Staying excited in relationships can be hard at times. Why is the average contemporary relationship fleeding? The appeal is pyhsically gratifying, emotionally intense and spiritually explicit. Then excitement slows down, comfort peaks, and promises are compromiseable. In the words of B.B. King "The thrill is gone. And now that its all over, all I can do is wish you well."
Then the average person starts cycle again, no hard feelings babe. "Hook-ups" are common practice in my generation. My co-worker that I was attracted to said: "Yeah I'm at the place in life where I just want to have fun and not be serious with dating." I remained quiet as my attraction faded. To ask her out seemed like a hollow temptation from Satan. I'm not in a place where I want to have "fun". What she was subtly suggesting is something that I've done once and thankfully nevermore. My pear shaped body is too second rate for hook-ups. More importantly though that was a sin against God, the women and my future wife. All of this was in the darkness of my past before forgiveness in Jesus.
Being involved with obeying Jesus and constantly trying to improve our relationship has made me a little spent of excitement. God is working His side of the relationship with mercy and grace. He places me with people who love Him and in turn they show love to me. Knowing Christians is an awesome part of my relationship with the Lord. I'm approaching my first anniversary in our relationship and I wanted to declare that: following Jesus is not a phase. Some may have thought, given my history that I'ed move onto another deity to worship.
The love of Jesus has surpassed and fulfilled the Old Testament law as He was the final sacrafice for our atonement (I learned that in church today). Christ's offer of salvation, once realized in me, has made me love the true God, others and myself. Love is starting to surface naturally, willingly. God first, and only then does the Holy Spirit elevate my relationships with women (out of the physical) to become pleasing in the light of Christ. The thing keeping me from being the most eligible Christian bachelor in southwest Denver is the last part of what it means to have Jesus alive in me: self love. At one point my entire sense of humor was based on self-mockery. I have so many subconcious remarks to this day that would make people think that I don't love myself. This is very deep rooted and partially due to my understanding of Catholicism at a young age. Thankfully I'm getting over the approval seeking, the comparing and the long standing "I don't care." feeling. Focusing on Jesus makes His victory in my life awesome. I wake up feeling good about myself freed from my past addictions and attitudes.
The kicker is this: dating a Christian woman will be totally new. Its a relationship built on trusting and glorifying God to death and eternity. I'm all about what He prescribes in the Bible as acceptable dynamics to courting, touching and promising to another. Christ will be the epi-center of two becoming one. The further I get from lust and co. (temptation and its familiar patterns), while alone, the more confident I will be in abstaining and asking a women to be my wife.
This thinking is so backwards to the world and its hook-ups. I can anticipate God's holy plan for my future as His child. What pains me about the wait is how unbelievers think its just plain crazy to save yourself. Beliefs aside, I think abstinence is a sign of admiration for the spouse and character building. Enough about all this, it has just been on my heart because in loving others I have grown feelings for women anew. I feel I can't do anything about it at this juncture, except to repent from lust, count on God's will and pray for guidance/signs. I'm really excitable about a lover and so to not be decieved by my emotions or temptations: I'm gonna keep on learning about Jesus and His will for my entire future.
