Lamenting Turns Sweet

Dear Prayer Warriors,

I remember the first time I touched Anna. It was after many doctors and nurses, about an hour after she had been born in silence, motionless. Lindsey had just been moved to a room and the birth doctors came in one after another and gave us post-operation updates. They wanted permission to transfer Anna to a hospital that has a Neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Immediately after consent we got a phone call from the head Neonatologist at the other hospital asking to do a hypothermia treatment to slow the circulation of blood running through her brain. Anna had toxic, acidic blood running through her body which indicated hypoxic ischemia (lack of oxygen in the blood). I remember being on the phone asking simple knee jerk questions about it like “Is it necessary?” or “would you do it if it was your kid?” I repeated to Lindsey everything the doctor was telling me over the phone. Amid all these events unfolding incredibly fast, Lindsey and I did not have a second to ourselves. After all this, I was invited to the nursery to meet Anna without Lindsey.

Anna was intubated and gaining strength under a heat lamp in the nursery.  I was afraid to touch her because she was motionless, the wires and tubes seemed so delicate. The doctor encouraged me burrow my finger into Anna’s tiny hand. It must have been the first touch Anna got without plastic gloves. I placed my left pinky finger in the preemie palm of her left hand and sang the hymn, Wonderful Grace of Jesus. It was a song we sang around her in utero almost every day. For the months leading up, Anna had become familiar with the joyous tune of that hymn. That day the song came out of my trembling mouth, choppy, I was weeping and yet the words and melody of the song were strengthening my broken heartedness. In response, Anna tightened her fingers around my pinky and opened her eyes for the first time. This was miraculous.

I told Anna many words of affirmation, “spoke life” into her, I prayed over her, and the joy of being a first-time father flooded the scene. God gave me awe and wonder at the features I spent 6 and a half months wondering about, but now see them for the first time. That energized my heart. What a Shepherd our God is on the days of greatest trial! Next, we had to place Anna on the alter of the Lord as we remained at the birth hospital without her. Lindsey was afforded only a toe touch as Anna was being wheeled into the ambulance. My heart breaks for how much harder this all was for Lindsey. She didn’t see Anna for another two days until her discharge while I was going back and forth from the hospitals.

By God’s grace I feel encouraged recalling these things and remembering the joy of connecting with Anna that first time amid the frenzy. We don’t harbor a dark closet of unforgiveness, anger, or resentment toward God regarding Anna and her injuries. I know that much of these prayer emails contain lamenting before the Lord, at times it can seem like we are despairing, and sometimes I sin by writing from that emotional state without the Spirit’s bridle and sending the prayer requests in haste. Nonetheless, the language of lamenting through our trial, sharing it for prayer, and remembering it; has been very productive in keeping us in love with God. We want all credit, praise, and glory to go to God. He has used our lament to refine our souls, rather than harden our hearts. We are His.  That is sweetness in lamenting.  God’s grace producing from our weakness and neediness a testimony for His glory. I felt prompted to dig up the very first prayer request I sent the day after Anna’s birth. Upon rereading this I see the Spirit of Christ in the tone, there is no jumping to conclusions, I see a hopeful first-time dad just asking for prayer. Here is the first update, the subject line read: Anna Elizabeth Currat.

“Thank you to all our prayer warriors out there. It is with joy and faith in God's plan that we welcomed Anna Elizabeth into the world Sunday morning at 9:46. She was at 34 weeks 4 days. She is 4lbs 9ounces. Lindsey had an emergency c-section because the baby was not responding to a non-stress test. But praise God for her heart beat. That was the only thing that was going strong. The umbilical chord was wrapped around her neck twice, minimizing the flow of oxygen and nutrients from Lindsey. She had also passed meconium, a sign that she was distressed.

Lindsey and I in need of rest. We are at Swedish covenant hospital, and our baby, sweet Anna, is at Evanston hospital where they have a great neo-natal care team. Anna is in critical condition because there is acid in her blood that she need to metabolically process out. In order to do that, her organs need to be working a bit more than they are now. She is also on a respirator because her lungs are weak. It's a 72 hour wait before any full assessment. 

Lindsey's mom is coming out from Seattle. There are some glorious stories about God's providence and timing that I am leaving out. Lets call upon The Lord to send His Spirit to hover over us. Things are fragile and in Gods hands.

Bless you.

Nic and Lindsey, and Anna

Specific prayers:

For the metabolic processing of the acid

Against brain damage

For her lungs to work strongly

For Anna's organs to continue to mature

For God to be her peace and comfort; she must be so scared

For Nic and Lindsey as shock wears off and reality sets in, may we remain hopeful

For Lindsey's incision to heal quickly

For a good milk supply for Lindsey when Anna is ready to eat

That  we would get to hold her sometime soon”

Thank you for praying us into the Lord for years, placing us in the pathway of His blessings, what a Good Shepherd!

The Currat’s

Is Anything Too Difficult for God?

Dear Prayer Warrior,

Remember our last update asking prayer for the many decisions before us? Thank you for praying, God has straightened our paths and sharpened our plans.  Lindsey wrote down two possible schedules of what it would look like to have Anna in school or not. It became clear that going to school would be too big a burden. Especially when factoring in the gracious gift of God in the form of a third child due February 8^th! We are overjoyed at the chance to love more.

So now many new considerations are forthcoming.  One of which is a change to the State Medicaid program that hires the parents to be Certified Nurses’ Assistant (CNA). Due to these changes I find it best that I get licensed and hired on as a CNA to ensure that we can get the maximum hours of charted care possible especially during the arrival of our third child. Sometime this fall I hope to enroll in some evening classes and get certified. It’s all very surprising because I never thought I would be cut out for anything in the medical field and so I’m struggling to wrap my mind around it all. The thing about follow Jesus is that He plants His Holy Spirit in me, and that Spirit is always encouraging me to change. I’ve learned that remaining teachable is healthy for my walk with Him.

Lately with Anna, I find her with a “faraway look in her eye”, wearing a passive countenance, and repeating her hand chewing. I always want to be the one to make her smile. We communicate in silly sound effects, motion, and tickles but all that seems so short lived. Perhaps my powers are fading?! It’s harder to engage and it seems to take more time to connect. She is growing and I need to study where her interests are taking her. Feelings like this make me wish we mastered a form of communication, I’m tired of guessing what she wants.  I pray that I would be more attentive to what’s piquing Anna’s interests perhaps its right under my nose.

Often there will be a charge of good aromas in the air from our cooking. Cooking takes time, time away from being with Anna, the excitement builds as the table is set, the plates are separated at the right spot, and the drink glasses are filled. Then we wheel Anna to the table to sit with us. I wonder how Anna processes all the smells of dinner without the taste? She is so gracious and pleasant to be around us eaters. What are ways we can draw her into the dinner time? We are overly focused on eating rather than what life is like in her shoes. Today I felt like the prison guard grilling a rib-eye, sautéing mushrooms and onions and eating it in front of the prisoners dreaming for a taste. Perhaps that is a bit exaggerated but help us ask God for how to better include Anna. Perhaps tastes are not out of the question, but as her parents we have become trained to assume aspiration with anything taken orally. That may not be the case anymore, perhaps we can educate her to identify herbs and spices!

The last two paragraphs seem to be a bit difficult but keep in mind good warrior there is much to praise God for:

-Anna continues to be healthy all summer long (except for that two week stretch of vomiting when I was in Honduras).

-We have a new OT named Karen who has won Anna over and she collaborates often with our PT Kendra.

-Anna has been so good at sitting almost unassisted. Another progress she is showing in PT is leaning her chest and head to one side then re-centering on her own. She is getting stronger.

-We received a sleep positioning system that will help Anna’s tone when she sleeps, its most evident when side lying and her head just whips back wanting her throat straightened. Not anymore, what fascinating technology.

-Our old OT Deann who recently retired (and is a wonderful children’s illustrator) still wants to hang out with Anna! They are planning a messy activity this Friday. What grace!  She just wants to play with her.

-We got the title and plates for the ramp van. Done deal, debt free, what an ordeal. God made a way through many steps of uncertainty. So many people to thank.

-Praise God that Lindsey no longer has to lift that 50-pound wheel chair in and out of the car.

-Praise the Lord that our needs were rapidly met for another night nurse because our primary one found a new job.

Please Pray For:

-greater interactions and one on one engaging. In writing all the praises I can’t help but notice that they are almost all practical needs for caretaking. As her father, I long to see Anna less passive (hand chewing) and more interested in connecting with her surroundings. But how?

-that God would orchestrate circumstances around our dinner times so that would Anna would be graciously involved, her sense of smell affirmed, and if tasting could be recommended.  

-the Lord to write a testimony of grace and joy in the pregnancy, labor, and delivery of our third child.

-the placenta to attach away from Lindsey’s C-section scar. The early ultrasounds show them very close. This could complicate things and make it difficult to feel the baby moving.

-the successful repair of Anna’s wheel chair. it has been off kilter since march, jamming on basic functions, etc… The company has greatly erred, delayed the repairs, and not been empathetic towards us. May we get the chair fixed, and not ruin our witness because its so easy to point fault in this company.

-a new direction to steer the assisted communicative devices for Anna. There are two options. We long to see some sort of progress.     

-hippotherapy (horseback riding) needs to return our calls there are only two companies that accept Anna’s insurance and one is far away.

-a bigger place to live, contentment for what we have, and for faith in the waiting. Pray that the Lord would show us His tender grace in His timing. That we would have eyes of faith as we do not see moving as a possibility at this time. Whether we buy or move to another rental, we ask “Is anything too hard for God?”

-“Lord stretch our heart and give us 3 baby grace”

Thank you for reading and praying it compels us onward,

The Currats

Decisions Offered Up to God

Precious Prayer Warriors,

Do you ever remember living paycheck to paycheck? Then, when payday comes around you already spent 90% of the check for what is most urgent or borrowed. What remains is spent in the following few days. Then you wait until the next payday wishing you had more money, borrowing until the next check, and eating Banquet frozen dinners… I feel like that when it comes to choosing how to spend Anna’s time. The important stuff, the non-negotiables occupy so much of her time whether it’s the daily 20-hour tube feeds, the timetables for her medications, the doctors and specialist’s appointments, then comes the therapists, dressing, diapers, positioning, then the homework from therapists, the follow-up to see how medical orders are coming along.  Everything’s important!

I feel like today is payday and we are looking at our paycheck scratching our heads knowing it has already been spent. Even years later on this journey with Anna, we are tempted with the guilt of not being able to do enough. How unnatural it is to have parents choose which therapy is more important and which ones can be put on hold. Therapists often preach to us about why their homework is best and most important of all. Remember two years ago we prayerfully decided for umbilical cord stem cell treatment and intensive therapy? God opened the door. Then we deemed that vision was the best “gains” and so we focused on that; last year we focused on communication. In all these special efforts it seems that milestones were still not met. The Holy Spirit still reminds me to not lose sight of the incredible blessing and privilege it is to have choices and resources for various therapies needed.

It’s that time of years again, where we roll out another of Anna’s IEP (individualized education plan). We’ve learned that most professionals point of view in “presuming competence” is based on their techniques and research -but we presume competence because of God (is anything too hard for Him?). I want to overwhelm the IEP this year because (like all of us) Anna needs supernatural intervention to accomplish anything. Vision goal: reading, PT goal: walking, OT: mastering the piano, Speech goal: eating orally, singing, and conversational. Praise the Lord who fills me with enough awe to ask big!

We have the opportunity of taking Anna to preschool where they work 4 hours a day with her on communicative devices. They are good at what they do and we have not progressed in this area at all. This would mean we cancel the therapies at home in order for her to do this. Anna receives weekly services at home of massage, physical therapy (twice a week), speech, and Occupational Therapy. We also drive her to Speech (communication) therapy, and music therapy weekly. The change might be refreshing for Anna, but the commitment for all of us seems out of reach.  Personally, I dream of adding aquatic therapy and hippotherapy (horseback therapy) and integrating her into social events like dance class or children’s bible study. Or how about more one-on-one daddy-daughter time, family time, song time, and focusing on God time? 

Presenting all that is before us with faith has always been a see-saw between the medical needs and our dependence on Christ. Therefore, we have a conviction that the amount of time we spend before God asking for healing, asking for the Spirit’s anointing on Anna, attending prayer meetings, sharing testimony of God's shepherding us, and talking to the Great Physician ought to surpass the amount of time we spend for doctor’s appointments and therapy sessions.

In truth, God knows and directs His purposes for Anna. Our time is often going faster than we’d like. So where do we turn to? Our God and Father, our Refuge, the Holder of Time, the Healer, the most Loving and understanding Person we know, Jesus of course. We ask for the Holy Spirit to mess with us in all the right ways to straighten our paths and clearly draw us to Christ the author and finisher of our faith.

 Please Pray For:

-wisdom and a straightened path as we lay down our plans and pick up His plans.

-doors to be closed or opened that would aide us in discerning what is most needed.

-increased time praying to the Daddy God, praising Him, and dwelling in His presence.

-the identification of our core values to guide the decisions regarding treatments and medications.

Praise the Lord for the minivan parked right out front with a side ramp for Anna! That has become quite the testimony of this past year for us prayer warriors.

Thank you!!!

The Currats

Neurological Grace

Dear Prayer Warriors,

I marvel at how a pianist can float their fingers on the keys to make the softest of sounds and conversely pound on the lower keys to produce a jolt. The Pianist’s mind constantly fine tunes and nuances his/her fingers to the pressure needed on the keys for the sound desired. This brain-to-muscle relationship when done gracefully makes any instrument seem as an extension of the person. It’s possible to see that the mind is the puppet master of the fingers.

Anna’s mind sends a message that gets jumbled by the time it arrives to her muscle. The result is either too much or too little muscle. Often, it’s a case where her muscles are doing opposite things, like when her forearm muscle is stressed hard as a rock while at the same time her fingers are limp. It is not what the Creator designed the arm to do. It’s so unnatural and weird.  Its not just her arms, Anna faces this dilemma when trying to hold up her head, swallowing, tracking objects with her eyes, sitting independently, rolling over, walking, grabbing, holding, talking, and clapping.

Anna’s thumbs are most comfortable tucked into the palm of her hands, wrists curled inward, elbows favoring the bent position, and her arm pits are preferably closed. Anna keeps her arms bent this way which explains why chewing her wrists and knuckles have become so self-soothing. Changing her shirt, slipping her arms through long sleeves is always met with resistance and fussing.

 It is imperative to remember that it is a grace from God that Anna's critical muscles like her heart and lungs aren't impacted like her fingers or arms. And what an even greater grace to consider that most of us don't struggle with any issues of hyper/hypotone like her. I try and present Anna to you frankly because I know the Lord has a plan in place. I don’t want Him to answer me like He did with Job “Will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty? Let him who reproves God answer it.” Job 40:1-2 No our trust and dependence is in Him.

We carefully track the growth from neurological inability into ability -the hope for milestones met, and much of this happens thanks to therapy. Therapy gives the power to reprogram bad neurological connections into good neurological connections. It’s all super-small baby steps, as a parent this seems like much work for little result if any. But the alternative tends to look like a rapid decline into further disability. This is much too much for me. That is why we pray, that is why I ask you to pray. God knows the good coming out of this damaged little daughter. Oh how Anna sends me to my knees before the Healer.

What a fight Anna is enduring in those daily therapy sessions, the braces, the medical equipment, the muscle relaxer medicines, and the daily stretching times with mom. Here is the bottom line: 

One, break the tone/ bad connection (stretches, braces, medicine)

Two, reprogram the mind to command the muscle (therapy, umbilical cord stem cells, patterning, encouraging)

Three, the muscle responds and forms a neurological bond of good pattern (milestones met)

I notice that Anna’s therapists rely heavily on touch. The music therapist puts Anna’s feet on an acoustic guitar to feel the vibrations. The physical therapist cradles Anna in her arms to eliminate all distractions so Anna can focus in on one stretch at a time. Occupational therapy fights for Anna to use her fingers to grab, clap and hold.  Anna is teachable through of the power of touch, it is critical to her learning.  I’m not a trained therapist so it’s hard to use touch to educate, through it all God is teaching me to slow down and be gentler. 

Please Pray For:

-full exceptional healing of Anna Elizabeth Currat in Jesus’ name.

-a miraculous departure from the cerebral palsy tone in her muscles. From the littlest muscle to the biggest one.

-her core muscles to keep on improving for head control and to keep saliva circulating rather than pooling or getting aspirated.

-wisdom in treatment decisions, medications, which type of medical equipment to buy, etc…

-good neurological connections in her brain, milestones met and actuated through all our efforts.

-mercy when Anna has muscular pain, her joint development can cause pain if the muscles are not relenting of tone.

-the power of touch to be a language of communication with Anna for learning, parenting, and being Christ’s ambassador to her.

-the Lord Jesus Christ to return and make all things whole and new.

-Anna to give good effort in her therapy sessions, to not become disengaged.

-Anna to stop vomiting and having excess mucus at bedtime, this has been ongoing intermittently for three weeks.  

Thanks for reading, and praying,  

The Currats

Our Helper through all the Fallen World Messes

Dear Prayer Warriors.

I always pictured my family driving a tough, beastly looking Colorado family car like an Armada or Sequoia with oval stickers of my fatherland and motherland on the bumper. Then our second car, -my work car would double as a date night ride perhaps a youthful BMW. Just talkin’ out loud here. That’s my American dream. But God writes better stories than I. My dreams and aspirations are like toilet paper compared to His scrolls about my life. My wife held me in a hug yesterday and told me how much she loves me because I’m about to turn 40, mid-life, and instead of shopping for a convertible I’m shopping for a second minivan. Friends, it is God’s grace to us that we are most likely going to be a double minivan family soon! I find minivans to be a slice of humble pie, life with the flashy-rough edges taken off. But God is blessing this. We need two because if the converted minivan isn’t working we need a car that will still fit Anna, Simon, and her chair.

Through the long and complicated ramp van process, God has made it clear to me that I need to fixate on Him and all other things will be taken care of. God never intended anyone to have to look for a van with the thought of installing a wheelchair ramp. God never wanted a 4-year-old to be wheelchair bound, blind, speechless, and tube fed. His permissive will has allowed it and in time it will bring Him glory.  I’m sure like me, God hates the prices of such vehicles, yet they are a great help to those that do receive one. 

All this time we spent with insurance paperwork, and with dealers looking at vans is a product of living in a fallen world. I am willing to wager that heaven isn’t going to be days of searching the specs on Toyota Siennas born in the last 3 years under 24K that will interplay with a 25k VMI E360 manual conversion ramp. -That’s all fallen world bureaucracy that causes weariness. It would make any believer cry out “Come quickly Lord Jesus. I’m sick of this mess”

God’s active will, means that in spite of this cloud of complications due to sin. He wants to hear about what type of ramp we need to best suit Anna. we must tell Him what are going through and lay it all down at His feet.  Its His grace to us that He gave Jesus for the entanglements of these fallen-world messes. Through it all we see Jesus Shepherding us through this muck and mire of His once sinless, beloved world now profoundly handicapped by sin.

Saints, there is already answered prayer and praise due for how far and long we have been asking for this ramp van. The approval for the conversion is in our hands. For the first time in months they are waiting on us. We need the right van, who are we to get this far with Him and then buy a van hastily without Him. So, can we pray that God will bring this into completion? With great peace, full faith, and the Spirit’s wisdom we remember that God is the giver of good gifts.

Please Pray for:

-us to buy the right car, able to meet all the conversion company requirements and our family’s needs for as long as possible. That we receive the van converted and ready for use by the end of July.

- faith that God will make all things new and labor with us by His Spirit until its completion as we depend on Him more.

-Anna’s healing from GERD and her esophagus damage to be healed with a touch from the Healer’s hand. May this new antacid help renew the damaged tissue. Anna had an endoscopy last week still showing damage to her esophagus however she is continuing to improve. The Nissin surgery is still not recommended. Pray she responds well to the medication.

-the spastic quadriplegia to be miraculously healed causing her neurological system to make healthy neurological connections and no longer manifest cerebral palsy.

-that we would receive a new bath chair, stroller and stander because she has outgrown all of these.

We have seen Anna improve greatly regarding all things respiratory this year, I’m eager to see where else God will surprise us with betterment! in her reflux? her speech? her vision? her neurological damage? I will boast in Him regardless because He has done great things already for Anna.

In praise and thanks to God,

The Currats

The Glorious Reservation

Dear Prayer Warriors,

A couple of weeks ago I caught up with a dear brother that helped me out so much the day Anna was born and thereafter. We talked about how God’s love and presence must reach Anna in such a different way because of her silence, childlikeness, and disability. I told him that she gets attentive and lights up with joy when we sing to the Lord. This brother told me that he has no doubt that the famous hymn lyric applies to Anna: “In my heart there rings a melody of heaven’s harmony.” He suggested that God is pitch perfect with her because her soul is not seduced by worldly things, rather the gracious call of her Maker fills her days. It brought me such joy at imagining how unique that must be. Anna is no angel but certainly she’s angelic in attentiveness to the Almighty.  

How many families have a four-year-old in their house that has never spoken folly, no selfishness, no sin? No breaking things, no running off, no obsession over one movie? I just read James 3 to Anna and found a radical benefit to her witness to me. She has a tongue of purity saved for the day the Healer would loosen it for His praise. What a glorious reservation.

Anna was named after the prophet briefly mentioned in the birth narrative of Jesus (in Luke 2). Anna the prophet is remarked as worshipping night and day, being constantly in the temple praying and fasting. She was a widow for a very long time, spending her time undivided in praise of God. She saw Jesus as a baby and thanked God. My sweet daughter Anna echoes her namesake incidentally, perhaps she is constantly in the presence of God, undivided never once cursing His name. Anna’s tube feeds may not give her the pangs of hunger but she is cut off almost entirely of the joy of taste. Anna is daily in prayer with us.      

This perspective of Anna communing with God is so gracious to me, God is equipping my heart as I serve her. Sometimes I peer in and wonder what our God is making through Anna -I still ask for the miracle of full healing because God is able. One thing I tell most everybody about raising Anna is that “you always (and even daily sometimes) have to reconcile the hardships of your daughter with the goodness of God.”  

Praise the Lord for:

-the month of May marking one year since Anna has been hospitalized as an inpatient, we’re celebrating!

-after writing to our Governor regarding our Medicaid insurance request for a ramp van conversion, action has been taken, the conversion has been preapproved.

-Anna doing so great falling asleep with the CPAP mask and forced air. This coming Wednesday, we will have a sleep study to determine the strength of forced air needed.   

Pray for:

-Anna to hold up her head completely and consistently.  

-her to stop chewing her hands constantly and that her wrists sores would heal.

-increased ability to track objects with her eyes, that she would persist in engaging the world around her with whatever vision she has.

-physical therapy milestones to arrive like sitting independently, crawling, walking, and balancing.

-her hip joint to form well so “the ball doesn’t leave the socket”.

-guidance regarding a surgery to install a Jejunum tube (a feeding tube to the intestine) reducing exposure to radiation.

-greater success in communication through assistive devices.

-wisdom in selecting a van, the conversion company, and the dealer through whom this long process must continue through, that we would be patient.

-another year of no illness related hospitalization.

-Thanksgiving to God for our night nurses ensuring we all get rest.

We’re honored by your service of prayer,

Nic, Lindsey, Anna, and Simon