The Lifter of My Head

Dependable Prayer Warriors,

Praise God honor His worth behind the things that seem grievous and fruitless. I don’t want the struggles I face; I don’t feel affirmed in faith. But I know His Sovereignty and Mastery over me is awesome grace! I trust it as I know it is Jesus’ work and not mine that counts most in my life. Although I don’t see God’s big picture I do feel He has given me more trials of late still I will praise Him. Satan is trying me at junctions of past victories. That was then, Christ is now!

I have spent a string of days just working, sneaking in a nap, serving the family and sleeping again with little effort for Spiritual things, recreation and fruitfulness. I choose see Christ as the Lifter of my head amid the fiery arrows of a tired mind and body. Meeting with Jesus in the morning is better than coffee! As much as I wish upon in my best intentions and optimism to “turn things around” I become emotionally unavailable due to overload during storms. I’m mentally working to find the cure or a quick fix to the problems.  I can’t self-help, self-care, self-esteem. Nothing for myself, done in my power will work. Even at work I have failed at my witness recently by taking the reins and succeeding at being a jerk. Humility, peace, relenting, forgiveness -Christ-confidence is the way for me. I mess things up on my own; it takes faith and grace to remember that I am born of the Spirit still even now.

 This is our third month with Anna being sick for at least a week. It remains a battle of prayer not just for Anna’s healing but for my loving caregiving. It is so hard to wake to the sound of her coughing, knowing I can’t ignore it. I go to her room half asleep suction and reposition her. Her cries of discomfort and spastic quadriplegic stiffness climaxes as she fights to clear her airway after my abrupt but necessary intervention, I don’t want this for her, I don’t want this for me. It must become well with my soul because I have been entrusted with Anna, I love her, and she has it so much harder than me.

In times of sickness We have the unique vantage-point of knowing how miraculous blowing your nose actually is. Anna’s saliva increases so much from post nasal drip and her self-soothing “hand to mouth” chewing becomes insatiable. Her chewed knuckles are splitting at the pleats, bumpy red buttons appear from constant moisture and irritation. Anna’s face turns rash-red where her hands and jaw rub. Praise God that Lindsey has devised a chewing glove that has become a barrier. We need constant adjustments to Anna’s needs. Only God can steady our course and keep our hearts soft. By His grace and intervention we are not growing callus to her needs.

I realize that Jesus is the only person who can actually do anything for us in these trials. It’s a good thing He’s got the time, comfort, and a caring persona to help. My kids need me anchored on dependable-Christ, May the Holy Spirit remind me to talk to Anna during those throat clearing sessions, to comfort her before, during, and after. My wife needs me proclaiming God’s Truth in our home to invite the Lord and be alert of what spiritual thing are coming and going.

I am sharing not to moan about me or to shed light on the demands of a special needs sweetheart but to point to the Savior. He is the Good News amid my weakness! God is working and His strength is upholding me even though I may look “a hot mess”. Jesus is reeling me in and healing Anna.

Please Pray:

-For times of refreshing: "Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord”

-For faith in the storms: “You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy.”

-For spiritual refreshing: “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

-For the binding of Satan’s accusations and schemes: “But You, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts up my head.”

-That we would always have a praise for the things that are going well with Anna.

-To be increasingly other’s centered: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Bless you ,

Nic Lindsey, Anna, Simon