I write often of my struggles with sin (shaming Satan), anxiety about my job (exposing me straight-up) or my earnest growth with Jesus (glorifying Him).
I am smart, though not head strong. I had:
A headache from sin,
A forgetfulness by drugs,
A concussion from false Gods,
A brainwashing from Satan,
A laceration of depression.
A hemorrhage of self-discovery.
A breaking of reality.
A head-butt for 28 years of my life.
I submitted myself to all these things willingly, most of them I sought out.
Jesus is faithful, can't lie and is the sacrificial Lamb that pleases/obeys/loves our Father. I don't please/obey the Father because of His standard. Jesus alone pleased and completely obeyed, (I never understood this before being born again). I thought God's will was an all-access any-way, any-time will just because we are people, people! Now I know, through grace and humility that I am to please/obey/love Christ. To turn to Christ (God's cherished light for humanity) and continue to find restoration for that gimpy mind. God's will and His work are prepared thanks to the Holy Spirit -so lets roll up our sleeves and git it done.
Lets depart into light heartedness and joy, whose only source is the Holy Spirit. My mind isn't changing overnight, -Though in one defined moment of time; I did let Jesus Christ into my heart to change it once and for all. Praise his mercy. My mind has a tough time with patience, serving, and confidence.
So by the way... Right after being served my "final warning" paperwork at work, I snatched up a thief today that had concealed $190.00 of CD's and clothing. I didn't badger him. As I wrote my report waiting for the police, I would pause and stare blankly at something and offer up a silent prayer to Jesus about thanks for the provision of the apprehension (which encourages my confidence hugely). And two, that heart of this 26-year-old thief is convicted to looking outside of himself for the truth in Christ. That he might endure enough brokenness to find surrendering to Jesus.
Who knows, I can always pray right? God is so merciful that He meets us where we're at right? I was slam-dunked by sin and wretchedness until the day Jesus offered and asked me to come in. I was glazed over by muck and yuck with black eyes, forget it. I live with wonder and hope now.
I read a passage earlier in the week and again randomly today, I came across it in my "Gideon’s: a random point-n-read worship time" (as I like to call it). That Bible is so small I can't read more than a chapter at a time. I digressed, Its Revelations, in last chapter of the whole Word of God. Verse eleven in the NIV "Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who is right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy."
So thanks for the prayers and hope. The big picture perspective in Jesus is mine to keep and I forget that often. You remind me of what God sees, and sees in me; not merely what my work thinks of me. I'll keep on being that dearly loved child of God, who I am. Peace.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Faithfulness
I'm hanging in there. It’s been heavy this last week dipping into sin as if that solves anything. Today kind of broke the cycle. Weirdest thing happened I was doing this volunteer project that Target sponsored for volunteer week. It was to clean up a park about 30 minutes away our store linked to another store for the activity.
Well I show up and there is no one. I call my HR lady and she's like you "got the right time and place let me call the other store's HR and find out. Maybe they're meeting up at the store first." So I just take a liner from out of a trashcan and start going about cleaning. Bending down for every single piece.
My HR calls me back saying "so sorry Nic they canceled the event because no one signed up."
I was like: "well I already started and I said I'd do it so here goes." She thought that was cool that I did it.
I had the worst hangover I've ever had since I became a believer. (FYI drunkenness is a big fight in my sanctification) So close to and at peace with the Lord I was not. It had rained that morning so the dirty trash was also soggy dirty trash. I dwelled on some praise songs and hymns as I went about.
Bit by bit The Holy Spirit was breaking me down, convicting me of the seriousness of my sin. (Digestive track aside). I was still focused in on the task at hand. It was everywhere that trash. People would see me, I wonder if they though I did something illegal and this was my community service.
I found a flip-flop, a sword from "the greatest show on earth"(AKA the circus), a quarter and soggy candy uneaten. I took a break after an hour and read from 1 Peter this is what stuck out. 1Peter 2:16-17. "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers(1), fear God(2), honor the king(3)."
I got to thinking how much God can't stand sin and how magnified my sin of late has been. (I've gone for months without drinking or acting sinfully). There's ample reason to fear God(2) when I know what He thinks of my drunkenness. So I honor the King(3) though in context of the passage it means earthly kings. It is more fitting in the context of God meeting me as I am today, in that moment, that the king to honor is the King of kings: Jesus.
My brother encouraged me to "use His blood." that's why the standard of God is perfection we must rely on the blood of Jesus. Also, I am reminded by his wife that if blame is a bi-product/needed, to never place these struggles on God but rather Satan who deceives and dupes me into thinking there is rest in a frosty pint, shot of peppermint schnapps.
I go back to picking up trash with a deep sense of love. This time from the body of Christ on earth(1): you guys. I've never sent a group e-mail that yielded so many helpful/heartfelt advices. It’s not the attention but how you related to the struggle I’m enduring and how the devotion to Jesus really made all the difference. God is faithful!
I left after an hour and 37 minutes. Went to work and got a gift for my willingness to follow through with of cleaning the park. This entry is not how I did something cool, or that I'm trying to seek payment in full for this liberal form of service to God Matt6:5. Rather how I exercised the freedom that comes from Jesus and found a re-centering peace.
If I am to go to Seminary, how can I live a Godly life by falling into sin? consciously. Oh and the sin of self-blame needs repenting too. I just feel so hurried about speaking the news of goodness from Jesus. That I over look the part of His plan that is uncovered in patience... Steady, peaceful, patience.
Well I show up and there is no one. I call my HR lady and she's like you "got the right time and place let me call the other store's HR and find out. Maybe they're meeting up at the store first." So I just take a liner from out of a trashcan and start going about cleaning. Bending down for every single piece.
My HR calls me back saying "so sorry Nic they canceled the event because no one signed up."
I was like: "well I already started and I said I'd do it so here goes." She thought that was cool that I did it.
I had the worst hangover I've ever had since I became a believer. (FYI drunkenness is a big fight in my sanctification) So close to and at peace with the Lord I was not. It had rained that morning so the dirty trash was also soggy dirty trash. I dwelled on some praise songs and hymns as I went about.
Bit by bit The Holy Spirit was breaking me down, convicting me of the seriousness of my sin. (Digestive track aside). I was still focused in on the task at hand. It was everywhere that trash. People would see me, I wonder if they though I did something illegal and this was my community service.
I found a flip-flop, a sword from "the greatest show on earth"(AKA the circus), a quarter and soggy candy uneaten. I took a break after an hour and read from 1 Peter this is what stuck out. 1Peter 2:16-17. "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers(1), fear God(2), honor the king(3)."
I got to thinking how much God can't stand sin and how magnified my sin of late has been. (I've gone for months without drinking or acting sinfully). There's ample reason to fear God(2) when I know what He thinks of my drunkenness. So I honor the King(3) though in context of the passage it means earthly kings. It is more fitting in the context of God meeting me as I am today, in that moment, that the king to honor is the King of kings: Jesus.
My brother encouraged me to "use His blood." that's why the standard of God is perfection we must rely on the blood of Jesus. Also, I am reminded by his wife that if blame is a bi-product/needed, to never place these struggles on God but rather Satan who deceives and dupes me into thinking there is rest in a frosty pint, shot of peppermint schnapps.
I go back to picking up trash with a deep sense of love. This time from the body of Christ on earth(1): you guys. I've never sent a group e-mail that yielded so many helpful/heartfelt advices. It’s not the attention but how you related to the struggle I’m enduring and how the devotion to Jesus really made all the difference. God is faithful!
I left after an hour and 37 minutes. Went to work and got a gift for my willingness to follow through with of cleaning the park. This entry is not how I did something cool, or that I'm trying to seek payment in full for this liberal form of service to God Matt6:5. Rather how I exercised the freedom that comes from Jesus and found a re-centering peace.
If I am to go to Seminary, how can I live a Godly life by falling into sin? consciously. Oh and the sin of self-blame needs repenting too. I just feel so hurried about speaking the news of goodness from Jesus. That I over look the part of His plan that is uncovered in patience... Steady, peaceful, patience.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Where I Am Weak, God Is Strong.
Praise God!! I feel a further distancing of the person I could have been. We fired a security guy who worked under me for theft. What's worse is he would do it for my other co-worker who would provide him with weed in exchange. I don't wish him misery just brokenness. The last retreat I went on the speaker said, "Jesus likes to hang out at the end of our ropes." Maybe this is his although I didn't detect a sense of shame at all just signs of addictions.
A few months ago I spoke to him about my King that I serve and he was whisked away in agreement. I even got him to my young adult group to pray and feel as one in the Spirit. Today I hope his will is seen as poison -a venom that is injected with greed, evil, shame and wretchedness. It seemed more like he was looking to be caught, as he was addicted. He was laughing with the police as he left in cuffs. I have empathy with his station in life and many spoken prayers for him, But I'm betrayed ethically and just plain let down as a boss. I would have been capable of such acts had God not saved me.
Next order of business: my newness in Christ. Amazingly He did make me new, so I went ahead and started down a new career path that I've been praying for. I am sending out applications to attend Seminary or something equivalent to attain sound theology so in turn I can give sound theology in a Nico kind of vessel kinda way. I'm a long way from attending and a long way from completing the applications. One of the requirements for all of the places I've looked at so far is a carefully prepared, lengthy testimony. I'm in the middle of a very creative testimony for my young adult group and now I feel priority to get started on the seminary one. I'll finish the young adult one first though.
So those of you that pray to Jesus, please be so other-centered to include my searching in your prayers. I always pray for roadblocks to appear and fast if this path isn't mine to be taken. So far I've only found encouragement and a path that seems to open up more and more. That being said I'm being interviewed for a job that would give me a schedule that would enable school easily. It’s scheduled for ten on Friday. I'll keep you in the loop.
On a final note: I love the blog comments by those that write them or tell me face to face. It is encouraging, as my lamp just wants to share its shine. Gold is spotting those little moments where I'm conscious that I'm choosing the action, words and behavior of the Holy Spirit over my own. That happened to me today as I drove home after a day of heavily relying on prayer and the certainty of God's protection. Once the trials were over and I'm scooting home... my guard was weakened because I no longer had a mind running wild with "help, save, protect me Lord." I spot the neon liquor sign and consider beer given the exhausting day and challenging bologna I had to deal with. And from a deep feeling of gratitude I said: "No I'm gonna go home to thank and glorify the Lord." It has been a good night and day.
A few months ago I spoke to him about my King that I serve and he was whisked away in agreement. I even got him to my young adult group to pray and feel as one in the Spirit. Today I hope his will is seen as poison -a venom that is injected with greed, evil, shame and wretchedness. It seemed more like he was looking to be caught, as he was addicted. He was laughing with the police as he left in cuffs. I have empathy with his station in life and many spoken prayers for him, But I'm betrayed ethically and just plain let down as a boss. I would have been capable of such acts had God not saved me.
Next order of business: my newness in Christ. Amazingly He did make me new, so I went ahead and started down a new career path that I've been praying for. I am sending out applications to attend Seminary or something equivalent to attain sound theology so in turn I can give sound theology in a Nico kind of vessel kinda way. I'm a long way from attending and a long way from completing the applications. One of the requirements for all of the places I've looked at so far is a carefully prepared, lengthy testimony. I'm in the middle of a very creative testimony for my young adult group and now I feel priority to get started on the seminary one. I'll finish the young adult one first though.
So those of you that pray to Jesus, please be so other-centered to include my searching in your prayers. I always pray for roadblocks to appear and fast if this path isn't mine to be taken. So far I've only found encouragement and a path that seems to open up more and more. That being said I'm being interviewed for a job that would give me a schedule that would enable school easily. It’s scheduled for ten on Friday. I'll keep you in the loop.
On a final note: I love the blog comments by those that write them or tell me face to face. It is encouraging, as my lamp just wants to share its shine. Gold is spotting those little moments where I'm conscious that I'm choosing the action, words and behavior of the Holy Spirit over my own. That happened to me today as I drove home after a day of heavily relying on prayer and the certainty of God's protection. Once the trials were over and I'm scooting home... my guard was weakened because I no longer had a mind running wild with "help, save, protect me Lord." I spot the neon liquor sign and consider beer given the exhausting day and challenging bologna I had to deal with. And from a deep feeling of gratitude I said: "No I'm gonna go home to thank and glorify the Lord." It has been a good night and day.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Poisonous Cavities of Lost Love Filled By Christ's Crown
So being with the High School kids challenged me. Their onslaught of girl scoping and insecurities made me want to force them to stare at Jesus. Yeah just throw them in a full-nelson and pry their eyelids open with a clamshell opener. We were sent on this retreat to seek and trust (especially matters of the heart) to Christ. On this retreat, I gave Him this sin of obsession. Wanting my way to unfold for these kids on a faith level almost as if God wasn’t capable of shaping these youth. I asked that the Holy Spirit might move in the spaces of my mind where those poisonous cavities existed. I prayed for the kids to find the message of Jesus more attractive that the cutie in the winter boots. Then I took a step back and remembered that my youth group in High School often placed me in situations where making out was a more common obsession than wanting Jesus.
All this leads me to the thousand pound white elephant in the room: I still have obsessive behavior about the ideal mate. I have really been defeated in the thoughts of dating/wanting a wife. My sin is raising false hope, dwelling in obsession (not stalking rather wondering). I fail to act because I find flaws, don’t have the nerve, and good old-fashioned timing. Ultimately I’m not letting God’s will do the work. Instead of putting my focus head-locked on Jesus, I’m doing these distracting, half-hearted inquisitions into the hearts of the women in my life.
I want to keep control of whom I like and want to love. Five years ago I asked a father for his daughter's hand in marriage. That’s how I did it in the secular world. My will had to unfold. It didn't and we're apart now. Thanks to God's mercy and grace I’m set apart now. That means that there is an eternal consideration in dating. The dating to get on a base is shame from my past. Honestly there is no hurry when the reality of being a child of God places me in an eternal realm. Its bad enough that the unbelievers in my life ooze this passive aggressive vibe of me being in lack because I’m not spoken for; But then my fellow believers who love the idea of me with a wife lead me to stumble too as I get whisked away again: who should I obsess over now? All the while some of my family is talking amongst themselves: “when is Nic going to get married.” (–Mom don’t worry I know you’re proud of me making it at the single life.)
Placing Christ first, undivided in my life like Paul talks about in Corinthians is my goal right now. Every martyr placed their faith in Jesus ahead of their own life undivided to the death. Given that model, you think I could submit my desire of companionship and give it up to God. In the words of Steven the Levite “Freedom like Apostle Paul. Yo, The single life is off the wall.” As in: off the chain, or off the hook, or simply the best.
As I see the peace that comes from Christ grow inside of me, I pray that in the moments of attraction I will not revert back to mutating into sin of coveting, lusting or immorality. Instead I have the opportunity offered by the Lord to give my burdens up and take the yoke of Christ. Only then will I be leading the high school youth to the living water of Jesus (instead of the full-nelson clam clamps). The Holy Spirit’s transformation of my mind will be exalted, as new thought will erase the old cavities. Once renewed, I want my only obsession to be proclaiming Gods works and great love for us all.
All this leads me to the thousand pound white elephant in the room: I still have obsessive behavior about the ideal mate. I have really been defeated in the thoughts of dating/wanting a wife. My sin is raising false hope, dwelling in obsession (not stalking rather wondering). I fail to act because I find flaws, don’t have the nerve, and good old-fashioned timing. Ultimately I’m not letting God’s will do the work. Instead of putting my focus head-locked on Jesus, I’m doing these distracting, half-hearted inquisitions into the hearts of the women in my life.
I want to keep control of whom I like and want to love. Five years ago I asked a father for his daughter's hand in marriage. That’s how I did it in the secular world. My will had to unfold. It didn't and we're apart now. Thanks to God's mercy and grace I’m set apart now. That means that there is an eternal consideration in dating. The dating to get on a base is shame from my past. Honestly there is no hurry when the reality of being a child of God places me in an eternal realm. Its bad enough that the unbelievers in my life ooze this passive aggressive vibe of me being in lack because I’m not spoken for; But then my fellow believers who love the idea of me with a wife lead me to stumble too as I get whisked away again: who should I obsess over now? All the while some of my family is talking amongst themselves: “when is Nic going to get married.” (–Mom don’t worry I know you’re proud of me making it at the single life.)
Placing Christ first, undivided in my life like Paul talks about in Corinthians is my goal right now. Every martyr placed their faith in Jesus ahead of their own life undivided to the death. Given that model, you think I could submit my desire of companionship and give it up to God. In the words of Steven the Levite “Freedom like Apostle Paul. Yo, The single life is off the wall.” As in: off the chain, or off the hook, or simply the best.
As I see the peace that comes from Christ grow inside of me, I pray that in the moments of attraction I will not revert back to mutating into sin of coveting, lusting or immorality. Instead I have the opportunity offered by the Lord to give my burdens up and take the yoke of Christ. Only then will I be leading the high school youth to the living water of Jesus (instead of the full-nelson clam clamps). The Holy Spirit’s transformation of my mind will be exalted, as new thought will erase the old cavities. Once renewed, I want my only obsession to be proclaiming Gods works and great love for us all.
A Faith Worth More Than Gold But Treated Like Pyrite
So if you think that I’ve got some incredible new stuff to share with you I do. Is it good and will you enjoy it? Well if not at least its true.
The preface: My boss left about a month ago and I’m doing his duties all untrained as well as mine. I find my life in an immense shift and slide mentally. It’s something that I feel is willed by the Lord because I’m finding a clearer sight for my future that might not include retail.
I went on a super sweet retreat this past weekend as a chaperone to the teens at my church. It was in Estes Park at the YMCA. It was so cold that we barely had time to notice we were in nature. There were distractions like an all you can eat buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Apples to Apples, Scrabble, and knock-out basketball.
That was a then -it feel like a very long time ago. Seven days went by in earnest effort to be undivided in my love for Jesus. At church today I was asked to prize my faith, to count it more valuable then anything else. I’ve been thinking about what that means and how my life would be directed if I knowingly placed my faith as the most important thing to guard, share and value.
Honestly though I’ve been divided and I haven’t shared with Jesus all of my life. Nor has my faith been delicately cared for and tended to like some priceless art. I’m withholding, dabbling in distractions and behaving like what’s within is less than pure gold and lots of it.
Omitting humor, I never lie. –That’s a joke. No but I am honest and through time I’ve been able to cast out lies from my phrases. In the last week I can think of two lies that I’ve said, and for no good reason. One was out of pride and another was out of wanting to fit in with the insignificant conversation topic at hand. I need to be hit over the head with a whiffle ball bat. Moreover, I need to seek Jesus in presence and forgiveness.
Another division was spending time drinking alone. When I’m feeling those “I’d rather be somewhere else” or “woe is me I’m a loner.” feelings I’ve bypassed the Lord and look forward to a beer. Instead of taking those moments and saying to Jesus I need an attitude check: “this too shall pass.” I go and spend God’s money (via my job) on some drinks. The next morning: my throats dry, nose stuffy and I need to pee horribly. Gosh I don’t miss that. That is not the way to treat the faith I have in Jesus Christ. It’s my warm gooey center.
What’s worse than the lie I told to God in prayer about being done drinking, is that I prefer to do it alone? I’m a confessed/professing Christian. So my believing and unbelieving friends and family are just going to tar and feather me. At least that’s what the Devil puts in my head. So I do it alone to hide. The one night I choose to defy my candidness, I do it with my brother Joe who I’ve been witnessing to and praying for since I became a believer. I’m sure it wasn’t a big deal to him. He didn’t even mention it. But the character I’ve put fourth as a believer has become hypocritically compromised in his subconscious (maybe?).
Recently, the day after the retreat the Holy Spirit placed on my heart that I needed an accountability partner. Help when the temptation keeps lapping up at my door and I act out in sin. One fundamental difference of me as a believer versus who I was unsaved is temptation. I never struggled with being tempted by lust. It was a part of me I was neither ashamed nor proud. Now it is declared as my enemy and it has become an addiction of behavior. I need the full armor of God. I pray constantly for the renewing of my mind, especially from sex. This last month I’ve put it high on the list of the evil that deceives me. I have someone to call now. I have and I haven’t called him, it’s been a struggle to admit sometimes.
I went for a long period not needing to guard my heart letting whatever gunk in. Now it’s my faith that I guard. There is where the actual Spirit of Jesus Christ lives within me. The rest is peanuts! I learned today that it is my job to rejoice. I have to work at it, claim it, own it and give it. Similarly, my brunch buddy recommended to pray for growth everyday even if it’s a toe’s length a day. I know I’m in a valley, I hate that temptation has turned into sin. I must rejoice through this. Because I will soon get a boss the storm will calm at work. And Jesus is my hiking buddy leading me out of the valley.
Cherish faith.
Sever the sins.
Rejoice light-heartedly.
The preface: My boss left about a month ago and I’m doing his duties all untrained as well as mine. I find my life in an immense shift and slide mentally. It’s something that I feel is willed by the Lord because I’m finding a clearer sight for my future that might not include retail.
I went on a super sweet retreat this past weekend as a chaperone to the teens at my church. It was in Estes Park at the YMCA. It was so cold that we barely had time to notice we were in nature. There were distractions like an all you can eat buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Apples to Apples, Scrabble, and knock-out basketball.
That was a then -it feel like a very long time ago. Seven days went by in earnest effort to be undivided in my love for Jesus. At church today I was asked to prize my faith, to count it more valuable then anything else. I’ve been thinking about what that means and how my life would be directed if I knowingly placed my faith as the most important thing to guard, share and value.
Honestly though I’ve been divided and I haven’t shared with Jesus all of my life. Nor has my faith been delicately cared for and tended to like some priceless art. I’m withholding, dabbling in distractions and behaving like what’s within is less than pure gold and lots of it.
Omitting humor, I never lie. –That’s a joke. No but I am honest and through time I’ve been able to cast out lies from my phrases. In the last week I can think of two lies that I’ve said, and for no good reason. One was out of pride and another was out of wanting to fit in with the insignificant conversation topic at hand. I need to be hit over the head with a whiffle ball bat. Moreover, I need to seek Jesus in presence and forgiveness.
Another division was spending time drinking alone. When I’m feeling those “I’d rather be somewhere else” or “woe is me I’m a loner.” feelings I’ve bypassed the Lord and look forward to a beer. Instead of taking those moments and saying to Jesus I need an attitude check: “this too shall pass.” I go and spend God’s money (via my job) on some drinks. The next morning: my throats dry, nose stuffy and I need to pee horribly. Gosh I don’t miss that. That is not the way to treat the faith I have in Jesus Christ. It’s my warm gooey center.
What’s worse than the lie I told to God in prayer about being done drinking, is that I prefer to do it alone? I’m a confessed/professing Christian. So my believing and unbelieving friends and family are just going to tar and feather me. At least that’s what the Devil puts in my head. So I do it alone to hide. The one night I choose to defy my candidness, I do it with my brother Joe who I’ve been witnessing to and praying for since I became a believer. I’m sure it wasn’t a big deal to him. He didn’t even mention it. But the character I’ve put fourth as a believer has become hypocritically compromised in his subconscious (maybe?).
Recently, the day after the retreat the Holy Spirit placed on my heart that I needed an accountability partner. Help when the temptation keeps lapping up at my door and I act out in sin. One fundamental difference of me as a believer versus who I was unsaved is temptation. I never struggled with being tempted by lust. It was a part of me I was neither ashamed nor proud. Now it is declared as my enemy and it has become an addiction of behavior. I need the full armor of God. I pray constantly for the renewing of my mind, especially from sex. This last month I’ve put it high on the list of the evil that deceives me. I have someone to call now. I have and I haven’t called him, it’s been a struggle to admit sometimes.
I went for a long period not needing to guard my heart letting whatever gunk in. Now it’s my faith that I guard. There is where the actual Spirit of Jesus Christ lives within me. The rest is peanuts! I learned today that it is my job to rejoice. I have to work at it, claim it, own it and give it. Similarly, my brunch buddy recommended to pray for growth everyday even if it’s a toe’s length a day. I know I’m in a valley, I hate that temptation has turned into sin. I must rejoice through this. Because I will soon get a boss the storm will calm at work. And Jesus is my hiking buddy leading me out of the valley.
Cherish faith.
Sever the sins.
Rejoice light-heartedly.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Do You Realize?
“Do you realize?” That’s a song by one of my favorite artists: The Flaming Lips. They moonlight as philosophers and I’ve entertained their ideas to greater extent than their intent. Now that I’m submitting to the authority of the Bible I see art and philosophy in a much different light.
Rather than swelling art and thought in my head, as a consumable. I use it as a launch pad to the single truth in Christ. The lyrics are great, but they are simply the beginning of great. Here’s some of what the song says:
“Do you realize that were floating in space?
Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?
Do you realize that everyone you know some day will die?
Do you realize the sun don’t go down, it’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round.”
These are all great thoughts that really soothed me as an unbeliever because I didn’t think in those terms. I kept my head down just plowing with the problems I had and the mountain I’ve made. So when I hear The Flaming Lips talking about the sun not setting and how we can treat people differently if we think of them as dying. Those ideas called me outside of myself. Not to serve, but simply to look outside of myself even if it was just for the duration of the song. God calls me to serve now, to share myself with kids, neighbors and friends. I am to deny myself, to die to that self centered will. So I can realize that it is imperative that Christ be victorious in the lives that are dying around me. Everyone I know will die, but many are spiritually dead now.
I think art puts the taste of God in an audience. Its got godly characteristics: creativity, communication and reaction; but rarely is it a vessel for the Gospel. Art is quick to a conflict and rare to find resolve. It is more a lawyer than a judge. That is why I think it might be hard to be a Christian artist. Audiences will listen to a lawyer all day, but hearing from a judge might be tiresome especially if the material evokes action.
I honestly don’t understand the rash of bands that claim to be saved and have bland uninventive music and non-praising lyrics. What a mute platform that is. Honestly, I will be thinking about God everyday for the rest of my life. More often than not, it will be about how Jesus changed me, and how historical, obvious and honest He has become to me.
Faith is part of our being. If these Christian bands could at least talk about how faith is real and judge what science and philosophy says about it that would be a start. As an unbeliever, I didn’t grasp faith’s existence within me. I thought it was like believing or trusting. Those virtues are learnable; they are allies to faith and if desired they can be cast out of you. –Not faith. Jesus requires our faith to gain His work of atonement.
So now that I have that personal faith founded relationship with Jesus, I’m starting to build through faith. My heart that was once broken by trusting the wrong things is now trusting in God’s will at work, in answered prayers and provision for my future.
Likewise, through faith, my beliefs are sorted through and exchanged for the Word of God. My thoughts were roofed by logic and self-discovery; now in faith I do believe that the world was created in six days and that Jesus was fully God and fully man, therefore He was without sin and able to resurrect from death and deny Satan in every trial. Jesus liberated me 2000 years before I was a twinkle in my mother’s eye.
On November 10, 2006 (love saying that) I used my faith in Jesus Christ to believe that He was thinking of me specifically as He died so slowly, painfully and unjustly. So that I could find the Father’s will and follow God.
So my mind’s at work finding creative “do you realize” statements that are highly relatable and faithful to my walk with Jesus Christ. My preacher preached about the world outside of self-concern. He molded it around “Why Praise God?” super fitting because of my latest difficulties of walking with Jesus, being sick and working lots make me revert to my selfish needs of wanting to be better now instead of enduring it.
Do you realize that we’re floating in God’s space?
Do you realize that we’re created to worship?
Do you realize that Christ saves us from the presence of sin?
Do you realize that we’re welded to eternity?
Do you realize that darkness is no place to hide?
Do you realize that obeying is freeing?
Rather than swelling art and thought in my head, as a consumable. I use it as a launch pad to the single truth in Christ. The lyrics are great, but they are simply the beginning of great. Here’s some of what the song says:
“Do you realize that were floating in space?
Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?
Do you realize that everyone you know some day will die?
Do you realize the sun don’t go down, it’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round.”
These are all great thoughts that really soothed me as an unbeliever because I didn’t think in those terms. I kept my head down just plowing with the problems I had and the mountain I’ve made. So when I hear The Flaming Lips talking about the sun not setting and how we can treat people differently if we think of them as dying. Those ideas called me outside of myself. Not to serve, but simply to look outside of myself even if it was just for the duration of the song. God calls me to serve now, to share myself with kids, neighbors and friends. I am to deny myself, to die to that self centered will. So I can realize that it is imperative that Christ be victorious in the lives that are dying around me. Everyone I know will die, but many are spiritually dead now.
I think art puts the taste of God in an audience. Its got godly characteristics: creativity, communication and reaction; but rarely is it a vessel for the Gospel. Art is quick to a conflict and rare to find resolve. It is more a lawyer than a judge. That is why I think it might be hard to be a Christian artist. Audiences will listen to a lawyer all day, but hearing from a judge might be tiresome especially if the material evokes action.
I honestly don’t understand the rash of bands that claim to be saved and have bland uninventive music and non-praising lyrics. What a mute platform that is. Honestly, I will be thinking about God everyday for the rest of my life. More often than not, it will be about how Jesus changed me, and how historical, obvious and honest He has become to me.
Faith is part of our being. If these Christian bands could at least talk about how faith is real and judge what science and philosophy says about it that would be a start. As an unbeliever, I didn’t grasp faith’s existence within me. I thought it was like believing or trusting. Those virtues are learnable; they are allies to faith and if desired they can be cast out of you. –Not faith. Jesus requires our faith to gain His work of atonement.
So now that I have that personal faith founded relationship with Jesus, I’m starting to build through faith. My heart that was once broken by trusting the wrong things is now trusting in God’s will at work, in answered prayers and provision for my future.
Likewise, through faith, my beliefs are sorted through and exchanged for the Word of God. My thoughts were roofed by logic and self-discovery; now in faith I do believe that the world was created in six days and that Jesus was fully God and fully man, therefore He was without sin and able to resurrect from death and deny Satan in every trial. Jesus liberated me 2000 years before I was a twinkle in my mother’s eye.
On November 10, 2006 (love saying that) I used my faith in Jesus Christ to believe that He was thinking of me specifically as He died so slowly, painfully and unjustly. So that I could find the Father’s will and follow God.
So my mind’s at work finding creative “do you realize” statements that are highly relatable and faithful to my walk with Jesus Christ. My preacher preached about the world outside of self-concern. He molded it around “Why Praise God?” super fitting because of my latest difficulties of walking with Jesus, being sick and working lots make me revert to my selfish needs of wanting to be better now instead of enduring it.
Do you realize that we’re floating in God’s space?
Do you realize that we’re created to worship?
Do you realize that Christ saves us from the presence of sin?
Do you realize that we’re welded to eternity?
Do you realize that darkness is no place to hide?
Do you realize that obeying is freeing?
Monday, January 28, 2008
Crooked Creeks Carrying Christ
After the weekend I’ve had, I’m glad its Monday. God has replaced the 40-watt light bulb to 100 watts. The lamp onto my feet is shining brightly. Illuminating what I didn’t notice about my walk with Jesus. I heard: “Nic lets go onwards, upwards and inwards.”
I love to write, inform and emote till the sun comes up. “Write what you know about,” that was the writing class advise. Explaining my life in words is something I’ve become good at. I don’t want my entries to sound like some emotional narcissistic journal. What good is writing if Christ isn’t reflected in it or glorified? That said, I think I have great accounts of testimony and confession. This weekend I’ve learned: that’s just a crumb from the cookie.
The emphasis I put on coming to Jesus and being honest with you about who I am is exactly what God did with the Bible. I rethink and write and rewrite every phrase. Each of these entries takes about two hours. Honestly though, my talent is barren right now because I’ve realized how very little of the Bible (God’s blog site) I know. Therefore, how very little of God I know. A pastor challenged me and said: “There’s just as much of Jesus in the black letters than the red letters in the Bible.” After placing faith in Christ, loving the Lord completely, and loving thy neighbors as yourself; I think reading the Bible is the most pleasing thing a believer can do to obey God.
I’ve read a good amount of heady books. Somewhere in my mentality, I still see the Bible as a book rather than Christ who is the Word. So I’m undergoing a reformation in my life to bring to the surface the Word daily and strap it to my heart. Step one: I’m no longer just an Awana leader, but I’ve committed myself to participate in the memorization process as well. My first verse is Psalm 100:3. (Quiz me the next time you see me). “Know the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.” Second, I’m starting a discipleship Bible study one on one with a friend who’s taking seminary classes. Fitting because it’s an assignment for him.
I think before you know it, these entries will shine for Christ much more than before. I’ll be droppin’ references to the book of Hosea (just a heads-up). Because Its not about me, but the Love that saved me from anguish, sin and illness. This love, in its purest form, is the black and red of scripture.
It was fitting that I fled this weekend to the mountains. I had a week of feeling unable to analyze my emotions up until then. Numbed by loneliness, effort and fatigue. I found relaxation at a retreat for high school kids! No doubt hard to do but I arrived with stuff to surrender to the Lord.
I guess the last big point I wanted to make is in the realm of what you might already have observed within my writing style. Moreover, a long-standing theme in my life. –I’m really hard on myself. In the past, it was reactionary for me to reject a compliment. I used self-mockery constantly in my humor. Satan has used that very often in my life.
Jesus forgives me and if He can do it, so can I. As a new believer facing forgiveness is really humbling and humiliating at times. It is a process of good, many necessary tears, and adoration of Christ’s work. After that, its important to learn to forgive yourself to get back up and walk the joyful walk. Sin is forgivable. I have become able to forgive myself for that as Christ has.
God loves me as I am completely. That’s dandy, I don’t. So it’s this kind of forgiveness that I haven’t ever sought. I didn’t think I needed pardoning for self-discipline. It’s just the way I am. It’s not the sin but rather the attitude or the perspective I have of myself.
Jesus has forgiven all of me. I pray that I can forgive myself for ridiculing my self worth, not planning out my future. Wanting to be someone else. Comparing myself to other people my age. Seeking the approval of others. Taking so very much for granted. Being big, hating it, and yet too depressed to do anything about it. Not ever being able to save money. The self-scolding. Leaning on my own understanding. Not having any hope in succeeding in this world. Not planning out my life. Etc…
The list goes on, but Christ’s forgiveness is not just a part of my soul. It’s my bright, yellow and black book entitled: “Forgiveness for Dummies.” (A quick how-to). I seek to forgive myself from the thought processes that remove my focus on God’s work that He’s prepared for me to do. Thus renewing of my mind... And some day soon I’ll have the blinders off on who I am, the cyclical thoughts of my youth will expire. I will gain a light heart. And I’ll see the majesty within myself that is Christ for the first time.
I love to write, inform and emote till the sun comes up. “Write what you know about,” that was the writing class advise. Explaining my life in words is something I’ve become good at. I don’t want my entries to sound like some emotional narcissistic journal. What good is writing if Christ isn’t reflected in it or glorified? That said, I think I have great accounts of testimony and confession. This weekend I’ve learned: that’s just a crumb from the cookie.
The emphasis I put on coming to Jesus and being honest with you about who I am is exactly what God did with the Bible. I rethink and write and rewrite every phrase. Each of these entries takes about two hours. Honestly though, my talent is barren right now because I’ve realized how very little of the Bible (God’s blog site) I know. Therefore, how very little of God I know. A pastor challenged me and said: “There’s just as much of Jesus in the black letters than the red letters in the Bible.” After placing faith in Christ, loving the Lord completely, and loving thy neighbors as yourself; I think reading the Bible is the most pleasing thing a believer can do to obey God.
I’ve read a good amount of heady books. Somewhere in my mentality, I still see the Bible as a book rather than Christ who is the Word. So I’m undergoing a reformation in my life to bring to the surface the Word daily and strap it to my heart. Step one: I’m no longer just an Awana leader, but I’ve committed myself to participate in the memorization process as well. My first verse is Psalm 100:3. (Quiz me the next time you see me). “Know the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.” Second, I’m starting a discipleship Bible study one on one with a friend who’s taking seminary classes. Fitting because it’s an assignment for him.
I think before you know it, these entries will shine for Christ much more than before. I’ll be droppin’ references to the book of Hosea (just a heads-up). Because Its not about me, but the Love that saved me from anguish, sin and illness. This love, in its purest form, is the black and red of scripture.
It was fitting that I fled this weekend to the mountains. I had a week of feeling unable to analyze my emotions up until then. Numbed by loneliness, effort and fatigue. I found relaxation at a retreat for high school kids! No doubt hard to do but I arrived with stuff to surrender to the Lord.
I guess the last big point I wanted to make is in the realm of what you might already have observed within my writing style. Moreover, a long-standing theme in my life. –I’m really hard on myself. In the past, it was reactionary for me to reject a compliment. I used self-mockery constantly in my humor. Satan has used that very often in my life.
Jesus forgives me and if He can do it, so can I. As a new believer facing forgiveness is really humbling and humiliating at times. It is a process of good, many necessary tears, and adoration of Christ’s work. After that, its important to learn to forgive yourself to get back up and walk the joyful walk. Sin is forgivable. I have become able to forgive myself for that as Christ has.
God loves me as I am completely. That’s dandy, I don’t. So it’s this kind of forgiveness that I haven’t ever sought. I didn’t think I needed pardoning for self-discipline. It’s just the way I am. It’s not the sin but rather the attitude or the perspective I have of myself.
Jesus has forgiven all of me. I pray that I can forgive myself for ridiculing my self worth, not planning out my future. Wanting to be someone else. Comparing myself to other people my age. Seeking the approval of others. Taking so very much for granted. Being big, hating it, and yet too depressed to do anything about it. Not ever being able to save money. The self-scolding. Leaning on my own understanding. Not having any hope in succeeding in this world. Not planning out my life. Etc…
The list goes on, but Christ’s forgiveness is not just a part of my soul. It’s my bright, yellow and black book entitled: “Forgiveness for Dummies.” (A quick how-to). I seek to forgive myself from the thought processes that remove my focus on God’s work that He’s prepared for me to do. Thus renewing of my mind... And some day soon I’ll have the blinders off on who I am, the cyclical thoughts of my youth will expire. I will gain a light heart. And I’ll see the majesty within myself that is Christ for the first time.
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