling if we are led that way. We used that fund for the first time on Halloween. We sought to glorify God by having a time of praise and worship at our house with some neighbors and some of Simon’s friends. During a break in the singing, the kids formed an assembly line and helped make homeless bags. The kind I used to make with Simon! They come complete with a gospel booklet, a Jesus word search, local contact numbers for job search assistance, food, shelter, and lots of nourishing food. That night I shared with them about the 5-mile bike ride I took with Simon back in May. We biked along the river past many homeless camps. I was surprised at the many clusters as we biked past. We took a water break and talked about the homeless. I was unprepared. It’s hard to talk about the homeless with children, even with a biblical view I found myself asking Simon “what can we do about it? God loves them too!”. His heart had room for the homeless, so much room. He said to me “these guys need bags too.”

 

The Sunday after our night of worship, I loaded up my bike trailer with 30 or so homeless bags. With a dear brother, we biked in the cold and dropped them off. We biked the same route I did 6 months earlier with Simon. We stopped to talk to each of them and prayed. I shared my story about the time I rode that same path with Simon, I told them that my son wanted them to know that Jesus loves them and cares to meet their needs. I added that Jesus is a chain breaker. To my surprise I found myself being prayed for too. They met me with compassion towards my heartbreak equal to the measure of compassion we were out delivering. One of them saw Simon’s story on the news. We prayed for idols to be smashed and chains broke.   

 

In a grief book aimed at helping kids grieve, I read a statement that surprised me, it said, "time doesn’t heal the wounds, but actions do." The acts of our worship night, the homeless bags and the bike ride ministered deeply. It was also the first time I got back on my bike since Simon died.

 

Praise the Lord for:

- Renee being carefully loved and listened to by us. We have been giving her some melatonin at night which has helped calm her too.

- all the handy work done unto the glory of God.

- getting our family recovered from a viral illness. 

-Honoring our memory of Simon while serving Jesus and loving on the homeless.

-Giving me rich support in Christ's Body through my Bible study discussion group 

  

 

Please Pray for:

-Renee. That she would not suffer any long-term effects from early childhood trauma. And that the Lord would ease her into sharing a room with Victor when the time is right.

-Transformation from the inside out for the homeless that received a bag made by Simon’s friends.

-wisdom and confirmation for the medical treatment of Anna’s neurological condition called Electrical Status Epilepticus during (ESES) coming up on December 12^th. The treatment is 3 months on a heavy dose of Valium. It’s supposed to be a 3 day inpatient stay to start, so we can see how Anna adjusts to the treatment. Prior treatments and studies show much cognition improvement and speech development to the patients who respond well to it. Would this please the Lord as an avenue for Him to administer healing?

-Continued sharing of our hearts with one another for Lindsey and I. 

 

-Grace in love as we are hosting our mothers one after another in the next two weeks.

Thank you,

Nic, Lindsey, Anna, Renee, and Victor