For the Joy Set Before Me

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

My New Year’s Prayer

The post trauma mentality braces for impact at every turn; it looks under the bun before taking a bite; it double checks that the doors are locked and it always wonders what emergency is in store today. This is what I think of when considering that Naomi wanted to be called Mara and return to Israel alone, she had a grief-post trauma mind. Thanks be to God for Boaz the kinsman redeemer who planted hope in Naomi's mind! Thank God for Ruth who was “better to her than seven sons”. The ending image in the book of Ruth is none other than Naomi holding her grandson Obed on her lap and caring for him. God changed her mind and heart ultimately.

 

I am asking God to do it again, for us this year through our Lord Jesus Christ. May the Lord give us faith to believe him for Psalm 67:1-2 “May God be gracious to us and bless us; look on us with favor, so that Your way may be known on earth, Your salvation among all nations.” To see His goodness in the land of the living. May the Lord grant this to us not just because He loves us, but because He is fully committed to His glory, “do it for your glory Lord toward all the people that know us!”

 

 Land Mines

In the first year of living without my son, longing for his company abounded, along with prizing as many memories as possible. It’s a year of “firsts” dipped in grief. During this second year, as the grace of God has grown me in faith and as my cognition has understood my son’s absence, the Lord brought to my attention that the longings of Simon’s nearness can become a sin stumbling block. So, I surrender again. Being heartbroken produces sentiments that mask coveting and envying. Recently, I was scrolling the articles on the Desiring God website. The article I clicked on suggested some of the most victorious tools for combatting envy are confession to one another, thanksgiving, and praise to God.

 

Combatting envy with Jesus looks like uncovering hidden land mines on a battlefield long after the war is over. These are explosives that can kill well after the war, during peacetime. My war, the trial of losing Simon, has culminated in furthering my trust in the Lord. His peace leads me, I still trust Him. I depend on His shepherding. Yet in the day to day, there are land mines of envy that I need to detonate from a safe distance in the Lord’s power and with the tools He gives. Confessing this to you is a helpful step.

 

Here’s a recent land mine God helped me dismantle. Simon used to visit me at work when I ran the frozen and dairy departments. He always desired that I put him to work. On the days I knew he was coming I set aside all the Eggo Waffles for him to stock because they were light cases, yellow, and fun to eat. He filled the shelves so well, paying careful attention to the different flavors and matching them on the shelf. I was delighted in how much he wanted to work, do it right, and to do it with me at his side. Just the other day I was helping stock our frozen load and the last two boxes on the vehicle were Eggo waffles. It was like a photographic déjà vu taking me back to those memories while inviting a strong sense of “I wish he was here.” I had a choice, either I covet my past, weep, and shaking my fist at death and this awful enduring; or I confess to God (who knows what I’m thinking), thank Him for the sweet memory and by grace through faith trust in Simon’s completed mission on earth and endless joy in experiencing God’s love so much more fully today than ever before.

 

Another land mine was at a Thanksgiving service this year where there was an open mic for anyone to thank and praise God. It was mostly adults, so when a young 6- or 7-year-old boy got up he had my undivided attention. He spoke with boldness, vivid intonation and word choices akin to Simon’s. The content of what he said was as if it came from Simon’s mind. This young man gave great praise to God for His goodness and omnipresence. It was as if I was listening to awe-inspired Simon again. Instantly another land mine was uncovered, I was tempted to envy the parents that get to keep on raising that boy. The moment was to glorify God as the boy led, instead I was thinking of myself. I didn’t know what else to do but to tell my bride, “That’s something Simon would have said.”

 

Another hard recollection came to me when a father-son duo entered the elevator I was in. Standing there before me was a boy the same height and hair color as my missed son. During year one, these occurrences are longings from a broken heart, but in year two they seem to carry a temptation to envy much more clearly. Perhaps for the rest of my life I will have to be alert to detonate “envy” land mines surrounding Simon’s abrupt departure, in faith, with my Shepherd.

 

Even as I write this, I am humbled to think that this temptation to envy is common to man. Actually, the Lord is reminding me that it’s so common to man that I already have gone through it significantly, similarly before regarding Anna. Prayer warriors, through the years didn’t I spend time confessing bouts of envy, coveting, and wishing Anna could talk like others, walk like others, see, eat, pass through sicknesses like normal kids? Through the years, Jesus detonated those “envy” landmines as I surrendered my will. Didn’t confession to you help, didn’t we focus on thankfulness to God for the gift of Anna above any diagnosis? By God’s grace and work in me, today I seldom envy kids Anna’s age. Jesus helps me walk through it victoriously. Taking my precious daughter “as is'' because the Lord purposes and He will vindicate Anna. I still pray for full, imminent healing but I can also thank God that she hasn’t been healed thus far because of the good it has brought. I lay down envy. I trust God for His best work and will to be done. Regarding Anna, I want my faith to be similar to that of the Centurion in Matthew 8 that knows the worth of Jesus and the ability of His Word!!!  Maranatha! Praise God who is my faithful Shepherd.

 

Please Pray for:

- me to be responsible in stewarding this grief, navigating through the temptations to envy, Not getting stuck, hopeless and despairing because of the loss, but trusting in the good character and purposes of Yahweh. Please Pray that I would be persistently thankful, loyal to God’s will when I don’t understand.

-us. I worship the Lord for the gift of my bride whose birthday is 2/1. Pray also for the days coming as we are approaching Simon’s 2^nd birthday (2/3) celebrated in heaven and on earth. Pray that we may combat it with thankfulness, praise and a right mind.  

-Anna. She is one month away from 10 years old!! Our visit with our GI doctor revealed a need for her to gain weight (again). As puberty approaches we need to be more successful at administering weight gain, to get ahead of it because it will be a time growth spurts.   

-mental clarity and spiritual peace for my mother who continues to struggle with medical issues and grasping reality. Visiting her is challenging because I wish this wasn't happening, help me lift her up to the Lord. 

Thanks for praying and believing God for His best for you and us. 

Nic for the Currats

Emmanuel Through Thick and Thin

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

Hunted Down on Thanksgiving

I spent sunrise at the cemetery with the Lord thanking Him for Simon’s life. I praise the Lord that He gave us the hymn Thanks to God for my Redeemer as “Simon’s hymn”. This means that we sang that song to him frequently in his mother’s womb, at his dedication service, on his birthday, and whenever I’m reminded of the gift of Simon. Therefore, I sang it that morning as the sun’s rays met his tombstone. To keep time, I pulled up a video accompaniment on my phone. At the conclusion of the song there was a verse of Scripture posted to linger on. “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Th 5:16-18

 

That verse struck me given my situation. So, I pulled out a chair, the Bible, and sat there by his grave reading the whole of that chapter at daybreak. I asked God in prayer “Really, that is your will for me? That’s it?” That morning, I fulfilled God’s will for me! I gave thanks, in prayer, and rejoiced in the hardness of my situation. Right there, amid pre-resurrected tombs: “this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Then throughout the day the Holy Spirit pursued me with that passage 4 more times.

@ 6:30 AM on YouTube at the cemetery, then again as I read the chapter

@ 7:30 AM on Grace FM I heard a pastor reading and preaching that same verse

@ 12 on Facebook a friend posted those verses

@ 5 PM on the Light radio in between songs

@ 8:30 PM I opened my Bible app and this verse was “the verse of the day”

Of the thousands of verses, it was these that God used over and over on Thanksgiving Day.  As I drove the family to my mother’s rehabilitation center in Denver, I dwelled on the combination of the three imperatives it contains: rejoice, pray and be thankful no matter and at all times. The Bible isn’t a book to read and then to move on from. Its seriously challenging, who would give this advice to anyone coming from the cemetery and going to see their mother whose health is failing? My Perfect Heavenly Father thought it fit to feed me this. Given His faithfulness to His Word and His faithfulness to me through the years, I have tested and found trustworthiness in the Bible; so, I gave it a shot even though the thought of it rubbed me the wrong way at first.   

 

Mom transitioned out of the hospital the day before Thanksgiving. She fell the week prior and suffered two broken ribs, a broken vertebra, “more fractures in her hips”, and another UTI. Before I entered the facility I chose not to hang onto my grumbling that this was yet another unorthodox Thanksgiving. Instead, I clung to my Father’s Words. I obeyed them by praying, and boldly walking into the rehab center with my family.  We saw my mom struggling to grasp reality, continuously rambling with much lucidity in her thinking. She spoke only in French.  The all-liquid diet was like a slap in the face to the Thanksgiving food we brought up to share with her.

 

 Yet the Lord equipped me with perspective! Thanking Him made me think of the nurses working that day. I thought of how I get more time with mom and that my children can bless her with a hug and a kiss. By God’s grace, I thought to sing and play some of her God honoring music. Without the Bible instructing me I know I would have been critical, pushy with my mom, wanting to control, and despairing at the situation! Instead, Mom was allowed to have some of Lindsey’s Sweet potato pie filling. Praise the Lord!

 

Pray incessantly, rejoice always and give thanks no matter what for this is God’s will for you in Jesus. When applied, I’m learning to say I don’t trust myself, or my choices, or my heart. Sounds like an anti-Self-help book.  Instead, here I am rejoicing during my mom’s burdens and enduring hard things in faith. The spiritual conclusion these verses led me to is: “know that God will show up in all His glory, He is the best at all things. Should my circumstance not be what I want, I will thank Him because it is what I need most!!!” Yes death, yes enemies, yes retail work, yes basement remodeling, yes rehabilitation centers, yes cerebral palsy have all shaped me for good this year more than all my wants. “Thank you, Jesus, that my eyes are on you through this.” D.L. Moody once said: “The Bible was not given for our information but for our transformation.” How yielded is my heart to allowing this?

 

A Tenderhearted Daydream

 Perhaps the greatest evidence of God's grace to me through the loss of my son, the daily hardships Anna faces, and my mothers aging body is how the Holy Spirit has kept me tenderhearted. Glory to God! By sending this out so close to Christmas, I realize your prayers are gifts to us, but also, I want to give you a gift. I prayed to the Lord “how can I encourage my family in the faith that read this?”

If you received these prayer emails about 4 years ago, I sent an entry using my imagination to envision “what if Anna was visited by Jesus and fully healed tomorrow morning.” It’s certainly not true as of yet but writing it out proved to be an exercise in tenderheartedness and faith.

Have You Read My Book?

Death, the great delivery driver took me up to the Judgment Seat.

My free will had ended, it was a wild ride.

I checked my pockets for a comb, man, I wish my hair was more ready for this.

My fingers will have to do.

There must have been an automatic door sensor ‘cause that door swung open

Before I was ready. Well ready or not, it’s time!

 

I fell as I entered, on my knees in this living room sized Mercy Seat look alike.

Gold flooring, angel winged walls and God in the middle fix but not grounded. 

I wish I had a bit more control right now.  

 

I was ready, but it wasn’t my turn to break the ice.

An firm angelic voice declared to me: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty.”

I bowed lower still, what comes next? Should I blurt stuff out like Peter at the transfiguration?

 

My thinking stopped.

The Savior’s hand touched my head as a warm surge of chills covered me head to toe.

He grabbed my clasped hands, that’s when I saw His.

It’s true, in plain view! The hands that took my punishment. It’s you!

There was a crown, there was a cross, there was a sacrifice acceptable to God, the punishment for my sins were indeed taken.

 

O Lamb of God holding my hand, eager in love.

Jesus lifts my head, I fix my gaze on Him, and like oxygen peace fills my insides.

“Simon Emmanuel Currat, your mission is done and we remain together. Enter into my Father’s house with me friend!”

 

He picked me up and gave me the power to walk, so I did.

We walked as the setting around us changed from closed to open, small to vast, from describable to indescribable, from familiar to glorious.

I stayed the course with Him still unsure of what to say.

My heart burning with the Spirit’s fire like those on the road to Emmaus as I listened to Him.

Jesus continued, “I wrote a book, have you read my Book?”

Contentment made me smile as I finally spoke my first words to my Sweet Shepherd:

 

“Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I stand up;
You understand my thoughts from far away.
You observe my travels and my rest;
You are aware of all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue,
You know all about it, Lord.
You have encircled me;
You have placed Your hand on me.
This extraordinary knowledge is beyond me.
It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.

Where can I go to escape Your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I go up to heaven, You are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there.
If I live at the eastern horizon
or settle at the western limits,
even there Your hand will lead me;
Your right hand will hold on to me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me,
and the light around me will be night”—
even the darkness is not dark to You.
The night shines like the day;
darkness and light are alike to You.

For it was You who created my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You
because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful,
and I know this very well.”

 

Praise God for: (there are many answers to our requests that I can think of today)

-Anna had a significant Cerebral Palsy evaluation with three specialists and a PT. We were expecting to hear that her spine has become a major problem. They have been watching it for about 3 years turning slowly into scoliosis. Specialists have a way of grooming parents for what is likely in the distant future. I know this because that is how we were corralled down the path to Anna’s hip subluxation surgery. We were ready to talk about spinal fusion or bracing ourselves to hear how we have a new set of complications.

None of that happened, they said the percentage her spine is bent has stayed the same, her range of motion is great. Also, the x-ray show that her hips have taken well to the surgery of 3 years ago. “there’s no way they are going out of socket again.”

-Due to my mothers most recent fall, I have visited her 4 times since my last update, thanks for praying that I would get time with her.

-After 6 months and many prayers, our basement and guest room are complete, they look like a blessing from the Lord. We even came in underbudget by doing about half of it ourselves. The Lord used this construction trial to bring Lindsey and I into greater harmony.

-My morning devotions have been hard at times especially now that work wants me there at 5AM. I have been vigilant and passionate about using the minutes I do have before heading out.

 Please pray for:

-our Christmas as we grow in faith to remember that God is good, and His big picture doesn’t have me in the middle but rather the radiance of His Son our Savior. Through death and hardship may I pray, thank and rejoice.

-my mom. I was struggling for how to pray for her. One of my prayer warriors reached out suggesting, “lets pray that God would do what only He can do.” That encouraged my heart to consider two things: 1, I want more time with her, and only God can strengthen her to grant that request. 2, Given her suffering, only God can draw her to His side to experience the fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. This prayer of “do what only You can do Lord” is like “thy will be done”, and still, I will praise You in this circumstance.

Merry Christmas,

Nic 

Growing Fruit

 Dear Prayer Warrior,

 

A Personal Struggle

I am refocusing in prayer. Seeking it out. I ask for humility; I confess that abiding in Him hasn’t been easy lately. By God’s mercy He instructs me to share my burdens as I cast my cares at the foot of the cross, so that I am not alone in this fight.  By His grace I will experience seasons of sweetness with my Savior through enduring faith. I am not without hope! I just want my roar back, for Christ-centeredness. 

 “So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight.  Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 5:6-8

I have been hitting the snooze bar and I never used to. I noticed the lure of distractions trying to eat my first fruits in the morning. Before I can give my day to the Lord, I find myself scrambling to meet the needs of Anna’s early morning meds, or less honorable wants like “what can I eat?”, and on occasion the embarrassing impulses like “I don’t have time to open the Word, what’s going on in social media land”. These realities can steal my fruitful time with the Lord and spoil my surrender to Christ.

 

Speaking to the Father with my mouth full of bread in between sips of coffee, is not worship yet it’s been that way of late. I have given ground over to the enemy. Passive, monotonous ground that could be a field where righteousness grows, where I’m making the most of my time because the days are evil. Why am I putting rubbish ahead of Jesus when nobody’s looking? “Lord help me live as Paul proclaimed in Philippians 3 ‘Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.’” I have not arrived. This early morning orchard is the ground I want to reclaim in Christ! Every demonic force was/is defeated at the cross this includes early morning distractions. Pray for me, (rest assured I will continue to administer the four medicines to Anna in the morning, but maybe I can dose it the night before). There is repentance and victory in store. O that my life would reflect my first love by offering the first fruits of my day.

 

  There is Another Wedding

A month ago, we celebrated a wedding. With the blessing from the bride and groom we brought our kids. I desired my children to see this display of love, this Christ-centered commitment made public. I hoped this served as a framework in their growing minds for what the institution of marriage looks like. The wedding was simple and without confusion, faithful to what the Bible designates as pleasing to God. With much anticipation, I talked with Renee about the rings and how the vows we witnessed are the pinnacle of promise akin to a covenant. She wasn’t very responsive. I confessed to her that our society sometimes skips marriage and confuses “right living” by playing married without ceremony, without inviting God, and without vows of “yes” come what may.

 

After the ceremony I hung around to help clean up. Lindsey and the kids took off. On the way home, alone in my car I marveled at the fresh memories of the day: the gladness we shared with the couple, the gospel shared, the sober commitment before God pronounced, etc… Still, I wished Renee would have latched on a bit more to what I was sharing. Further along in thought, as I drove, I wished Anna would have been more cognizant of all that she just experienced, I wished Victor was older to comprehend. Inevitably, after a moment of realization I thought just how much I wished Simon was still with me.

 

I wished to have experienced this day with Simon. His wise mind would have latched on greatly in wonder and in prayer for the newlyweds. We would have prayed for a “future wife” for him. How ripe his mind and heart would have been to receive understanding about the institution of marriage. Seamlessly, without a moment’s notice, I started ugly crying. Scrambling to breathe amid this invading tidal wave of grief that so violated the goodness of the day. I know it's ok to cry, Lord knows I have. However, God, in the ensuing moment, gave me another option. He sent me this thought: “Nic there is another wedding. You will be in attendance with Simon. It will be more glorious than anything you have ever done or seen.” My grief and sorrow were quenched instantly, less than a minute after it started. I let that promise minister to me as I recalled all I knew about the Biblical event/promise of the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. The wedding we saw today was a shadow of the heavenly one to come. I could have allowed that thought to fade away, and be weeping still; But glory to God, he filled me with awe and majestic wonder.

 

 If you have been reading these entries since my loss, isn’t that the theme of my time through the valley of the shadow of death? That God would gift me a faith greater than my sorrow!  Praise God for the tender help I received in that moment of need. Seconds later as I drove home, I recalled spinning Anna on the dance floor at the reception in her chair. She shared her joy of vestibular motion with others. She illuminated the dance floor with the spiritual gift of Joy.

 

Anna’s Fruitfulness

The Lord revealed to me that Anna bears much spiritual fruit. The fruits I’m talking about are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. By God’s grace, all these virtues are low hanging fruit that she gives freely to others right from her wheelchair. Without saying a word, she suffers patiently giving a smile the following moments after acute suffering. Anna’s self-control is evident because of her reasonableness in crying, she doesn’t cry unless something is wrong. Other fruits like kindness and gentleness show up anytime someone is crying, she will cry with them. Conversely, if there is laughter Anna will brim with joy and goodness because she wants to join in on the laughter. I’m so privileged to have noticed this in my non-verbal daughter! Also, when we sing hymns or worship songs she will “sing” in her way as if she is communing with the Lord in a language only her and Him can understand, isn’t this a description of intimate love with God? Lastly, Her faithfulness to God comes when I see how removed she is from sinning. Much of that is limitations, however in being around her you can see that her spirit is in no way self-seeking or sin-seeking. This inspires worship in me. I imagine my home is protected in the spiritual realm because of many reasons, one of which is Anna. God’s purposes for Anna are in full swing, what a rich gift from the Lord she is to care for and father.

 

Praise the Lord for:

-the heavenly wedding of Jesus Christ and His church. I remain in awe at how that event came alive in my mind’s eye at just the right time.

-Continued progress in our basement. God brought a humble handyman who has time to serve us and enjoys the work.

-Mother and Sons’ plans being realized. Our family always seeks to redeem the time on Halloween. During the Covid year, Simon and Lindsey planned a grand Reformation party that we were never able to realize until two days ago. It was a giant blessing to us to carry out those carefully laid plans and dust off those crafts that were bought for this specific occasion. There were about 20 kids at our house! The impact of Simon continues to be a treasure to unpack.

- Renee growing in many ways. She has been latching onto godly counseling, seeking good things, becoming a better example to Victor and helpful around the house. There has been much more critical thinking instead of outbursts, coloring instead of crying, trusting instead of tantrums. Praise God.

- our marital unity. I see more bonding, light-hearted jokes, working well together, and heart sharing.  Recently I have grasped what a rich, noble, call it is to be so exclusive and edifying to one another. Custom tailored by the Creator, each for the other. The wedding reminded me that God loves me so much through my bride. 

 

Please Pray for:

- my mother. Please pray that I would be a rich gift for her during this time. That I would find the time to visit her and read God’s Word. My mother’s health is failing. She continues to lose her balance and fall. Praise God it has been one month since her last fall, she desires to sleep frequently.  Mentally, there seems to be more persistent lucidity and disoriented statements. Pray for healing in her eyes, she has a sharp pain on one of them and the other is tired. This complication has reduced her to keeping her eyes closed during our visits. Ultimately pray for what pleases the Lord regarding my mother. I have often said, “Only Jesus has sacrificed more for me than mom.”

- my work. They have given me a promotion without the increased pay. I now lead a wave of workers through truck freight everyday, one department at a time, usually between 15-20 people on a given day. It has been a struggle to win the respect and buy-in with many new faces. I have been praying for the Lord to make me an encouragement invested in each of them. That God would be glorified. 

-Anna's needs to be met. By God’s grace we have been doing well without a night nurse for 5 months now. Respite has been flakey; we are in search of reliability. Also, we have a wave of Dr. appointments including a return trip to the Aurora Children’s hospital coming up. 

 

Thanks for reading and praying, 

 

Nic

Daily to Jesus

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

 

Bricklaying

There’s a story Tim Challies wrote of his father who was a master landscaper. One day, He hires his son Tim to help him do a job.  The landscaper was laying a brick path from the street to a house. Right on the street laid an enormous pile of bricks. “Bring me one brick at a time.” Said the father to his son. Even though son could gather multiple bricks and walk them over, he obediently took them one by one to the kneeling landscaper who calculated the stone’s placement. This pace worked harmoniously with the craftsman, allowing time for squeezing and turning each brick over a thin layer of sand and pressing them snug. The landscaper added careful taps, then laid his head to the ground gauging how level the placement was. With time, the pile on the street decreased and the path laid beautifully as the master landscaper’s vision became reality.

 

I picture myself as the son in that story. It is the Lord asking me to live out faithfully the sorrow that comes from losing my son. Jesus has already laid a year’s worth of the path; I don’t know when it will be done. I come to Him daily bringing my bit of grief. I have chosen to pray, to remember, to see and ask what the Master Landscaper is doing. If I let my emotions lead, it would rather fill a wheelbarrow of bricks and dump it every once in a while. But God isn’t asking me to lead through this valley, He is asking me to follow Him, to better know His voice. It’s about abiding in God’s way, trusting Him with all the pieces.   

 

God gave me something to offer up to Him daily. It's my chance to walk and talk with Him. In this brick-bearing walk, I experience the Lord’s commitment to me. I see faith as a treasure. Never have I experienced the claims of the end of Romans 8 more literally. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8;38-39” It’s such a strong statement and it sounds so nice. Now I’m living proof of this, Simon’s death has not been a wedge in my love relationship with The Lord. Jesus is sticking with me and I with Him!!!

 

On one of my more difficult days, I prayed asking the Lord to condescend to my desire of seeing a vision of Simon in heaven. I never got that, but within two hours of praying, I received an email from one of our prayer warriors. He told me He had a dream of Simon on Jesus’ lap cheering me on in the faith. It makes me think of the master landscaper saying: “you’re doing it, good job son.” Daily to Jesus. He is making a beautiful path for His glory and my good. I am His workmanship!!

 

Lord, teach me to pray

My heart of prayer for my children is growing. Recently, a godly person shared the fruit he enjoys because he prays for his kids daily. I was convicted that I don’t pray daily for my children. Pray for me as I change to daily intentional prayer for my kids. 

What’s surprising is that I still want to pray for Simon. I miss praying for him. I don’t think the Bible asks us to pray for the dead. Generally, when someone dies, I pray for the family on earth and not the dead person. Similarly, I haven’t been someone to converse with my son like he’s here next to me. Even at his grave I pray, thank, and sing rather than “talk to Simon”. I haven’t written letters addressed to him either. I don’t think doing these things are wrong or sinful, it’s a way of expressing sorrow for someone we miss dearly.  I think for me, I don't do that because it would make me miss him more. I miss his love dearly.  

 

I remember as a Catholic I used to “pray people out of purgatory” and prayed to dead saints when I desired their area of expertise. I know for sure the Bible does not ask us to do those things. Instead, what the Bible offers is full assurance that those who have faith in Jesus Christ are forgiven of their sins, and that upon death, they enter into the presence of the Lord immediately. I asked God “what should I do with my desire to think on, and pray for the life of my son who is with You.” What has come about is taking what I have learned about heaven and what I know about Simon and praying those things. It’s a heavenly praise-based prayer rather than an earthly needs-based prayer.  join me in praying:

 

“Father, thank you for Jesus your Son who has rescued Simon from an eternity in hell and separation from you. I thank you that Simon never has to feel alone anymore, sad, weep, or be tempted to sin. I thank you that you have glorified Simon Emmanuel Currat in your heavenly realm. Thank you for perfecting him and clothing him with robes of white. His sin is now separated from him, thank you Jesus. I praise you that he is wholeheartedly worshipping you in song, with other saints as numerous as stars in the sky. Grant him adjectives to pour fresh, creative accolades upon your Son our Savior, the King of Kings. May Simon’s deep wonder and awe of you energize him in eternity like they did while he was with us. Father as he receives his crowns, I pray that Jesus would be exalted by Simon appreciating them and wholeheartedly throwing them at the feet of Jesus. I look forward to doing this alongside him one day.

 

Thank you for the union he gets to have with saints that he read about and the reunion to the few people he knew that are in your eternal fold ahead of him. Thank you for the work you have prepared for him to do in the new heavens and the new earth and for eternity. I pray that if it pleases You, that Simon’s work would include his well thought out vision of a waterslide from the top of Pikes Peak to the heart of Colorado Springs, moreover from the top of Mt. Everest to the ocean, moreover a waterslide from the moon to the earth. Amen.”  

 

I remember how considerate and hopeful Simon proved to be to our family. Therefore, I wonder how those qualities translate and are injected into heaven now that he is present with the Lord.  Most often we prayed for Simon to find friends, to reject sin, to set a good example, to grow interests that serve others, and also to allow his seeds of faith to take root in holiness. Simon took to heart so many things as he aimed to please everyone. I wonder how God is employing his gifting in heaven. 

 

Praise the Lord for:

-You.

-Many answers to prayer! We’re going through 1 Peter at church and I have been humbled to see that I have not paid attention to the admonition for brothers and sisters in Christ to help and love each other exceptionally well, like family. It explains how much we have received from the Church amid our trials. Much compassion, courtesy, practical needs and prayer.

-Anna sleeping well with the Bi-PAP on most nights.

-An old prayer request I had years ago about Anna’s adult teeth to come in straight, they are.  

-Renee is growing into fewer outbursts and is able to identify and put words to how she feels

-I started swimming weekly and celebrated 20 year of working at Target

-Tomorrow 9-10 is Victor’s second birthday.

 

 Please Pray for:

-AWANA. I committed to serve there and Renee will be attending. We are pretty pumped.

-the perpetual needs Anna has, for full healing and equipping until then. We desire a night nurse however we have enjoyed not having another person at our house at night. Pray that Anna’s night time needs would be met through me and for her airway to remain clear.

-Joy and all the fruits of the Spirit to increase in our home. For the Lord to glorify Himself as we seek Him and live differently to the culture we are in.  

-That we may minister comfort, compassion to other believers and share the Gospel with the lost.  

-For our basement to be fixed.

 

Thank you for reading and praying for us,

 

Nic Currat

Remembering a Living Stone

 dear Prayer Warriors,

 

Do you know the Little Golden Book series for kids? There is one book called Goodnight Night, Little Bear. I repeatedly read it to Simon. It’s about a Papa bear looking around in every room and asking mama where his son is because it's bedtime. As the story builds it gets more and more silly because his son is on papa bear’s shoulder the whole time. Finally Papa Bear decides to eat a piece of chocolate cake, lo and behold the missing son climbs down and eagerly asks for some cake too… That’s the image I have of Simon and me. While he was alive he clung eagerly and embraced all of who I was, loving to be around me, on my shoulders. We shared such joy and playfulness. The gift of salvation and eternal life makes me think of the cake in the story. Simon got down off my shoulders, consumed it and went to sleep. Now he is fully satisfied! Amen.  

 

Remembering Simon

God’s plan and mission for Simon on earth was complete a year ago. I remember pleading at the hospital bed with God a year ago: “Lord didn’t you ask me to impress on my children how to love you with all my mind, soul, heart, and strength? When I sit with Simon, when I walk along the road with him, when I lie down to sleep and when I get up? I’m not done Lord, I don’t want to be done!” The hard thing about death is that I went from talking to Simon about God daily to not doing so at all. We went from hundreds of shared experiences a week to zero. But praise God for 6 years of hundreds upon hundreds of weekly experiences together. I got to know Simon Emmanuel inside and out!   

 

Believe me when I say: Simon was/is a living stone because he trusted God’s only Cornerstone and Capstone of the Church, Jesus Christ. By faith, Simon was called to become a living stone in God’s house. That spiritual structure on earth still lives on, of which it's been said “the gates of hell will not prevail against it.” Simon's stone remains on this Church wall among the Children of God. He remains God’s possession.

 

While he was with us, Simon couldn't help but offer spiritual sacrifices of songs acceptable to Him. This worship overflowed, we have preserved about a dozen songs he sang and a few he wrote too. I played one of these songs on July 5th when we marked the anniversary of his death. Simon declared the praises of Jesus who called him out of the darkness into His wonderful light where he is today. Some of you may wonder if I am puffing up this son of mine to be more than he was. I never pressured Simon to write a song for God, I never coerced him, never forced him. The evidence speaks for itself, his sin made him woeful, his prayers restored him in Christ, and joy described him frequently. Simon is a trophy of God’s grace.

 

For anyone who wants to know the source of Simon’s joy and to follow Christ as he did down the narrow road that leads to eternal life. I invite you to consider the cost it will take for you to turn from your sins and selfishness, then to consider the cost Jesus paid in taking the punishment accumulated for all your sins. Then in wondrous faith, claim the gift of the Savior’s blood who restores you to the Father. In prayer confess, lay down and with Him turn from your sin. Take off your burdens at the feet of Christ the King. He meets you there and raises you into new life with an everlasting hope. God’s Word says today is the day, now, while we were still sinners Christ died for us. For those who believe in this forgiveness, it is by grace that you have been saved through faith, this is not from yourself it is the gift of God, not by works so no one can boast. 

 

Remembering our help this last year 

The second part I wanted to share today is the kingship of Christ over our family this last year as we lost so much of what was dearest to us. This past year we lived in the greatest of heartbreak, sadness, and burden. Our living hope in Jesus gave us a place to run to with all our broken pieces. We ran to the Father, we didn’t hesitate because God the Father knows what it is like to see His Son die. So we ran to Him again, and again, and again. Glory to God who met us in the valley of death, in the fullness of our sorrow and didn’t leave us there. From that spot we renewed our trust in Him. This helped us hear the voice of our Shepherd to draw us back into life and He gave the Holy Spirit to illuminate our path in Scripture.

 

Glory to Jesus, for loving us and being our example. Jesus and His never-ending love for the Church helped me see that marital unity is paramount in our trials. Jesus amid the Church’s trials spends His time building up His bride with more “living stones” and bonding them together in a Refiner’s fire. Jesus united us to His body in prayer. We needed others to hope with us and to mourn with us. Jesus is the Shepherd that knew what we needed; His love didn’t fail.  

 

Glory to Spirit for causing us to wonder and awe at where Simon is according to the Bible. He is with Jesus, in Heaven, with all its properties and qualities and purities. The Holy Spirit made my heart desire heaven for my home more than ever before. The world is not my home. I went from thinking that the best is yet to come, to knowing that heaven is yet to come! When it does we will be with God forever. What love. Singing and praising like Simon did is my sacrifice offering to the Lord as well.  

At the culmination of Simon’s life on earth, I can picture him saying the same words King David wrote in Psalm 71:

“O Lord, you alone are my hope. I’ve trusted in you, O Lord, from childhood. Yes You have been with me from birth. From my mother’s womb You have cared for me. No wonder I am always praising You.”

 

Remembering July 5^th 2023

The Lord loaded up our day with love and grace. Family traveled from near and far, all of us surprised that it’s been a year. The memories and the gift of Simon are still fresh. Families from Denver drove down, Simon’s homeschool co-op friends were in full force. We were blessed, hopeful in the Lord, and surrounded. For me it was such an encouragement to be surrounded with so many loved ones. Our events were meaningful and glorifying to the Lord. We had one kid who attended ask his mom to drive back to the little library because he wanted to get the Bible he saw in there. It was a good day, one to remember and to remember Simon by.

 

Similar to getting through Simon’s birthday, it was the days leading up to the birthday that caused more difficulty than the day of. I need to remember the admonition of Jesus for greater future victories. He said, “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Mt 6:34

 

Praise God for:

-One year of God’s faithfulness.

-His nearness, and attraction to the weak, broken and sorrowful. How He lifts us up from there.

-His Church being built up with all those faithful before us including Simon, and us believers in turn. Also, His Church who mourned with us and provided many gifts to aid us.

-Songs of worship that minister to the emotion of my experience of loss with the hope of the Gospel. So my emotions would be bridled, looking forward to the coming goodness.

 

Please Pray For:

-Today (7-15) Lindsey and I are going to Glen Eyrie retreat center for quiet time, a time to seek the Lord, to celebrate and reflect on our marriage as we will mark 13 years of marriage on the 17^th. For grace and blessing to my brother Will who is taking on our three while we are gone.

-Continued wisdom about the direction to take regarding our basement repairs. Even the restoration companies differ on the remedy.

-The little free library, that it would be a lighthouse to the kids in our community.

-The direction and nearness of the Lord in writing efforts for both Lindsey and I. Renee’s continues journey through grief and in understanding death and new life.

 

With love,

 

Nic, Lindsey, Anna, Renee, Victor

Worship, Retreat, and Prepare

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

A Note on Worship

A few times in my life I have had a keen sense of heavenly worship. Years ago, I attended Founder’s week at Moody Church in Downtown Chicago. This large sanctuary filled with thousands of Jesus worshippers accompanied by one piano player filling the air with hymns, seemingly every single voice was singing in adoration, giving me the impression that nobody needed the words on the screen, and it was a humble privilege to join my voice to theirs. The sound itself was meek and beautiful, strong and reverential. I stopped to take it in a few times. Thousands harmonized around me while I sang the melody. I told the person I was with “I bet you this is what heaven will sound like.”

 

Another time I was in the mountains of Honduras among the poorest. We were in a “home”, which was an all-purpose room with a clay floor. About 30 of us huddled inside, and another dozen or so huddled by the doorway. We prayed, preached and dedicated children to the Lord. There were no instruments but everyone was accustomed to singing by everyone clapping to the same beat and singing whole-heartedly alongside. The simplicity of just voices giving a warm offering of praise to God, I felt that it was all they have, I learned there it is all I have for my King also. They gave of themselves. I remember the joy abounding, boldness in song, and intensity of that morning, transforming our circumstance of poverty into a heavenly habitat.

   

Our Family Retreat

The most recent time I stopped in my tracks and said in wonder “heaven must be like this” came last week while in Nebraska. The Joni and Friends retreat created a space for daily worship where the participants could adore and exalt Jesus. They gave Him His rightful praise and place. This time there were many egg shakers, tambourines, and borderline noise makers. It was such a flurry of worship, surrendered worship, joyous worship. The most vulnerable, the “least of these” being offered an altar to place a sacrifice of praise. We were among mentally and physically disabled people swirling around and around in unforced marching, limbs in every direction, childlike in presence, eager to love the source of love. Uninhibited, welcoming, come-as-you-are-praise. Add to that, able-bodied servants attentively assisting the lame to praise God. I eagerly joined in after taking it in, I can sincerely say “I bet heaven is going to be like this.” Unadulterated gladness and worship.

 

The retreat itself came with lots of encouragement and many people wanting to get to know us. We were surprised by this because the world doesn’t have much interest in us, but these people wanted to know how to serve us and help us raise Anna. The pace was so different from home and the content of our days remained fun-filled for sure. Not having to think about what to cook is a blessing, soda for every meal was a reckless bonus.  This was our first time we all stayed in one room and it was rather small, but it worked and rest came. Renee fully appreciated every moment. No mention of pretend “death” play and she used the potty more than ever at home. Victor won many over with his gentle smile. We had a memorable evening of catching fireflies which brought awe to Victor, Renee, and Anna. Other honorable mentions include go karts, swimming, archery, arts and crafts, dancing, smores and karaoke. The last night at camp was the talent show. I assumed we were going to go under the radar when Anna’s wonderful helper said “I think Anna has a definite talent of knocking over stacked cups.” With the spotlight on, Anna knocked them down with a smile as big as the Grand Canyon is wide. I won’t soon forget this. In thinking back on the 20 or so participant families that were there, I am completely humbled by how varied the care of their kids are to ours. “Special needs” really is a giant umbrella. I struggled to consider the lives of these other parents; they may have said the same thing when looking at me I suppose.

 

God opened the door for me to give of myself. I feel so often our family is on the receiving end, so I was eager to accept the challenge of service. By God’s grace, I shared my testimony to the other parents and helpers to praise His name. I will never get over the mercy Jesus gave me when I surrendered my old self and was born again to new life. On a last note about the retreat, God’s sweet Providence came in the form of the pastor who helped lead the retreat. He had lost a daughter tragically and also has another daughter with down syndrome. I learned about his journey through grief, his family’s varying greifs, and how God has kept him advancing. It was “a God thing.” As the camp director likes to point out when appropriate.  

 

Commemorating the loss of Simon

Which brings me to this coming Wednesday, our day of remembering the passing of my son one year ago, please pray. I want to give back to Simon’s friends that will be here, to the friends and family that have mourned with us. We are having a sort of open house hymn sing, welcome to anyone. I want to honor the memory of my son and magnify his Savior. I feel fear trying to tell me that what I have to give isn’t good enough. Or that my heart is in no place to face this “Goliath”. Didn’t I feel this way at Simon’s birthday? At Christmas? Etc… I want to be surprised by joy, strengthened in faith, surrounded by God’s chosen helpers. I hope to heartily share the overflow of goodness that God gave me from walking so closely with him during his short life.  Children have brought such richness in my life. “Hold me steady Jesus, it’s all about You!!”

 

On the way home from Nebraska, Google maps took us within view of the field where Simon got bit by the snake. I looked over at it and just put my head down, and kept driving. The feeling of loss swept over afresh; the sadness seems renewed a bit. Since then, the trauma of that day has become more vivid again. Calling out to God incessantly, hopeful in the Lord through it all. I remember gripping my son and running with my three-year-old daughter through the brush. Prying the barbwire apart to pass my children through, “mercy Lord you were there.” O may the love of my Father hold me in these days of memorial. May He reel me in so my line doesn’t drift or snag. Yahweh has been faithful to me this whole last year. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8 my tear catcher.

 

I’m not sure what I have learned in my son’s absence. However, I know what helped me! I’m going to need to be intentional on thanking God for the 6 years I did get with Simon. I know having a song in my heart will give great help at just those vulnerable times. Weeping in prayer is a balm of help for me. Another “Mighty Fortress” in the sorrow has been God’s Word catered and customized by the Holy Spirit particularly meditating on heaven, the millennial reign and anticipating the appearing of Jesus. May His Words be Healing this week. I look forward to the support of family, friends, and church family. I remain hopeful in the Lord’s goodness and care of me through this next week.  “Thank you, Lord, for my beautiful son, Simon Emmanuel Currat who is with You, waiting for me.” Blessed be the Lord for what’s in store even this coming Wednesday, even in writing this I feel my nerves chill out, plus in Christ, I am seated in heaven even now!  

 

 Praise God for:

-The terrific time we had in Nebraska, bonding and sharing our burdens. seeing our kids in a new environment.

- Rest in Him, faith for today and bright hope in His Word for tomorrow. He steadies the trembling hand

 

Please pray for:

-The Holy Spirit to prepare hearts to encounter Christ as He is the guest of honor at our celebration Wednesday.

-Marital unity. as the events of this week unfold, to be in step with one another as ones united in Jesus. Pray for our hearts to be soft in the Potter’s hand who is purposing all this for His glory.

- wisdom for us to put the right measures in place to prevent flooding from happening again and patience to refinishing the basement.

-continued equipping to care for Anna including a night nurse, and for better therapy options.

 

I wanted to leave you with the last two stanzas of Pass me Not, O Gentle Savior as they ring so clearly to me in my heart:

1. Trusting only in Thy merit,
   Would I seek Thy face;
   Heal my wounded, broken spirit,
   Save me by Thy grace.
2. Thou the spring of all my comfort,
   More than life to me,
   Whom have I on earth beside Thee,
   Whom in Heav’n but Thee.

 

Thanks for the prayers and Love,

 

Nic for the Currat