Unbelievers Acting Godly

I was overwhelmed today. My new boss wanted to have a sit-down and the night didn't go well. I was cruising around kinda frantic trying to tie up loose ends when she calls me into her office. I ditched my equipment in my office and one of the overnight team leaders was there. She's like "Wow Nic you alright?" I told her that I was meeting with the big boss, kinda anxious, nervous, and the work wasn't finished. Then I stopped, looked at her and said that I'm supposed to be a big boy and this I can handle. She replied, "We all go through these accountability meetings, they suck but you'll get through it."

This encouragement comes as a surprise given who she is: She's a real tough-on-the-outside kinda person, single mom, super sarcastic, invites speaking in innuendos, flirts on the job, loves talking about money, hunky men, the Twilight saga and shiny things. She' got eyelash extentions and is very fashion savvy. I just wanted to illustrate -not judge. Her simple phrase had a good calming effect on my hurried mind. And proved just the transitions that God used to chill me out. Given how the shift went.

The meeting with the general manager wasn't easy. She came out asking if I liked my job. Total surprise! She said "Just because you give a 100% effort doesn't mean you like your job. You're always telling me how hard each night is. This bleeds onto your team." I was so unprepared that I didn't mention the obvious problems like music. I left on a conversation about how i like my job but am not good at it yet. Honestly I was clogged up ready to weep at my unfulfilled efforts.

So I punch out right after the meeting and there was that other team leader leaving too. She saw my "far-away look" as I was just wanting to leave to talk to God about this. Totally randomly she's holds out this brown bag saying: "How about a jalepeño cheddar cheese bagel?" I looked at her totally puzzled and said yes.

I was in my car letting it warm up when I took my first bite, i noticed a side of extra jalepeños in a sidedish and realized that this was her post shift snack. The bagel was right out of the bakers oven. It was so good and unlike anything I would have ever tried on my own (atleast in the morning).

I was scraping the frost off my car, when God blessed me with a glimpse of perspective. I started weeping with the ice scraper in hand for this fellow team leader who poured out kindness, consideration and gifts so unexpectedly to me. She cared that I was beat up by my day. Jesus must cry when acts of such kindness and goodness fill the lives of so many people that don't know Him. I'm motivated by faith (because of who Jesus is) to do those kinds of acts, what's her motivation? So I thought of the Judgement Seat and how hard it must be for Jesus to address individuals who have shown generous amounts of kindness, peace and love yet refuse Him.

Ephesians 2:8-9 "For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith -and not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -not by works so that no one can boast."

Bustin' the lusting

I'm sick, cooped up at home and have time on my hands. This morning I've been going about my Bible study, drinking lots of water and having breakfast. In the back of my mind, I'm fixated on dishonorable things. I have an agenda of lusting, I hear plotting in my mind even as I read from the Word. By God's grace, lusting hasn't been a sin that is out of habit or addiction for me. And Lord willing it will remain that way. I have an accountability partner that helps me with that.

I don't face this problem often because of my desire for God's fulfillment of my relationship with my girlfriend. The fact that women have played a major role in raising me (more then men) has yielded a unique respect of women. Being committed to a girl that loves the Lord helps me place God first in my life. So when lusting comes up I feel like it is a poison in our relationship, a betrayal of God's plan and a disrespect for all the women in my life. My girlfriend and I have amended our boundaries. As our lives become more and more shared, obeying God's call to sexual morality and self-control becomes harder. -Especially if the boundaries aren't well kept.

God set us apart from the animals; He did it in the context of sex as well. In a society that doesn't see God's will. We are constantly exposed to the animal/instinctive part of sex. This means the appeal to the eye, the thirst of approval/peer pressure and the feel of the act. I feel misguided and shallow when I hear the gears of lust trying to run in my mind.

Christ's solution is to turn lusting over to Him; to do it over and over -always and let His Holy Spirit change our minds. God knows our every thought, how pleasing would it be to the Lord for us to turn to Him before the onslaught of sexual thought. To be in prayer as the lust tries to manifest, admitting His knowledge of our thoughts. Praising Him for His omnipresence. I know so many brothers that have a harder time with this temptation then I do. Rely on God with this, if you rely on sex nothing will change for the better.

I pray often to be a less sexual guy, on some level I feel like my manliness is being compromised by doing so. When really it is making me more into a child of God. It is the deception of Satan that has pickled my mind to allowing sex to be that of an animal. God made sex. -He didn't make lusting. Its is the lusting that takes God's creation: sex and turns it into sinfulness/fantasy.

Pre-emptive praying has been so helpful in this category. To admit in the morning that this could be a problem in the evening will help. To be aware of God's wrath regarding my behavior is important to remain in fear of Him. Yeah Christ died for all my sins; God doesn't hate sin any less because of His Son's act. Instead it is us who should be changed on a love level for what Jesus did and infuse that type of love and forgiveness into the way we see sex. Expel the lusting and you will find Jesus doing the same motion within your heart. Reliance on God.

If I join to a wife, I want God's definition of sex to seal our relationship meaning: two become one.

Renewal of my Mind By God

I'm behind in my devotionals for youth group and my young adult group. I'm behind on my laundry, Christmas shopping and sleep. But here I am aroused by my heart to write 'round midnight about God's control of my life and how sovereign His power is over my seeming busy life. To onlookers there is no doubt that I'm very active. Am I gonna flip and go nuts? Burn out and quit? Or stay the course and rely on Jesus? The answer resides in the shift in character that happened on November 10, 2006.

As an unbeliever, whenever I was too busy the mania was at its worse. It seemed impossible to be happy and worry consumed me. I was very talented at talking myself out of doing things social or asked of me. I made plenty of time for drinking and smoking to substitute people and forget about my burdens. I hated running out of weed; without it, I would get these mood spells that glorified what pot can do to my mind. I lusted and desired that constantly. I wasn't some hippie that acted all lovie, or partier that only smokes chronic. I smoked because it had a control on me: life all by itself could not be tolerated without getting lifted. I honestly thought I would smoke pot until the day I died. The feeling I desired was heavy on my body, tingling at times but my mind would just delight in the imagination offerings of marijuana. No hallucinations, or visuals but a rambling stream of great thoughts (or so one thinks at the time).

I see myself today in seemingly similar context at the surface. However I'm handling my mood spells by glorifying God for what He does to my mind. Being happy when stressed is possible. I rely on Jesus and learn to desire Him more fully in my life. Turning to God with everything I have is the only way I can live. I just forget to do that sometimes. That's when my wretchedness resurfaces even if only for a moment to remind me that I fail on my own. -All my thoughts, my actions and hopes are failure without it being offered up to God first. His will is victorious, His truth kept and knowledge is infinite. Not my contrived temporal solutions. Quick fixes like weed won't ever add up to the repair (restoration) Jesus' shed blood on the cross does. Reading the Bible and praying to Jesus are the best ways I can turn to Him.

Romans 12 is the fuel for this entry, because God continues to restore my mind. I get burps of my old mind that cause me to act out or be tempted to sin. I feel the old coping mechanisms often -including tonight. I turn to Jesus and He keeps me busy. Christ has the power to change my mind. I turn to Him and while I just talk to Him suddenly the grip is loosed. And the "fever of temptation" passed. Even though my old self had my mind going down a predictable path to act out in sin. God changed it into something He can use to glorify Himself. I'm spared from my sinful ways even if only a moment. I hate my sin, and tonight God showed me His sovereignty over the pace of my life, which can catch me off guard.

My First Relationship

God has blessed me and it’s just so obvious these days. I am busy and free, no matter if I'm coming or going it is in Jesus I reside. Today slept in and missed Sunday school. Part of me wanted to feel bad. But not going did probably as much good as showing up and not having my heart into the talk, or being distracted by being tired. I feel God's hand at work in the activities in my life namely my work, my relationships, BSF, and Youth Group.

Lately though I've noticed that it is me who is moving faster, praying faster, over-booking and yes it's for the Lord and yes it keeps my sin away. But Satan is sudden and bombards from multiple outlets, and I know he's conspiring, calculating and over-confident. I say this because God's gift to us, before life itself, is Jesus Christ. Him alone defeats Satan, evil and my sin. Right now I just pray for a re-centering a regrouping. So that Satan will be duped, shamed and fail in my life. I have no anguish of guilt from seeking out sin and committing them. Although I ask for forgiveness nightly, for actions and words which fall in the heat of the moment and reveal sin. What a glorious forgiveness is Jesus' shed blood. With faith in this Satan cannot win in my life even for those unaware sins I do.

My relationship with God seems like its taken a blow. Yes I'm learning memory verses, reading the Word daily. It just seems that as the blessings continue to occupy and preoccupy. Therein reveals a comfort: though life is faster, the zeal for my intimate relationship with Jesus operates slower. Plainly stated, I forget to turn to Jesus to say thanks and love and hold Him first as the giver in my life. So much blessing has been given to me that I feel unbalanced by it. You got to remember that as an unbeliever, I whittled my life down to believing that I was undeserving of everything because of what I did with the chances I had: failed.

So yeah I'm still nervous at what Satan might try and put me through. -He hasn't yet. In turning to Christ and pushing aside all the blessings I'm left to choose what's first: my girlfriend, my Job, myself, my God. I pray to hold loosely to everything save Jesus. God is first! First loved, first served, first advisor, first relationship in my life. I'm grateful at the work this entry has done in my life during the time I've written it. I hope reading this does something for you. Just when I thought I had a monogamous relationship, after five months of dating my girlfriend tells me she's had another boyfriend all this time: Jesus Christ. What a gift the world received on the first Christmas. Jesus the redeemer.

Uprooting Sin

I went through the ten commandments in Bible study and I got convicted about helping out mom. So today i went and pulled some roots out of the ground chez maman, they were deep, weak and all over. They were the remenants of a thorny bush. So after lots of quiet reflection and unwillingness on my part. I started to apply faith to what i was doing; A deeper meaning for the chore at hand.

I thought how in coming to Christ there we have new life and are changed. But the sin and my life in darkness are still present in the roots. yes I'm forgiven, but its is up to sanctification -the Holy Spirit indwelling to labor with the shovel, pushing aside the earth to attain the roots of my sinful ways. With leverage, force and time one by one the roots of the thorny bush are uprooted. So that the persistant ones cannot resurface and claim slavery on me. There was this one root that my mom attacked with the shovel and me with my hands pulling up on it. suddently, it gave way and we fell on ours behinds. Laughing at how that root just gave way at once and we didn't expect it. Just some observations about what God uproots so we can grow with Him. This makes me think that eternity doesn't start when we die but rather when we have placed our portion of faith in Jesus.

Dare 2 Share Weekend

I just finished chaperoning my youth group at a Dare 2 Share conference at the Pepsi Center. Their mission is to equip youth to share the gospel of Christ to everyone. Some churches call them dare to scare because they feel that they over emphasize evangelism or that youth haven't been grown enough to take that stand. I just think they've never given D2S much of a chance. Its solid from what I see.

I got lots out of it. They had this skit between two girls dressed all Hip-Hop one quoting scripture like an angel of the Lord and the other like a demon. They'd recite verses from the Bible about God, His promises, wrath and Revelation to persuade us the importance of memorizing verses it blew my mind and I was convicted. I enter my battles with sin, Satan and temptation with prayer and hope. But this adds the sword of the Holy Spirit, being the Bible.

Another eye-opener for me was prostration during prayer. Praising God for who He is was done on my feet with out-stretched arms. Petitions are next, seated hands folded head bowed. Lastly confession to Jesus is done on my knees. Interesting method that I think might help section out my prayers.

There was this moment where I (all the youth leaders) and had to place my hand over the youth in my group and pray out loud for them. Talk about putting aside everything and just counting the moment to usher the right words to express God's love for them uniquely. How there is hope in owning a faith in Christ.

The conference then went door to door, All over Denver and collected cans for the Denver rescue mission. The main reason they went was to share the gospel as they went door to door. Intense! We raised 15 tons of canned food. We heard stories of persecution, lives changed and some other awesome stories after. I was really challenged and faced the fact that I have a fear of evangelizing to strangers, similar to the fear I have in living out repentance and not falling again.

The conference speaker asked us to call someone from our seats in the Pepsi Center and share the gospel with them; A friend or family member that doesn’t know Christ. My heart was pounding when I made that call. I got an answering machine but still I left a message and that seed was planted.

Then lots of laughter and praise songs. Jesus rocks my world. They had this shirt that said:
“Fo
‘Given
Fo
‘Sho”

Second Faith Birthday, Discovering Leadership

"Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus because He first loved me." Love that hymn. Love has met me in the Agape form (Godly love). It was that day where Christ showed mercy on my first prayer to Him in over a decade. I hope the testimony I live illustrates how God uses sinful, undeserving people to work for Him and receive His grace unconditionally. I submitted my life to Jesus Christ two years ago! It was only fitting that today at Awana we learned about how to ask Jesus for forgiveness from sin. That message of Jesus has sustained me these last two years! Although my mother is starting to admit that this might not be just another one of Nic's phases; I pray that my life rescued by Christ, grown by God doesn't go unnoticed. I mentioned at my "Jesus is invited housewarming party" that it is the people who've known me the longest and have seen the impact of God's changes in me the most that I have the hardest time witnessing to. Conversely, my communities of friends, co-workers, and fellow believers have the hardest time picturing the way I was when I lived a self willed life.

So here I am now. After a stirring lesson/lecture of asking God to use me, "May you not let me rest God until you have placed me according to Your will." I write to you because God has grown me. I am a leader, yeah I do it for a living, I do it with church groups but now I seek out those opportunities to lead. I am going to give a lecture on community in two weeks. In my mind, this is one more thing that will season my service to the Lord and usher me into the nervous unknown (gasp). It's a gift to be a leader and I'm sure not everyone sees that in me... then again, could you see me as an undercover secret shopper either? Similar to that lesson, God places my weakness where I can't ignore them. Maybe I won't be a leader my whole life maybe this is just a season to repair the hell my body and mind went through before.

Nonetheless, I have become more attentive to others in leading. Listening used to be hard for me especially if I was under any narcotics, I enjoy listening now. I think encouragement is the best way to lead. Leading is a way of me loving my neighbors and helps me be others-centered. Courteous delegation is win/win. Leading forces me to think critically about organization, execution, and results. It helps me listen to myself more closely to notice when I grumble, gossip or gas.

All this to say that I'm looking to God to use me. I still pray for guidance, corporate retail will always be corporate retail but I am ever changing and conforming to Christ. I'm fluent in French -its not for nothing. I feel like I’m discovering who I am in the light of God. And I'm trying to be patient yet responsive upon God's call. Tonight's lecture was how Peter stood up, unscripted, perhaps surprising other apostles and he spoke at the Pentecost and 3,000 souls became members of the church. What an awesome passage (Acts chapter 2) about the Holy Spirit using Peter for His glory. What would have happened if Peter didn't stand up?