Present with the Lord

Dear prayer warriors.

In the moments before everyone is up I try to read the Bible. But lately I have been scrambling to face the day so I have been listening to the Bible, and laying there still. I can't seem to spend much time outside of the book of Psalms these days. The one heaven promise in the book of psalms that I keep coming back to is this one: "in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11. That just fills me with wonder. 

Ever since Simon died I have been asking the Lord to fill me with His promises of heaven. Not necessarily of visions of heavenly landscapes with my son photoshopped in there. Or Simon sporting angelic wings, like he turned into another species. No, I want genuine, God's Word promises. 

Yesterday afternoon we gathered with family and sat there carefully sharing our experiences in the last 2 weeks. Lindsey started ministering to my heavenly longing in a way that I didn't see coming. She led our conversation into these truths of heaven that spoke so loudly to me. "I know Simon wont experience loneliness anymore." And like a floodgate we all started adding comments. We shared that Simon will never be deceived again, motivated by selfish ambition, ensnared by pornography, addicted to alcohol, rejected.  He will not need faith to know God. I just kept saying "Amen after each one." Simon is in a place completely absent of sin and for that I rejoice! Not just in the promises of heaven. But in the One who left heaven, humbled Himself to death so that we could go to heaven and live with God. Jesus prepared a place for Simon. Jesus Christ is his portion, His landlord forevermore. 

I read this blog every once in a while from a guy who also lost his son. And I love the way he introduces himself. He says "I am a Christian, a husband to Aileen, and a father to two girls in their teens and one son who is waiting for me in heaven." That makes a lot of sense to me. 

Renee is playing with Simon's toys more and more. She asked me this morning if we could buy her the pink version of Simon's Hot Wheels Alligator Car Wash because she liked it so much. (There is no pink version) i told her she could have this one and said "no a pink one." 

Last night, Lindsey came up from putting Renee down after a longer than usual time. Renee has been picking the books Simon would pick to read at bedtime. Lindsey let Renee go on and on as her mind rambled about missing Simon she says "he's been gone for 3 days." We really do all grieve differently.

I listened well as Lindsey opened up her sorrows to me before the Lord.

Praise the Lord for:

-the life of Simon. 2530 days give or take

-the unity among believers in helping us, praying for us and walking with us.

-heaven a place free from sin and death.

Please pray for:

- the funeral to have so great a measure of grace that our faith would be greater than our sorrow

- traveling mercies for the family and friends

- the continued laying down of our life as we imagined it to be. To take faith for today and not worry about things like Christmas 2022 and next year's birthdays. 

-those family members, neighbors,  and friends far from God, to experience His love and mercy in this time. As they join to us to remember Simon.

Thank you for praying

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope." 1 thes 4:13 NLT

Nic for the Currats

 

Why I Don't Shake my Fist at God

 

 

Prayer Warriors,

There is a supernatural occurrence in this world that becomes more apparent with time. Only God authors it, I would even say it is proof of God, He is exceptional at it. It's called taking what the enemy means for evil and turning it for good. Turning the bad for good. Although I can't see the good in Simon's death, I can trust that God will get the last word about Simon's passing and it will be for good. I have faith in that. Why? Because of November 27th 1980. 

It was Thanksgiving day. I was 2.5 years old and my father, being a devout Swiss mountaineer, had gone cross-country skiing with two other friends at St Mary's Glacier just outside of Idaho Springs Colorado. My father was swept away in an avalanche and died leaving my mom with four boys and I wasn't the youngest. A drunk driver didn't hit him, no cancer, no shootout at the ok corral -just a naturally occurring avalanche. So to a boy it was clear God is to blame! My family will tell you, I was a bully in elementary school fighting, bitter was my middle name and one day we got sued for one of the fights I got in. Mom called grandma in France and the next thing you know at 12 years old I got sent to an all boys, Catholic, orphanage in the countryside of France for disciplinary reasons. That made me livid. I was blaming God, shaking my fist at Him on the daily for the hole I was in. I believed that the world owed me something because my dad died. oh the lies I was believing as a fatherless youth!

Without getting carried away in hypotheticals, this fact remains: I would not have longed my whole life for a father if my father hadn't died. That bad thing took decades for God to turn to a good thing, but He did! On November 10th 2006 Jesus reconciled me to the Father and for the first time I knew a Father's unconditional love. I saw how gravely misplaced my fist shaking anger towards God was. I confessed it, asked for forgiveness, and like pulling that faulty Jenga block from its tower, God collapsed that stronghold the Enemy had built up in my life against God. I met the love of my Perfect Heavenly Father and guess what? Daddy's not mad at me, He just wants to kiss me, so I can't be mad at myself anymore. Praise the Lord for sure.

So now it's July 5th 2022 and Satan attacked my son. The bad is that Simon got bit by a rattlesnake and died days later from its complications. I looked it up, google says that the CDC says about 7,000-10,000 snake bites happen in the US every year and maybe only 5-8 end up in death usually from complications ensuing. Is the good that I should go out and buy a lottery ticket? Probably not, I don't know what the good will look like, but it's coming. So as for me and my house we will wait on the Lord to turn this for good. Come quickly Lord Jesus!

I missed Simon like crazy today just laying in a pile of blocks and hot wheels, saying "God help." feeling a heavy void. But the story ain't over folks.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

Praise God:

For turning bad into Good in my past so I can trust it will happen again. What the enemy means for evil God is working on.

-For the power of praise

-For unity in prayer

Please pray for:

-Anna's surgery got cancelled for tomorrow, please pray that her teeth would fall out naturally giving space for her adult teeth to come in. It is a clear source of drool and discomfort.

-The temptation to think it's all meaningless to be defeated. We are talking to God about our temptations, not giving into them.

-a calibration of our marriage. The sorrow of losing Simon reminds me how much more I need to continue to listen humbly. For years she has wanted to work on our marriage and I be like "yeah good idea, some day," or "aren't we doing better than most?" What a fool I have been in not prioritizing this.  (I'm not beating myself up, just calling it out). Pray for excellence as we seek counseling, and love one another through this great valley. 

 Simon was my bride's diamond too.

Thanks for Praying, believing God for His best, and loving our family.

Nic for the Currats.

 

laid out on a stretcher

dear prayer warrior, 

 I am reminded that for as long as Anna has been alive we have been like the 4 friends of the paralytic who brought their paralyzed friend to Jesus in the hope for healing. Since they could not go into the place where Jesus was teaching because it was so full. They literally climbed to the rooftop with their paralyzed friend on the stretcher, opened the roof and lowered their friend on his stretcher before Jesus in the hope of His healing touch. 

Jesus commended the faith and perseverance of the friends who remained on the roof. That has been us for the last 8 years. We have been greatly encouraged in faith by bringing Anna to the Lord with a host of fellow prayer warriors. 

Today, this time around, God is asking me to lay my spirit and family on the stretcher since we are the broken hearted needing Jesus touch, and healing. As you come around us in prayer, we know that you are faithful to this call determined for God to show Himself Mighty in our midst.  

Praise God for: 

-how Lindsey and I have been able to speak to each other about our sorrows with many tears and greif while hugging. 

-we have been able to lay down the many wonders, logical conclusions, and things we assumed/hoped about who Simon might become.

-many details and needed hoops have been jumped through to enable simons funeral, reception, and burial.

-all superficial and external needs are being met with very little burden to us. Including many meals and funds to help our family get here 

PRAY FOR:

- renee. She is no longer excited about the added attention from Simon's absence. She is repeating many questions that are hard to answer. Even harder for her to comprehend. This morning I took her to the burial plot we bought for Simon to help her understand. "We are going to see him one last time with many friends and family who want to say goodbye also." Pray that the Holy Spirit would help her see the promise for believers in the Bible that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. 

-continued discernment for the content of the funeral.

-grace for us to speak with people who say the wrong things but mean well. Like how relatable they imagine our trial is to something they went through. While that may hold true, it doesn't help right now, perhaps down the road.  

-pray for children coming. For the families with young. Simon's friends and acquaintances that they would receive an added measure of courage and hope. The last thing we want is to have the reception at a huge trampoline park and nobody comes to enjoy the gift we have laid out in Simon's name. 

-the words to speak as we prepare what we want to say. They will always seem lacking or "not good enough". May God give us peace.

- for Anna's outpatient, general anesthesia, dental surgery on thursday. that she would be well enough to receive the procedure and recover from it within days. She has much tooth discomfort and if we cancel, another OR would take 3 months. 

- for my mind to not go into guilt mode for not writing thank you notes from the abundant giving we have experienced.

thankful that you are carrying us,

nic for the currats 

out walking in the middle of a tornado

Dear Prayer Warriors, 

I drew near to Psalm 127 and the Word drew near me. I do not labor in vain through my suffering, because the Lord is building His house in me. I experience hope in His Word while my body is exhausted in sorrow. My time in prayer is not a shouting match of doubt or anger expecting answers; it's a time of trust and lovingkindness thanks to Jesus the curtain tearer.  While my heart and flesh lament, cry, and tire by midday about the way things are, God helps me see good. He reminds me of the One who crushed the serpent's head and took away the sting of death.

Simon was my reward from the Lord, I don't mean that sarcastically Simon was a good good gift from God. I nicknamed him Simon Diamond because I meant it. For me, he was a fist full of arrows in a warrior's hand. Simon pushed back the darkness with his prayers and lit up the dance floor in worship. Don't believe me? Come to the funeral we are going to show evidence of such things! 

 I met with Simon's primary care Physician today and the first thing she said was "I'm so glad you have your faith." then proceeded to weep, I was not expecting that. She asked how Lindsey was doing, just like the verse in Psalm 127 we are not toiling for food (we have so much help), and God gives sleep to those He loves. Even when my memory storage is full and my things to do are piled high, my God grants sleep to those he loves. to be real also Victor is not sleeping through the night yet and that makes it hard at times. 

Please Praise God with me. He has turned many bad things for good: 

-Anna's seizure hospitalization allowed for our own private family and friends room to grieve and wait as Simon was dying. 

-Media was prodding for stories. God slowed the rush, directed them all for His glory. its not everyday you hear the Savior's name on the local news. 

-The shock of his death impacted so many. Complete strangers cared. There has been a supernatural amount of money donated. So much so that we are not worried about covering my time off or the cost of a funeral. rather we are in the position to dream up a legacy type thing for him in the years to come should the Lord direct us. 

-Family members, coworkers, friends, and us we are all cut to the heart. God has allowed this death as a "where the rubber meets the road." kind of thing. Lots of spiritual inventorying going on by many.

Please pray for:

-God's great might and help ministered to us for Simon's funeral scheduled on Wednesday July 27th. At our church Calvary Worship Center in Colorado springs at 10AM. All are welcome. 

- God's direction with a passage to choose, people to speak and songs to sing. We aim to make it kid friendly while not looking like a VBS. We are honored that many people have changed their plans to help us glorify God through this. This is all so heavy!

-The reception, I asked my Target store to create a volunteer event to help cater, set up, serve food, and clean up. I haven't considered that they are maybe seeking to participate rather than serve and that is a blessing to us as well. 

-the indoor trampoline park Air City 360. They are honored to host the reception. This is Simon's "favorite place" he said that a month ago after his first time there. We hope to have 100 kids jumping.This is where it will be unmistakably kid friendly. They will close it from the public for us, what grace! 

-our anniversary. On Sunday we will "celebrate" 12 years of marriage. Pray that our hearts will be opened and turned towards each other in full sensitivity to what we are going through. 

-the Lord to reveal hidden treasures of Simon's character in our house like his writing and art. and treasures in our photos. perhaps something to write on a tombstone. I found his toothbrush under the couch this evening! We don't plan on hanging onto it but it warmed my heart. also, Lindsey showed me a thank you note from Simon to her, thanking her for writing a thank you note to him!!!  that's the goods "bring more Lord."

-That we keep our eyes on Jesus as the external stimulation and things to do subside and we are left with a quiet house where there once was wild living from a 6 year old taken way too soon in my opinion. God blessed him with so many great tools to navigate this life but obviously now it's meant for the sweet by and by.

-that our surviving kids (Anna, Renee, and Victor) would grow in faith and love as we treasure them even more now. That God would help them through this time too. I've never caved to Renee's demands as much as I have this week, Oh the sugar and snacks. 

With Resurrection Hope, 

Nic 

Soaking in the Son

 

Dear Prayer Team,

I hope as your summer finds leisure time, refreshing, and time with the Lord that the Spirit would call to mind Anna and her many needs. Thank you for your burden of prayer for her and us!!! Pray with us as we navigate some pivotal things. We have prayed that the Lord would reveal to us the things we need to do to bless Anna with the best care for all her needs. God impressed on us a few things:

1. Therapy in the home has become challenging considering the homeschooling and everything else that goes on. The days play out as either Anna gets all our attention or we set her up with a toy or device and check in every 30 minutes, we want to strike more of a balance. We have been doing this for about 6 years now with probably 2 dozen different therapists. Pray that the Lord would direct our steps to find a school that we would trust and love to drop her off at a few of days a week, or if we should hire a paraprofessional and have them take her a couple of days to the various therapy clinics. We are not looking for classroom integration school programs as that has become the most popular model. She experiences this at church and at Bible study each week. the two school options are a well reputed School for the Blind

2. Therapies. We feel plateaued and stagnant in therapy. God bless Anna who always tries and engages her therapists, but much the same stuff happens week after week. Most of it is good but not so challenging. 

-in PT pray that we would see more sit to stand exercises, trunk control, and gait trainer usage. 

-For speech may the Lord direct us as Anna has been doing the eye gaze device almost exclusively for close to a year without increasing her ability to operate it. Perhaps in the clinic, or at the school for the blind there would be more experienced teachers of the eye gaze devices) the same thing with her eye gaze device. Or maybe the Lord wants us to use speech therapy more for tongue and mouth stimulation to try introducing food orally again. 

-OT we lost our excellent therapist in May and have been without one since. We are on the waitlist for another. This week Anna, mom and the other kids are at Art camp. Lindsey is doing one on one Art with Anna engaging her much like an OT would.  

-Hippo therapy, (horseback) we spent 6 weeks getting Anna back into it with much success. The orthopaedic surgeon said this was the best therapy for Anna regarding her hips and trunk control. Pray if we should recommit to an 8 week session which is 1K out of our savings. Or if God would open the door to our old hippo place in south denver that accepted our insurance but is an hour away. 

3. Upcoming procedures, medical treatment and surgeries. 

-Pray for our sleep study on monday night the 27th of june. The strategy for this one was to see how Anna does without breathing assistance. However, we received an email stating that our doctor resigned. Pray for a wise replacement dr. able to be on board with our treatment strategy. Pray that Anna would show great ability to keep her lungs open while sleeping without the use of the BiPAP machine. That the Lord would get the boast as they remove the diagnosis of chronic atelectasis from Anna. She has been sleeping so well, keeping her Oxygen saturation levels up, managing the saliva and mucus in her airway, and remaining asleep during the nights ever since we stopped using the BiPAP machine 6 months ago. 

-General anesthesia dental visit scheduled for July 21 Anna's adult teeth are coming in without apology. She has what's called a shark tooth where the adult tooth grows in front and on top of the baby tooth. Also, because she was intubated as a premie, her jaw structure is more narrow, not allowing all the adult teeth the room they need. Anna is not a candidate for jaw widening because she cannot have a retainer type thing in her mouth. So they are going to pull like 6 teeth (all the remaining baby teeth i think), our plan is that there would be enough space for her adult teeth to come in. Pray for pain management, and that God would grow those adult teeth remarkably straight because Anna would not be a candidate for orthodontics either. Our God is able, "Delight us Lord."

-Hip Hardware removal is rescheduled for August 2nd. Grandma Sandy booked her flight to help us for this surgery, if all goes well it will be outpatient with at least a week of delicate pain management, a month of healing the incision sites and adjusting to life without metal and bolts in the femurs! Pray for excellence in surgical precision and that the outcome would be overwhelmingly worth the 1.5 years of correction to have her hip socket fixed. What a gift to prevent further dislocation. 

-ESES, join us as we are prayerfully considering the 3 month valium treatment, We were referred to the neurological specialist of ESES in the children's network, but he retired. Now there is a three month wait list for our regular neurologist to see Anna, just to activate a plan of treatment. Pray that the Lord would confirm whether or not we should do this treatment. it is a 3 day inpatient stay to start and three months of medication. It all seems like a bit much and addicting but the results are pretty convincing. In Truth, Jesus can heal by just saying a Word! Add to that Anna struggled the last time she was on valium (granted she was on tylenol and Oxycodone too).

4. Other prayer needs,

 -We lost another doctor, our GI who kept tabs on nutrition, J and G tubes/ports, BM, UTI's, and her reflux. About two weeks ago Lindsey noticed that Anna lost 6 pounds. This is a big deal because we have struggled to keep her at a good weight (Anna is in like the 10-20th percentile for weight). So we are upping the blended foods from 6 ounces once a day to about 7 ounces twice a day, on top of her through the night feed. We have been adding some "junk" organic maple syrup and olive oil mainly. I wanted to try Cheetos, Twinkies and Dr. Pepper but I got overruled. Pray for weight gain as we enter these procedures in the next couple of months.

-Pray for a rich blessing and grace upon grace as we head out this coming Sunday to spend a couple of nights near a state park with our neighbors. There won't be electricity but there will be bicycles, ATV's and a campfire. Pray that Anna and all of us would be healthy, sleep well, and be refreshed with this change of pace and activity. We ask the Lord to bless our weekend of the 4th of July as we celebrate my mom's 83 birthday as well. Pray for rich bonding and times of talking about faith with my Brother Will, his bride, mom and whoever else might be there. 

Praise the Lord for getting us through COVID without much to complain about. I consider it a favor from our Father. Praise Him for all our needs being met, help given, a life abundant filled to overflowing with love and a hope that never fails. 

Thankful for each of you who receive this!

Nic for Lindsey, Anna, Simon, Renee, and Victor

priceless love

Dear Praying Friends,

Not too long ago I was prepping some heat n' eat garlic knots from Walmart. as I put the tray into the toaster oven my fingernail bent backwards on the door frame and I let out this quick “yaaaooouuch, my finger!" As I inspected the nail, Simon came running over, grabbed my hands and without saying a word started kissing all my fingers one by one. I didn’t know what was going on, as I watched him start on the second hand I said "son what are you doing?" he looked up at me and said "I didn't know which finger was hurt so I wanted to kiss all of them." That was a priceless moment helping me see that I am so loved by that little boy.

Add to that, this week I read through another priceless love moment; the account of Jesus being anointed with the alabaster jar of perfume by a woman (Matthew 26). She comes into the home seemingly without invitation, determined to do this act before the guests and disciples. As the onlookers criticized, Jesus was beautified in what was likely one of the last dinners He would have before His death. Jesus treasured this up in His heart, while the witnesses didn’t understand. As I superimpose my relationship with Jesus on these examples, I find myself kissing my Redeemer’s hands and feet where the wounds of the greatest injustice the world has ever known resided. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21).”

I thought of my relationship with my Perfect Heavenly Father. How can I show my love for Him like Simon did for me, or that lady did for Jesus? I know great planning was not involved with Simon's act; the woman seemed on a mission like it couldn't wait. So why do I think in my mind that I need a well hatched plan to give love and glory to God? As I prayed, reflected, and started to write about these things, the Holy Spirit brought to my attention caregiving. I was reminded that in the chapter before in Matthew the Goats and Sheep are separated in holy judgment by the practical love they did or did not show to "the least of these" and God the judge says to the sheep "when you chose to help them you chose to help me."  In following this line of thinking, I’m loving on God when I serve and help others. That is not complicated at all. Actually, the Lord has entrusted me to do that daily with my family, with Anna a diaper change becomes an act of love unto the Lord. A deserved “time out” for my middle kids is a pleasing aroma to Him. When I lavish encouragement and appreciation on my coworkers, I am loving God. Essentially, when I am others-centered looking where I can to offer help and I do it in Jesus’ name I show love to God similar to the anointing of Jesus or the kissing of ten fingers for the sake of one. What a caring, loving Creator.

 Anna received a new diagnosis of Electrical status epilepticus in sleep (ESES). Her EEG showed no seizures but it did show 'spikes' which the Neurologist likened to sparks that can start fire (seizures). she has more than 80 spikes in 100 seconds as she sleeps. For Anna, the evidence of seizure activity remains elusive especially when she is given tests and circumstances to provoke a seizure and she doesn't have them. At random times we wonder at her behavior like "was that a seizure?" The Lord knows and blessed be His healing name because the last confirmed seizure Anna had was in the NICU. What a tremendous peace that is to us! 

When Anna was 2, we were treating Hipsarrhymia (a diagnosis that is hand in hand with seizures). I remember God impressing upon me in my heart of hearts that Anna would not have seizures. This is something that doesn't usually characterize my relationship with God, however I remember in that moment having that overly anxious burden of seizures lifted from me. I was confused when asked to do another EEG for seizure activity but I said "sure let’s praise God for what’s not there." We did and do rejoice! This ESES diagnosis impairs her cognition and makes her life increasingly difficult to reach any milestone. But God has treated this ESES before through a couple avenues of medication. So we hope to meet with the Lord and a neurological specialist to find the best road to walk down.

Oh I almost forgot, Anna starts Hippotherapy on Wednesday, what a sweet treat and a time of mending that should be, we will continue this every week until her surgery in 5 weeks. Praise the Lord.

Thank you for your prayers and have a joyous Resurrection Sunday!!

 

The Currats.

Unfailing Love

Dear Prayer Warriors,

 

The Lord's unfailing love has been super evident this past month. Lindsey and I came to wits end emotionally a couple of times in the last few weeks only to find the comfort of our Merciful Savior in prayer and waiting. Our requests were not a hollow resounding gong before the Lord because in the space of prayer, the Father taught us to examine our trials with hope in the good He is working through them. Isn’t that His unfailing love? Lindsey and I focused on communication and prayer unity as husband and wife (and less in the things we can seemingly "control on our own"). The whirlwind of trials is passing, even though as I write I am listening to Anna continuously slide her excess mucus up and down her airway.

 

Two nights ago, Anna was coughing about every 20-30 seconds if she was not asleep. Mostly it was a dry, faded and unproductive cough that only fatigued her lungs without clearing her throat. My job was to get her to where she could sleep. I was medication juggling, suctioning, repositioning, doing the nebulizer and airway clearance vest treatments only to find her still coughing. I had not made helpful choices to anticipate being up all night with this illness going awry. Before the fatigue hit me, I was singing Beauty and the Beast songs to Anna and the pain of my hematoma was ignorable. After volleying from my bed to her bedside till about 1 AM, her coughing and discomfort became wild. I gave up going back to my bed; my thoughts laced with fears of unraveling health, tempting me to go downward. I was frustrated at the whole situation. Shortly after I cried out to Yahweh, I prayed weeping a bit, wishing for pity from the Lord. I think I had my nurse hat on too tight, and my own pain seemed like a wicked add-on distracting me.

 

So, I invited the Holy Spirit to come. The coughing didn’t stop, however, the "wishing things were different" did. Praise the God who changes my understanding and perspective, I know I would have not on my own because of my complaining tendencies! I praised God for the incredible gift of having Anna in my life. I held her hand and encouraged her. "Thank you, God, for her strong cough, some kids like her don't cough at all." My songs turned to eternal truths around 2 AM. At 3:30 I took a sneak back to my room and tagged Lindsey from her slumber to take over so I could rest a while. It wasn’t a night of healing physically. Then morning came and Anna slept straight from 7-11. 

 

In other follow ups, Lindsey had successful gallbladder surgery three days after my last email because it could not wait. laparoscopic surgery is a wonderous invention, Praise the Lord. Now we are tasked with reinventing our diet to minimize the effects of not having a gall bladder to process fats. This reveals many eating habits that require pressing into Jesus's strength to overcome. Pray for us.

 

I have been on medical leave from work for three weeks, I return tomorrow with a months’ worth of ADA accommodations and a about the same length of time to fully recover. My employer paid 75% of my leave which is a grace that should enable a camping trip in late June!

 

This illness that Anna is going through struck us all last week; only Anna, Victor and Lindsey remain impacted with symptoms, please pray for a full recovery for all three. We miss the fellowship and participation in our church with so much going on at home and remain thankful knowing that if we share our lives with people of prayer that God can directly receive the glory and credit that is due Him for moving mountains! Hallelujah for such care, help, and unfailing love!!!

 

Blessings in the name of Jesus, 

 

the Currats