Giving and Bearing Burdens

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

My heart sings at the type of summer our family lived out. Outside of one trip to the ER for Anna’s seizure, we experienced much bond building love, joyful activities and great memories. We haven’t been in a place to receive such good things in years. For a while, our minds became conditioned with trauma’s headlock that makes us think that around any corner we will be attacked and confounded in deep sorrow again. Instead, this summer helped us lay a hold of greater surrender and hope for the Lord’s plans for each of us, much like the lyric we sang church last week, “He’s not done with me yet.” Praise the Lord, what grace. We are doing better than we deserve!

 

Sacrifice of Praise

 

I love the image in the book of Romans where the Author says that the church is like the human body. Each person is a different part and there is a clear interdependence by all parts. For me our hardships made that clear. I remember attending church for the first time after Simon’s passing, I physically trembled as I tried to sing, just dumbfounded at what we were enduring. Moments later sitting down and being unable to utter the words. Then a couple of weeks later my little brother Olivier, who also is my spiritual father in the faith joined me for church. As he sang and worshipped, he had his hand around me while the other one was outstretched. I couldn’t even lift up my head, he sang louder than usual and kept me participating. He was causing me to sway and engage. In time, I lifted up my head, and joined the song. This type of praise and ascribing worth to God amid the deep sorrow was only possible because I went to church and had a dear brother standing in that gap. To lay a hold of the glory of God, to acknowledge Jesus as my help during deepest sorrow; that is a sacrifice of praise. Maybe nobody noticed around us what was going on or why I was weeping extra in worship but in the spirit world God saw us praising as never before.   

 

The church, not just Olivier, served as substitutionary worshipers helping me believe, they sing on my behalf because I could not get it together. They prayed for me. I listened to an author describe something similar, he said, “It’s the church saying ‘I will believe for you’ just be still and let the words of worship wash upon to your shore. Let God’s Word through the preaching minister to your wound.” Recently I had a stranger in the children’s church pick up line turn to me and say “we have been praying for your family weekly for years.” Has that ever happened to you? Someone you have never met, has such a compassion for your circumstance that he labored in prayer for years for you, what mercy! What grace! Lord, teach me to pray like that. I didn’t know how to respond. I hope the day comes when God will reveal the invoices of prayers He fielded on our behalf causing such divine attention to our pitiful state. Jesus is the head, the one holding us together. Praise God for the unity in Christ.

 

Ministering with Empathy

 

The “hard things” for me this summer came in the form of rising to the occasion and opportunity to serve others. If you know my life, I am composed of many trials but three of the most formative are mental illness, special needs, and the death of a child. For some reason, each of these trials afflicted a different family we know and love this summer. We love a couple where the spouse is afflicted with a debilitating mental illness. Next, we know some first time parents still in the NICU one month after their child's birth, and lastly, I have been talking to a father who lost his son tragically. We cannot help but resonate deeply with these three families. We labor in prayer and believe God’s best for each trial. I have been carefully reaching out to them knowing it’s not my words that they need but God’s healing. I learned that there are no pragmatic steps to prescribe, I can minister understanding because of my past, but that is just perspective. What is it I can give in the present?  Certainly kind encouragement is welcomed in each, I especially desire for them to see “Christ in me, the hope of glory”. Songs helped me greatly, Meds helped, meals, going to a grave weekly helped, may that be the case for them too. I trust we are helping, there is still more to do. May they have a testimony of God's faithfulness and be able to reconcile His goodness to their trial. This is a righteous calling in my life, I am honored and well tailored to serve them. It’s part of God’s good coming from the evil we endured. Praise the Lord.

 

In Praise for Anna

 

-Lets keep up on praying for Anna. She is doing great with no sign of seizures. She is struggling with bowel movements, even with all the helps it seems so inconsistent.

-We finally got her 10^th birthday present in the mail, its is a human trailer system for hiking on narrow paths. It works pretty darn well, I love spoiling her. See the picture I attached below.

-We have turned away from night nurse help because of the difficulty of finding a committed, “good” one, and instead we have been happy to receive an RN during the day, two days a week.

- During our time of RV hunting we were constantly frustrated because the standard RV door was not wide enough for Anna and her wheel chair. Amid the search we felt compelled to apply to the Make A Wish foundation to see if they could help. In the process, we did find an RV. Now Make A Wish selected Anna to receive a wish. It puts us in a mind state of wonder and gladness, pray for God to reveal what would be Anna’s sincerest desire for mankind to gift. I asked Renee what Anna would want and she instantly replied “she would want to be healed.”  

-Anna completed intake at a speech clinic that specializes in Eye-gaze devices. May the Lord do a miracle there as we have plateaued in knowing how to use it.

 

Praise God for:

-a wonderful summer.

-my mother’s strength and interests resurfacing amid being in memory care.

-Classical Conversations, ballet, enrichment programs and AWANA for Renee and Victor

-Victor’s 3^rd birthday.

-our time with Simon “diamond” and how his life continues to impact us for good.

-Continued hymn sings at our house 

 

Please Pray for:

-Our daytime nurse is Nicole, pray for her to engage on a heart level that Anna would be befriended by her and loved. May our family be salt and light to her as well.

-our faithfulness and availability to minister to these three families that they may come to a place of meeting with Jesus and offering sacrificial praises amid their dark and heavy loads. If not me, then may they have an Olivier. Or maybe an Aaron or Hur who upheld Moses arms during Israel's battle against the Amalekites. May God be glorified. 

With love, Nic for the Currat

Three Founts of Blessing

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

The Fount of Renewal

I have a retired military neighbor who likes to keep busy and his bride often cooks a little extra to send it over to us.  If we visit, they always have a sweet treat for my kids to enjoy. They have grown kids and need little, they give much, always stating, “It’s nothing, it’s really nothing.” God gave us a great example of “loving your neighbor” right in front of us. He has helped me on a number of home improvement things and given guidance about general maintenance. He’s the guy on the street with two trucks, one that has an undeniable look of 20+ years of duty to him and the other is his “Sunday truck” well waxed and low miles.

 

About a month ago Lindsey cleaned the junk off our patio and had a truck load of bulky garbage items to take to the dump. So I called my handy neighbor and asked to borrow his truck. After explaining the task, he said: “Just leave it out front and I will pick it up.” It's like he’s out to make our life easier. Lindsey placed it all out front and sure enough he scooped it up. The most notable thing we discarded was our crib, it restrained all of our kids except for Anna.  

 

During our week of remembrance of Simon and his passing in early July, my lawn mower stopped working. I asked my guy to come have a look. He gave the diagnosis and told me to come on by his house, he had a surprise for us. There, on his back patio, he had transformed our crib into a kid’s picnic table, an Etsy worthy picnic table. With just one glance Lindsey recognized the teething marks and cried at the beauty of it repurposed. This awesome kid’s table we were gifted “at just the right time” signifies God repurposing my family through our grief and growth. Jesus is redeeming those who run to Him. Losing my son urges me not to waste my life, I pray to be a part of what God is doing! Even in these prayer emails, I pray that God would activate my spiritual gift of encouragement.  

  

So today, in light of what we’ve been through, I pray I look more like that picnic table and less like the broken-down crib that spent months outside by our trash cans. Come have dinner with us, sing with us. The salvation that comes from Him matters today. Let the prayers for renewal continue, for steps of faith.

 

The Fount of Hopefulness

^“6 The wolf will live with the lamb,
and the leopard will lie down with the goat.
The calf, the young lion, and the fatling will be together,
and a child will lead them.
⁷ The cow and the bear will graze,
their young ones will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.
⁸ An infant will play beside the cobra’s pit,
and a toddler will put his hand into a snake’s den.
⁹ None will harm or destroy another
on My entire holy mountain,
for the land will be as full
of the knowledge of the Lord
as the sea is filled with water.” Isaiah 11:6-9 (HCSB)

My soul revels in this passage of Scripture, I think on it, on the implications. I find the antithesis of the death of my son in verses 8 and 9. All of this is astonishing, like a return to the Garden of Eden. The last verse is a rocket ship of wonder to me! What would it be like to live in a world where every living thing would be filled with the knowledge of God? doesn’t our post-Christian culture boast that it doesn’t know God? It’s incredible to consider every human being as “full of the knowledge of the Lord”. What a remedy, maranatha!   

 

This has been my pastime in grief. Not just being in God’s Word, but opening my mind to Heavenly things (or Millennial Reign things) as a future expectation, often discussing these things with my bride Lindsey. Without knowing, she challenged me to effectively remove my “bucket list” and turn it into a “to do” list on the new earth. My agenda of things here can wait including my trans-Atlantic sailboat trip ending in the south of France. I let go of these things and see God’s bucket list for His children instead: Trusting God by His Word. Sharing the Gospel in boldness. Loving in such a way that proves I am His disciple. Unending compassion for the lost and poor. Serving all. Praying fervently and frequently. Blessing and encouraging His Church.  

  

The Fount of Remembrance

At the two-year mark, I could not foresee God’s clear directive of what to do with the leftover money from all the giving we received upon Simon passing. It became a kind of thing holding us back. We felt it needed to be used to help us move on. So many people I never met gave, and people we knew gave generously. I never understood why, “These guys lost a kid, let's give them money!?!”  I asked God about it, and He had me rest on the fact that this was their way of sharing our grief. It was to bless us and show support. A form of comfort amid the tragedy.

 

We used all we needed for individualized therapies for each family member except Victor and Anna. The money helped us grieve to buy for the poor in sizes that Simon would have been. We thought about giving it all to God’s mission as it relates to Simon’s passions like homelessness, or Community Bible Study. We did that to a generous extent. We considered paying a huge chunk of our mortgage off, however that rang hollow. Then the Lord had me consider the passage where Simon Iscariot criticizes the women who anointed Jesus’ feet with expensive oil.  Jesus’ reply showed me that her loving act is worthwhile, priceless, causing that woman's generous act to be remembered always. 

 

After a surprise stumbling upon, we found a private, year-round campground that sells campsites. We prayed and visited a few times.  We bought a lot and a 20-year-old camper that has had some surprises. I am calling the place Simon’s camp. It is our aim that this camp will grow memories for our family, that it would be an Ebenezer commemorating “thus far the Lord has helped us.” It’s this legacy that Simon has given to us, a place to recall and remember his liveliness and love, to intentionally celebrate the things Simon loved. God’s faithfulness, peace, and goodness has been shining through. Simon loved camping but only experienced it 3 times. With Anna it’s been difficult to camp given her baggage of medical stuff. By having our own site this allows us to keep much of what she needs up there so we can just get in the car and go camping. I never imagined owning an RV, with my pay, we could never have afforded this kind of thing. Praise God, who blesses and surprises us. Who wants to go camping with us?

 

I remain thankful to be Simon’s dad. It’s becoming harder to remember, I lean more on the recorded things. His sweetness softened me! The mission of being Simon’s dad is one of the best things on my life’s resume. What a trophy of God’s grace. I have peace knowing that God is well pleased at the faith Simon grew in his short years on earth. What a precious, exceptional gift being a father is! I also have much more raising and growing left to do in this family!!

 

Praise God for:

-A wonderful summer of life-giving things. We returned to the Joni and Friend family respite camp in Nebraska. Renee and I visited my brother Olivier and his family in North Carolina.

-The Lord’s many ways of enriching our life, for Simon’s camp.

 

Please Pray for:

-The start of Kindergarten for Renee. That she will enjoy learning and growing interests. That she would make new friends that spur her on in faith and wonder.

-Anna to have stable and healthy neurological connections. We had a seizure night about three weeks ago where we needed to use the “rescue med” and take her to the ER. Pray that we would also be accepted into a clinic specializing in the use of her eye gaze device.

-continued direction from the Lord on how to comfort others with the comfort God has shown us.

Thankful for your help and care,

Nic for the Currats

Agape Love

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

 

 I’m coming to you with stacks on stacks of praise. This Lord of ours has shown me so much steadfast love and grace. He has been more than the Lifter of my head, more than the Giver of good gifts. At the center, He is my Father. The Author of my providence. Whose I am means more to me now than who I am.

 

Let me give you more to grasp onto so we can share in the awe of answered prayer, starting with work. Peace, laughter and rich communication redefines a specific relationship that was once difficult and frustrating, God showed me mercy through this renewed relationship. In regards to my struggles to lead compassionately as a servant leader, a team member boldly asked me to promote and develop. What this means is that in the past few weeks I have articulated with enthusiasm not just company goals, but philosophy of leadership and identified his skills. This guy could have asked a year ago or two months from now, but instead he came to me right after my confession of pridefulness. Praise God, it’s as if I am lifting up this coworker to succeed more. The Lord divinely directed this circumstance at just the right time. God is the softener of my heart in the hard places. Now this team member works with a whole new perspective, with a greater buy-in to why we do what we do. It gratified my mind to invest in this way. Lastly, our store has been comping (gaining sales) exceptionally well, operationally we got recognized as “top dog” among 100 stores. This favorable providence at work draws praise out of me especially when I know how intentionally we have been in prayer about this. Thank you!!!

I am humbled about how this ask for prayer has turned out. It reminds me of this praise song lyric: “So I run to the Father, fall into grace, I'm done with the hiding no reason to wait. My heart needs a surgeon, my soul needs a friend so I run to the father again, and again, and again,”

 

In 10 days, we aim to honor and thank Jesus our Shepherd for the life of Simon Emmanuel. Our Simon-Diamond! What love and healing he brought to me. This past Father’s Day, I shared with my children graveside how Anna’s birth caused me to surrender nearly all things a normal daddy looks forward to. Then Simon was born, slowly as he grew, I got to pick these “daddy things” up that I laid down years ago. Carrying him on my shoulders for the first time was one of those moments of healing he brought me.

 

When Simon was nearly two, we visited the Littleton Historical Museum. It’s a turn of the century farm with many animals, a blacksmithing shack and a terrific Little House on the Prairie type home. He explored with great wonderment the sights and smells via those young feet with a tiny gait. The idea just came to me, let me try and have him sit on my shoulders. Perhaps it was my sense of belonging to him that made me want to scoop him up, it was a joyful thing. I was as proud as a king being crowned.  For the first time, I carried a child of mine on my shoulders even though I had been a father for 5 years already. It was a joyful, healing daddy thing. In looking back, God didn’t tell me to buck up and get tough on that longing, nor that I should be grateful just to have Anna as is (which I am). Carrying Simon didn’t bring healing to Anna; but it showed me that God has great love to give me through this son.

 

I am about to cross over two years of grief and pressing into the bounty of hope found only in the Word. I have learned lots but it doesn't replace the tremendous relationship I once shared with my wonderful boy. Jesus, it is Jesus the only hope that doesn’t disappoint when I take Him at His Word, He became my greatest reliance in loss. My bride at my side served as a radical reminder that God is still good, I can surrender and walk in this though I don’t want to. I am reminded of God’s goodness and love even when I still weep because of Lindsey’s faith.  It is love that I linger on the most, the love I have received humbles me, I have never looked at 1 Corinthians 13 more in my life and tried to apply it.  

 

The best summation of how I feel going into this current wave of grief at the two year mark comes from a recent short video I watched from a wise old lady named Joni Eareckson Tada. She observes that in suffering there is great spiritual gain, prayers like “teach me Lord through this.” Is lofty and righteous to do yet it is still left wanting. She offers this illustration:

 "Suppose I was a little girl on my bike and this great downhill portion is ahead of me.  I engage it, lose control in the soft gravel and fly off the bike landing with cuts, blood, screaming in pain. My father quickly comes to my aid. He could say “your shoelace is untied, you started braking too late, always avoid gravel, I told you to pump up the tires. next time you will know.” But No. No, not all!  All that little girl just wants at that moment is her daddy’s arms around her, holding her, telling her it's going to be ok, "I love you."

At this milestone, all I am interested in is my Perfect Heavenly Father holding me, comforting me, giving me peace, telling me whose I am. His authorship and relationship with me is far greater than lessons learned and head knowledge, His love is better than refinement, its agape love.

 

Please Pray for:

-Anna. For God to assign His best choice for our new Speech Therapist. last week we did the intake. We have decided to go clinic-based instead of at-home services. Our aim is for improved communication using her Eye Gaze Device. Tonight we are doing a sleep study at Children’s Hospital that is why I am finding a little time to write. Pray that she can sleep with all those probes and wires. Also, the 12 Botox injects last month have been worthwhile.

-continued grace and love as we believe God’s best for our family. The Lord gives, the Lord has taken away, Blessed be the Lord. May we always see Simon as a vital, important part of our family in his absence too. I have been intentional to impress on our kids the value and importance they each bring as part of our family. We are planning a small family outing on July 5th. for the Lord's protection and wisdom too. 

-Continued transformation at work into Christ likeness with great love. 

- Mom. she has been doing well, she is not having falls or much confusion at all. and my work has enabled me to see her every week by giving me a half day weekly. she is about an hour and a half away. 

"We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people— the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel." Colossians 1:3-5 let us believe this for one another for the gospel's sake!

With Love, 

Nic for the Currats

Because He Lives

 Dear Prayer Warriors,

Heavenly Daydreaming

I’m dumbfounded at the stunt these wriggly little caterpillars pull off. They live, eat, wiggle around, doing lively things. Their life is interrupted, they become closed off, dormant.  After a long wait they emerge with completely other gifts, abilities, and skill sets as a butterfly. I’ve always seen it as a picture of salvation. However, this time around, I find it to be a picture of the glorification that believers will undergo in eternity. This life is represented by the caterpillar, death as the cocoon, and eternal life reigning with Jesus as the butterfly. I struggle leading at Target, what would reigning look like for me with Jesus? Yikes, it would have to take a caterpillar-butterfly kind of transformation. I can’t imagine being aligned as an extension of His reign but that is what is addressed in 2 Timothy 2:11-13.

“The saying is sure:

If we have died with him, we shall also live with him;

if we endure, we shall also reign with him;

if we deny him, he also will deny us;

if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.”

 

Considering the biblical hereafter has got this caterpillar being brave to endure. Then there’s Anna who is enduring an earthly life of daily hardship and disability. Never once has she misspoken, never has she lied, sought out sin. I become filled with wonder at her glorification when granted by Jesus. I used to imagine her singing and running and enjoying the abilities that she doesn’t have -how sophomoric! Her eternal prognosis, her "butterflyism" if you will, makes me think that she will radiate and reign with Christ among the greatest of servants. God has given her such a unique mission in this life. What blessed mysteries, such hope founded on simply looking in the Word.  

Sin Slaying

I crave the eternity of heaven like never before and find the distastefulness of this fallen world as even more difficult to endure. I’m sick and tired of sin. Having it, dealing with it in fear and trembling. Even stuff in the “repented from” category, something I’ve been victorious from for years can suddenly tempt and catch me off guard. I thought I grew past this? Also, when my sins of omission become revealed by the Holy Spirit and I see how often I commission that sin, how oblivious was I beforehand? I need Jesus! Praise God that Scripture gives clear direction on what to do with sin. It insists on an honest walk in the light where artillery like repentance and prayer work better than seeking perfectionism. The Bible tells me to look to Jesus (not within) for freedom from sin. I identify with those worship songs that say “I’m never going back.”

 

At AWANA this year we have been studying the fruits of the Spirit, ending with joy. Joy is also in Target’s (where I work) mission statement. Somewhere in the fullness of my days, the fruit of the Spirit called joy turned into a visitor instead of a constant companion. It is most apparent at work. I find pride malforming my thought life. It’s not the boastful Gaston of Beauty and the Beast kind of pride. Rather it’s a type of pride that seeks to control things. This pride is defensive, jumping to conclusions, and assumes a right understanding of situations by having a ready answer for everything. My pride grows a furrowed brow and a stinky attitude. Apathy towards others instead of love. It stresses me out, shortens eye contact, is abrasive, and Self-righteous.  To sum it up: I am at times a banging gong or a clanging cymbal without love. But God is good when I am not, when life is hard, He will lead me away as I confess and obey.

 

I have walked and repented with Jesus long enough to know that focusing on the sin to slay it is not doing it in the power the Lord supplies. Pray for me, that love may abound as I fix on Jesus and live with compassion for the people and the life already in front of me. May I renew my obedience to His Word particularly in passages about speech and character like the end of Ephesians 4, or Romans 12, and Colossians 3. In Christ’s grace and by the regeneration of the Holy Spirit, may I deny the pride I have come to exert and live a holy life pleasing to God.  

 

Family and Fruit

We continue dealing with the presence of Simon’s absence. Last month Renee had a string of nights where she was preoccupied with missing Simon. It was unusual because she sleeps through the night so well, for some reason, that week she spent night after night awake for almost all of it. The first couple of nights, mom stayed up with her and repeated Psalm 23 many times and eventually fell asleep in those embracing Words. The third day, she asked me if we could visit Simon’s tombstone. We did so with 4 Ziplock bags filled with her precious arts and crafts to beautify the marker. I sang and prayed and we stayed there for about 30 minutes. Also noteworthy, Victor has been learning to pray by statements of thankfulness and at dinnertime he blesses us with his toddler vocabulary by saying to the Lord his list of thanks which often includes “thank you for Simon.”

 

I’ve mentioned before that Simon’s death has been used by the Holy Spirit to orchestrate a catalyst, a moment of decision for Christ. It is humbling, I can think of no greater good coming from losing Simon then a person surrendering their own life to Jesus and placing their hope in Christ for eternity. There was one man at the Men’s prayer breakfast two years ago (in August) and two weeks ago there was another. Others planted and watered, and Simon’s story became the sickle in the harvesting. What pardon and grace lavished on this man’s life by God. All praise, it is the Lord who brought the growth!

 

I have spent my days since in communication with this born-again believer, eager to help and pray for him. We made it to church, the food pantry, into his past sorrows, and into God’s Word. I am so refreshed in the Lord to share in his excitement. He states things like, “I started reading the book of John with a colored pencil in hand, I’m scared I might color the whole thing because everything is speaking to me.” Also, “I was overwhelmed with anxiousness and had been praying, but now I am overwhelmed with rejoicing.” We are experiencing answers to prayer, as well as Satan trying to retrieve the ground he once claimed in this man’s life. However, He has his eyes on Jesus and is giving Him His rightful praise through it all. I have seldom been on this side of discipleship and so I am clinging on to the Lord’s guidance and willingness to use me as His Spirit leads. I was delighted to hear this man say, “the Scriptures are speaking to me like never before!” because it reminded me so vividly of what God did for me. How His Spirit illuminated Scriptures through faith and spoke to me like never before. This past Sunday he missed going to church and he told me “I missed my goodness for the morning.” He was, (his old man) quite isolated, broken and hopeless. It means so much to him that Paul declares that the old man is gone and the new man in Christ is born. It’s a contagious blessing to hear him encounter the living God at His Word. Being reminded of this during my troubled walk with Jesus has been a lavishing of grace I never considered.

Praise God for:

-Anna! She has gone a little more than a year without an inpatient hospitalization, I think this is the longest stretch, with nothing but a sleep study in sight, glory to God. Also, Anna has had a diagnosis removal (healing) pertaining to her vision I forget what it’s called. But her eyes move together instead of veering off separately.

-A new night nurse. Out of nowhere our home health care company calls to offer another night nurse, after more than a year. She is starting tonight, please pray for her skills to tune into Anna well. Her husband and family are part of the Navigators.

-Renee. Yesterday the training wheels came off and she rode her bike around and around our nearby track. Renee has her first ballet recital in two weeks. She has become more and more of a leader at home caring for Victor with tenderness.

Please Pray for:

-me to conform to Christlikeness. To forsake sin and bear joy and love at work. Internally, please pray for me not to forfeit the peace that I have in Christ for the sake of completing truck freight. I may have a joyful countenance overflowing in spiritual fruit.

- guidance for our summer plans. We are considering returning to Joni and Friends family retreat, doing hippotherapy for Anna, camping.

-the ongoing discipleship and relationship with this new believer. That he would be grounded in the Word, in prayer and be faithful to attending church.

-Our hearts. As we have gained the new normal, marveled at the promises of heaven, surrendered our son and continued to hope. For continued trust in God’s goodness for almost 2 years. Thanks for forbearing with us and being faithful in praying. I say this because I never wanted to walk down this road, you have battled with us, mourned with us, and it has been a journey evidencing God’s grace to a watching world!

 

Thank you,

Nic for the Currats

God Grows Girls

Dear Prayer Warriors,

Righteous Renee

There’s a tremendous gift inside my house reminding me that change is possible. A little over a year ago, our precious Renee was averaging one melt down per day. By that I mean a racing, manic mind swallowed up in moments of discontent. Renee had flailing limbs, yelling, and weeping over trivial things, over important things, and anything that would challenge her will. I always leaned on consequences and discipline, insisting on submission. Lindsey estimated Renee’s heart more, she had empathy, applied grace and showed mercy more carefully. Lindsey could see how our third born was in many ways stepping into the role of firstborn for her little brother Victor. Renee didn’t sign up for that, but praise the Lord she has been given grace for this! I remember a little over a year ago we were exasperated, desperately searching for mercy and help for Renee’s struggles. I can say now that we have become equipped and all of us were found teachable. Thank you for praying. What a difficult trauma Renee had to walk through. 

 

On the first Saturday of this new year, Renee stayed in the church sanctuary instead of going to children’s church. She heard the pastor talk about being born again and whispered to me “I want to be born again.”  We prayed together for Christ to forgive her of her sins because of His cross and resurrection. We prayed that God would make her born again into a living faith. She invited Jesus on the throne of her life. We took communion together. Since then, we have had conversations of what it looks like to count the cost of discipleship, to carry our cross, to live for Jesus and to grow in daily prayer and Bible reading. With the Lord nothing is wasted! In addition to this precious moment, I can recall two more extrabiblical seeds planted in her this past year aiding and leading up to trusting God. 

 

The first one being the fictional life of Little Christiana. We were given volume two of the Little Pilgrim’s Big Journey. None of us had read the Pilgrim’s Progress in any form before, so we were all equally engrossed in it. This version for younger kids placed many relevant Scriptures along the Pilgrim’s path. There are many parallels to make this “hit home” with Renee. Christiana is a little girl whose older brother Christian journeyed to the Celestial City and is no longer with her. In his absence she remembers her brother’s invitation to go with him and to read the King’s book. Upon an invitation from the same man her brother met named Evangelist, Christiana resolves to leave her hometown called Destruction, and to walk the pilgrim path named Difficulty to the Celestial City. She takes her younger brothers with her, they enter the Narrow Gate and advance toward the place of Deliverance, where burdens are removed because of what the King’s Son did for them. The pilgrims keep onward walking a path whose walls are salvation. They are distracted, tempted and enticed from the path by people with names like Mrs. Fear, Impatience, and Discontent. They wander through places like the Bog of Despond or Doubting Castle. Thankfully they also meet people named Lady Wisdom, Great Heart and Good-Will. This adventure helped Renee wonder and awe at a reunion with Simon. It served us well to see that prayers do get answered, rescuing happens, and God’s Word guides when we need help. She understood that following Jesus is difficult but God gives us all we need. Lastly, Renee became very keen on what deception is thanks to this book. I praise God for this wonderful help that fixes our aim on the Kingdom of Heaven.

 

Our second extrabiblical aide arrived last Spring, we found a Christian psychiatrist specializing in play-based child counseling. Renee attended every week for almost a year, her last session will be this coming Monday. The Psychiatrist concluded that a discharge was appropriate citing Renee’s maturity in having processed the trauma of being present when Simon was bit. She added that Renee understood Simon’s death and has applied faith in knowing where he is. Lindsey and I were unsure of what to make of all this so we have been watching her. She still operates with a high energy and behaves without too much consideration of others or of possible consequences. I think that is not too unusual for someone her age. We celebrated her 5^th birthday last month. Praise God.

 

Anna Unlimited

One of the worship songs we sang this last week said “In the waiting, You get the glory. In the healing, You get the glory.” I can think of no clearer statement to sum up surrendering Anna to the Lord for the last 10 years. I invite anyone to coffee with me who believes that God is only glorified in healing because I have found that in the waiting my Shepherd gets the Glory also. Instant supernatural healing became like an idol for me at times. Should it happen, would it be a brilliant bolt of lightning in the night to be talked about for years to come forever changing Anna’s trajectory. By contrast, obedient faith in waiting is more like the sun. It becomes a perpetual light certain that Anna will be healed when it pleases God most because He said He would. This continuous light gets experienced everyday, not just once. Yes our outside is wasting away because of disability, but inwardly God’s Word becomes strength and hope for the lame and their parents. This is a glorious light, it outlasts, it requires abiding. In truth sometimes the circumstances of Anna’s care is such that you have a hard time reconciling God’s goodness to what we are going through, yet God’s Word is faithful in building us up. It is a comfort even for considering salvation and rescue for those who cannot express their cognition of sin and needing a Savior because of their injuries. Here are two verses about the Last Day that comfort me in God’s mindfulness about the disabled.      

“Behold, at that time I will deal
    with all your oppressors.
And I will save the lame
    and gather the outcast,
and I will change their shame into praise
    and renown in all the earth.” 

Zephaniah 3:19

 

 

“I will gather the lame;

    I will assemble the exiles

    and those I have brought to grief.

 I will make the lame my remnant,

    those driven away a strong nation.

The Lord will rule over them in Mount Zion from that day and forever.”

Micah 4:6-7

 

Anna’s 10! We crossed that day with great joy and gladness for Anna’s life. This stood in radical contrast to the actual day and trial of her birth.  Seven weeks after Anna’s birth, Lindsey and I finally brought her home. Anna’s traumatic birth racked up an $800,000 hospital bill. Finally, we could move beyond the unnatural chapter of leaving Anna at the hospital every night and we could stay by her side. We brought her home to our basement apartment in the Albany Park neighborhood of Chicago.  It’s absurd to recall just how assuring our doctors were about the pregnancy, “everything is going great.” Anna stopped moving in the womb at 34 weeks, Anna came into this world through emergency c-section, motionless, and in silence seemingly still born. But God brought life! He stabilized her blood pressure, ended seizures, guided the hand of a brain surgeon, and helped us answer questions about the meaning of life when the doctors probed our willingness to carry on as Anna’s parents given her prognosis. We did experience odd defying, merciful miracles during this time that brought Anna betterment.  It’s the Holy Spirit that met us each day. Our church body ministered to us. I still remember the songs of Fernando Ortega drawing reflective faith from me during those uncertain times. It goes without saying: I was greatly afraid of being away from the hospital with Anna under my responsibility.   

 

Anna’s birth day and the two months after were some of the hardest times of my life. I never wept so much in my life, or had all my first-time parent hopes dashed. In hindsight, the 7 week crucible at that Northshore hospital brought healing to our marriage, unifying us in prayer, directing us to fix my eye on Jesus. Our faith never blamed God but always asked for help and depended on Him. He is faithful!! We count on His purpose and His Word. Now, ten years later, our family looks forward to that calendar day expectant of great fun and joy, hooray for Anna’s birthday! This year we went up to the mountains for sledding, cross-country skiing, swimming and roller skating. Anna had so much fun. What a blessing from God that our life is more about these things, these days. Hallelujah.

 

Please Pray for: 

-          Another child. We are entering into the later years of eligibility in human terms, but our hearts desire is for another child. If it pleases the Lord, may He bless us in this way. We remain totally surrendered to His will with or without another such gift. 

-          Renee’s faith to be fanned and fed. For her boldness in being her brother and sister’s keeper. That footholds of death or trauma would melt away in exchange for the praise of Christ and His healing.  

-          God’s continued testimony of His glory in our waiting for Anna’s healing. Which is never wasted. 

Thanks for praying,

Nic for the Currats 

For the Joy Set Before Me

 

Dear Prayer Warriors,

My New Year’s Prayer

The post trauma mentality braces for impact at every turn; it looks under the bun before taking a bite; it double checks that the doors are locked and it always wonders what emergency is in store today. This is what I think of when considering that Naomi wanted to be called Mara and return to Israel alone, she had a grief-post trauma mind. Thanks be to God for Boaz the kinsman redeemer who planted hope in Naomi's mind! Thank God for Ruth who was “better to her than seven sons”. The ending image in the book of Ruth is none other than Naomi holding her grandson Obed on her lap and caring for him. God changed her mind and heart ultimately.

 

I am asking God to do it again, for us this year through our Lord Jesus Christ. May the Lord give us faith to believe him for Psalm 67:1-2 “May God be gracious to us and bless us; look on us with favor, so that Your way may be known on earth, Your salvation among all nations.” To see His goodness in the land of the living. May the Lord grant this to us not just because He loves us, but because He is fully committed to His glory, “do it for your glory Lord toward all the people that know us!”

 

 Land Mines

In the first year of living without my son, longing for his company abounded, along with prizing as many memories as possible. It’s a year of “firsts” dipped in grief. During this second year, as the grace of God has grown me in faith and as my cognition has understood my son’s absence, the Lord brought to my attention that the longings of Simon’s nearness can become a sin stumbling block. So, I surrender again. Being heartbroken produces sentiments that mask coveting and envying. Recently, I was scrolling the articles on the Desiring God website. The article I clicked on suggested some of the most victorious tools for combatting envy are confession to one another, thanksgiving, and praise to God.

 

Combatting envy with Jesus looks like uncovering hidden land mines on a battlefield long after the war is over. These are explosives that can kill well after the war, during peacetime. My war, the trial of losing Simon, has culminated in furthering my trust in the Lord. His peace leads me, I still trust Him. I depend on His shepherding. Yet in the day to day, there are land mines of envy that I need to detonate from a safe distance in the Lord’s power and with the tools He gives. Confessing this to you is a helpful step.

 

Here’s a recent land mine God helped me dismantle. Simon used to visit me at work when I ran the frozen and dairy departments. He always desired that I put him to work. On the days I knew he was coming I set aside all the Eggo Waffles for him to stock because they were light cases, yellow, and fun to eat. He filled the shelves so well, paying careful attention to the different flavors and matching them on the shelf. I was delighted in how much he wanted to work, do it right, and to do it with me at his side. Just the other day I was helping stock our frozen load and the last two boxes on the vehicle were Eggo waffles. It was like a photographic déjà vu taking me back to those memories while inviting a strong sense of “I wish he was here.” I had a choice, either I covet my past, weep, and shaking my fist at death and this awful enduring; or I confess to God (who knows what I’m thinking), thank Him for the sweet memory and by grace through faith trust in Simon’s completed mission on earth and endless joy in experiencing God’s love so much more fully today than ever before.

 

Another land mine was at a Thanksgiving service this year where there was an open mic for anyone to thank and praise God. It was mostly adults, so when a young 6- or 7-year-old boy got up he had my undivided attention. He spoke with boldness, vivid intonation and word choices akin to Simon’s. The content of what he said was as if it came from Simon’s mind. This young man gave great praise to God for His goodness and omnipresence. It was as if I was listening to awe-inspired Simon again. Instantly another land mine was uncovered, I was tempted to envy the parents that get to keep on raising that boy. The moment was to glorify God as the boy led, instead I was thinking of myself. I didn’t know what else to do but to tell my bride, “That’s something Simon would have said.”

 

Another hard recollection came to me when a father-son duo entered the elevator I was in. Standing there before me was a boy the same height and hair color as my missed son. During year one, these occurrences are longings from a broken heart, but in year two they seem to carry a temptation to envy much more clearly. Perhaps for the rest of my life I will have to be alert to detonate “envy” land mines surrounding Simon’s abrupt departure, in faith, with my Shepherd.

 

Even as I write this, I am humbled to think that this temptation to envy is common to man. Actually, the Lord is reminding me that it’s so common to man that I already have gone through it significantly, similarly before regarding Anna. Prayer warriors, through the years didn’t I spend time confessing bouts of envy, coveting, and wishing Anna could talk like others, walk like others, see, eat, pass through sicknesses like normal kids? Through the years, Jesus detonated those “envy” landmines as I surrendered my will. Didn’t confession to you help, didn’t we focus on thankfulness to God for the gift of Anna above any diagnosis? By God’s grace and work in me, today I seldom envy kids Anna’s age. Jesus helps me walk through it victoriously. Taking my precious daughter “as is'' because the Lord purposes and He will vindicate Anna. I still pray for full, imminent healing but I can also thank God that she hasn’t been healed thus far because of the good it has brought. I lay down envy. I trust God for His best work and will to be done. Regarding Anna, I want my faith to be similar to that of the Centurion in Matthew 8 that knows the worth of Jesus and the ability of His Word!!!  Maranatha! Praise God who is my faithful Shepherd.

 

Please Pray for:

- me to be responsible in stewarding this grief, navigating through the temptations to envy, Not getting stuck, hopeless and despairing because of the loss, but trusting in the good character and purposes of Yahweh. Please Pray that I would be persistently thankful, loyal to God’s will when I don’t understand.

-us. I worship the Lord for the gift of my bride whose birthday is 2/1. Pray also for the days coming as we are approaching Simon’s 2^nd birthday (2/3) celebrated in heaven and on earth. Pray that we may combat it with thankfulness, praise and a right mind.  

-Anna. She is one month away from 10 years old!! Our visit with our GI doctor revealed a need for her to gain weight (again). As puberty approaches we need to be more successful at administering weight gain, to get ahead of it because it will be a time growth spurts.   

-mental clarity and spiritual peace for my mother who continues to struggle with medical issues and grasping reality. Visiting her is challenging because I wish this wasn't happening, help me lift her up to the Lord. 

Thanks for praying and believing God for His best for you and us. 

Nic for the Currats