To err is human, to forgive devine. I think those are words from the Bard. Anyways, as a Believer in Christ, in order to follow that narrow path, I need encouragement. Unfortunatly, I respond to sincere encouragement from others with a counter of self critique. This represents a self love issue, or even a tool Satan uses to weaken my faith life. That is why I need to encourage myself and forgive me.
Activities centered in Christ abound in my life. They are promoters that I rely on to witness God's will on earth and in my life. This keeps me renewed when there. Prayer time is healthy yet fleeding. Yet day in and day out there is wear and tear more than building up in Jesus. -After six weeks of not a drop of alcohol, I drank last night.
It was an impulse yet concious. It was a willing defiance of what God is trying to accomplish through me. I knew that I would have to face forgiveness and shame for this contradicting action today. But lately I've felt estranged as to why my life needs to conform to Christ fully.
This decision to quit was a choice I felt I had to make because booze was a daily self-medication. Instead of placing my emotions and feelings of a day gone by on Christ and sharing my thoughts with Him I took it to the beer buzz and gut. But God the Father, soon after my being Baptized, made me ask myself: Does liquor have power over you? think you can live without this Nic, will you?
I have, It was a Goliath in the brainwashing deception area. Now, I feel good in the mornings, and my wallet feels good at night. I committed to this decision of quitting. I offered up to Jesus my life, asking for desperate forgiveness. His Spirit lead the way away from there. I barely had any thoughts of looking back except to claim the victory to God. To me, there is not a more faith affirming act than being empowered by God's ways to change my ways. It is God encouraging me through challenge; He knew I could do it, but I didn't think I could. The back of my mind can't counter that form of encouragement. How self-forgiving (and God-praising) it is to overcome an addiction.
In finding encouragement, I was floored when a brother in Christ asked me: "what's the first thing you will do in heaven?" I generally dismiss such pondering; But I love every exchange with this person so I considered the actuality of being in heaven. A child-like smile came to my face and I said "well, I'ed probably take it all in." That question was so encouraging of my faith. I needed to hear that. Because usually I have my faith in Christ and I just focus on the everyday and others.
God's promises are valid and stregthening. I need to find wonder in the amazing claims He says are waiting for the people who believe in Jesus as redeemer. God's provisions is another form of encouragement. Its all around me but last night I just chose to outweigh all of that trust, encouragement, and hope for some beer. I don't want to harbor this failure or be encircled with self-imposed guilt. I want to be a healing child of God counting on Christ to show mercy and forgiveness to the fact that I gave my word and made a commitment to quit drinking(though broken, is still valid).
Rather its the catalyst that I need to correct so that my promise to God remains; And so I can stand firm on my decisions. Why has my faith life lacked courage lately? What feeling of drunkenness do I miss? Why did I decide to listen to impulse rather than character? In chillin' with an unbeliever, why did my will power misrepresent (thus placing me in the hypocritical)?
