We Turned to Jesus

When people seem ripe for the Gospel I usually hear a hint of hardship in their life. God somehow uses the agent of hardship to return hearts to Him or to turn hearts to Him. Amos 4 shows God applying hardship to his chosen people: "I gave you absolutely nothing to eat in all your cities, a shortage of food in all your communities, yet you did not return to me." this pattern repeats:

I with held rain,yet you did not return to Me;
I struck you with blight and mildew, yet you did not return to Me;
I sent plagues,yet you did not return to Me;
I killed your young men with the sword, yet you did not return to Me;
I caused the stench of your camp to fill your nostrils,yet you did not return to Me;  (summary not a quote)...

Its hard to see God as loving in this chapter, He claims responsibility for afflicting misery for a specific reason -just one reason: so that His people would return to Him. I hear the Father crying out to His prodigal people "return". God does not want us to wander off. So to help, God gave us His Spirit, the Bible, other followers of Christ and prayer. 

Hardships make it apparent that God is willing to use pain as a bonding agent for our relationship to Him. Jesus being case and point as He took on our punishment for sin to make redemption and then relationship possible with God. He died most painfully, most lonely, most wrongly than anyone ever. that is why He can relate when we cry out to Him about our suffering. Jesus wants us when we suffer.  God's children have a Rock!!! so hardship for them should never be a slip-n-slide. 

In truth I say that it took weeping over brain surgery at 10PM on a Sunday night to realize (again) that God is more than enough. When I am not filled by His Word and His Spirit, I may still be saved but in my flesh I am restless and moody. I have been wandering a bit out of focus. My hardship with Anna brought me to the cross where again I lay down my moody and restless. God's will for my life is to turn to Him and know He is enough. The fullness of Christ brings us grace, hope, peace, wisdom.

Praise Him for His mercy and grace on Anna, afresh. We turned to Him, we responded to the hardship God placed in our life by running to Jesus. That's all we did. Now we need to do that in times of ease and blessing!!

Yesterday we out, discharged! New mercies at home this morning. Anna keeps on getting better, what mercy!
At the hospital we had many visitors to ease our attention, meet our needs, and comfort us. We had a dear friend who came and prayed with us as we awaited surgery, she dropped off her pack-n-play for Simon. Two of Anna's blind school teachers provided comic relief, two pastors being as friends, and one of our favorite special needs families was inpatient across the hallway from Anna during the whole stay. We are not alone through these trials. Thanks for the Facebook encouragements, the texts, and the many prayer offerings. Nothing is wasted, or taken for granted. Praise God.

"Perfect submission, all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blessed; watching and waiting looking above, filled with His goodness lost in His love." -hymn Blessed Assurance

Love Nic, Lindsey, Anna, and Simon

Passing Time During Suffering

I wonder how Job would have fared in his trials if he was left to himself. There were a few instances where isolation was evident, but God gave Job relationship during his grief. Not healthy or edifying "friends", they assumed so much upon Job and gave bad advice. They misunderstood much of what Job was going through, but they were there, walking with Job. God purposed this.

In the last chapter in Job. I love how God instructs Job's "friends" to turn to Job and ask him to pray for them so that God would not deal with them according to their folly. God could have dealt with Job's friends and shown them mercy any other way. Instead we have a scene of God making Job restore his friends. The choice was his. I imagine Job might not have wanted to pray for those guys or forgive them. But Job showed mercy by praying, then God showed mercy. What a strong example of purposeful prayer. In light of this restoration I find verse 11 striking.

 "Then came to him [Job] all his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before, and ate bread with him in his house. And they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him. And each of them gave him a piece of money and a ring of gold." Job 42:11

Those same "friends" had to be there, Job's relationship with his friends/counselors continues after the trial. I'm left with an image of a tested friendship, where offenses and sins were forgiven, everybody was humbled, and nobody was ready for what God had next for Job: a supernatural restoration!!! God was bringing His reward and favor upon Job. Job's "friends" must have been so amazed by God given their POV.

I hope everybody dwells on the book of Job when they are in the valley. I hope God brings relationship of all kinds to pass the time of suffering. We have the television nowadays but actors don't know your trials. I have had the company of prayer warriors the past two years. 

Notable Miracles

 

God showed up, healing is happening, His hand is evident: through provision, skill, gifting, medicine and the supernatural. God amazes me, these are the notable, still some i am leaving out.  

 

1. The timing of Anna's birth, it is very likely that Anna was going to die in the womb had we not gone to the hospital when we did, she was born so close to death.

2. A Neonatologist from Children's Hospital Chicago was doing a on call visit to a NICU-less hospital the day and time Anna was born there. Her expertise gave accurate evaluations and the best care from the start. 

3. Two days after birth, we were told that all the blood pressure medicine and supplements had been given and Anna could not stabilize on her own and if it continued this way that it could possibly lead to death. we prayed that night as we dropped her onto the alter before God like Issac. Overnight Anna responded.

4. Anna had much neurological damage and so the doctors warned us that Anna would not take a bottle. We had a nurse that felt differently, she practiced with Anna's tongue, and soon Anna grew into the ability to suck and swallow and gag. She was taking bottles by the time we were discharged. 

5. Seizures were common to Anna the first month of her life, but thanks to Phenobarbital we haven't evidenced any seizures from Anna since. Now is isn't on any seizure medicine.

6. The soft fontanelle along with frequent lumbar punctures was used of God to buy time for the brain surgery. Anna gained strength, blood clots cleared, and surgery went well. 

7. Anna can hear. With all of her senses compromised or eliminated its a wonder that her hearing is intact. It could have been wiped out with her vision, but it  wasn't. Perhaps that falls under the supernatural protection rather than conventional. Its so wonderful. 

8. The shunt Anna has, the precise positioning, the setting of pressure to open the valve, the threading, the surgery -it all went well no clogging, no malfunctions, no infections. To not have a shunt revision in an infant placed shunt is wonderfully rare. We haven't touched it.

9. Another family of Christ followers who have had the similar diagnosis for their child and can educate, listen, and counsel us. They came alongside us, stopped what they were doing, all within one month of Anna's birth. 

10. Financial provision for over a million dollars of medical care. Between our insurance and gifts   we were also able to extend my medical leave time so I didn't work for 6 weeks. We had medical debt up until this years tax return. We have paid in full all medical debt thus far for Anna! 

11. Federal Medical Provision under the Medicaid Life Limiting Waiver. This is a supplemental insurance to pay for many things the insurance won't like durable medical equipment, and for Lindsey to be Anna's nurse.

12. The medical exception that Anna is regarding her diagnosis of Hypsarrythmia but not showing infantile spasms. She remains seizure free and now thanks to Sabril is not showing Hypsarrythmia either. 

13. After nine months of being able to only indicate pain and suffering by restlessness and crying. We accepted that maybe this is how she will be.  Anna started to smile, what a delight, a huge cognitive milestone. Just in time for Christmas pictures. There hasn't been a day since where she hasn't smiled!

14. Another cognitive milestone that Anna meets is that she can sleep through the night. Many kids with her handicap do not sleep through the night. She may be hard to put down, but once she is sleeping she stays asleep! 

15. A Bronchoscopy revealed severe aspiration and trachea-malasia which makes Anna probable for lung infections regularly and needing to be on oxygen. Anna has never been hospitalized for a lung infection nor has she ever been on oxygen, her oxygen saturation levels mysteriously soar like a normal developing child. The G-Tube surgery has been an answer to prayer to minimize aspiration and safely administer liquids, medicine and food for weight gain.

A Piece That Didn't Fit

Two months before Anna's birth, Lindsey and I went on a homemade parent retreat to seek the Lord's will for our family. Before Lindsey would become too uncomfortably large from pregnancy. We wanted to leave the city and talk specifically about our fears and hopes for this daughter we were expecting in three months’ time. We needed mommy and daddy grace.  The practical aim was to minimize the surprises of parenthood. God blessed our home-made retreat, just the two of us. The weekend was a snowy wonderland giving us that "fire is so delightful" feeling. We carved a little time to watch an epic gridiron wildcard match-up where the Colts stunned the Chiefs. A classic see-saw battle if I remember right. I want to give you some details because I believe it was a refreshing weekend authored by God, not our own scheming. Our retreat was a time of hoping, and dreaming. We recommitted to the Lord our household for His works. We read God's Word together.

Our retreat was 6 sessions 3 from Lindsey and 3 from me. we started and ended each session with prayer about the subjects covered.  Lindsey, who is always more organized, presented worksheets from books ranging from finances to parental discipline. Her sessions were about preparedness. We talked lots about biblical discipline, and how to avoid a child centered home. We talked about parents we knew and wanted to mimic. We also recalled key influences from our childhood.

            My sessions were made up of four pages of nervous, situational questions straight off the top of my head:
"What would our Sundays look like?" "Sundays during the football season?"
"How much do we spend on birthday parties? On gifts?" "When's bed time?"
"What lacked in your childhood that you want our daughter to have?"
"How much sugar are we gonna give her?" "At what age can I introduce Red Vines?"

90% of all of what we talked about I wrote down for accountability down the road. We also made a list of house rules. We talked about how to disciple this daughter and which spiritual disciplines could bond our family in times of nightly devotion.

            We assumed our child would have just the sin nature as her only sickness...

            Today, three months after Anna’s birth, I’m tempted to look back at the homemade parent retreat in light of Anna’s trauma, injury and suffering. I was tempted to think that God was cruel. Was our hoping and praying all in vein? There is a total disconnect because of Anna's HIE injury. After what we went through as a family I am struggling and fighting to recall this parent retreat as blessed. 

The retreat was so sweet in the moment. It was -but Satan wants me to grumble at God. Honestly there is a glaring temptation to say: "how could you let us dream like that God?" And get a brain injured child in return. But with a thrust of faith and a surrender at the foot of the Almighty we give up our blame and our "why God?" to humbly trust in a Shepherd who is going to take us out of our family's valley. We have faith that He is working in this, none of my daughter's suffering is meaningless. The memory of the retreat, the content remains sweet! even though suction machines and standers are now in the picture. We committed to God so much as parents -He'll use it.   He's refining our parental dreams so it better glorifies Him. By God's grace He is making good out of it. The retreat was a transitioning gift into parenthood.

 We are humbled to know that God will restore Anna fully (to the point that I have to double check if Anna skipped out on her chores before going out to play). Its in the Bible, He will restore Anna its just a matter of where and when. God is using the memory of this parent retreat for His glory, it’s just a piece that doesn't fit right yet in my family's puzzle. We remain so very surprised at how things unfolded. We praise the Lord who Shepherded us through.

In hindsight, let it also be known, the retreat confirmed to me that Lindsey was going to be a terrific mother! Nobody compares to Lindsey. So I must always remember in conflict, Lindsey is not the enemy. Daily I must choose her. In remembering this rich time we spent so close to Anna's birth we are challenged to remember to choose Anna daily "as is". Even if the legs and arms misfire and are stubbornly strong, we receive Anna (my daughter) "as is". She is not the enemy.       

 God equipped us then for the road ahead. He is preparing us now for later still.

Sunday Psalm IV

God, you're the eternal kernal;
the creative "big" before the bang theory.

I'm the temporal mist that fades;
the blade of grass quickly withered.

While I live through 1 day, You live through 1000 years.

Its no wonder that I want to feel justified by temporary things. 

Lord you have no need to justify your decisions as God.
You are completely other, unable to sin!

So qualities evident in the Triune God: The Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit; are well worth clinging to...
God in the shortness of my days may I hunger for your attributes.

Holiness, love, compassion, peace, gentleness, patience and righteous living...
Those characteristics are always in You and therefore they've always had an eternal residency in You Lord.   

In Jesus death and resurrection I have by faith taken residency there too.
In right relationship with God, I live at the same address as holiness:)

Sunday Psalm III

I

Creation is groaning. 

Nature is enslaved.  

Coral reefs recede.

Fjords dissipate. 

Rivers never fill the sea. 

Returning home disappoints. 

Innocent babies cry.

People die. 

 

II

Knowing increases grief.

Forgetting decreases hope.

Remembering hurts.

Bitterness blockades. 

Destruction and sin. 

Dismay and decay.

   

III

But trust secures relationship. 

Glorious freedom is promised.

Eagerness sweetens the wait.

Truth is what Christ affords. 

IV

Righteousness imputed.

Humbly in Christ restored.

 

A Sunday Psalm II

Lord God,

Your Word has a way
into my heart for holiness;
into my head for discernment.

Your blood has a way
into my life for mercy;
into my trouble for salvation.

Your grace has a way
into my words for worship;
into my days for growing.

Thank you  God for this new life in Jesus.