Poisonous Cavities of Lost Love Filled By Christ's Crown

So being with the High School kids challenged me. Their onslaught of girl scoping and insecurities made me want to force them to stare at Jesus. Yeah just throw them in a full-nelson and pry their eyelids open with a clamshell opener. We were sent on this retreat to seek and trust (especially matters of the heart) to Christ. On this retreat, I gave Him this sin of obsession. Wanting my way to unfold for these kids on a faith level almost as if God wasn’t capable of shaping these youth. I asked that the Holy Spirit might move in the spaces of my mind where those poisonous cavities existed. I prayed for the kids to find the message of Jesus more attractive that the cutie in the winter boots. Then I took a step back and remembered that my youth group in High School often placed me in situations where making out was a more common obsession than wanting Jesus.

All this leads me to the thousand pound white elephant in the room: I still have obsessive behavior about the ideal mate. I have really been defeated in the thoughts of dating/wanting a wife. My sin is raising false hope, dwelling in obsession (not stalking rather wondering). I fail to act because I find flaws, don’t have the nerve, and good old-fashioned timing. Ultimately I’m not letting God’s will do the work. Instead of putting my focus head-locked on Jesus, I’m doing these distracting, half-hearted inquisitions into the hearts of the women in my life.

I want to keep control of whom I like and want to love. Five years ago I asked a father for his daughter's hand in marriage. That’s how I did it in the secular world. My will had to unfold. It didn't and we're apart now. Thanks to God's mercy and grace I’m set apart now. That means that there is an eternal consideration in dating. The dating to get on a base is shame from my past. Honestly there is no hurry when the reality of being a child of God places me in an eternal realm. Its bad enough that the unbelievers in my life ooze this passive aggressive vibe of me being in lack because I’m not spoken for; But then my fellow believers who love the idea of me with a wife lead me to stumble too as I get whisked away again: who should I obsess over now? All the while some of my family is talking amongst themselves: “when is Nic going to get married.” (–Mom don’t worry I know you’re proud of me making it at the single life.)

Placing Christ first, undivided in my life like Paul talks about in Corinthians is my goal right now. Every martyr placed their faith in Jesus ahead of their own life undivided to the death. Given that model, you think I could submit my desire of companionship and give it up to God. In the words of Steven the Levite “Freedom like Apostle Paul. Yo, The single life is off the wall.” As in: off the chain, or off the hook, or simply the best.

As I see the peace that comes from Christ grow inside of me, I pray that in the moments of attraction I will not revert back to mutating into sin of coveting, lusting or immorality. Instead I have the opportunity offered by the Lord to give my burdens up and take the yoke of Christ. Only then will I be leading the high school youth to the living water of Jesus (instead of the full-nelson clam clamps). The Holy Spirit’s transformation of my mind will be exalted, as new thought will erase the old cavities. Once renewed, I want my only obsession to be proclaiming Gods works and great love for us all.