Y'all check it. so I work retail security and I get paid to take it seriously. Let me tell you, God works through security guards! When my potential was greatest (according to society). My will power drove me to art school in Chicago to persue a degree in film. I was totally overwhelmed because their curriculum forced me to take one class in every discipline of filmmaking save catering.
By the end of my second year when it became permissable to chose what consentration of film I was to persue, I changed majors. It was the seed of filmmaking that interested me: the script. Creating with words a place never ventured yet highly familiar. Where love and wonder becomes believable for at least the durating of the film.
I switched to fiction writing. New formats of written words helped me think differently. This new passion flooded into my work, my train rides and every time I smoked pot. I became quite the philosopher spilling out universal truths and taking pride in my keen observations. I wanted to earn a constant sense of awaireness; To create with what's being created.
The drug of writing/art is that when I do it, I have married myself to the present moment unfolding. Never in all of life has this art work been made (this blog entry would be no exception dig?). So an artist is a creator. I stewed on that and came to believe that I am the creator of my life. So totally approved by God that He lets me do what I want.
After four years of seemingly complete pain; my potential was at an all time low (see my testamony). I was touched by God's grace enough give up my scrambled state of living to Jesus Christ and his death and his ressurection for my sins. I've come to accept that God does indeed let me do what I want, but He HATES my sin. God can't be around what is evil.
This Bible passage has made me shed false philosophies that were once close to my heart and mind: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)
I say this because I test God. Not the way Satan tempted Jesus challenging Him to jump off the highest point of the temple so that angels could save Him. (Luke 4:9-13) I test God like Paul asks: through His will, and the grace afforded to me as a follower of Christ. So in prayer often I am testing His will in my life. Trusting that with God first I have no remaining fears save God. That's huge thing to test. But guess what i'm doing it. Mainly at work!
My observation skills used to build stories helps me notice theft and the build up leading to it. My photographic eye used to capture landscapes, shapes and lighting; Now looks in shopping carts, parking lots and footage for safety and theft. We live in a society that covets constantly and thinks of themselves before others.
I say this because I acted swiftly to apprehend a guy stealing $300 worth of stuff. He was a drunk and he's probably sobering up in jail as I write this. Stealing is highly addicting (trust me I know from my childhood) because it works the first twenty-eight times. On the twenty-ninth the thief gets sloppy, some hourly schmo notices and tells his boss who cuffs the crook.
Here's where the drinking part really brings out the Satan-like manifesting: the police shows up ready to give him a ticket and release him. He does not submit to authority (see Romans 13:1-2). The thief does not cooperate instead yells, bangs his head against the wall and insults the officer saying cops can't read. That's all tolerable disobediance. Then, the cussing, I thought would be the climax given its content. But no, he spit in the officer's face... which is a felony, which is why he's in jail.
Suddently I'm faced to think that that could have been me if I didn't become a believer in Jesus. Honestly, what made me believe in Him was financial, transportational turmoil-surface level stuff that could cause an ex-ex-thief to stealing again instead of trusting God. Of course the onslaught of deception during the last four years was also instrumental in calling it quits for the "my way of life".
He is trespassed from the premisis, I am praying for him and that God may work in his life. I also am silenced at accepting the works of God alive in me when I test His will. I feared greatly and there is much to this story I'm leaving out. I don't understand what stregnth the Holy Spirit has when He is at work inside me. In hindsight I Praise God.
